FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling of Inadequacy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

Just have a wank mate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes i know im second best unfortunately but thats life

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes.

Work on myself and my issues, talk to people who care about me, find something productive and fulfilling to do.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Try and improve myself to be a better me so I don't compare myself negatively to others. Spend some time away from here. Talk to friends who'll be honest, brutally so if needed but also give me a bit of a boost. Give myself a good head wobble - we're all different and if you're having fun, that's the main thing.

Hope it passes soon Op x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The only time I feel inadequate is if something needs doing and I don't have the skills. To conquer that feeling I either acquire the skills or ask someone to help me.

The night we brought our first child home from hospital we both felt pretty inadequate but the skills we needed (mostly existing on three hours sleep a week and smelling of sick) were soon acquired.

What I'm saying is that you're adequate nearly all the time for *your* life. If you think other people are doing better than you they probably are but there will always be people doing better than all of us. People probably look at you and think you're doing better than them

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"The only time I feel inadequate is if something needs doing and I don't have the skills. To conquer that feeling I either acquire the skills or ask someone to help me.

The night we brought our first child home from hospital we both felt pretty inadequate but the skills we needed (mostly existing on three hours sleep a week and smelling of sick) were soon acquired.

You are so the voice of reason

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The only time I feel inadequate is if something needs doing and I don't have the skills. To conquer that feeling I either acquire the skills or ask someone to help me.

The night we brought our first child home from hospital we both felt pretty inadequate but the skills we needed (mostly existing on three hours sleep a week and smelling of sick) were soon acquired.

You are so the voice of reason

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Pretty much.

bunkum I haven't used that for a while I must include it in a conversation soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly? I feel inadequate all the time...but I'm working on loving myself more

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people...

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people... "

They may compare but that doesn't mean you have to compare yourself to others.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people... "

Comparisons happen, but there are so many variables that they’re not really worth it.

With people, you know so little about what they’ve been through or going through that comparing yourself to them isn’t relevant

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people... "

Their comparisons could still be bunkum though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

If you're both having fun you're not inadequate.

There will always be someone better, but there will always be someone worse.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people...

Their comparisons could still be bunkum though.

I know you said you should include that word soon, but that’s really too soon

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people...

They may compare but that doesn't mean you have to compare yourself to others. "

I think if you're comparing others then it's a natural assumption that others are comparing you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The only time I feel inadequate is if something needs doing and I don't have the skills. To conquer that feeling I either acquire the skills or ask someone to help me.

The night we brought our first child home from hospital we both felt pretty inadequate but the skills we needed (mostly existing on three hours sleep a week and smelling of sick) were soon acquired.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not so much cos of comparing but i do thanks to a bad meet i had a while back badly knocked my confidence trying my best but can be hard at times

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people...

Comparisons happen, but there are so many variables that they’re not really worth it.

With people, you know so little about what they’ve been through or going through that comparing yourself to them isn’t relevant "

No, I agree with your original statement. I just found it interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I've ever felt inadequate on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

Every single day x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here you'll only ever see a snapshot of someone. Some choose what they show more carefully than others. It's impossible to truly know how happy or successful others are if you don't know them. The two are also unrelated. All you can do is work on what happiness and success mean to you. That may not be someone else's happy place.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people...

They may compare but that doesn't mean you have to compare yourself to others.

I think if you're comparing others then it's a natural assumption that others are comparing you"

Hmmm not a good way to look at things but yes I see.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think we all compare ourselves to other people. It's how we do it that counts.

For instance I am quite short, when I meet someone who is taller than me I mentally compare our height. Problems only arise if I perceive myself to be better or worse than the other person because of our height difference.

I know many people on here compare their looks unfavourably with other people and in wider life careers, income, possessions etc. It's quite destructive in my opinion unless you use it to motivate positive change.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"All comparisons are bunkum. That’s worth remembering

Interesting that this is being said when there's a thread running where people state unequivocally that they do compare people...

