FabSwingers.com forum: How strict...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Were your parents when you were growing up?

What sort of impact did it have on your childhood?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Very strict about some things and not others.

We were really poor so they couldn't afford childcare. That meant being locked in during the school holidays, which limits your friendship groups and I think has had an effect on my ability to make and keep friends.

I was thrown out when my Dad caught me with my boyfriend. But, I was allowed to have the boyfriend.

Alcohol was freely available and allowed. Smoking was forbidden.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not that bad i took a beating when i deserved it but got away with much much more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My parents were super chill, I had boundaries but I never pushed them because they were very tame. If I wanted alcohol they’d buy me it, I could have an eighteen year old boyfriend when I was and they didn’t fight me on it. Couldn’t stay at his house until I was sixteen and same for him staying at mine.

If they fought me on it I probably would have rebelled. Instead they met him, welcomed him in, treated him like family etc.

Was allowed out till 10pm when I was 14+, later if they knew were I was and I was texting them and safe.

Had a good affect on me; my friend had super strict parents and she got into nasty stuff because she just wanted to rebel. I had nothing to rebel against.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just clad i was never asked to cut a switch but the slipper was to be feared

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Massively strict. Good behaviour was rewarded, bad, punished. I learnt quite quickly that the system was simple. Behave myself and life was rosy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty strict.

I was the oldest so once I'd been through all the usual stuff they were much more relaxed with my brother and sister.

When we were young, I was 8 or so I remember getting a beating with my mum's flip flop

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty laid back. Usually had to fuck up to find out what the rules were

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I got taken home by the police once - we were meant to be staying at a friends house but she didn’t actually ask her parents. So we got kicked out - we were walking to another friends house at about 12pm.

My dad answered the door, told the police it was fine and in I went. Asked what had happened, he said ‘oh that’s boring’

My mum was asleep and he just never told her. I told her a few years after. Police brought me home a few times for being out late and no one was ever bothered, cause I wasn’t really in trouble

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine were not to either extreme. I've not suffered because I thought they were harsh in some respects nor for their leniency in others. I am pretty much the same with my kids. I see no reason for extremes. I'm firm when I need to be and let slip the unimportant stuff.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I didn't think they were very strict, but I keep finding myself telling my own kids "I would never have got away with that!"

I always knew if it was my dad giving me a row, I'd done something really bad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I didn't think they were very strict, but I keep finding myself telling my own kids "I would never have got away with that!"

I always knew if it was my dad giving me a row, I'd done something really bad. "

My dad got angry quickly, but you knew shit was going down when my mum got angry. My dad used to be in the army, everyone loved him but was scared of him - my mum’s quite quiet, and terrifying

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Raised by my Dad, very liberal, there were never any rules set really, but then I never pushed, I was a good girl, never pushed a boundary, as a teen was allowed to drink, as long as it was at home, while he was around. If I went out then there wasn't really a curfew, just be reasonable he'd say.

Wasn't allowed a boyfriend until I was 16, and then he wasn't allowed to sleep over at mine. And when I did start seeing someone and went on the pill he was supportive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I had boundaries and I respected those boundaries. I felt my parents were very fair and easy going. I was raised with love and care and had a fantastic family life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine were very strict in some respects; very early bedtimes until leaving home, not allowed out with friends, not allowed to question authority. Any transgressions were met with brute shouting and violence. In others they were really relaxed; let me drive the car from age 12 down the lane and back, had my own air rifle, made home brew with stepdad from age 13. There was a lot of laughter and fun as well as the horrible stuff. It was a confusing home to grow up in.

It has taught me how I don't want to treat my kids. I never use violence as discipline, never shout them down, let them speak and have their voice. I'm firm but fair and I know to apologise when I've messed up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

My parents were very, very, very strict. I wasn't allowed to go out. I didn't really have a big group of friends. I was a bit of a loner and really quiet, bit of a bookworm. Left home at 18 then rebelled x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Very strict ... to the point where I git a cock with a ruler at school as had no idea what it was.

