FabSwingers.com forum: What's amused you today?

By *hoenixAdAstra OP Woman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothin been shitty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The weather was amusing me, I like sunny weather.

But since watching the finale of Game of Thrones, everythings been dark and gloomy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

4 stone!!! Wtf! I got told 4 too. I would look ridiculous. Could do with losing a couple but 4! Really don’t think they take height into account!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read a dating profile where the guy was looking for a woman with a self-defecating sense of humour which amused me far more than it probably should have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got my bowl out at work 10am as usual, spoon, milk... forgot my cereal.

I had to laugh as I drank the milk and went back to work.

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By *hoenixAdAstra OP Woman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

4 stone!!! Wtf! I got told 4 too. I would look ridiculous. Could do with losing a couple but 4! Really don’t think they take height into account!"

Height is taken into account

It's basically a height/weight ratio

What isn't taken into account is body composition & lifestyle

I have a very high muscle mass, low body fat but it is only based on overall weight

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By *valanche1001Man
over a year ago

Leeds

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

Ridiculous there’d be nothing left! I had the same last year, I think they just need to tell you to do something to justify their existence.

For my part I laughed (and laughed and laughed) when my brand new car packed up yet again!! - if I don’t laugh I’d cry it’s so frustrating

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By *cgkcCouple
over a year ago

Hitchin

I saw a dwarf smoking and the temptation to say 'stunts your growth' was almost overwhelming!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dog. I just sat down for lunch, he walks up, drops the biggest fart ever. It stinks and puts me off my food, he eats my sandwich and I swear he was laughing at me. Really devious bugger. Couldn't help but chuckle at his cunning plan.

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By *xLedZepxx2Man
over a year ago

Didcot

Discovery there's a place called Dildo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My dog. I just sat down for lunch, he walks up, drops the biggest fart ever. It stinks and puts me off my food, he eats my sandwich and I swear he was laughing at me. Really devious bugger. Couldn't help but chuckle at his cunning plan."

I taught him well

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

"
Its rubbish. My tests where so perfect if they where any more perfect id be in danger of becoming unhealthy. My cholestral was so good he said only with the use of medication would i get it lower. I was considerably more than four stone overweight at the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

"
that's ridiculous 4 stone? You look healthy and thin to me. What do doctors measure their perfect results on? A size 0 model/athlete that starves themselves? It's ridiculous.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

oh and what amuses me is keep seeing my grandsons face in my head when i had to tell him off for biting his dad

hes never been told of by me before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The angry fans expressing their outrage and sense of the injustice at the ending of Game Of Thrones. I mean, I only had a little grumble on the phone to my lovely fab friend about it this morning. No more than five minutes of ranting really. What are these crazy folk like eh?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

This did

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

Four stone what utter nonsense,however if you want to give me your boobs I'll take them of you just to help you out of course.

I was told at my health check I was underweight which annoyed me as that was my normal weight for me! She'd probably be more happy now as I have middle aged spread. Pisses me off when they just off a chart.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sally just made me feel great xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I made friends with some cows. One insisted on sucking my hand as if it wanted to be bottle fed. A fully grown cow! It amused me greatly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Minnie’s vagina thread

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By *ream3.14159Man
over a year ago

Here & there

"I got my bowl out at work 10am as usual, spoon, milk... forgot my cereal.

I had to laugh as I drank the milk and went back to work.

You should've lapped it up, it would be more amusing

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Peach..my lovely fab friend

(Fuck I said her name...cats out the bag)

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

Biggest load of codswallop I've ever had to use the BMI. But some people swear by it. I Def don't go by it. Like you said bp fine cholesterol low. You seem perfectly healthy .k

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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago

Stockport

It's Man Hug Monday, that always makes me laugh and smile

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

I'm bordering obese too, I'd like to just be overweight.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"I read a dating profile where the guy was looking for a woman with a self-defecating sense of humour which amused me far more than it probably should have

"
you're shitting me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

"
40+NHS..Is that 40+No Hand Signals.Im glad to hear your petrols ok though ..can ruin a carburettor.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Being asked out to the prom by a year 11 student.