Their comparisons could still be bunkum though.

I know you said you should include that word soon, but that’s really too soon

is it? Damn I might not get another chance

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?

If you're both having fun you're not inadequate.

There will always be someone better, but there will always be someone worse. "

I guess that is true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On here you'll only ever see a snapshot of someone. Some choose what they show more carefully than others. It's impossible to truly know how happy or successful others are if you don't know them. The two are also unrelated. All you can do is work on what happiness and success mean to you. That may not be someone else's happy place. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never. I’m just trying to be the best version of me I can, if that’s good enough, tough.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?"

You're good enough. You are choosing to hear the bad stuff to the exclusion of the good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are times here that feelings of inadequacy creep in . I just try to suppress those feelings and remove myself from the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?

You're good enough. You are choosing to hear the bad stuff to the exclusion of the good"

Perhaps I'm only hearing negatives from inside my head.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?

You're good enough. You are choosing to hear the bad stuff to the exclusion of the good

Perhaps I'm only hearing negatives from inside my head."

Perhaps you are. Are you getting help with that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?

You're good enough. You are choosing to hear the bad stuff to the exclusion of the good

Perhaps I'm only hearing negatives from inside my head.

Perhaps you are. Are you getting help with that? "

Sleeping it off usually helps as a way to cope when feeling down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as you're having fun what does it matter what other people are doing? This is the curse of social media unfortunately (ie to make people feel inadequate)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?

You're good enough. You are choosing to hear the bad stuff to the exclusion of the good

Perhaps I'm only hearing negatives from inside my head.

Perhaps you are. Are you getting help with that?

Sleeping it off usually helps as a way to cope when feeling down."

Good, you have a strategy to deal with it

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By *ngelfireWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I feel that a lot too. In personal life and work. I’ve been hurt too many times romantically to feel confident in a relationship any more and I always think the person I’m with will soon move on to someone else. So I end up being single and trying hard not to let my guard down. Then I feel inadequate for always being single!

In work life I always feel like everyone else knows what they’re doing and doing a great job and have life sorted where as I’m struggling and am winging it from one day to the next. I know that this is really common though and try not to let these feelings take over! And retain my common sense.

I’m a mess!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Most of the time, I would do my best to enjoy life but now, I can't help but think that, am I really good enough or am I just hearing what I want to hear?

You're good enough. You are choosing to hear the bad stuff to the exclusion of the good

Perhaps I'm only hearing negatives from inside my head.

Perhaps you are. Are you getting help with that?

Sleeping it off usually helps as a way to cope when feeling down."

That sounds a little like anxiety to me; when the negative self doubt voice takes over.

If you need to chat, PM me.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I feel that a lot too. In personal life and work. I’ve been hurt too many times romantically to feel confident in a relationship any more and I always think the person I’m with will soon move on to someone else. So I end up being single and trying hard not to let my guard down. Then I feel inadequate for always being single!

I’m a mess!"

Imposter syndrome is a real thing, trust me, loads of people feel the same as you do. We're all making this stuff up as we go along, it's just that some people make it look easier than others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m a mess!"

I'm the same when it comes to relationships except I would fear that I would somehow end up screwing up which ends up happening anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have it quite often, I go quiet when I do. But I’m fed up of feeling this way so I’m trying to give my head a wobble and realise I’m worth more to myself x

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Been made to feel that way in past relationships....hence their in the past

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have it quite often, I go quiet when I do. But I’m fed up of feeling this way so I’m trying to give my head a wobble and realise I’m worth more to myself x "

It sucks when this happens. It makes me feel like I'm a fraud and don't deserve the friends I have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/05/19 18:20:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

Yes I felt like that quite a lot since using this site. What do I do? I leave the site for awhile when I feel its getting to me.

Or like the other gent said you can allways have a W and that should change how you feel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?

