FabSwingers.com forum: Is monogamy natural

By *irth Vader OP Man
over a year ago

glasgow

I know this is a touchy subject but do you think it’s natural for us to be monogamous ?

When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I thought it was but in my 40’s I am not so sure.

Please be respectful off any opinions expressed in this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this is a touchy subject but do you think it’s natural for us to be monogamous ?

When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I thought it was but in my 40’s I am not so sure.

Please be respectful off any opinions expressed in this thread. "

Each to their own it's not for everyone.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Natural??

Do you see swinging as natural? Watersports etc?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dunno what it means sorry so il let others decide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whether it's " natural " or not I don't know.

I don't want monogamy and was at my unhappiest when I was in a monogamous relationship.

Trust is difficult for me.

I would rather be single.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

No, but we are all brainwashed into thinking it is by religion and society. It's a fact that the bell end of a man's cock is designed to pump out sperm from a recently-creampied women to allow him a better chance to impregnate her. Therefore humans evolved to have multiple sex-partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dunno what it means sorry so il let others decide"

Google it.

I had to a few weeks ago

I'm so unsure.. It would have to be a special lady to stop me wondering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think suggestung it is unnatural is very respectful. The forum would be up in arms if we were told swinging was unnatural

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think suggestung it is unnatural is very respectful. The forum would be up in arms if we were told swinging was unnatural "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest having been around swinging for over a decade I have seen some couples that make it work seemlessly and ice seen others where there is untold drama and upset. I've witnessed poly relationships that are a complete car crash and I've seen some which seem effortless. And monogomous relationships are the same, some we out great others not so?

I think people need to remember that when judging people for being monogomous. Its not better or worse, it's just different

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I heard an interesting programme once . Said monogamy is a relatively modern idea which came into being at the same time as the concept of individuals (rather than the tribe) owning stuff.

It said prior to this there was no concept of monogamy, in fact it was in the tribes interest to all feel responsible for bringing up the young so group parentage was the norm, sex was something everyone had with everyone, the tribe was your parents, not individuals.

Human females are one of the few mammals that make noise during sex apparently and this was to attract more potential participants during sex,and make it harder to establish who fathered a child.

Again this made the tribe responsible rather than an individual.

Anyway, excuse the ramble,long story short, no I dont believe monogamy is a natural state.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think monogamy is a natural state , I think it’s a human construct, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good choice for some.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"I know this is a touchy subject but do you think it’s natural for us to be monogamous ?

When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I thought it was but in my 40’s I am not so sure.

Please be respectful off any opinions expressed in this thread. "
no. I honestly don't believe we are naturally meant to be monogamous... society and culture has headed us that way

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think some behaviours are incredibly heavily culturally influenced, to the point where it's difficult or impossible to tell if it'd exist in a cultural vacuum. Choice of sexual partners is one of those.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's natural for some people and not for others. The only evidence I have for this is the number of singles on this site who stop swinging when in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dunno what it means sorry so il let others decide"

You seemed to be engaged in it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some it is, for others it isn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be honest having been around swinging for over a decade I have seen some couples that make it work seemlessly and ice seen others where there is untold drama and upset. I've witnessed poly relationships that are a complete car crash and I've seen some which seem effortless. And monogomous relationships are the same, some we out great others not so?

I think people need to remember that when judging people for being monogomous. Its not better or worse, it's just different "

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Im not convinced in terms of the very strict, limited monogomy expected by our society (granted preaching to the converted). I believe there are many kinds/shades of love and relationship possible. That's why I always on the side of the polygamist (if ethical). From the fact that im a swinger its clear im not sexually monogomus. I don't think sexual monogomy is natural and is just kind of restricted. But in terms of life partner personally I am staunchly monogomus relationship wise. My Girl is the only one for me and that how we like it. What we have together is exclusive and that what I love. So I would say we are monogomus but because we have sex and friendships with a sexual element with others many people would say we are not monogomus.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"I heard an interesting programme once . Said monogamy is a relatively modern idea which came into being at the same time as the concept of individuals (rather than the tribe) owning stuff.

Human females are one of the few mammals that make noise during sex apparently and this was to attract more potential participants during sex,and make it harder to establish who fathered a child.

Again this made the tribe responsible rather than an individual.

Anyway, excuse the ramble,long story short, no I dont believe monogamy is a natural state.

Exactly this, at the same time as land became a possession rather than a shared space, so did women.

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By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull

Monogamy is natural between some animals, thankfully for humans we don't belong to that species, Concept of monogamy been introduced with monotheistic religions

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's way more complicated than if it's natural or not and nobody can say for sure that in pre history people were monogamous or not, it's all theory with little evidence to base it on.

