FabSwingers.com forum: Conversational Messages.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Another thread has inspired me to ask if regular conversation has any place during the messaging process? For instance I've had a hi or how are you? As an initial message sent to me a few times and if I like the look of the profile I will respond back with a I am well,how are you? After all that's a reasonable conversational development! When did asking someone how are you? become such a weird thing? It could be a lot worse!!

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"Hi" and "How are you?" demonstrates a real lack of imagination for an initial / intro message.

I guess it's ok if from somebody you're already in contact and communication with.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I actually replied to a "how was your weekend" type message the other day. Lovely chap, we had a nice chat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find people soon bore of my conversation

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I actually replied to a "how was your weekend" type message the other day. Lovely chap, we had a nice chat

"
Sounds great!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find people soon bore of my conversation"
Why do you think that is?

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"Another thread has inspired me to ask if regular conversation has any place during the messaging process? For instance I've had a hi or how are you? As an initial message sent to me a few times and if I like the look of the profile I will respond back with a I am well,how are you? After all that's a reasonable conversational development! When did asking someone how are you? become such a weird thing? It could be a lot worse!!"

Depends whether my piles are playing up or not then they may regret asking

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""Hi" and "How are you?" demonstrates a real lack of imagination for an initial / intro message.

I guess it's ok if from somebody you're already in contact and communication with."
It may be initial shyness?

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

If that is all my profile inspires them to say, then yes, I will admit I do ignore them, as their profile is usually empty

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Depends whether my piles are playing up or not then they may regret asking

"
Fair enough, and humourous!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find people soon bore of my conversationWhy do you think that is?"

Probably because there is something more interesting to do, like watching paint dry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get this either. It's a standard way of starting a chat in the real world so I'm not sure why it's so taboo to do it online.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If that is all my profile inspires them to say, then yes, I will admit I do ignore them, as their profile is usually empty

"
Ok, if their profile is empty I understand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't get this either. It's a standard way of starting a chat in the real world so I'm not sure why it's so taboo to do it online. "
I'm with you on that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Hi" and "How are you?" demonstrates a real lack of imagination for an initial / intro message.

I guess it's ok if from somebody you're already in contact and communication with."

I expect a fucking first rate reply when I tell the girls 'bout all my dirty fantasies in a first message. Seriously though, I think "hi, come and chat when you have five" is absolutely fine unless there's a specific thing you can reference. Ppl are way too up tight, conversation develops right? If you start on a high there's only one way the convo can go imho.... I'm never short of funny random shit to say, but sometimes it's a good thing to encourage the other person to show you some of themselves rather than peacock "look at how brilliant I am" humour. Ppl are mother fucking complex, so rules are for fools in my house....

Peace, love and all that shiz, innit

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I chat to a few regular fellas about nothing in particular. Mostly they’re from up North so distance is an issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So glad we have none of this crap! We normally send or receive a short 'ice breaker' message. See where it leads and then look to meet.

Couples meeting couples is so much easier!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's how all my messages are on here. I want to get to know someone, not read about what they want to do to me.

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By *rtraymondo76Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"If that is all my profile inspires them to say, then yes, I will admit I do ignore them, as their profile is usually empty

The Chinese say every journey begins with a single step. In that belief I look at most people that have looked at me, and often contact the ones where our aims coincide. Several friendships have developed this way, and it's usually a bit more than the "how are you" style of greeting, which is hardly a great conversational opening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally send a 'dad joke' 99% gets a response.

Dont really message first now though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""Hi" and "How are you?" demonstrates a real lack of imagination for an initial / intro message.

I guess it's ok if from somebody you're already in contact and communication with.

Peace, love and all that shiz, innit

"
What you said about conversation only being able to go downhill from a WOW Start is so true!

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

""Hi" and "How are you?" demonstrates a real lack of imagination for an initial / intro message.

I guess it's ok if from somebody you're already in contact and communication with.

Peace, love and all that shiz, innit

Fair point

However, I still favour the 'look at how brilliant I am' gambit!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That's how all my messages are on here. I want to get to know someone, not read about what they want to do to me.

"
Thanks for that it may help some people to know there is another way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So glad we have none of this crap! We normally send or receive a short 'ice breaker' message. See where it leads and then look to meet.