Plus when Mother Nature cane st 16 I went to matron asking what the hell was going on... Carrie springs to mind

I’m completely different with my lad, he asks a question he gets an Answer

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents didn’t really have much to tell me off about, the only time my dad put his foot down was when birds of a feather was first on and I wasn’t allowed to watch it as the bad language lol and when I got a ‘boyfriend’ who was a bit older than me, we didn’t even kiss for god sake so it wasn’t even a thing lol.

I didn’t go out clubbing or anything and was a relatively good child.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was mostly raised by my mother, never really seen much of my dad as he mostly worked .... And bloody hell my mother is the only woman Im scared of, if you stood out of line you'd feel the back of her hand or a frying pan.

One Halloween she wouldn't let us go trick or treating and I made the stupid mistake of calling her a "fucking cow" .... Never again will I do that. Multiple beatings and grounded for weeks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was fostered and foster mum was very strict to the point that you got a wack if you said the wrong thing. Yes it affected me. My dad was the opposite and was the back bone and I couldn't have survived without him being like that. I left home when I was nineteen because of the control from my mum.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Very strict especially my Irish Father who decided if his son was a sissy, he would beat it out of him. Hey Dad you failed ...fuck you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite laid back but I was never a rebellious teen or anything. I had rules but they were never as strict as my friends because I was trusted.

As long as they knew where I was and what I was doing it was all good.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They were laid back in some ways, we had a fair bit of freedom, but we had rules and got one helluva bollocking if we broke them. My mum was the disciplinarian, mostly because we behaved impeccably for my dad

she wasn't afraid to give us a swift beating if we did something really naughty!

I'm a good person, I think that's at least in part down to the values they instilled.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Never knew my father but my Mum was firm but fair - she instilled decent values in me, made sure I knew the importance of politeness, courtesy and respect - gave me a fairly free rein but would pull it in when necessary and that is why I love my Mum and still have a very close relationship with her today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very strict, especially my father. I grew up Catholic and it has affected me in some ways..

I feel there is something wrong about the swinging lifestyle and people who sleep with multiple partners.

No offence to anyone though.. That is my upbringing coming out in me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was mostly raised by my mother, never really seen much of my dad as he mostly worked .... And bloody hell my mother is the only woman Im scared of, if you stood out of line you'd feel the back of her hand or a frying pan.

One Halloween she wouldn't let us go trick or treating and I made the stupid mistake of calling her a "fucking cow" .... Never again will I do that. Multiple beatings and grounded for weeks."

Beatings

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite an emotional thread

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

STRICT

My parents were very strict and I was a complete rebel.

But they never gave up on me, when others had.

I don't know many people who would put up with the things they did, and still stay sane

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very strict in a lot of ways, I had to argue for the simplest of things as I got older yet my younger siblings automatically got them. I remember lots of times I was hit by both my parents for seemingly no reason. Yet I wasn’t a rebel at all and was a bit of a goody two shoes. Being the eldest meant a lot of things fell to me to do when they were at work and I had no choice but to do them. Yes it’s affected me, my dad died a few years ago and I never cried as he always made me feel like I was a disappointment. I haven’t got a close relationship with my mom, but I’m very different with my children x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Inconsistent between themselves, between me and my siblings (I'm the black sheep), unrealistic and harsh punishment (including beating).

I'm fairly naturally compliant so my rebellion was pretty minimal (ran away several times but looking back it was my way with coping with emotional breaking point), but it meant I had no natural sense of how to control myself when I left home. It also severely affected my mental health.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My parents were very strict. Up until I was about 17 they belonged to a strict branch of the Quakers. They weren't as bad as some of the other parents who attended the same meeting house because we were allowed television but my mother threatened to throw me out when I came home d*unk.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

Mine were fairly strict, I was always the first one in from playing outside. I wasn’t allowed in the woods and cycling strictly only down the dead end road behind the house unless I went to my best friend’s around the block. I wasn’t allowed to drink, smoking was a huge no no. When I eventually got boyfriends when at uni, they weren’t allowed to stay at my parents when I came home. This then lead me to do things behind their back instead, of lie where I was going, stay at my friend’s and drink there, sneak out at night.

