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No kids?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I need to have a rant...

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that I won't be having children?!

I was chatting to a friend this morning and she was asking when myself and my fella are going to have kids, not IF, WHEN! When I told her we most definitely weren't she almost squealed in shock and bombarded me with questions of why? And repeatedly told me I'd regret my decision.

Now, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly...I'm 30, up to the age of 26, I'd had 14 miscarriages. My ex and I tried to have a baby for almost 4 years! I was eventually told that I would probably never carry full term. I accepted this and decided that if I still wanted kids in my 30s, I'd adopt or foster.

Fast forward to now and I want and have a completely different lifestyle and kids just wouldn't and fit into it. I genuinely don't want to have children now, and haven't for at least the past 4 years! Im now in a great relationship of 3 years (so far) with a wonderful man who is 48, and not remotely interested in kids either.

Why can some people not just accept that some women (people) don't want kids?!

Why do they feel it's ok to question you or belittle your decision?!

As much as I'm sure I've made the right choice for me, miscarriage is horrible, and not something I want to keep reliving and having to talk about.

And breathe....rant over. I feel better now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry for your miscarriages.

I doubt it’s a deliberate when/if statement. People/society tend to think you meet, get married, have kids. Like it’s the natural order of things.

There is nothing wrong with your decision and you shouldn’t have to explain it to everyone xx

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It's much the same as with many many other situations in life. People can't accept your choice or decision being different from their own as their choice is the 'right' choice. Add in societal pressure and people think you're crazy to not settle down, get married, have kids, etc.

I'm sure that your friend means well but just as with so many others, they project their life choices onto you, irrespective of your feelings. Unfortunately, that's people and many sadly don't actually listen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m sorry for your miscarriages.

I doubt it’s a deliberate when/if statement. People/society tend to think you meet, get married, have kids. Like it’s the natural order of things.

There is nothing wrong with your decision and you shouldn’t have to explain it to everyone xx"

Totally agree, modern society do seem to like the idea of a set pattern of what should happen in a lifetime and quite often you fibd they struggle accepting when someone has different views... I ve hit my head against similar brick walls because I am very much outside the box.. C est la vie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need to have a rant...

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that I won't be having children?!

I was chatting to a friend this morning and she was asking when myself and my fella are going to have kids, not IF, WHEN! When I told her we most definitely weren't she almost squealed in shock and bombarded me with questions of why? And repeatedly told me I'd regret my decision.

Now, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly...I'm 30, up to the age of 26, I'd had 14 miscarriages. My ex and I tried to have a baby for almost 4 years! I was eventually told that I would probably never carry full term. I accepted this and decided that if I still wanted kids in my 30s, I'd adopt or foster.

Fast forward to now and I want and have a completely different lifestyle and kids just wouldn't and fit into it. I genuinely don't want to have children now, and haven't for at least the past 4 years! Im now in a great relationship of 3 years (so far) with a wonderful man who is 48, and not remotely interested in kids either.

Why can some people not just accept that some women (people) don't want kids?!

Why do they feel it's ok to question you or belittle your decision?!

As much as I'm sure I've made the right choice for me, miscarriage is horrible, and not something I want to keep reliving and having to talk about.

And breathe....rant over. I feel better now "
all that money saved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

So many people have kids because it's expected when they really didn't want them. Doesn't make for happy parents or stable children!!!

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

As said above, it’s because that person isn’t listening to you at all. Your reasons don’t matter because they’re not hearing them.

I don’t know if you’ve ever asked someone what car you should buy. “Get a Ford Focus, they’re great” a friend will say. Ask what car they have and they’ll tell you it’s a Ford Focus.

It’s not because it’s the best car for you, with a family of 7 and the need to tow a 3 ton horsebox, it’s because if you get the same as them t justifies their choice.

Your friend isn’t advising what might be best for you with children, they’re trying to get support for the choice that they made.

Verdict: people who don’t listen are more trouble than they’re worth

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I absolutely love being a mum but would never presume that it fits in everyone’s plans. I don’t ask when people are planing on having children as I feel it’s too personal and may be something they find hard to talk about.