Couples meeting couples is so much easier!"
'Ice breaker' is it normally more than one sentence?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I generally send a 'dad joke' 99% gets a response.

Dont really message first now though."

What's a dad joke?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So glad we have none of this crap! We normally send or receive a short 'ice breaker' message. See where it leads and then look to meet.

Couples meeting couples is so much easier!'Ice breaker' is it normally more than one sentence?"

Sometimes not an awful lot more. We often get the Hi, how are you messages as well. We'll respond as not everyone is great with the written word or may just be shy and nervous.

We’ve found some absolutely brilliant friends from such inauspicious beginnings. But then I wonder if we’re looking to meet equals instead trying to make people jump through hoops and prove themselves worthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I generally send a 'dad joke' 99% gets a response.

Dont really message first now though.

What's a dad joke?"

What do you call a unimportant elephant?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only respond to the hi how are you if they are hot but I soon loose interest if the convo isnt

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I only respond to the hi how are you if they are hot but I soon loose interest if the convo isnt"
A fair comment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to inject some luging to prove I’ve looked at the persons profile and not go on all about me. I invite them to look at my profile and tell them I’d love to chat more.

Then watch the message remain unread or deleted. Haha

When I do get a response sometimes it’s like the person isn’t that interested as they reply with very short answers and is one way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So glad we have none of this crap! We normally send or receive a short 'ice breaker' message. See where it leads and then look to meet.

Couples meeting couples is so much easier!'Ice breaker' is it normally more than one sentence?

Sometimes not an awful lot more. We often get the Hi, how are you messages as well. We'll respond as not everyone is great with the written word or may just be shy and nervous.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I try to inject some luging to prove I’ve looked at the persons profile and not go on all about me. I invite them to look at my profile and tell them I’d love to chat more.

Then watch the message remain unread or deleted. Haha

When I do get a response sometimes it’s like the person isn’t that interested as they reply with very short answers and is one way. "
Which shows there is no one perfect way. I've laughed sometimes too at the inconsistency of it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I try to inject some luging to prove I’ve looked at the persons profile and not go on all about me. I invite them to look at my profile and tell them I’d love to chat more.

Then watch the message remain unread or deleted. Haha

When I do get a response sometimes it’s like the person isn’t that interested as they reply with very short answers and is one way. Which shows there is no one perfect way. I've laughed sometimes too at the inconsistency of it all."

It is frustrating that I want to make the effort but it’s not reciprocated. But that’s Fab for you

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Regular conversation definitely has a part in my repertoire. If all you can say is 'hi how are you' then that shows a lack of imagination. But if you cant hold a normal conversation how are you supposed to click or gel with the other party? I find it nice if you can build up the chat to something steamier if you are working up to a meet, but if you start of with it, where do you go?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a ‘how are you message’ just the way it’s written, like ‘how’s you babe’ or ‘how’s you’ that doesn’t really grab me, if in the first message they mention my profile then ask how I am, that’s a conversation starter for me, it’s very rare anyone actually cares how you actually are lol x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Regular conversation definitely has a part in my repertoire. If all you can say is 'hi how are you' then that shows a lack of imagination. But if you cant hold a normal conversation how are you supposed to click or gel with the other party? I find it nice if you can build up the chat to something steamier if you are working up to a meet, but if you start of with it, where do you go? "
The conversation mostly develops after the hi, if not that would be the other person's choice. It's also a bit of a lottery to know when to ramp it up. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's how all my messages are on here. I want to get to know someone, not read about what they want to do to me.

Thanks for that it may help some people to know there is another way."

Sex talk from the start freezes my brain. It's like pouring a bucket of water over me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t think there is anything wrong with a ‘how are you message’ just the way it’s written, like ‘how’s you babe’ or ‘how’s you’ that doesn’t really grab me, if in the first message they mention my profile then ask how I am, that’s a conversation starter for me, it’s very rare anyone actually cares how you actually are lol x"
I like what you said about mentioning your profile first then asking how are you? That shows attention to detail...and I can understand why your more likely to respond to that.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most of my messages are conversational, but they never start with hi how are you. From experience, the hi how are you messages go something like this. (why I don't reply anymore)

Them: hi, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks. Nice profile. What drew you to mine?

Them: hawt tits baebs

Me: Thank you. What do you think we might have in common? I see we have x common interest.