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud

"I heard an interesting programme once . Said monogamy is a relatively modern idea which came into being at the same time as the concept of individuals (rather than the tribe) owning stuff.

Human females are one of the few mammals that make noise during sex apparently and this was to attract more potential participants during sex,and make it harder to establish who fathered a child.

Again this made the tribe responsible rather than an individual.

Anyway, excuse the ramble,long story short, no I dont believe monogamy is a natural state.

This is an interesting post. Did the programme state that this is the prevailing opinion on the subject, or an unorthodox view? I have read articles (e.g. in "New Scientist" magazine) which suggest that humans are naturally monogamous. Falling in love is the human equivalent of the pair-bonding mechanism many mammals and birds have. The problem in modern societies (it was stated) is that most people live an unnaturally long life, they have children at a later age, and expect to live together into old age. In times past, people did not have to put up with a partner for so long. In other words, monogamy is ill-adapted to the modern lifestyle. I personally would add that modern humans in relatively rich, leisured societies are more differentiated as individuals. The two halves of a couple spend much time apart (one or both working), and will often have separate sets of friends and leisure interests. This makes true compatibility less likely.

Many (most?) women of my parents generation were in effect brought up to be their future husbands' servants. Many were happy in this role - my parents and my aunt and uncle had idyllic marriages. Other women were unhappy in such a role, but I think on average a marriage was easier for earlier generations.

Monogamy certainly pre-dates modern religions and at least one monotheistic relion (Islam) does permit polygamy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all been said above in many interesting perspectives.

I think it's a perfectly natural ideal, and for the right candidates who've chosen partners with thought, it's an extremely rewarding happy experience.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

I do wish it wasn’t thought of as the only way, especially as you haven’t got to look far to see many people not doing it.

It’s like being gay a hundred years ago, most people didn’t even admit that it was a thing.

60 years ago it was known to exist but frowned upon, well, illegal even.

Hopefully monogamy won’t take as long to get sorted out and we can be more accepting of those who do it and those who don’t

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Yeah it is natural.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

It works well for some ,but not others

People and their relationships are different ,so long as all are happy doing what they do,then that's cool .

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the people who need to fuck around who look down on monogamy. They need to dismiss it because it doesn't fit with their inability to just fuck one person.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Whether it's " natural " or not I don't know.

I don't want monogamy and was at my unhappiest when I was in a monogamous relationship.

Trust is difficult for me.

I would rather be single."

This.

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By *ittlesub4uWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

“Natural” is the difficult word to get behind here I think.

It’s not natural for us but has been (in various forms) the status quo for 1000s of years, in the West at least.

If you’re interested in this the book “Sex at Dawn” clearly explains how everything about Homo sapiens points to us being biologically designed for non-monogamy.

That’s not to say that the social norms we’ve grown accustomed to don’t now dictate what we feel comes naturally.

My opinion is that regardless of whether you are monogamous or not, it’s a choice and one that should be discussed clearly and regularly with your partner(s) so that everyone understands the terms of your relationship.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Does anyone draw a difference between sexual monogomy and relationship monogomy? I know I do but society not so much. Im sure many couples on here do too. I suppose if you do see a distinction between the two then this distinction is also relative to the debate.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think its dowm to how individuals are wired. Some see it as the most natural thing and are happy to spend 50 or 60 years with just one partner. Others see it as most unnatural and that a part of them would be missing. Ive never had a monogamous relationship. When i was very young i used to cheat on all my boyfriends and never knew why. As i got older and understood myself more i understood why. Im very much a free spirit. When i got older and was able to explain to guys i wasnt monogamous they got into a relationship with me knowing i wouldnt be faithful. I never had to cheat again

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Does anyone draw a difference between sexual monogomy and relationship monogomy? I know I do but society not so much. Im sure many couples on here do too. I suppose if you do see a distinction between the two then this distinction is also relative to the debate. "
I see a difference. Im free and easy with my body. Its mine to do with what i like but my heart belongs to only one person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't relationship monogamy swinging?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No. Monogamy is a social construct designed to protect ( maintain ownership of ) property including women and offspring.

Nothing more. Nothing less. It's a social control.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Again I see this as a social construct that revolves around ownership.

e.g. Okay we can shag around but you must still ( at the end of the day ) be mine and not love anyone else or leave me for them.

It's just the preservation of the self.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. Monogamy is a social construct designed to protect ( maintain ownership of ) property including women and offspring.

Nothing more. Nothing less. It's a social control. "

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Isn't relationship monogamy swinging?"

What about people who live poly relationships but are also active in the swinging scene with one or more of their partners? Are they not swingers and relationship wise non monogomus?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't relationship monogamy swinging?

What about people who live poly relationships but are also active in the swinging scene with one or more of their partners? Are they not swingers and relationship wise non monogomus?"

I'd say they were primarily polygamous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dunno what it means sorry so il let others decide

You seemed to be engaged in it

"
do i oh right

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud

"No. Monogamy is a social construct designed to protect ( maintain ownership of ) property including women and offspring.

Nothing more. Nothing less. It's a social control. "

Don't you mean marriage is a social construct? Monogamy is an attempt to control, but mutually voluntary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now i know what it means yes its natural but nature is fluid but i enjoy having only 1 sexual partner its a lot less stressful

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Now i know what it means yes its natural but nature is fluid but i enjoy having only 1 sexual partner its a lot less stressful"

You cannot say it's natural ( by definition meaning made by nature ) and nature is 'fluid' and hope to make sense.

If something happens 'naturally' it is not fluid but steeped in science and evolution.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"No. Monogamy is a social construct designed to protect ( maintain ownership of ) property including women and offspring.

Nothing more. Nothing less. It's a social control.

Don't you mean marriage is a social construct? Monogamy is an attempt to control, but mutually voluntary."

No. I meant monogamy. Marriage and monogamy are intertwined in history and law.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Marriage is simply the legalisation of monogamy.

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud

"Marriage is simply the legalisation of monogamy."

O.K. I see what you mean.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Again I see this as a social construct that revolves around ownership.

e.g. Okay we can shag around but you must still ( at the end of the day ) be mine and not love anyone else or leave me for them.

It's just the preservation of the self. "

Well if we adopt this post modernist veiw to everything then what of the world we live in is not a social construct? It's call fair enough calling a socially constructed world but to what extent that provides and help or answers I don't know? People's choices maybe a social constructs but it doesn't they are not valid or worthy of recognition. What's important is that those choices are mutral, healthy and fulfilling to all involved. Life is not one size fits all. And sometimes if you look beyond the cynical (btw I'm fairly cynical my self) you'll find there are sometimes deeper things if your lucky enough to find them.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Isn't relationship monogamy swinging?

What about people who live poly relationships but are also active in the swinging scene with one or more of their partners? Are they not swingers and relationship wise non monogomus?

I'd say they were primarily polygamous."

And now we're getting into the shades inbetween the two, which is also just as possible and valid in my opinion. That's why I'm never a big fan of labels anyway. People are way too diverse and intresting to be contained in neat little boxes.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Are you suggesting that I am cynical in my views ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 20/05/19 18:01:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now i know what it means yes its natural but nature is fluid but i enjoy having only 1 sexual partner its a lot less stressful

You cannot say it's natural ( by definition meaning made by nature ) and nature is 'fluid' and hope to make sense.

If something happens 'naturally' it is not fluid but steeped in science and evolution.

"
when did i ever make sense

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 20/05/19 18:03:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't relationship monogamy swinging?

What about people who live poly relationships but are also active in the swinging scene with one or more of their partners? Are they not swingers and relationship wise non monogomus?

I'd say they were primarily polygamous.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Now i know what it means yes its natural but nature is fluid but i enjoy having only 1 sexual partner its a lot less stressful

You cannot say it's natural ( by definition meaning made by nature ) and nature is 'fluid' and hope to make sense.

If something happens 'naturally' it is not fluid but steeped in science and evolution.

when did i ever make sense"

You are better than sense. You are a good egg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now i know what it means yes its natural but nature is fluid but i enjoy having only 1 sexual partner its a lot less stressful

You cannot say it's natural ( by definition meaning made by nature ) and nature is 'fluid' and hope to make sense.

If something happens 'naturally' it is not fluid but steeped in science and evolution.

when did i ever make sense

You are better than sense. You are a good egg. "
poached is best tho

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Except when you are pissing in bottles.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Isn't relationship monogamy swinging?

What about people who live poly relationships but are also active in the swinging scene with one or more of their partners? Are they not swingers and relationship wise non monogomus?

I'd say they were primarily polygamous.

Probably. It's more that the socially constructed world is the real world (well at least to most of us). We are not islands we live in societies. I may not be for pinning things down with ridged labels but neither am I for fobbing everthing off as just a social construct. The feeling, experiances and values people have are very real even if socially constructed. It's perfectly valid to investigate the origins of why people see the world the way they do and live the life they do. But it's not our place to tell them that these feelings, values and experiances are not valid. So just saying everthing is a social construct is of little help IMO. What's important is people being who they feel and want to be in harmony with each other. Wether the way people live their life is of nature or social construct is of little importance to me. As far as I'm concerned if it's authentic to them, feels right and true to them self it valid in my book, more power to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Others may find monogamy natural but I don't, never have, and neither has my husband. It just doesn't sit right with us, we aren't of a religious disposition to feel we need to lock our natural urges away so we just go with the flow

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