My sister works with children and has no intention of having any herself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As said above, it’s because that person isn’t listening to you at all. Your reasons don’t matter because they’re not hearing them.

I don’t know if you’ve ever asked someone what car you should buy. “Get a Ford Focus, they’re great” a friend will say. Ask what car they have and they’ll tell you it’s a Ford Focus.

It’s not because it’s the best car for you, with a family of 7 and the need to tow a 3 ton horsebox, it’s because if you get the same as them t justifies their choice.

Your friend isn’t advising what might be best for you with children, they’re trying to get support for the choice that they made.

Verdict: people who don’t listen are more trouble than they’re worth "

Totally!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The whole ‘when are you having kids’ question pisses me off, whether you’re planning on having kids or not.

I’m 22 and had 6 miscarriages. I miscarried my baby boy’s twin at the beginning of this pregnancy. I can’t fucking enjoy pregnancy because I’m stressed and worried all the damn time. I was told I’d probably never naturally conceive.

Your friend needs to mind her own business. It’s up to no one but yourself and your partner.

What bugs me as well is that when men say they don’t want kids no one bats an eyelid. Just when women say it! It’s bloody ridiculous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are, put bluntly, ignorant and put their mouth into gear before their brain.

Ignore them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The whole ‘when are you having kids’ question pisses me off, whether you’re planning on having kids or not.

I’m 22 and had 6 miscarriages. I miscarried my baby boy’s twin at the beginning of this pregnancy. I can’t fucking enjoy pregnancy because I’m stressed and worried all the damn time. I was told I’d probably never naturally conceive.

Your friend needs to mind her own business. It’s up to no one but yourself and your partner.

What bugs me as well is that when men say they don’t want kids no one bats an eyelid. Just when women say it! It’s bloody ridiculous "

Yes!! Absofuckinglutely!

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes perfectly for you! Looking forward to congratulating you when your little one arrives

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people have very little bubbles that they can't see outside of their own life and thoughts. Pity them and realise that they are at capacity with empathy. Your life will naturally progress and you will attract more like-minded people in time xx

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By *mstillere2Man
over a year ago

middleport

If people react like this you simply smile sweetly and say because I can swing anytime I want without worrying about the kids. They will either laugh, cringe or ask for your fabname

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some people have very little bubbles that they can't see outside of their own life and thoughts. Pity them and realise that they are at capacity with empathy. Your life will naturally progress and you will attract more like-minded people in time xx"

The majority of the people close to me totally get it and don't question my decision...this person is part of a small minority of people I know.

I do, however get the same response and horror from relative strangers at times, I couldn't care less what they have to say tbh. Just think it's shitty to comment on someone else's choice or Pl be so patronising as to say "you'll regret it" or "you wait, you'll change your mind".

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I’m child free, never wanted any made sure I never had any. I don’t regret it

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Ugh. Preach. I've had my medical care compromised because I don't want kids.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ugh. Preach. I've had my medical care compromised because I don't want kids. "

Happens all too often!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people have very little bubbles that they can't see outside of their own life and thoughts. Pity them and realise that they are at capacity with empathy. Your life will naturally progress and you will attract more like-minded people in time xx

The majority of the people close to me totally get it and don't question my decision...this person is part of a small minority of people I know.

I do, however get the same response and horror from relative strangers at times, I couldn't care less what they have to say tbh. Just think it's shitty to comment on someone else's choice or Pl be so patronising as to say "you'll regret it" or "you wait, you'll change your mind"."

I've had it for years, I'm now 42 so people have accepted it. Sometimes I'm nice, other times I'm a bitch about it. Ultimately it is more about them than you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need more sensitive friends! It’s not an uncommon life choice any more.

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By *mstillere2Man
over a year ago

middleport

Very true i didnt think people would be that shocked nowadays.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You need more sensitive friends! It’s not an uncommon life choice any more."