Yes I felt like that quite a lot since using this site. What do I do? I leave the site for awhile when I feel its getting to me.

Or like the other gent said you can allways have a W and that should change how you feel

I'll just sleep it off as I'm not in the mood for wanking

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?

Yes I felt like that quite a lot since using this site. What do I do? I leave the site for awhile when I feel its getting to me.

Or like the other gent said you can allways have a W and that should change how you feel

I'll just sleep it off as I'm not in the mood for wanking"

Would it be wrong to say I've not experienced this?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think I'll just put my profile on hide for a while as I feel like being on my own seeing how down I feel right now.

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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago

walsall

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

You may not be everyone's first choice but you will always be the ones first choice every time x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I create a massive hotlist and message them all.

Then when I get no replies its contemplate unlos time which I do.

Eventually I return, go through the pain of getting another verification and realise this place doesn't reflect value in the real world, doesn't define me, and that much of it can be very superficial. At that point...just use it as and when as a distraction. Suns out...get out, walk, bike, socialise, join a club, be part of something but dont live in your head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I'll just put my profile on hide for a while as I feel like being on my own seeing how down I feel right now."

Is it the site getting you down or real life things too?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think I'll just put my profile on hide for a while as I feel like being on my own seeing how down I feel right now.

Is it the site getting you down or real life things too? "

Just something on my mind at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I'll just put my profile on hide for a while as I feel like being on my own seeing how down I feel right now.

Is it the site getting you down or real life things too?

Just something on my mind at the moment. "

Hope you're ok OP.. plenty of people to talk to if you need an ear on here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No im superior to all

aaaaaallllllll

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Step into the real world for a bit.

Always healthy to enjoy real pleasures with people you know out there.

Hope you feel better soon mate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Morning all. I feel better after an evening rest yesterday.

Just want to say thank you all for your helping support.

Depression can be a right pain as it can take your mind into a very dark place but it's a good thing I have plenty of friends to help pull me back out.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

You're lucky you have good friends who are there for you. Glad you are feeling better x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You're lucky you have good friends who are there for you. Glad you are feeling better x"

Yeah I'm glad as well. Thank you

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By *ngelfireWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Glad you’re feeling better. It’s overwhelming when the black dog bites X

"Morning all. I feel better after an evening rest yesterday.

Just want to say thank you all for your helping support.

Depression can be a right pain as it can take your mind into a very dark place but it's a good thing I have plenty of friends to help pull me back out."

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

The night we brought our first child home from hospital we both felt pretty inadequate but the skills we needed (mostly existing on three hours sleep a week and smelling of sick) were soon acquired."

THAT should be the preface of every 'Better Parenting' book

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

Been there mate ... I spent years trying comparing myself to others, to the point where I ended up unwell due to a combination of things that were going on in my life.

Truth be told now, it really isn’t worth worrying about others and how they portray themselves to you. I’ve learnt that lesson the hard way.

Just be you , fab/social media in general is probably one of the worst places to be when you feeling that way. Take it with a pinch of salt it’s not worth getting hung up on.

Concentrate on you and rest will sort itself out

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The night we brought our first child home from hospital we both felt pretty inadequate but the skills we needed (mostly existing on three hours sleep a week and smelling of sick) were soon acquired.

THAT should be the preface of every 'Better Parenting' book

Better yet ban 'Better Parenting' books

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

I don't get rid of it. I internalise it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Glad you’re feeling better. It’s overwhelming when the black dog bites X

Morning all. I feel better after an evening rest yesterday.

Just want to say thank you all for your helping support.

Depression can be a right pain as it can take your mind into a very dark place but it's a good thing I have plenty of friends to help pull me back out."

Yeah that is true. It's horrible when that feeling of depression happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the comparison.

I may have an awful lot less materialistic things than probably a lot of people, my house is in need of an overhaul, as is my wardrobe etc. I do feel inadequate in that respect a lot of the time, like I should be doing better, I'm 41 and have fuck all. I felt like I was failing at life. But then I look at the flip side. I'm 41 and I have fuck all, but the fuck all I have I work for, the roof over my head I pay for... myself.