I said no but thank you for the offer even if it was a dare!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A girl I barely know asked if I wanted to come to Berlin with her and some of her mates. There’s no way I wanted to, so I was making excuses as to why I can’t take time off.... then half way through she explained that she said “bowling” (she has a thick Yorkshire accent).

I 100% swear this happened today at lunch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely nothing. Except one of my students jumping out and scaring me. Other than that, its been shite.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

BMI charts need ripping up !

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

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By *appytrailmanMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I'm looking after my parents dogs for them whilst they are away My dad has a house with a pretty big back garden but tells me that one of the dogs will refuse to play out until he gets an extra biscuit to the other dog I thought he was joking but no this morning I opened the door to let them both run in the garden whilst I was going to get ready for work but no they both sprint out of the door then said dog dives back inside whilst the other one is playing with her football and looks for a biscuit I give him one he then dives back outside for a play....well it made me smile and laugh a little.

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Being told by my my barista if I called in to see him in the morning, “I’ll give you one” Seeing his face go red, when I winked at him and asked if it was a promise?

Lex

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By *lint-EverhardMan
over a year ago

Perpignan and cap

I've been for my 40+NHS health check today.

My BP is perfect

My cholesterol is the lowest the nurse has ever seen

My lung function tests, I blew off the scale.

But.... I need to lose 4, yes, FOUR stone!

My BMI, puts me at the top end of the extremely obese section on the chart.

I need to shed 4stone to be considered healthy.

BMI charts need ripping up !

Once I stopped laughing, picked myself up off the floor. I thanked the nurse & left.

I'll be chuckling over it for the rest of the day.

So, what's made you laugh today?

It's been a bit dull for me too.

I used to stammer when I was a kid, today's client had a stammer.

When I was talking to him I very, very nearly stammered too. In fact probably did a little bit.

The more you try not to stammer, the worse it gets. Then you think, that he thinks, "is he taking the piss out of me"? And the stammer gets worse.

That made me smile.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Trying on high heels in an op shop

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By *corpio67Man
over a year ago

hillingdon

Reading the

I spy with my little eye thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A message from a young guy who won't leave me alone. He got so frustrated that I wouldn't meet him, he called me a fat, old, self-obsessed, middle aged fucking sad bitch. He told me he had had a lucky escape.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"A message from a young guy who won't leave me alone. He got so frustrated that I wouldn't meet him, he called me a fat, old, self-obsessed, middle aged fucking sad bitch. He told me he had had a lucky escape.

douchebag...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Fit As Fuck couple messaging me out of the blue and asking when I’m free...

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Wow..lucky him eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bring taken through the m&s self checkout on the phone so I could hear Ant & Dec..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/05/19 22:50:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man goes for a job interview at a warehouse and asks the manager "so what do you do round here?"

The manager replies "Well on Mondays we sweep up inside and round the back. Then in the afternoon we play cards."

"Oh I dont like cards"

"Well on Tuesdays we clean all the shelves. Then in the afternoon we play darts."

"I don't like darts".

"Well on Wednesdays we do a bit of this and we do a bit of that. Then in the afternoon we get a load of booze and women over from next door and get pissed, it's every man for himself."

"Well I dont drink, and I don't go with strange women."

The manager says "hang about? You don't play cards, you don't like darts, you don't drink and you don't go with loose women. Are you queer?"

"No I'm not queer" he replies.

"Oh, well you won't like Thursdays much either then."

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By *lloverkisserMan
over a year ago

preston

My dog, as usual.

She is an absolute bulb

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

The Sally thread

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

A conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just went to remove someone from my Hotlist, but sent a bloody Wink instead??!! the tv distracted me

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Someone saying "don't be callous, show us ya phallus", it made me laugh anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Holy shit!! are we classed as middle aged!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone naughty fleshes her knickers on the underground over the weekend. Lovely undies trapped between her smooth lips.

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