Them: u sexay wanna fuck u

... Etc. I'm not here to pull teeth.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

If the message just says “Hi” and nothing else I find it a little bit lazy that someone can’t think of something else to write and are waiting for you to start the conversation

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"If the message just says “Hi” and nothing else I find it a little bit lazy that someone can’t think of something else to write and are waiting for you to start the conversation "

That too. There's lots on my profile to talk about! I made it that way on purpose!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That's how all my messages are on here. I want to get to know someone, not read about what they want to do to me.

Thanks for that it may help some people to know there is another way.

Sex talk from the start freezes my brain. It's like pouring a bucket of water over me."
That's why it's good to learn how to have self control on this site..as some of the profiles encourage the animal!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of my messages are conversational, but they never start with hi how are you. From experience, the hi how are you messages go something like this. (why I don't reply anymore)

Them: hi, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks. Nice profile. What drew you to mine?

Them: hawt tits baebs

Me: Thank you. What do you think we might have in common? I see we have x common interest.

Them: u sexay wanna fuck u

... Etc. I'm not here to pull teeth. "
That's bad, you have my sympathies!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's how all my messages are on here. I want to get to know someone, not read about what they want to do to me.

Thanks for that it may help some people to know there is another way.

Sex talk from the start freezes my brain. It's like pouring a bucket of water over me. That's why it's good to learn how to have self control on this site..as some of the profiles encourage the animal!"

Since I joined I've had numerous styles of profile text and photos.

It's not a surprise to me when I catch the fish I set out my bait for. But, even with suggestive photos, some men can restrain themselves and not come in with vulgarity, from the off.

That should be saved for when you know the kind of vulgarity a woman likes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That's how all my messages are on here. I want to get to know someone, not read about what they want to do to me.

Thanks for that it may help some people to know there is another way.

Since I joined I've had numerous styles of profile text and photos.

It's not a surprise to me when I catch the fish I set out my bait for. But, even with suggestive photos, some men can restrain themselves and not come in with vulgarity, from the off.

That should be saved for when you know the kind of vulgarity a woman likes."
That is an excellent way of doing things and the rest is the best way to behave.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Most of my messages are conversational, but they never start with hi how are you. From experience, the hi how are you messages go something like this. (why I don't reply anymore)

Them: hi, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks. Nice profile. What drew you to mine?

Them: hawt tits baebs

Me: Thank you. What do you think we might have in common? I see we have x common interest.

Them: u sexay wanna fuck u

... Etc. I'm not here to pull teeth. That's bad, you have my sympathies!"

But it's why it's a bad thing. I want to know a) the person is interested in *me* and b) they can be arsed to make an effort to have a conversation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If the message just says “Hi” and nothing else I find it a little bit lazy that someone can’t think of something else to write and are waiting for you to start the conversation "
That happens sometimes with the hi messages you feel like they want you to carry on what they have initiated. I now tend to think that may be shyness...or their experts at timewasting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is a bit weird OP and you are right it could be a lot worse but that said, if you want to open a dialogue with someone new then your chances are likely to be better with some interesting content or comment in an opening message. Like you I will reply to shorter messages if the senders profile interests me. I guess a one line opening message does not give the recipient much to go on so does not help in opening up a conversation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of my messages are conversational, but they never start with hi how are you. From experience, the hi how are you messages go something like this. (why I don't reply anymore)

Them: hi, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks. Nice profile. What drew you to mine?

Them: hawt tits baebs

Me: Thank you. What do you think we might have in common? I see we have x common interest.

Them: u sexay wanna fuck u

... Etc. I'm not here to pull teeth. That's bad, you have my sympathies!

But it's why it's a bad thing. I want to know a) the person is interested in *me* and b) they can be arsed to make an effort to have a conversation. "
Yes it's nice to feel particularly wanted and to have people that are able to follow through on that in a manner that is acceptable to you. It's funny how so many can't do that! It's simple really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've found very few have imagination beyond, 'hi, liked your profile.'

They neither say what they liked, how it interested them, nothing that leads into a conversation. One needs to then ask and then it's about yourself rather than them which I find more difficult.

We shouldn't complain though as most ladies don't initiate conversation, so a little grunt sent our way is like a juicy steak rather than a morsal.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Most of my messages are conversational, but they never start with hi how are you. From experience, the hi how are you messages go something like this. (why I don't reply anymore)

Them: hi, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks. Nice profile. What drew you to mine?

