FabSwingers.com forum: I don't care...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to take things to heart andncery personally. To the point it became self destructive.

Now, I couldn't give a shit what people think or say about me. I realise it probably says more about them and their attitude than it does me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahhh, now.... I don't care what people think of me providing they're viewing the real me.

I do care if people have been given a twisted version by someone else and have had their opinion based on that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I think it's a little indicative of an arrogant person.

We should care; it's a form of reflection.

I'm not suggesting we all adapt our ways to please everyone, but a little consideration?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I used to take things to heart andncery personally. To the point it became self destructive.

Now, I couldn't give a shit what people think or say about me. I realise it probably says more about them and their attitude than it does me."

What brought about the change?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Ahhh, now.... I don't care what people think of me providing they're viewing the real me.

I do care if people have been given a twisted version by someone else and have had their opinion based on that.

P"
I've never met ya , but I know your nuts and random as fuck , and I love it xx

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

We are all social creatures, acceptance and inclusion is part of our psychological make up, so yes, on some level we all care about what others think of us. Even the statement "I don't care what others think" is asking for a form of acceptance; if they didn't care, then they wouldn't say it!

However, not pandering to the whim of everybody or seeking acceptance for everything that they do is a positive thing as it shows a strength of personality.

If people genuinely didn't care, then they would be demonstrating total lack of empathy or be borderline sociopath/psychopath.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I care yes but only the people i likes opinions matter but i often question myself if someones upset by what i do or say to try understand why

But other times i just dont care depends on my mentality at the time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ahhh, now.... I don't care what people think of me providing they're viewing the real me.

I do care if people have been given a twisted version by someone else and have had their opinion based on that.

That's kinda what I was thinking about. If someone is badmouthing you and others form an opinion is it possible not to be affected by that because it's not true.

In my mind it affects your self esteem more and is harder to brush off because of the injustice of it.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I care when it matters. Here it often doesn't.

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By *edmark07Man
over a year ago

liverpool

It takes a very strong person to shrug off personal criticism or a hurtful comment. That or someone who has dealt with it a long time. I'm not sure I'm that strong tbh but I agree, says more about them usually

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I've been called everything under the sun in my life believe me , at the end of the day I know I'm a nice person who swears too much so fuck em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only choose to show certain ppl the real me

so others really shouldn’t have an opinion about me anyway but if they have it’s not my problem it’s there’s

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Personally I think it's a little indicative of an arrogant person.

We should care; it's a form of reflection.

I'm not suggesting we all adapt our ways to please everyone, but a little consideration?"

I agree. Being able to self reflect in any situation is a great way of learning about yourself.

I can see how it could be arrogance to not care, like you are dismissing people who judge you despite the fact you are giving them reason to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we do care. Otherwise why would we bother trying to fit in? Even if it is with a group of non-conformists as found here on Fab?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We are all social creatures, acceptance and inclusion is part of our psychological make up, so yes, on some level we all care about what others think of us. Even the statement "I don't care what others think" is asking for a form of acceptance; if they didn't care, then they wouldn't say it!

However, not pandering to the whim of everybody or seeking acceptance for everything that they do is a positive thing as it shows a strength of personality.

If people genuinely didn't care, then they would be demonstrating total lack of empathy or be borderline sociopath/psychopath. "

that was actually part of my thinking. If you didn't care then you wouldn't mention it. It's like an act of stubbornness, I have my opinion of my actions and I refuse to admit I may be wrong by acknowledging yours!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take words to heart all too often but have to say on here most of it goes in one ear out the other

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As ever, I think there's an "it depends" here - as TM said any one that truly doesn't care is displaying psycho/sociopathic signs, and a whole lot more besides.

There are however instances and circumstances about which it's possible not to care what people think of you *because* of that particular instance or circumstance - for example if so said "I support Spurs and don't care what people think of me because of it" it'd be both true and possible - other circumstances and instances not so much.

