FabSwingers.com forum: Auntie Ps advice line

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hit me with your woes and conundrums, as always my advice will be the first thing that pops into my head.

Disclaimer: any advice taken is the full responsibility of said advice taker.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know whether to drop a really sarcastic meme about smoking in the work place into the work WhatsApp group chat or not. Bear in mind that like 90% of people who I work with smoke...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know whether to drop a really sarcastic meme about smoking in the work place into the work WhatsApp group chat or not. Bear in mind that like 90% of people who I work with smoke..."

Fuck the meme, full on GIF

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Dear P, sometimes when I see someone’s profile I look at their pictures and probably Fab one or two.

Then I scroll down, doing a few more on the way, then - wow that one is awesome and the next one is even better...

Until I look like a stalker at best or someone with a nervous twitch and a norks fetish at worst. What should I do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear P, sometimes when I see someone’s profile I look at their pictures and probably Fab one or two.

Then I scroll down, doing a few more on the way, then - wow that one is awesome and the next one is even better...

Until I look like a stalker at best or someone with a nervous twitch and a norks fetish at worst. What should I do?"

Continue dear boy, then if they question it tell them you have thumb tourette's.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"Dear P, sometimes when I see someone’s profile I look at their pictures and probably Fab one or two.

Then I scroll down, doing a few more on the way, then - wow that one is awesome and the next one is even better...

Until I look like a stalker at best or someone with a nervous twitch and a norks fetish at worst. What should I do?

Continue dear boy, then if they question it tell them you have thumb tourette's."

*phew* thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do? "

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy"

You truly are The Greatest Agony Aunt That Ever Was.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy

You truly are The Greatest Agony Aunt That Ever Was. "

Just comes so naturally. I'm blessed

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy

You truly are The Greatest Agony Aunt That Ever Was. "

If you want any help with drawing the face on and even applying makeup to emphasise bits, I’m happy to touch you up. Errr, happy to help with the touch ups

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy

You truly are The Greatest Agony Aunt That Ever Was.

If you want any help with drawing the face on and even applying makeup to emphasise bits, I’m happy to touch you up. Errr, happy to help with the touch ups

The tourette's thumb will bring them back to jiggly life too, they'll think they're at a rave and be reborn with a new lust for life

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

I've nested on the sofa with Netflix on....the problem is....should I make my way upto bed when I get a little sleepy or should I just stay in my comfy nest for the night?

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Liking Agony Aunt! This should be a regular thread OP

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy

You truly are The Greatest Agony Aunt That Ever Was.

If you want any help with drawing the face on and even applying makeup to emphasise bits, I’m happy to touch you up. Errr, happy to help with the touch ups

The tourette's thumb will bring them back to jiggly life too, they'll think they're at a rave and be reborn with a new lust for life "

It’s like you’re an agony aunt with a touch of Zen thrown in

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Dear Auntie P, my hayfever is starting to make a return. How can I make it sexy so I don't look weird during sex?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've nested on the sofa with Netflix on....the problem is....should I make my way upto bed when I get a little sleepy or should I just stay in my comfy nest for the night?"

Derr, you ring your next door neighbour to come throw a blankey over you and stay where the fuck you are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Liking Agony Aunt! This should be a regular thread OP

I may just do that. Good shout. I under sell my own magic at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dearest Aunty P..

I've been invited out to spend time out with a fit Northern bird. Hang out for the day, then if we have chemistry. Make a night of it.

I suggested camping, but she's a bit of a Lady it seems.

Help!

PS. Most men like little boobies just as much as big boobies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P, my hayfever is starting to make a return. How can I make it sexy so I don't look weird during sex? "

Tell the gentleman or lady in question, that your nose has just had an orgasm and that it’s not snot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've lost a stone since Xmas, which is great as I'm no longer overweight (hurrah!)

BUT!

the boobage is disappearing and I didn't have much to begin with. Anty P, what do I do?

Oh precious one I have had the same issue. Embrace them and remember the girls with fondness.