Even now at 32, I went on holiday with my mum a few weeks ago. I wanted to paddle in the sea in the dark. She was not happy and tried to stop me going.

I want my children to be open with me, I don’t want them to do things behind my back. I may disapprove but I’d rather they told me and find their way safely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

... Oh lord, my parents still try to boss me around. It just leads to me not telling them things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents were very strict. Im alot softer

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strict enough, gave me good street wise sense and enough stead to do well but could have accomplished more if pushed harder

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was raised on principles, not rules. Very loving parents who were fair. Great relationship with my dad and still do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was raised on principles, not rules. Very loving parents who were fair. Great relationship with my dad and still do."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not very strict. But I was a good kid. Still am

they would both be proud of me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouis CyphreMan
over a year ago

The Midlands

I am the youngest of four siblings, so had quite a relaxed upbringing. The youngest was the most loved ..........

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inn2000Woman
over a year ago

belfast

Bit different for me as I grew up at the height of the troubles in Belfast and my family was pretty seriously affected by them.

Mum was the loveliest woman ever and strict in a funny way - very free and easy with the back of her hand but easy to duck.

Dad was strict and expected to be obeyed without question so my smart mouth got me into trouble more than once. Slapped me once which was just awful but spent weeks apologising.

I was a spoilt youngest child

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strict at all. Stood me in good stead

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Also; my parents were never ‘strict’ with me, but my younger sisters get a lot with a hell of a lot more than I ever did.

In primary school I was in bed by 8pm.

I can FaceTime my mum at 9.30-10pm and my youngest sister (who’s now twelve and in primary seven) will be awake and chilling.

I was in bed by 9pm in first and second year at school!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Inconsistent between themselves, between me and my siblings (I'm the black sheep), unrealistic and harsh punishment (including beating).

My upbringing and the consequences were similar.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Strict Catholic upbringing within a strict Catholic education where corporal punishment and shaming were the main sources of maintaining discipline. I started the rebellion at 15 but wasn’t very good at being an opportunist. I tended to get caught. It took a lot of personal development to unpick all that shit and throw off the shackles of my conditioning. My son has reaped the benefits of my learning.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d say with me as the youngest they were firm, had set ideas of what was right and wrong.

I had at that time a ‘traditional’ family where my mum stayed at home and dad worked, he was definitely the stricter one but in general he left the day to day parenting to mum.

I was always given a time to come home by as dad used to wait up. Tbh I found that annoying at the time but also endearing later in life

I don’t parent the same way but overall pretty good...can’t complain

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard question to answer!

Both my mum and step dad bought me up to be well mannered - i.e if I wanted something in a shop and I didn't say please the first time round I would not get the thing. Obviously I hated that then but now I respect it and it winds me up when kids don't say please and thank you - and they gave me a lot of freedom, like going into town with friends from the age of about ten and going down to the beach with friends starting the summer before I started secondary school. I was quite shy and well behaved even as a teenager so I never had anything to rebel against. Never drank, smoked, took drugs as a teenager.

However my step dad has been in my life since I was four and has always been a bully, physically, mentally and emotionally. All of which has really fucked me over and left me with some issues that I still need help with even today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over strict for me.

I adopted a child (as well as having a birth child) and the training you go through to make you really think about how the way you were parented affected you is fascinating (and emotional).

All kids need boundaries. I read this analogy that said think about when you go on a roller-coaster and the safety bars come down. Almost everyone grabs hold and gives it a good shake to make sure it's secure and they're safe. They don't do it expecting the bars to fly upwards. That's the level of parenting barriers you need to have in place!

Also read Oliver James How not to f*** them up. Good read.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eriousGuyABCMan
over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

My parents were very army regimented even though they only did national service, so things like honesty, punctuality and not going back on your word etc were and still are a cornerstone of who I am now. But over the years it has made life difficult at times. But at least you know where you are with me I guess.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eriousGuyABCMan
over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

"I was raised on principles, not rules. Very loving parents who were fair. Great relationship with my dad and still do."