She's not someone I really see or speak to much these days (due to her past comments about my mental health). She is an exception. My friends are mostly wonderful humans

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By *mstillere2Man
over a year ago

middleport

She sounds toxic if she had bad comments about something like your mental health. Good to hear she us the exception though we all deserve good people in our lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just wouldn't entertain the questions... Surely if it's your friend they know your unfortunate history with miscarriages.

Your life, your decision...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"She sounds toxic if she had bad comments about something like your mental health. Good to hear she us the exception though we all deserve good people in our lives."

This is why I don't really see or speak to her much these days.... I don't think she's a bad person, just ignorant. I gave her a piece of my mind this morning so it'll probably be a while before she pops up again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need to have a rant...

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that I won't be having children?!

I was chatting to a friend this morning and she was asking when myself and my fella are going to have kids, not IF, WHEN! When I told her we most definitely weren't she almost squealed in shock and bombarded me with questions of why? And repeatedly told me I'd regret my decision.

Now, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly...I'm 30, up to the age of 26, I'd had 14 miscarriages. My ex and I tried to have a baby for almost 4 years! I was eventually told that I would probably never carry full term. I accepted this and decided that if I still wanted kids in my 30s, I'd adopt or foster.

Fast forward to now and I want and have a completely different lifestyle and kids just wouldn't and fit into it. I genuinely don't want to have children now, and haven't for at least the past 4 years! Im now in a great relationship of 3 years (so far) with a wonderful man who is 48, and not remotely interested in kids either.

Why can some people not just accept that some women (people) don't want kids?!

Why do they feel it's ok to question you or belittle your decision?!

As much as I'm sure I've made the right choice for me, miscarriage is horrible, and not something I want to keep reliving and having to talk about.

And breathe....rant over. I feel better now "

Sorry about the miscarriages but it is your body and your choice.

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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I've come to the conclusion that people who are unhappy with their lives will try and dictate how you should live yours.

Ignore em. Find a canned response you can whip out when the inevitable question/statement comes up.

You are happy that's all that matters.

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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

And I think that friend needs to go. I can't be doing with people in my life who aren't there because I'm me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"And I think that friend needs to go. I can't be doing with people in my life who aren't there because I'm me "

I'm inclined to agree at this point

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By *kmale201633Man
over a year ago

Southampton

I find the subject tends to be brought up when someone says they've been up all night as child crying etc....and I mention what a great lay in was had lol

Enjoy the benefits!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I so often get people telling me who I owe children to. If they want to go through pregnancy and raise children, they can knock themselves out. Anyone who feels that my womb owes them anything can take a long walk off a short pier.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I find the subject tends to be brought up when someone says they've been up all night as child crying etc....and I mention what a great lay in was had lol

Enjoy the benefits! "

Oh I do!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I so often get people telling me who I owe children to. If they want to go through pregnancy and raise children, they can knock themselves out. Anyone who feels that my womb owes them anything can take a long walk off a short pier. "

Totally agree! It's a personal choice!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I find the subject tends to be brought up when someone says they've been up all night as child crying etc....and I mention what a great lay in was had lol

Enjoy the benefits! "

I think it's different for men and women.

Tbh, I find it mostly comes up when I have health problems. (I won't be able to be so selfish when I have a baby!)

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

When people speak out of turn and judge for not procreating I tell them about my miscarriages. I find it makes them very uncomfortable and they quickly learn their lesson.

My reproductive system is no ones business but mine. If they choose to ignore that fact then they can deal with how shitty it makes them feel when they learn all about the trauma of recurrent miscarriage

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By *mstillere2Man
over a year ago

middleport

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You need more sensitive friends! It’s not an uncommon life choice any more.

She's not someone I really see or speak to much these days (due to her past comments about my mental health). She is an exception. My friends are mostly wonderful humans "

You make her sound a delight, lol!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Oh. And the last time I encountered a gynaecologist (sigh), he asked the usual question of how many pregnancies, miscarriages, and births I've had. None.

He asked if I was a virgin

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You need more sensitive friends! It’s not an uncommon life choice any more.

She's not someone I really see or speak to much these days (due to her past comments about my mental health). She is an exception. My friends are mostly wonderful humans

You make her sound a delight, lol!"

She can be a lot of fun...but is completely ignorant to anything she's not experienced. I've distanced myself from her in a big way over the past few years. Her comments today have reminded me why. I think it's time I left our friendship behind.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Oh. And the last time I encountered a gynaecologist (sigh), he asked the usual question of how many pregnancies, miscarriages, and births I've had. None.

He asked if I was a virgin "

Ffs...sounds like a cracking gyno!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a BIG difference in not wanting and not be able to have children.

I have 2 beautiful boys and I never regret having them.

My brother and his wife wants children very much,but they can't have them,for the same reason. I just think that people are judgemental on this topic,just because they don't understand the the frustration and disappointment if that never happened to someone close to them...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Oh. And the last time I encountered a gynaecologist (sigh), he asked the usual question of how many pregnancies, miscarriages, and births I've had. None.

He asked if I was a virgin

Ffs...sounds like a cracking gyno! "

I have worse stories. I don't feel like sharing today.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I need to have a rant...

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that I won't be having children?!

I was chatting to a friend this morning and she was asking when myself and my fella are going to have kids, not IF, WHEN! When I told her we most definitely weren't she almost squealed in shock and bombarded me with questions of why? And repeatedly told me I'd regret my decision.

Now, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly...I'm 30, up to the age of 26, I'd had 14 miscarriages. My ex and I tried to have a baby for almost 4 years! I was eventually told that I would probably never carry full term. I accepted this and decided that if I still wanted kids in my 30s, I'd adopt or foster.

Fast forward to now and I want and have a completely different lifestyle and kids just wouldn't and fit into it. I genuinely don't want to have children now, and haven't for at least the past 4 years! Im now in a great relationship of 3 years (so far) with a wonderful man who is 48, and not remotely interested in kids either.

Why can some people not just accept that some women (people) don't want kids?!

Why do they feel it's ok to question you or belittle your decision?!

As much as I'm sure I've made the right choice for me, miscarriage is horrible, and not something I want to keep reliving and having to talk about.

And breathe....rant over. I feel better now "

I don't think people mean anything by it, it's just the "normal" order of things. That said, I understand fully where you're coming from.

My sister and her husband never wanted biological children of their own as they felt there were children that needed adopting. As she lives in Italy and in a mixed race marriage the chance of adopting a mixed race child was almost zero. Add to that, because adoption is seen as a last resort they had to undergo psychiatric evaluation for a year before being able to adopt and they had to travel to Brazil to do it. The powers that be couldn't understand a couple not wanting to have their own children.

I have three daughters and often ask didn't you want to try for a son? I had a son, he died.

People don't think about what they say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is a BIG difference in not wanting and not be able to have children.

I have 2 beautiful boys and I never regret having them.

My brother and his wife wants children very much,but they can't have them,for the same reason. I just think that people are judgemental on this topic,just because they don't understand the the frustration and disappointment if that never happened to someone close to them..."

Definitely a big difference, after being told I probably couldn't I decided I didn't want to pursue that path anyway. It didn't and doesn't make what I went through with miscarriages any easier though. At the time, I wanted those babies.

I totally sympathise with those desperate to have children that can't, it's truly heartbreaking.

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

It must be so frustrating when people treat you like an idiot. But you have to remember it's their own perceptions and ignorance on things, nothing to do with you. You have made the right decision for YOU and that's all that matters. YOU are happy so it's got fuck all else to do with anyone else.

It must have been so traumatic for you... I've experienced one miscarriage and that was hurrendous enough. But so pleased you've found happiness!!

Big squidgy hugs gorgeous xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I need to have a rant...

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that I won't be having children?!

I was chatting to a friend this morning and she was asking when myself and my fella are going to have kids, not IF, WHEN! When I told her we most definitely weren't she almost squealed in shock and bombarded me with questions of why? And repeatedly told me I'd regret my decision.