Do I want to be a flashy fucker that shows off what they do have materialistically? Not really. I'd rather be the kind of person who shares what I have to help others, who might not have much but makes up for it with caring and thought.

I can't deny I get envious of those who can just go on holiday without a care in the world, go buy new shoes coz they like them, head off for the weekend coz the weather is nice, but ultimately, even though I may get down about these things now and then, I'm winning at life.

My son is amazing, well rounded and hard working with a funny bone that makes me snort laugh and good friends.

I have a whole lot of genuine love in my world, and that means more than a whole lot of money.

As far as comparing myself to others as in how desirable I may be looks wise etc, well, it doesn't phase me at all, we all like different things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

Story of my life. The fun of living with anxiety. The couple of events I have been to were a big confidence boost, even if I only got to do stuff at one of them, with someone I know from elsewhere than here. But it was nice seeing women look at me. I either don't get that anywhere else or I am oblivious to it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're lucky you have good friends who are there for you. Glad you are feeling better x

Yeah I'm glad as well. Thank you

Make a note of everything that makes you happy and everything you like about yourself.

Next time you're feeling crap, get the note out and remember how crap you felt -but then how you came out of it and felt better after a sleep.

I think feeling low is bearable if you can show/ remind yourself that there's light at the end of that crappy feeling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You're lucky you have good friends who are there for you. Glad you are feeling better x

Yeah I'm glad as well. Thank you

Make a note of everything that makes you happy and everything you like about yourself.

Next time you're feeling crap, get the note out and remember how crap you felt -but then how you came out of it and felt better after a sleep.

I think feeling low is bearable if you can show/ remind yourself that there's light at the end of that crappy feeling. "

That's a good idea

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We're all on various continua/continuums that may or may not be important to us - height,facial or physical attractiveness,strength,fitness etc. Most of us are within the bulk of the masses, with fewer at the more extreme ends. There's almost always going to be many that are more desirable to others, so it's generally not good use of our time and energies, to actually compare: especially when we're comparing aspects of ourselves that we have little or no ability to change. Each time we compare ourselves to people who have more of the desirable qualities, we lose - so don't do it.

If I notice that I start to do it, I make sure that I stop, because it's not likely to end well. If you've got this as a habit that's affecting your life, then look at ways in which you can replace it with something else that will be uplifting instead. If you must compare yourself, make it only when there are very small differences between you and someone else and only ever upon aspects of yourself that you are fully able and willing to adjust. You could for example adjust your hair style,clothes,1 or 2 pounds of weight etc. Don't do extreme comparisons - it's overwhelming to consider the effort required to even get a tiny bit closer.

If it's about Fab - sure, there are thousands of users: many will be doing 'better' in some ways than you. How you define 'better' is within your power to define it. More importantly, how you can improve your results is something that you will likely be able to make reasonable adjustments to, if it's important to you. Accepting how things are can be a source of comfort, if you'd otherwise be stressed by them. Maybe it's just about that and not doing anything different at all, in order to find the non-existent pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We're all on various continua/continuums that may or may not be important to us - height,facial or physical attractiveness,strength,fitness etc. Most of us are within the bulk of the masses, with fewer at the more extreme ends. There's almost always going to be many that are more desirable to others, so it's generally not good use of our time and energies, to actually compare: especially when we're comparing aspects of ourselves that we have little or no ability to change. Each time we compare ourselves to people who have more of the desirable qualities, we lose - so don't do it.

Love this.

I can't compete on anything at all, so I don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a fabulous post

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

_ophieslut

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"Ever had that feeling of being inadequate compared to other people on and off Fab where you can't help but think that you're probably crap despite the fun you have.

What do you do to get rid of that feeling of inadequacy?"

Change your attitude towards yourself

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