But to not care as a whole is either a huge exaggeration or the mind of someone with issues like those mentioned above.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I care yes but only the people i likes opinions matter but i often question myself if someones upset by what i do or say to try understand why

But other times i just dont care depends on my mentality at the time"

I think it's a different kind of caring when they are people who are close. It hurts and you feel disappointed in yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ahhh, now.... I don't care what people think of me providing they're viewing the real me.

I do care if people have been given a twisted version by someone else and have had their opinion based on that.

That's kinda what I was thinking about. If someone is badmouthing you and others form an opinion is it possible not to be affected by that because it's not true.

In my mind it affects your self esteem more and is harder to brush off because of the injustice of it. "

Yep, entirely my way of thinking.

If someone knows me and doesn't like me I appreciate they have their reasons, as I have reason I may not get on with or like others. It's life. Yes it would be superb if the whole world got on but that's not and never will be the case.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I care when it matters. Here it often doesn't. "

I think some people forget that we are just a bunch of people online, all we see is what is shown in the words typed on here which is completely open to interpretation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I care about what my close friends and family think of me, even a handful of friends on here who know the real me. As for everyone else I really don’t care at all, may sound harsh but I really don’t.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It takes a very strong person to shrug off personal criticism or a hurtful comment. That or someone who has dealt with it a long time. I'm not sure I'm that strong tbh but I agree, says more about them usually "

I guess that's true in some cases. If someone is being nasty for the sake of it it's maybe easier to brush off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not overly worried around whether people like me or not. I don't set put to be liked by everyone, as I've said before of rather be liked by 10 people for being me than a 100 people for being a diluted but more palatable version of me. I see those sort on the forums frequently and have ltitle interest in them.

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I care yes but only the people i likes opinions matter but i often question myself if someones upset by what i do or say to try understand why

But other times i just dont care depends on my mentality at the time

I think it's a different kind of caring when they are people who are close. It hurts and you feel disappointed in yourself.

"
thats the one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been called everything under the sun in my life believe me , at the end of the day I know I'm a nice person who swears too much so fuck em

Or don't fuck them.....they might think you like them then!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only choose to show certain ppl the real me

so others really shouldn’t have an opinion about me anyway but if they have it’s not my problem it’s there’s "

Because they have made assumptions about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard not to care.. I have no issue not being everyone's cup of tea. But I've worked hard on being the best version of myself I can be.

People often dislike a perception, rather than a reality. That's more frustrating. To be actively disliked by someone who you know hasn't seen the real you isn't nice. It's something that still preys on my mind with anxiety.

I'm sure we all have characteristics that are not always likeable. But I'd like to think people have self awareness enough to appreciate that's in everybody... it's why we are friends with some and not others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It also depends on the "what" tho.

Is it something like they think I'm a mad head, or they think I'm promiscuous then no, I really don't care.

If they think I'm a murderer or I go round kicking puppies then yes I will care, because I'll want to get to the root of the why they think that ..... and put things straight.

There are too many levels and variables to this question to answer properly as it ultimately comes down to circumstance and where the thoughts are coming from

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think we do care. Otherwise why would we bother trying to fit in? Even if it is with a group of non-conformists as found here on Fab? "

That's true. The "I don't care" crew generally have friends who are the same, so in trying not to fit in they just make a new genre to fit into.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"It also depends on the "what" tho.

Is it something like they think I'm a mad head, or they think I'm promiscuous then no, I really don't care.

If they think I'm a murderer or I go round kicking puppies then yes I will care, because I'll want to get to the root of the why they think that ..... and put things straight.

There are too many levels and variables to this question to answer properly as it ultimately comes down to circumstance and where the thoughts are coming from

P"
But you are a mad head. A lovely one though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are reasons and circumstances where wearing the I don't care hat are very beneficial.