Now, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly...I'm 30, up to the age of 26, I'd had 14 miscarriages. My ex and I tried to have a baby for almost 4 years! I was eventually told that I would probably never carry full term. I accepted this and decided that if I still wanted kids in my 30s, I'd adopt or foster.

Fast forward to now and I want and have a completely different lifestyle and kids just wouldn't and fit into it. I genuinely don't want to have children now, and haven't for at least the past 4 years! Im now in a great relationship of 3 years (so far) with a wonderful man who is 48, and not remotely interested in kids either.

Why can some people not just accept that some women (people) don't want kids?!

Why do they feel it's ok to question you or belittle your decision?!

As much as I'm sure I've made the right choice for me, miscarriage is horrible, and not something I want to keep reliving and having to talk about.

And breathe....rant over. I feel better now

I don't think people mean anything by it, it's just the "normal" order of things. That said, I understand fully where you're coming from.

My sister and her husband never wanted biological children of their own as they felt there were children that needed adopting. As she lives in Italy and in a mixed race marriage the chance of adopting a mixed race child was almost zero. Add to that, because adoption is seen as a last resort they had to undergo psychiatric evaluation for a year before being able to adopt and they had to travel to Brazil to do it. The powers that be couldn't understand a couple not wanting to have their own children.

I have three daughters and often ask didn't you want to try for a son? I had a son, he died.

People don't think about what they say. "

I'm so sorry for your loss

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It must be so frustrating when people treat you like an idiot. But you have to remember it's their own perceptions and ignorance on things, nothing to do with you. You have made the right decision for YOU and that's all that matters. YOU are happy so it's got fuck all else to do with anyone else.

It must have been so traumatic for you... I've experienced one miscarriage and that was hurrendous enough. But so pleased you've found happiness!!

Big squidgy hugs gorgeous xxx"

Thank you sweetie!

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea

i could never bring it up in conversation, some people could have some terrible reasons for not having kids like the op with so many miscarriages so that’s never going to be a good conversation to have especially if it’s not a really close person, none of my business all fair if they wish to talk about it but I’d never ask that question myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i could never bring it up in conversation, some people could have some terrible reasons for not having kids like the op with so many miscarriages so that’s never going to be a good conversation to have especially if it’s not a really close person, none of my business all fair if they wish to talk about it but I’d never ask that question myself. "

I wouldn't either,but my sister-in-law complains all the time about the pricks at work who are giving her hard time about that. Some people are brainless!!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

While I consider myself child free by choice, if half a dozen attempts to change the subject don't work, I go into the traumatic medical reasons why me having kids is a profoundly stupid idea.

Sorry, not sorry, maybe learn to STFU about a womb that's not yours/ take the hint next time.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Some people just don't think.

I was an older first time mother and a woman at the ante-natal class I attended who knew me said "I'm so glad you're pregnant, you must have been desperate" . Er no. After the baby was born one of my mum's friends said "I'm so glad you finally managed it" Both these women obviously thought we'd been trying for years and finally made it happen rather than making a choice.

People make so many assumptions which we all do I suppose but keep them to your bloody self.

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I suspect when people say things like this, they're probably just in a kind of thoughtless convo mode, words can be hurtful or annoying but often the chatters are well meaning and don't know the back story

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I used to get asked why I wasn't interested in having kids ,as if it was compulsory.

Some people just can't accept others life choices ,always knew from a young age I didn't want children,but kept been told I'd change my mind.I never did,you do what's right for you and ignore these type of people.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people just don't think.

I was an older first time mother and a woman at the ante-natal class I attended who knew me said "I'm so glad you're pregnant, you must have been desperate" . Er no. After the baby was born one of my mum's friends said "I'm so glad you finally managed it" Both these women obviously thought we'd been trying for years and finally made it happen rather than making a choice.

People make so many assumptions which we all do I suppose but keep them to your bloody self."

I had this too being an older mum.

Made me laugh when I saw “geriatric” stamped across my NHS folder...