Them: hawt tits baebs

Me: Thank you. What do you think we might have in common? I see we have x common interest.

Them: u sexay wanna fuck u

... Etc. I'm not here to pull teeth. That's bad, you have my sympathies!

It's not even that I want the five star, most beautiful woman in the world treatment. Frankly I don't. I want a few steps up from "you have tits and a vagina, you seem to put out, and you're within 50 miles"

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By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

Always try an respond to anyone even when weird guys get through, I’ll say hey.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of my messages are conversational, but they never start with hi how are you. From experience, the hi how are you messages go something like this. (why I don't reply anymore)

Them: hi, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks. Nice profile. What drew you to mine?

Them: hawt tits baebs

Me: Thank you. What do you think we might have in common? I see we have x common interest.

Them: u sexay wanna fuck u

... Etc. I'm not here to pull teeth. That's bad, you have my sympathies!

But it's why it's a bad thing. I want to know a) the person is interested in *me* and b) they can be arsed to make an effort to have a conversation. Yes it's nice to feel particularly wanted and to have people that are able to follow through on that in a manner that is acceptable to you. It's funny how so many can't do that! It's simple really."
Do you think some people have a problem with keeping their cool under pressure and that can explain some of the disjointedness in conversation. People and their urgent deadlines!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"If the message just says “Hi” and nothing else I find it a little bit lazy that someone can’t think of something else to write and are waiting for you to start the conversation That happens sometimes with the hi messages you feel like they want you to carry on what they have initiated. I now tend to think that may be shyness...or their experts at timewasting!"

Agree could be shyness. There are time wasters out there, but not fair to tar everyone with the brush, benefit of the doubt or else wouldn’t talk to anyone

Saying “hi” is definitely better than a friend request with no previous contact, that is a definite no for me

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Do you think some people have a problem with keeping their cool under pressure and that can explain some of the disjointedness in conversation. People and their urgent deadlines!"

Possibly. But the Internet is a wonderful thing. I'm not standing right there. Put it down, come back to it. I do it myself sometimes when I need a clearer head or can't find words.

Messaging in a day or two might get you somewhere, while inane generic messages don't (with me).

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By *inateaseWoman
over a year ago

ANTRIM

"I generally send a 'dad joke' 99% gets a response.

Dont really message first now though.

What's a dad joke?

What do you call a unimportant elephant?"

Am I the only one who wants to know the answer to this? Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've found very few have imagination beyond, 'hi, liked your profile.'

They neither say what they liked, how it interested them, nothing that leads into a conversation. One needs to then ask and then it's about yourself rather than them which I find more difficult.

We shouldn't complain though as most ladies don't initiate conversation, so a little grunt sent our way is like a juicy steak rather than a morsal.

"
No comment on the last para. Although some of that non initiation may be for example a couples way of doing things the male being the initiater or first responder. A vetting process.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As I often say, there is no magic catch all formula that will work for everyone - for some a simple "Hi, how are you, care to chat?" will work, for others more detail and depth is required - neither is right or wrong.

Personally I always like to go a little beyond a simple one liner, and give people something to respond to, and show that I've at least read their profile - that said most of my messages to people I've not chatted to before, are off the back of forum threads, where sometimes a quick one liner relating to the thread is all that is needed.

I do understand why some ladies like a little more though, it's an additional filter to use when deciding who to respond to.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"I generally send a 'dad joke' 99% gets a response.

Dont really message first now though.

What's a dad joke?

What do you call a unimportant elephant?

Am I the only one who wants to know the answer to this? Lol "

No I want to know too...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've found very few have imagination beyond, 'hi, liked your profile.'

They neither say what they liked, how it interested them, nothing that leads into a conversation. One needs to then ask and then it's about yourself rather than them which I find more difficult.

We shouldn't complain though as most ladies don't initiate conversation, so a little grunt sent our way is like a juicy steak rather than a morsal.

No comment on the last para. Although some of that non initiation may be for example a couples way of doing things the male being the initiater or first responder. A vetting process."

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Happy to engage in conversational messaging...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Happy to engage in conversational messaging..."
Hello Mike.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Happy to engage in conversational messaging...Hello Mike."

Clearly not his type

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By *ambsLad2Man
over a year ago

Peterborough

Come on - I need the answer to the elephant joke!