When I was unwell I thought people could see it, I thought they were laughing and judging me. I had to teach myself not to care what strangers in the street MAY have been thinking me in order to make it to the shop and back without having a meltdown

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As ever, I think there's an "it depends" here - as TM said any one that truly doesn't care is displaying psycho/sociopathic signs, and a whole lot more besides.

But to not care as a whole is either a huge exaggeration or the mind of someone with issues like those mentioned above."

There always is!

So do you think it matters whether it's something you choose to do like supporting a specific team they're judging compared to who you are as a person?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I care to a certain extent. If people I like and care about developed a bad opinion of me for some reason then that would hurt and I'd want to sort it out. I like the feeling of belonging I have with some people. If I didn't care about what they thought of me I think I'd run the risk of being a really shit friend. I don't give a shit what other people think. I'm an OK sort of person and try not to be a dick. Not everyone is going to like me and that's alright.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As ever, I think there's an "it depends" here - as TM said any one that truly doesn't care is displaying psycho/sociopathic signs, and a whole lot more besides.

But to not care as a whole is either a huge exaggeration or the mind of someone with issues like those mentioned above.

There always is!

So do you think it matters whether it's something you choose to do like supporting a specific team they're judging compared to who you are as a person? "

Very much so in my case.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really...."

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ahhh, now.... I don't care what people think of me providing they're viewing the real me.

I do care if people have been given a twisted version by someone else and have had their opinion based on that.

That's kinda what I was thinking about. If someone is badmouthing you and others form an opinion is it possible not to be affected by that because it's not true.

In my mind it affects your self esteem more and is harder to brush off because of the injustice of it.

Yep, entirely my way of thinking.

I think that's a bit part of finding happiness in yourself. Acceptance that not everyone will like you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, I know I'm banging on but fuck it.

Sometimes in life you need to stop caring.

If I had continued down the path of caring what my ex thought of me I wouldn't be here now.

If I'd continued down the path of trying to please the mother and be "good enough" for her then again, I wouldn't be here now.

I'm her daughter, she's my mother, and apart from the odd text now and then that's as far as it goes.

My dad on the other hand is a whole different kettle of fish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right? "

The people I care about would find that odd. Just because I don't care what the rest think doesn't mean I go out of my way to cause them distress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care what anyone on here thinks of me.

I care somewhat about what my children think of me.

Other than them, I don't care.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"As ever, I think there's an "it depends" here - as TM said any one that truly doesn't care is displaying psycho/sociopathic signs, and a whole lot more besides.

But to not care as a whole is either a huge exaggeration or the mind of someone with issues like those mentioned above.

There always is!

So do you think it matters whether it's something you choose to do like supporting a specific team they're judging compared to who you are as a person? "

It can do - my dear Peach put it so much better than I did though - there are some personality traits that are subjective and either likeable or dislikeable depending on the viewer and those I don't particularly care about either way, a "you can't please all the people all the time kind of attitude" - however there are other traits that are perhaps less subjective and more generally disliked that if I had them, or people suggested I did (rightly or wrongly) then of course I'd care and try to address them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right? "

That's a matter of impropriety rather than being worried what people thought of my body.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I care about what my close friends and family think of me, even a handful of friends on here who know the real me. As for everyone else I really don’t care at all, may sound harsh but I really don’t. "

This actually made me think about the making friends part. If we really didn't care what people thought then would we put much effort into making friends?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not? "

I'd love to say it doesn't bother me but then I'd be lying. When someone disregards my feelings I honestly find it hard not to be hurt by it . I'd love to know the secret to being able to ignore it. I need to toughen up .

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right? "

I agree with the above as for walking down the street, no problems at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've found it.

I care what good people think of me.... I couldn't give 2 shits what bad people think and I hope they're kissing my disappearing arse as I'm occupying their pathetic thoughts.

Ahhhhhhh, that feels better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I've found it.

I care what good people think of me.... I couldn't give 2 shits what bad people think and I hope they're kissing my disappearing arse as I'm occupying their pathetic thoughts.

Ahhhhhhh, that feels better

P"
nailed it

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think I've found it.

I care what good people think of me.... I couldn't give 2 shits what bad people think and I hope they're kissing my disappearing arse as I'm occupying their pathetic thoughts.

Ahhhhhhh, that feels better

That's Peachy wisdom right there that is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I've found it.

I care what good people think of me.... I couldn't give 2 shits what bad people think and I hope they're kissing my disappearing arse as I'm occupying their pathetic thoughts.

Ahhhhhhh, that feels better

You'll need to post lists of good and bad people. Actually just post the shorter one. It's far easier. ....

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right? "
I walk down the street dressed up as fem , does this mean I don't care what others think ?

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

I was a person that cared..but a good few yrs back now..I woke one morning and half my face didnt work any more...I thought id had a stroke...went docs..hospital. .turns out it was bells porsey..the cure..no stress..and don't worry...lmao..u look like hunchbackof notradam and they say chill...anyway stayed in ..wouldn't see ppl..then 3 weeks later I just thought I cant live like this ..I went back to work...I cellitaped my cheek up so I could talk and I got on with it...took all the piss taking took looking in mirror thinking I want to die..I got on with my life...I learnt not to stress or worry about nothing....then afer 7 month..I woke up one day and it had gone ..face back to normal. ..and has been since...so u cant worry..u have to live...now stage 3 lymphoma(. Lol..that god does try me..lol).but stable and living life..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not? "

100%

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not overly worried around whether people like me or not. I don't set put to be liked by everyone, as I've said before of rather be liked by 10 people for being me than a 100 people for being a diluted but more palatable version of me. I see those sort on the forums frequently and have ltitle interest in them.

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long."

But isn't it part of being a society to alter our behaviour at times to fit in? I agree that being placid and striving to be liked can be nauseating at times but is it better or worse than being outspoken and opinionated and intentionally riling people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

If you want to interact with other human beings you will have to exercise a certain amount of compromise. How much and to what extent depends on how much you want to interact and how much you are prepared to compromise your integrity to achieve that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

Yes yes yes, integrity. Be true to yourself and you'll come across those who fit in with you and vice versa.

I'm probably overkill when it comes to being true to yourself at times, I'm aware it more than likely comes from being tricked by a rather clever wolf in sheeps clothing who showed me one side of him, then after time, once I was isolated I got the real version.

Had I known the real version was what he was I'd have never taken that path.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's hard not to care.. I have no issue not being everyone's cup of tea. But I've worked hard on being the best version of myself I can be.

Absolutely. I think when you realise that there are people you just don't gel with and that's ok it's easier to accept your own traits that might rub people up the wrong way.

Perception is the thing that gets me too. It's like when we have a "tell someone what you think of them" thread, I get some comments and I think what the hell, that's not me! But then I think well that's how they've interpreted me from the small glimpse they've had on here. It does make me reflect on what I post and how.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This actually made me think about the making friends part. If we really didn't care what people thought then would we put much effort into making friends?

I never used to be like that though. I cared too much, I still care too much about what friends think. I just think life has made me that way to be honest. Especially since having my youngest who has a lot of issues. Used to spend my life in tears because someone would make a comment or say something about her behaviour or be worried sick taking her on a plane etc. It’s what I’ve had to deal with that’s changed me and I’ll be honest I feel better now I can just ignore and not care what people think and just feel sorry for their ignorant attitudes x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's hard not to care.. I have no issue not being everyone's cup of tea. But I've worked hard on being the best version of myself I can be.

Absolutely. I think when you realise that there are people you just don't gel with and that's ok it's easier to accept your own traits that might rub people up the wrong way.

Don't forget tho perception is also down to environmental and personal factors of the person doing the perceiving. If I'm tired or feeling negative that impacts how I read things. It's my own tone having an impact.

Some people do just try to wind others up, but at times it really is down to perception and no more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are reasons and circumstances where wearing the I don't care hat are very beneficial.