Sounds very sound

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

My Mum was a 60s wild child ( she told me this ) and was always easy going but firm when needed ( which to be fair was often with me as I wasnt very well behaved) . Dad was like me, laid back and chilled . Both wonderful and so not fair they died relatively young

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eriousGuyABCMan
over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

My daughter knows that once "Dad" has made a decision then that's what goes, she does ask my wife stuff a lot of the time lol, but If she needs to be somewhere or picked up at a certain time she knows to ask me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Strict mum,suppose she had to be with four children. It's left me feeling like I can't do anything at hers without some comment or interference even now at my age. Claustrophobic,stifled.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I used to get the belt. Think that’s what shaped my interest in BDSM

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

My parents were both very strict and from the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ era.

The punishments were hard...her preferred method was to use a cane...his was a heavy leather belt or his hand if it was a sudden loss of temper. I was often unable to play out with my friends due to marks on my arms and legs and was lucky only to have been hospitalised once.

That said, the physical wounds healed but the emotional abuse that they also subjected me to left scars that are much more lasting and still affect me today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some of these stories make me very sad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"My parents were both very strict and from the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ era.

That said, the physical wounds healed but the emotional abuse that they also subjected me to left scars that are much more lasting and still affect me today. "
Holy shit , thats awful . Sorry to hear that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"My parents were both very strict and from the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ era.

That said, the physical wounds healed but the emotional abuse that they also subjected me to left scars that are much more lasting and still affect me today. "

That's horrific and goes to show that not everyone has that protective emotion for children,not even with their own beautiful wonderful children.

Do you still have a relationship with them?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

That's horrific and goes to show that not everyone has that protective emotion for children,not even with their own beautiful wonderful children.

Do you still have a relationship with them?"

As strange as it might sound, I have a very good relationship with my dad. My relationship with my mum was always very difficult as she was more of an emotional abuser. However, as an adult, I now realise that a lot of her behaviours stemmed from her own childhood experiences and this has helped me to understand why she did some of the things that she did. She very sadly passed away 2 years ago and I miss her terribly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/05/19 12:10:45]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Dad was absent for much of my childhood, so I associate him with treats, Saturday afternoons out and £££'s

He never showed love or affection and wasn't much of a disciplinarian either

Mum, however, showered both of us with love and discipline

I can still remember, vividly, her lifting me off the floor and pinning me to the wall by my throat

(she's not quite 5ft tall)

I can't remember what I'd done, but I do know that I'd obviously pushed it too far

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

They taught me right from wrong at a very early age. Had a smack bottom a few times. As a grew up, I was treated as older than I actually was as long I was in at the right time and did not bring trouble to the door. There was not much money around but Christmas we were always treated. I cannot complain at all and love them dearly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

That's horrific and goes to show that not everyone has that protective emotion for children,not even with their own beautiful wonderful children.

Do you still have a relationship with them?

That's good to hear,it's great when someone turns into a well rounded person inspite of their childhood.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Over strict for me.

I adopted a child (as well as having a birth child) and the training you go through to make you really think about how the way you were parented affected you is fascinating (and emotional).

Also read Oliver James How not to f*** them up. Good read.

I like that analogy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)

They were pretty strict but not demanding, I was pampered but had plenty of rules to abide by. It's probably made me lazy and appreciate nice things but also quite structured and formal in my thinking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I grew up in a violent household. My dad used to beat my mum regularly and shout hiss and snarl in our faces. I was a good kid. Didnt dare be any other but i had a break down when i was 10 because of the things i saw. My mum left my dad when i was 11 so i tolerated the times i spent with him. I rebelled against my mum all my teenage years but was diagnosed with depression at 12 then later manic depression. I left home at 17 to live with a violent abuser. That was my childhood. But my mum is my rock my strength and my life force and every day of my adult life ive tried to make up for the teenager i was

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I brought my son up completly differently although i wacked his arse with a flip flop once

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread