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Effects from previous experiences

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By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Fabsteroos

Just want your take on something.

If you have had previous bad/negative experiences on here, does it affect you when trying to forge new friendships with people? Do you find it hard to trust?

Obviously I cannot elaborate on a scenario as keeping with site rules for this.

Bhubaysi x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes I have.

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Bad experience BEFORE I came on here for the last 20years...

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I find it hard to trust anyway but each time, if I let my guard down and get hurt, the walls come back up x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it did affect it for quite a while but I’ve moved on from those feelings

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

no bad experiences on fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's true in life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it did affect it for quite a while but I’ve moved on from those feelings"

I’ll add it was mainly an experience of my own making so it was me I didn’t trust more than others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. In fact I'm so guarded I've not got round to meeting anyone new yet.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

No bad experiences on here, but a couple in vanilla world whereby I wish I could turn the clock bck and never have met them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bad experience can make you much more cautious and definitely can effect you yes.

I am much more careful who I meet and where now, as I have learned a lot since joining Fab as a single a few years ago.

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To a degree yes. I got hurt quite badly with my previous fwb - we are still good friends now though and I'll always be there for him. But it does make me double guess everything with people I'm close to now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very much so. Many lessons have been learnt.

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Yes very.. But it's not only here but from the dating sites too.. Learning to trust is incredibly hard.. My cynical side just wants to kick in.. When I've tried to give benefit of the doubt or go with it I always get burnt. I really don't like how it effects me sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes and the lesson has been learnt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it did affect it for quite a while but I’ve moved on from those feelings

I’ll add it was mainly an experience of my own making so it was me I didn’t trust more than others "

This is the same for me. I got hurt because I let myself get hurt and it's made me much more cautious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the bad experience I guess. I've not encountered anything bad fab wise. I put a lot into pre meet prep as I don't meet for socials. I think that makes me more savvy and aware and more likely to meet wisely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depends on the bad experience I guess. I've not encountered anything bad fab wise. I put a lot into pre meet prep as I don't meet for socials. I think that makes me more savvy and aware and more likely to meet wisely. "

Oh and I don't invest in the emotional side at all so that probably helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not on fab, but in non-swinging life, you learn the hard way.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Remember that.

And even then, the ones I’ve encountered haven’t even tried to be perfect. The already think they are and that’s why they have to manipulate you to be their ideal...

Tread carefully. Especially when you have something to lose in comparison to what they (don’t) have. It’s usually called dignity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I trust no-one

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Yes of course, I think it is more the online internet thing, full of liars, cheaters who will try and do anything, so yes I do have my barriers up as I don't suffer fools and never have. I find mostly people can't keep up their online persona and are soon caught out without even having to actually meet them, those are the ones I love, because they often forget that they have been caught out and try again a few weeks later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I have and yes it has

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think once bitten, twice shy applied here just as it does everywhere else in life.

We because disillusioned and fed up with Fabs so left, we're giving it another try and almost left again due to a repeat of the same morons ad before. However, faith has been restored after meeting someone decent and also tightening our message filters to try and reduce the amount of junk mail

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I have found a fwb on here was in a 3 year relationship in the end but then found out out she’s carried on using the site behind me back after I’d moved in with her and given up everything I had using looking for me as an excuse for being on here even though I was no longer on here eventually saw through the lies and realised she was meeting behind my back it’s been a tough 6 months but I have now found a new fwb who has completely restored my faith in the site and people and made me realise it wasn’t the sites fault for her cheating on me but her questionable morals and lack of respect for me In General

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only that I stopped using Kik for ages because everyone who I added was just after wank talk and pics.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Only that I stopped using Kik for ages because everyone who I added was just after wank talk and pics."

Yes. I deleted my old Kik account because the incessant need to spam me with porn and wank chat.

As far as negative experiences go, I've been relatively lucky and only really had one. I try not to let it affect other meets etc because it's not fair on me or those I meet.

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By *rtraymondo76Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I trust no-one "

Not a bad philosophy, but better to develop more faith in your own gut instinct. It's takes a lifetime to develop, and we frequently ignore it to get bitten in the arse, which makes it that bit more reliable next time.