Yeah I agree. Sometimes it's a fight or flight thing, if I admit I care then the feelings with overwhelm me, the I don't care wall holds back the flood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

Are you suggesting that I'm deliberately outspoken and opiniona red and intentionally rile people?

I'm not sure why you've chosen one of those ridiculous either/or scenarios? There are lots of examples in between the 2 examples between the 2 you've given. I'm happy being me, I don't crave popularity and I am self aware enough to know that I am odd enough to never be overly popular. That doesn't mean I go out of my way to alienate myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

Yes yes yes, integrity. Be true to yourself and you'll come across those who fit in with you and vice versa.

Had I known the real version was what he was I'd have never taken that path.

No one said life was going to be

easy...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it is.... I really don't care what people think of me... you take me as you find me...

If you don't like me then it's no skin off my bones.

I always try to be nice and polite but there's no hair on my tongue either and I speak as I find.

Admittedly I can be wrong at times but equally like to think I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Personally I think it's a little indicative of an arrogant person.

We should care; it's a form of reflection.

I'm not suggesting we all adapt our ways to please everyone, but a little consideration?"

Maybe we did care, reflected, and now don't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I care to a certain extent. If people I like and care about developed a bad opinion of me for some reason then that would hurt and I'd want to sort it out. I like the feeling of belonging I have with some people. If I didn't care about what they thought of me I think I'd run the risk of being a really shit friend. I don't give a shit what other people think. I'm an OK sort of person and try not to be a dick. Not everyone is going to like me and that's alright. "

The not being a dick part is important I think, if you are treating people with respect then their opinion is void.

I think sometimes people use the "I don't care" card as an excuse to act like a dick too though. Often in order to get the attention they claim they don't want!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Personally I think it's a little indicative of an arrogant person.

We should care; it's a form of reflection.

I'm not suggesting we all adapt our ways to please everyone, but a little consideration?

Maybe we did care, reflected, and now don't. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many people report forum posts because they care.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also, I know I'm banging on but fuck it.

Sometimes in life you need to stop caring.

If I had continued down the path of caring what my ex thought of me I wouldn't be here now.

If I'd continued down the path of trying to please the mother and be "good enough" for her then again, I wouldn't be here now.

I'm her daughter, she's my mother, and apart from the odd text now and then that's as far as it goes.

My dad on the other hand is a whole different kettle of fish

Absolutely. Sometimes you need to accept it really isn't you it's them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The not being a dick part is important I think, if you are treating people with respect then their opinion is void.

I think sometimes people use the "I don't care" card as an excuse to act like a dick too though. Often in order to get the attention they claim they don't want! "

Yes, own the hat but don't abuse it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They do care, because they always tag on the end some butthurt comment like "...and anyone who doesn't like it can fuck right off!!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right?

The people I care about would find that odd. Just because I don't care what the rest think doesn't mean I go out of my way to cause them distress."

That's how it should be I think. If you are acting in a respectful way then not caring is justifiable.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't care what anyone on here thinks of me.

I care somewhat about what my children think of me.

Other than them, I don't care. "

Can I ask why that is?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not? "

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe ts the way I'm reading it but I'm not getting why not caring about how other people feel about you is being linked to acting like a dick. Are they not 2 different traits?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only care what people think of me if they are people I care about. Everyone

else, not really....

Would you walk down the street naked? If you don't care what others think then it should be easy right? I walk down the street dressed up as fem , does this mean I don't care what others think ? "

I wouldn't assume that at all no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe ts the way I'm reading it but I'm not getting why not caring about how other people feel about you is being linked to acting like a dick. Are they not 2 different traits?"

Totally separate traits surely?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was a person that cared..but a good few yrs back now..I woke one morning and half my face didnt work any more...I thought id had a stroke...went docs..hospital. .turns out it was bells porsey..the cure..no stress..and don't worry...lmao..u look like hunchbackof notradam and they say chill...anyway stayed in ..wouldn't see ppl..then 3 weeks later I just thought I cant live like this ..I went back to work...I cellitaped my cheek up so I could talk and I got on with it...took all the piss taking took looking in mirror thinking I want to die..I got on with my life...I learnt not to stress or worry about nothing....then afer 7 month..I woke up one day and it had gone ..face back to normal. ..and has been since...so u cant worry..u have to live...now stage 3 lymphoma(. Lol..that god does try me..lol).but stable and living life..

I'm sorry to hear that.

It definitely makes a difference when it's something you can't change I think, especially if it's physical. It's make or break, face the world or hide away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe ts the way I'm reading it but I'm not getting why not caring about how other people feel about you is being linked to acting like a dick. Are they not 2 different traits?"

I think it's more that some people genuinely can be horrid and use "I don't care" as an excuse to behave badly, rather than those who accept not everyone will like them, but don't let the fact they can't please everyone bother them.

Some will go the other way, they to alter the "who" they are in order to fit in with as many people as possible when the real them is lurking underneath.

Now there nothing wrong with changing things to be the beat you you can be, but pretending to be someone you aren't is just as bad as abusing the "I don't care" card in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

Are you suggesting that I'm deliberately outspoken and opiniona red and intentionally rile people?

I wasn't making a personal comment no. I was just considering what I see as the opposite to someone who tries too hard to be liked, someone who tries too hard to not be which is the way your comment lead my brain. I was just asking your opinion on which is worse.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For me it is.... I really don't care what people think of me... you take me as you find me...

If you don't like me then it's no skin off my bones.

I always try to be nice and polite but there's no hair on my tongue either and I speak as I find.

Admittedly I can be wrong at times but equally like to think I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong too."

The thing is this has been echoed all over the thread and I totally agree it's a healthy way to be, as long as you know yourself you are a good person then the opinions of others shouldn't matter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"They do care, because they always tag on the end some butthurt comment like "...and anyone who doesn't like it can fuck right off!!""

Exactly!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ... "

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe ts the way I'm reading it but I'm not getting why not caring about how other people feel about you is being linked to acting like a dick. Are they not 2 different traits?"

They are.

There are so many reasons people say they don't care and there are some which most people would agree are totally valid and acceptable. But there are also reasons such as using it as an excuse to act like a dick which most don't agree with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

Are you suggesting that I'm deliberately outspoken and opiniona red and intentionally rile people?

Very few people go out of there way to be disliked. And I didn't take that as what was being asked in your original post about not caring.

Plenty of us are indifferent to popularity and to that end the opinion of very, very few people matter to me. I genuinely don't care whether people like me. But I'm not a dick, I don't antagonise people and I'm still not sure why your first response on this thread t someone expressing a similar opinion was to give an example of inappropriate and antisocial behaviour by asking them if they'd walk down the road naked.

It's perfectly easy to not he overly concerned by what others think of you but still behave in a normal, appropriate and empathetic way towards other people

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression. "

But a first impression is how you are, if another person doesn't like that it isn't a big deal. The next person you meet may become your friend because they like way you come across .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to care all too much about people's opinions of me. I'd let it get me down a lot.

However, now, the only people who's opinions of me matter to me are those I care about. So long as the people who really know me think I'm a decent human, everyone else can kiss my ass.

As for opinions on my appearance, literally couldn't give a single fuck. My OH thinks I'm beautiful, that's enough. If others do too, great, that's lovely. If they don't, I won't lose any sleep over it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression. "

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not? "

I think so yes assuming it is strangers you are talking about. People who don't know you will never know the real you anyway

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A few times recently one or two posters on here have been quite spiteful with their comments and it has stung a bit. But not for long.

Are you suggesting that I'm deliberately outspoken and opiniona red and intentionally rile people?

Very few people go out of there way to be disliked. And I didn't take that as what was being asked in your original post about not caring.