I've had messages which start of "Nice cock". I already know this. Delete.

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By *entakuruMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"I don't get this either. It's a standard way of starting a chat in the real world so I'm not sure why it's so taboo to do it online. "

Exactly. And the answer to the question usually informs the rest of the interaction as it enables you to build rapport or at least gauge the mood of the other person. If they tell me they're having a bad day the tone of my next message would be one of empathy or sympathy, if they're having the best day ever I might feel that flippant one liners are more appropriate! And of course if I send 'how are you' message as an invitation to converse further, if I get the dreaded 'deleted, unread' then I can move on and be grateful I didn't just waste 15 minutes coming up with something special.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Happy to engage in conversational messaging...Hello Mike.

Clearly not his type

"
Haha, just testing his love of conversation. He'll reply later.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I never talk sex in messages. The moment someone does in return I immediately smell a rat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really come on here to talk about general stuff, i do that with friends.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't get this either. It's a standard way of starting a chat in the real world so I'm not sure why it's so taboo to do it online.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come on - I need the answer to the elephant joke!

I've had messages which start of "Nice cock". I already know this. Delete."

A irrelephant

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By *nnocentimesMan
over a year ago

over there by that tree

Had a chat the other week that went off in such a tangent that we were discussing peppa pig world..... how the hell do you bring the conversation back to playtime after that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always enjoy a good conversation with friends on here but when it comes to starting a conversation with new people, it's impossible.

I've tried everything from a simple friendly hello to messages that show I've read their profile while sending a face pic and yet get a big fat zero.

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By *entakuruMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"I always enjoy a good conversation with friends on here but when it comes to starting a conversation with new people, it's impossible.

I've tried everything from a simple friendly hello to messages that show I've read their profile while sending a face pic and yet get a big fat zero."

I actually used to get a pretty good reply rate when I didn't have a face pic up. Then I'd send a face pic and get shut down. So I guess my face is the problem haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always enjoy a good conversation with friends on here but when it comes to starting a conversation with new people, it's impossible.

I've tried everything from a simple friendly hello to messages that show I've read their profile while sending a face pic and yet get a big fat zero.

I actually used to get a pretty good reply rate when I didn't have a face pic up. Then I'd send a face pic and get shut down. So I guess my face is the problem haha

If the problem was to be my face pic, I would do my best to think that it maybe because the pic I sent was shit and not think that I have an ugly mug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll reply to most messages but I like those that mention something in my profile the best. I'll generally only send messages when I have seen something on a profile that I like and feel can spark some conversation.

The worst message I've had said: 38?

That's a lame excuse for a message fs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I generally send a 'dad joke' 99% gets a response.

Dont really message first now though.

What's a dad joke?

What do you call a unimportant elephant?"

I spotted your reply further down.

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By *entakuruMan
over a year ago

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[Removed by poster at 08/05/19 20:06:55]

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By *entakuruMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"I always enjoy a good conversation with friends on here but when it comes to starting a conversation with new people, it's impossible.

I've tried everything from a simple friendly hello to messages that show I've read their profile while sending a face pic and yet get a big fat zero.

I actually used to get a pretty good reply rate when I didn't have a face pic up. Then I'd send a face pic and get shut down. So I guess my face is the problem haha

If the problem was to be my face pic, I would do my best to think that it maybe because the pic I sent was shit and not think that I have an ugly mug."

Yeah, that was my first thought so I tried different face pics (well, same face different pictures) and the result was basically the same. It's OK though, I know from real life meatspace that there are some people out there that do enjoy the way my features are arranged just that not very many of them seem to live in my area. Or use Fab. Or they do both of those but have their age filter set to one year younger than my actual age. etc etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always enjoy a good conversation with friends on here but when it comes to starting a conversation with new people, it's impossible.

I've tried everything from a simple friendly hello to messages that show I've read their profile while sending a face pic and yet get a big fat zero.

I actually used to get a pretty good reply rate when I didn't have a face pic up. Then I'd send a face pic and get shut down. So I guess my face is the problem haha

If the problem was to be my face pic, I would do my best to think that it maybe because the pic I sent was shit and not think that I have an ugly mug.

Yeah. I've been told that I look cute on many occasions which I do consider as a great compliment. Wish a lot more people in my area could see that.

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