No bad experiences on Fab in seven months of relative success, but more than once on other nameless sites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have had 2 bad experiences, one tried to get me in the back of his van on a pub car park, the other tried to take advantage of me whilst I was vulnerable and wanted to pimp me out!

I was pissed off more with myself for not picking up on the signs, and that if something doesn't feel right, you're allowed to back out of meeting, even if it is for a social. What those experiences have done tho, is make me trust my gut even more than I normally would.

By far the worst for me though has come from the venom from those forumites I've let into my life as "friends" when they've been nothing of the sort.

So no, I don't trust easily and I always go with my gut feeling. If there are any discrepancies I'll leave well alone. If I get any vibe at all that someone isn't what they seem, it's goodbye from me

P

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Have had 2 bad experiences, one tried to get me in the back of his van on a pub car park, the other tried to take advantage of me whilst I was vulnerable and wanted to pimp me out!

I was pissed off more with myself for not picking up on the signs, and that if something doesn't feel right, you're allowed to back out of meeting, even if it is for a social. What those experiences have done tho, is make me trust my gut even more than I normally would.

By far the worst for me though has come from the venom from those forumites I've let into my life as "friends" when they've been nothing of the sort.

So no, I don't trust easily and I always go with my gut feeling. If there are any discrepancies I'll leave well alone. If I get any vibe at all that someone isn't what they seem, it's goodbye from me

P"

I've learnt to go with my gut although my heart and even pride can sometimes try to overrule it. Instinct comes from lifes lessons unfortunately from the good and bad. I've trusted too easy in the past but not so much now.

Instinct is invaluable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I trust no-one

Not a bad philosophy, but better to develop more faith in your own gut instinct. It's takes a lifetime to develop, and we frequently ignore it to get bitten in the arse, which makes it that bit more reliable next time.

No bad experiences on Fab in seven months of relative success, but more than once on other nameless sites."

I trust and listen to my gut instinct but time has made me realise that if I trust no-one I get no harsh surprises

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I think real trust is never a given and takes time to develop.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

As far as people off here go I would trust some with my body but not my soul.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As far as people off here go I would trust some with my body but not my soul."

I hear ya, in general I've been really privileged I feel, I've made some genuine friends who I have no doubt at all have my best interests at heart and vice versa.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have had 2 bad experiences, one tried to get me in the back of his van on a pub car park, the other tried to take advantage of me whilst I was vulnerable and wanted to pimp me out!

I was pissed off more with myself for not picking up on the signs, and that if something doesn't feel right, you're allowed to back out of meeting, even if it is for a social. What those experiences have done tho, is make me trust my gut even more than I normally would.

By far the worst for me though has come from the venom from those forumites I've let into my life as "friends" when they've been nothing of the sort.

So no, I don't trust easily and I always go with my gut feeling. If there are any discrepancies I'll leave well alone. If I get any vibe at all that someone isn't what they seem, it's goodbye from me

P"

That makes a sad read on multiple levels

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"As far as people off here go I would trust some with my body but not my soul.

I hear ya, in general I've been really privileged I feel, I've made some genuine friends who I have no doubt at all have my best interests at heart and vice versa.

P"

Privaledged... I like that because it is a privilege to have a real friend and to be one.

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By *aughtyLittleMissWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

In vanilla life, yes, that’s why I don’t want any kind of relationship

On here, no, as i I don’t get emotionally involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it hard to trust anyway but each time, if I let my guard down and get hurt, the walls come back up x"
snap babe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have had a v bad experience from fab so I will no longer meet single guys on my own!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I have had a few pretty awful experiences from meets off here that have shattered my confidence so much that I now struggle to trust anyone, or meet. It's a rubbish feeling as it used to be so much fun.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Wow this is a interesting thread well done to all you people getting through the bad times I really mean that power to you All

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. I don't trust people who drive red Kia ceed because of a bad meet from here

#youknowwhoyouare

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Trust people?

I don't. Not completly, 100%

I work on the basis that everyone lies, even when they really have no need to.

I take everything I'm told with a huge pinch of salt.

Those sweet messages?

Probably spinning a dozen other women the exact same line.

I assume the worst, then I'm never disappointed when they prove me right

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"Fabsteroos

Just want your take on something.

If you have had previous bad/negative experiences on here, does it affect you when trying to forge new friendships with people? Do you find it hard to trust?

Obviously I cannot elaborate on a scenario as keeping with site rules for this.

Bhubaysi x "

I've had bad experiences here and it's changed my outlook on things. I'm now more reserved, more low profile and not as eager to engage with everyone and anyone as before. People can be vicious, spiteful and vindictive. Once a certain threshold is crossed, trust is something more difficult to earn and you tend to be more on the back foot. Sad but true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely

I was really naive when I first started on here. Now I’m more reserved, guarded and don’t really fully trust anyone.

That’s not to say I haven’t met some awesome people because I have. It’s just my overall take on things these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fabsteroos

Just want your take on something.

If you have had previous bad/negative experiences on here, does it affect you when trying to forge new friendships with people? Do you find it hard to trust?

Obviously I cannot elaborate on a scenario as keeping with site rules for this.

Bhubaysi x

I've had bad experiences here and it's changed my outlook on things. I'm now more reserved, more low profile and not as eager to engage with everyone and anyone as before. People can be vicious, spiteful and vindictive. Once a certain threshold is crossed, trust is something more difficult to earn and you tend to be more on the back foot. Sad but true."

Me and bf had a meet at my house arranged with a 20something white girl and a 40odd Asian woman turned up. This was 7 years ago and whilst the lady was nice enough the fact that she lied to us meant we will not meet privately now . Never know who's going to turn up at the doorstep and I didn't like that. Where as in clubs you can play with who you connect with. I have nothing against an older woman. In fact trim likes them older. Nothing against an Asian woman.. both of us have played with a fair few over the years. I do have a gripe against lying to us to get a meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah ive had a few bad experiences from here early on kinda knocked my confidence a bit but trying not to let it affect me or let it beat me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fabsteroos

Just want your take on something.

If you have had previous bad/negative experiences on here, does it affect you when trying to forge new friendships with people? Do you find it hard to trust?

Obviously I cannot elaborate on a scenario as keeping with site rules for this.

Bhubaysi x

I've had bad experiences here and it's changed my outlook on things. I'm now more reserved, more low profile and not as eager to engage with everyone and anyone as before. People can be vicious, spiteful and vindictive. Once a certain threshold is crossed, trust is something more difficult to earn and you tend to be more on the back foot. Sad but true.

Me and bf had a meet at my house arranged with a 20something white girl and a 40odd Asian woman turned up. This was 7 years ago and whilst the lady was nice enough the fact that she lied to us meant we will not meet privately now . Never know who's going to turn up at the doorstep and I didn't like that. Where as in clubs you can play with who you connect with. I have nothing against an older woman. In fact trim likes them older. Nothing against an Asian woman.. both of us have played with a fair few over the years. I do have a gripe against lying to us to get a meet. "

That being said though I have incredible friends from the scene who I've known for years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Absolutely

I was really naive when I first started on here. Now I’m more reserved, guarded and don’t really fully trust anyone.

That’s not to say I haven’t met some awesome people because I have. It’s just my overall take on things these days."

Totally this for me too

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We will only ever make new friendships in person. On line people can be who they want to be it's more difficult face to face.

Our experiences on fab and the net in general coupled with a certain cynicism are the reason for this.

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

Bad experience in any domain is always traumatic because your brain remembers the experience. Slow and steady, baby step to gain back trust by setting parameters or sign of do's and don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Several bad experiences led me to be much more wary when meeting people. I'm always very nervous when meeting but find it much easier now I, for the most part only meet as part of a couple. I feel much safer.

I definitely don't tar everyone with the same brush as the assholes who provided the bad experiences though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes to all three questions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its about learning and growing

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By *exymamma90Woman
over a year ago

Leicester

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one of the saddest threads that I've read ... made me feel quite despondent

I prefer to look at my less then good experiences fab as a learning curve so more positively than negatively but to hear people say they don't, won't and never trust is a terrible thing! Without trust you can never be yourself or even truly happy! Though why anyone trusts anyone online baffles me and why people are described as best of friends when you don't actually know each other, I'll never understand!!

Trust should be built and given overtime never a given thing anyway and really comes from trusting yourself.

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By *atandjayCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

Bad experiences yes, put Natalya off playing for months, just as we met some nice friends and were enjoying swinging

Now she is very cautious and weary of new people

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