It's perfectly easy to not he overly concerned by what others think of you but still behave in a normal, appropriate and empathetic way towards other people "

I apologise if I have drifted from the OP, that's just how my brain works in a discussion.

The link between my original question and people who deliberately antagonise was the realisation that sometimes they use "I don't care" as an excuse to behave that way and I wondered why.

And I agree, the walking down the street thing was a poor choice, I realised after that not caring what people think of you as a person isn't the same as what they think physically so the analogy was flawed.

I agree with you, I think as long as you have a good opinion of yourself and know you act appropriately then it's totally possible and acceptable not to care.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

But a first impression is how you are, if another person doesn't like that it isn't a big deal. The next person you meet may become your friend because they like way you come across ."

No I guess it's not. If they form a bad opinion then they won't ever be your friend anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I used to care all too much about people's opinions of me. I'd let it get me down a lot.

However, now, the only people who's opinions of me matter to me are those I care about. So long as the people who really know me think I'm a decent human, everyone else can kiss my ass.

That seems to be the consensus. If it's someone who matters then it matters if not then it's easier not to care.

I still think it's easier to say you don't care than to actually do it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol"

Absolutely. As long as you're being true to yourself then it really shouldn't matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who cares not me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol

Absolutely. As long as you're being true to yourself then it really shouldn't matter. "

I also think that if people are meant to be in your life they will be, even a negative first impression can be altered if it's meant to be

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Who cares not me"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is exactly what I needed to read to help my mood on day to day life. Thank you!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol

Absolutely. As long as you're being true to yourself then it really shouldn't matter.

I also think that if people are meant to be in your life they will be, even a negative first impression can be altered if it's meant to be

That is true. I still find it amusing when you start chatting to someone after seeing them in the forums for a while, sometimes they are very different to what you expect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is exactly what I needed to read to help my mood on day to day life. Thank you! "
glad we could help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol

Absolutely. As long as you're being true to yourself then it really shouldn't matter.

I also think that if people are meant to be in your life they will be, even a negative first impression can be altered if it's meant to be

That is true. I still find it amusing when you start chatting to someone after seeing them in the forums for a while, sometimes they are very different to what you expect. "

I know we all have different dimensions to us, but sometimes there's a world of difference and you can tell they've thought long and hard before posting to appease the masses rather than whatever rolls naturally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I care. I am a social being that needs to live interdependently with others. I need feel love and a sense of belonging. How I’m perceived by others affects that and I can adapt my behaviour to increase the potential for both others and me to be happier .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol

Absolutely. As long as you're being true to yourself then it really shouldn't matter.

I also think that if people are meant to be in your life they will be, even a negative first impression can be altered if it's meant to be

That is true. I still find it amusing when you start chatting to someone after seeing them in the forums for a while, sometimes they are very different to what you expect.

There's also those who come across as quite aloof but are actually really kind and caring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What people think of me.

People write this all the time but is it true?

Is it possible to ignore other people's opinion and not be hurt and upset by negativity no matter how much you say you're not?

I totally live by this principle and always have ... would only care what family and good friends think but even then ...

But in order to make friends we need to make a first impression.

Yes and the first impression should just be yourself surely? I'm just me 24/7 no-one has to like me lol

Absolutely. As long as you're being true to yourself then it really shouldn't matter.

I also think that if people are meant to be in your life they will be, even a negative first impression can be altered if it's meant to be

That is true. I still find it amusing when you start chatting to someone after seeing them in the forums for a while, sometimes they are very different to what you expect.

There's also those who come across as quite aloof but are actually really kind and caring. "

Very true indeed. I like those ones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes I care. I am a social being that needs to live interdependently with others. I need feel love and a sense of belonging. How I’m perceived by others affects that and I can adapt my behaviour to increase the potential for both others and me to be happier ."

I like your honesty and I agree, sometimes it is necessary to adapt to your audience.