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I knew from an early age that I never wanted children, no medical reason, I just didn't want a lifestyle that involved children. And I've never regretted that decision. I also used to get a lot of people saying I'd change my mind, or I'd regret that choice when I was old and lonely

I used to put on a posh accent, do an exaggerated shudder, and say 'urgh, ghastly noisy creatures! Why on Earth would I want to ruin my peaceful life with one of those?'

It used to get my point across in a tongue-in-cheek way and without trying to explain, because some people cannot comprehend that a woman just doesn't want children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had kids in my 30’s so was always being told not to leave it too late blah blah blah, there’s also quite a big age gap between them. Something to this day I still get questioned about - why the gap, was the 2nd a mistake??!

I think some people just don’t think before they engage the mouth.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I knew from an early age that I never wanted children, no medical reason, I just didn't want a lifestyle that involved children. And I've never regretted that decision. I also used to get a lot of people saying I'd change my mind, or I'd regret that choice when I was old and lonely

I used to put on a posh accent, do an exaggerated shudder, and say 'urgh, ghastly noisy creatures! Why on Earth would I want to ruin my peaceful life with one of those?'

It used to get my point across in a tongue-in-cheek way and without trying to explain, because some people cannot comprehend that a woman just doesn't want children."

I've tried that tack. I get called a monster.

I don't want to eat babies, I just don't want one of my own!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Some people just don't think.

I was an older first time mother and a woman at the ante-natal class I attended who knew me said "I'm so glad you're pregnant, you must have been desperate" . Er no. After the baby was born one of my mum's friends said "I'm so glad you finally managed it" Both these women obviously thought we'd been trying for years and finally made it happen rather than making a choice.

People make so many assumptions which we all do I suppose but keep them to your bloody self.

I had this too being an older mum.

Made me laugh when I saw “geriatric” stamped across my NHS folder... "

or "elderly primate"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my closest and longest friends has never had children she never wanted them , I respect her decision. I on the other hand was desperate for children, tried for over 10 years but it never happened. I was lucky enough to adopt a 6 week old baby girl who is now a grown up woman. My friend has been great with her over the years, so there are some good people out there

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I knew from an early age that I never wanted children, no medical reason, I just didn't want a lifestyle that involved children. And I've never regretted that decision. I also used to get a lot of people saying I'd change my mind, or I'd regret that choice when I was old and lonely

I used to put on a posh accent, do an exaggerated shudder, and say 'urgh, ghastly noisy creatures! Why on Earth would I want to ruin my peaceful life with one of those?'

It used to get my point across in a tongue-in-cheek way and without trying to explain, because some people cannot comprehend that a woman just doesn't want children.

I've tried that tack. I get called a monster.

I don't want to eat babies, I just don't want one of my own! "

I get that too...I just do a slightly maniacal laugh and advise them never to bring their children near me

* Disclaimer - I would never hurt a child, I just don't want to share a house with one!

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"I need to have a rant...

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that I won't be having children?!

I was chatting to a friend this morning and she was asking when myself and my fella are going to have kids, not IF, WHEN! When I told her we most definitely weren't she almost squealed in shock and bombarded me with questions of why? And repeatedly told me I'd regret my decision.

Now, this isn't a decision I've taken lightly...I'm 30, up to the age of 26, I'd had 14 miscarriages. My ex and I tried to have a baby for almost 4 years! I was eventually told that I would probably never carry full term. I accepted this and decided that if I still wanted kids in my 30s, I'd adopt or foster.

Fast forward to now and I want and have a completely different lifestyle and kids just wouldn't and fit into it. I genuinely don't want to have children now, and haven't for at least the past 4 years! Im now in a great relationship of 3 years (so far) with a wonderful man who is 48, and not remotely interested in kids either.

Why can some people not just accept that some women (people) don't want kids?!

Why do they feel it's ok to question you or belittle your decision?!

As much as I'm sure I've made the right choice for me, miscarriage is horrible, and not something I want to keep reliving and having to talk about.

And breathe....rant over. I feel better now "

Hi op!

Firstly - huge hugs!

I’m really sorry it took something that must’ve been totally harrowing for you for you to come to the decision you’ve made. I’m also pleased that you’ve come to this decision because it fits in with the ‘new’ life you’ve chosen and not purely because you got tired of the hurt (which in itself was enough of a reason!)

As has been said before on the thread - sadly society seems (to the majority of people in said society) to be about conforming - and if you don’t do that then society will raise its eyebrows at you!

We all come across people every day who (it seems) had their kids purely to conform - who make adequate parents at best - and often seem resentful of the amazing gift they were given!

There are far too many kids out there who don’t receive enough love, care and attention!

Remember though that this is a decision you’ve made now, at the still-Young age of 30! You have every right to stick to that decision - but also the right to change it in future if it suits you!

Sending hugs!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I remember realising, like a bolt of lightning, at the age of 19 that kids weren't compulsory. The relief was so palpable in that instant I was nearly sick. (that nausea was actually worse than the disgust I felt because a toddler had just vomited on me. Which was just so adorable and doesn't it make me want my own? Uhh...)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People ask me the same thing about marriage op. Don’t let the sheep get to you. The miscarriages that you’ve had to go through should be enough of an explanation.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

They may be just jealous and they have good reason to be if you think about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suspect when people say things like this, they're probably just in a kind of thoughtless convo mode, words can be hurtful or annoying but often the chatters are well meaning and don't know the back story"

They're not necessarily being mean. Just talking without thinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to get asked why I wasn't interested in having kids ,as if it was compulsory.

Some people just can't accept others life choices ,always knew from a young age I didn't want children,but kept been told I'd change my mind.I never did,you do what's right for you and ignore these type of people.

Miss"

Exactly.

Some people can't accept that you are following a different path from them and they clearly don't think before they speak.

I always knew I didn't want children and I don't regret it either.

There are more people that regret having children than the ones that choose not to.

It's a " mistake " you can never take back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good for you.

So many people have kids because it's expected when they really didn't want them. Doesn't make for happy parents or stable children!!! "

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

At 38 and single after my divorce it’s unlikely I’ll have kids and a big part of me is relieved with that. I did spend much of my marriage being dangled on a string - let’s start trying after this pill packet, oh no not yet etc. Next time, oh no, next time.

There are lots of positives to it (time, independence, money) and I’m not sure if I wasn’t just caught up in the so-called normal progression or if I’ve just protected myself against wanting something I’ll probably never have.

And I get exactly the same OP. Plenty of time yet. You’ll change your mind. It’s not to late - you’re still young and so on.

Somehow, when it comes to children, people think they have a say and totally forget how insensitive they’re being. Because it isn’t always an easy decision - it can be one you throw around at random times and think what if I find out I want them but it’s too late.

It also makes me sad to think I’m denying my parents grand kids as an only child - not that they’ve ever once said a thing.

So yes, people should really mind their own business and if they persist I generally tell them exactly that.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Don't judge people too harshly.

It's the intent behind their remarks that matter and asking people when they are going to have children is an ingrained part of our culture.

Meet. Marry. Kids.

They speak without thought and we all do that.

If you believe they were truly being malicious - kill them or maybe just give them short shrift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I gave up my career so I could focus on ivf, I've been a sahm for over a decade, and adopted. My choice entirely.

Your friend is an idiot but you know that.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I suspect when people say things like this, they're probably just in a kind of thoughtless convo mode, words can be hurtful or annoying but often the chatters are well meaning and don't know the back story

They're not necessarily being mean. Just talking without thinking. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do people feel the need to have everyone around them live the same life as they do.

When I announced I was getting married for the third time people didn't shy away from telling me what they thought, one friend telling me it was doomed to fail because we hadn't been together long.

Well I'd been with my first wife for 12 years, how long do you have to be together for the relationship to be bullet proof?

The stress of trying to have children killed that relationship, it took 10 years, by then the sex was just purely functional, no wonder she looked elsewhere to feel desired, don't get me wrong, I wasn't inocent in it all either.

You can only be honest in this situation, tell them you are different people, if that's their life that's fine, but this is your life, and they have no say in it.

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