Oh, then draw eyeballs and a smile on them to trick them into thinking they're happy

You truly are The Greatest Agony Aunt That Ever Was.

If you want any help with drawing the face on and even applying makeup to emphasise bits, I’m happy to touch you up. Errr, happy to help with the touch ups

The tourette's thumb will bring them back to jiggly life too, they'll think they're at a rave and be reborn with a new lust for life

It’s like you’re an agony aunt with a touch of Zen thrown in

He was my fave out of Police Academy ..... oh Zed.. that was the bugger

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

"I've nested on the sofa with Netflix on....the problem is....should I make my way upto bed when I get a little sleepy or should I just stay in my comfy nest for the night?

Derr, you ring your next door neighbour to come throw a blankey over you and stay where the fuck you are. "

The nest already has a blankey, also pillows, snacks and refreshments

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P, my hayfever is starting to make a return. How can I make it sexy so I don't look weird during sex? "

You've seen the eye runny make up deep throat "how the hell did I survive that? He must know I'm only here to serve him" pics right? It will uplift you to legendary status in his eyes.

Gift from nature my friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dearest Aunty P..

I've been invited out to spend time out with a fit Northern bird. Hang out for the day, then if we have chemistry. Make a night of it.

I suggested camping, but she's a bit of a Lady it seems.

Help!

PS. Most men like little boobies just as much as big boobies. "

You do the gentlemanly thing .... and let the Lady choose the destination.

Just remember to pick pocket her when she ain't looking to pay for that posh shizzle

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've nested on the sofa with Netflix on....the problem is....should I make my way upto bed when I get a little sleepy or should I just stay in my comfy nest for the night?

Derr, you ring your next door neighbour to come throw a blankey over you and stay where the fuck you are.

The nest already has a blankey, also pillows, snacks and refreshments"

Jackpot. That's winning at life right there.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P, my hayfever is starting to make a return. How can I make it sexy so I don't look weird during sex?

You've seen the eye runny make up deep throat "how the hell did I survive that? He must know I'm only here to serve him" pics right? It will uplift you to legendary status in his eyes.

Gift from nature my friend "

I'll have to Google those photos (too classy to have seen that) but thank you for the wisdom AP. There's no limits to the depth of your wisdom.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P, my hayfever is starting to make a return. How can I make it sexy so I don't look weird during sex?

You've seen the eye runny make up deep throat "how the hell did I survive that? He must know I'm only here to serve him" pics right? It will uplift you to legendary status in his eyes.

Gift from nature my friend

I'll have to Google those photos (too classy to have seen that) but thank you for the wisdom AP. There's no limits to the depth of your wisdom.

Wisdom as deep as my poontang, and that fucker echoes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dearest Aunty P..

I've been invited out to spend time out with a fit Northern bird. Hang out for the day, then if we have chemistry. Make a night of it.

I suggested camping, but she's a bit of a Lady it seems.

Help!

PS. Most men like little boobies just as much as big boobies.

You do the gentlemanly thing .... and let the Lady choose the destination.

Just remember to pick pocket her when she ain't looking to pay for that posh shizzle "

You're a bad agony aunt. Love it.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Liking Agony Aunt! This should be a regular thread OP

I may just do that. Good shout. I under sell my own magic at times."

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I try really hard to get involved in the forums but more often or not I just can't be arsed. What do I get if I make more of an effort?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I try really hard to get involved in the forums but more often or not I just can't be arsed. What do I get if I make more of an effort? "

Hear more of my wisdom pearlage. No brainer.

Oh, sometimes there are food threads too, and I know you're a fine grub rustler upper. You can inspire the masses and get penis in return

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Dear Auntie P,how can I put the fizz back in my c oke?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P,how can I put the fizz back in my c oke?"

Do the old switcheroo with a fresh bottle in the corner shop.

Or fart in the bottle

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I try really hard to get involved in the forums but more often or not I just can't be arsed. What do I get if I make more of an effort?

Hear more of my wisdom pearlage. No brainer.

Oh, sometimes there are food threads too, and I know you're a fine grub rustler upper. You can inspire the masses and get penis in return "

I am a very good cook, its true except I've just posted about enjoying curry noodle sandwiches.

Just want to make it clear, I don't want to cook penis.

Thank you oh wise one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dearest Aunty P..

I've been invited out to spend time out with a fit Northern bird. Hang out for the day, then if we have chemistry. Make a night of it.

I suggested camping, but she's a bit of a Lady it seems.

Help!

PS. Most men like little boobies just as much as big boobies.

You do the gentlemanly thing .... and let the Lady choose the destination.

Just remember to pick pocket her when she ain't looking to pay for that posh shizzle

You're a bad agony aunt. Love it. "

Tis why I left education, I was afraid of my own skills and had trepidation about breeding an army of unrulies as wise as me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I try really hard to get involved in the forums but more often or not I just can't be arsed. What do I get if I make more of an effort?

Hear more of my wisdom pearlage. No brainer.

Oh, sometimes there are food threads too, and I know you're a fine grub rustler upper. You can inspire the masses and get penis in return

I am a very good cook, its true except I've just posted about enjoying curry noodle sandwiches.

Just want to make it clear, I don't want to cook penis.

Thank you oh wise one.

Curry noodle sandwiches are proof that you may not think you like something until you try it. A fine mantra

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Dear Auntie P,how can I put the fizz back in my c oke?

Do the old switcheroo with a fresh bottle in the corner shop.

Or fart in the bottle "

I'll go for the farting,thankyou.

My phone changing farting to tarting,silly thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P,how can I put the fizz back in my c oke?

Do the old switcheroo with a fresh bottle in the corner shop.

Or fart in the bottle

I'll go for the farting,thankyou.

My phone changing farting to tarting,silly thing."

I do enjoy a phone faux pas at times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear agony aunt.

I think I'm being stalked by a very attractive millionairess nymphomaniac woman what should I do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear agony aunt.

I think I'm being stalked by a very attractive millionairess nymphomaniac woman what should I do?"

Knock at her door and feign amnesia so she has to look after you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear agony aunt.

I think I'm being stalked by a very attractive millionairess nymphomaniac woman what should I do?

Knock at her door and feign amnesia so she has to look after you "

will do cheers Aunt (and Dec)

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Dear Auntie P, I'm in the bath but I've just realised that I need to pee. What should I do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P, I'm in the bath but I've just realised that I need to pee. What should I do? "

Practice your aim my child.

If you manage to get it in the toilet bowl from the bath you get a shiny thing.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Dear Auntie P, I'm in the bath but I've just realised that I need to pee. What should I do?

Practice your aim my child.

If you manage to get it in the toilet bowl from the bath you get a shiny thing."

Thanks Auntie P, a golden arc to rival McDonald's coming up!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie P, I'm in the bath but I've just realised that I need to pee. What should I do?

Practice your aim my child.

If you manage to get it in the toilet bowl from the bath you get a shiny thing.

Thanks Auntie P, a golden arc to rival McDonald's coming up! "

Yes!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Auntie P,

I'm in the bath and my towel has inexplicably got soaked with pee. All of my other towels are upstairs, what are my options?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie P,

I'm in the bath and my towel has inexplicably got soaked with pee. All of my other towels are upstairs, what are my options? "

Flap like a bird

Shake like a dog

Roll on the floor like a burning man stunt double

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Thanks again Auntie P, you are indeed the sagiest of all sages.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks again Auntie P, you are indeed the sagiest of all sages. "

My pleasure, call again any time.

Charges apply on 3rd wisdom pearl and each one thereafter and shall be paid in double cheeseburgers/pizza

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aunty Agony.

To get away from BREXIT and the 2nd refer-dum-dum.. thingy..Which planet should I visit.. I've got some bus fare ready.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Aunty Agony.

To get away from BREXIT and the 2nd refer-dum-dum.. thingy..Which planet should I visit.. I've got some bus fare ready."

Get d*unk instead on wino piss, far cheaper and when you wake it will all be over

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