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Is emotional abuse a real thing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Off site conversation this week- woman said her husband had emotionally abused her. She struggled to give examples.

Man said, "That's not abuse. He didn't hit you."

What are your thoughts? Is emotional abuse a real thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *ust chilled out meMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Emotional and mental abuse is real and can be more harmful than physical

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes my ex used to and still does at times use the kids as a weapon to manipulate me im not sure she realises she does it mind you

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple
over a year ago

stevenage

Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God yes. It definitely is a thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely there is at least 7 kinds of abuse and that is one of them, I would say apart from physical, that’s like top of the tree x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes and it is easier than I imagined to be guilty of doing it

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

It’s so real & so damaging that ther’s consultation to make it into a criminal offence. There’s already a criminal offence of controlling & coercive behaviour within relationships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yip it’s real!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Off site conversation this week- woman said her husband had emotionally abused her. She struggled to give examples.

Man said, "That's not abuse. He didn't hit you."

What are your thoughts? Is emotional abuse a real thing?"

Of course it's a thing!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing"

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple
over a year ago

stevenage

Well then for lack of a better word that man is a cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes of course.

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By *nicorn on wheelsWoman
over a year ago

scotland

It really is and it’s not just between couples/partners either

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By *oxic1998Woman
over a year ago

Belfast

Definitely a thing and very soul destroying. Sticks in your head and stays there. Always that doubt your not good enough no matter if you've turned your life around

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft. "

That’s becayse that’s not emotional abuse. It’s like the kids coming home because someone nicked a pen and now they’re being bullied.

Saying someone is shit and making them feel a bit crap isn’t abuse.

Telling a person that they are worthless over and over to the point they feel worthless is emotional abuse. Making someone believe something is their fault because they are not doing as they should over and over is abuse. Blaming, shaming often external to the relationship is emotional abuse. Constant criticism and name calling is emotional abuse.

Abusers are manipulative, often narcissistic and generally hold the balance of power. The abused can be forced into submission of suffer depression to different degrees.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes and it has happened to moi and it’s not a nice experience

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Yes it is very real... How somebody speaks to you and how they make you feel... It might not leave marks or scars but the psychological impact is huge...

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Physical abuse, wounds heal, bruises fade. You can block out what is happening. Emotional and mental abuse is far more deep rooted and takes longer to heal, if ever. In my opinion x

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Yes a very real thing and you don't always know it's happening until you are out of that situation.

The constant put downs or undermining. Little digs here and there.

It is often more damaging than being hit, bones heal bruises fade.

Emotional abuse stays with you, well me forever, there's things I will never forget or ' get over'

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By *Cocksucker84Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Absolutely. Look up the term gaslighting. A partner putting another one down for the way they look or questioning their self-worth is emotional abuse and it's often done to manipulate and hold power. It can be more damaging long term than physical abuse. That someone couldn't give a clear example might be more an indication they struggle to process how the abuse has occurred rather than the abuse not being a real thing.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes it is real and it can happen to anyone.

It's about manipulation, gaslighting and making the other person feel worthless. Ultimately its about control and is far more subtle and insidious than physical abuse.

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

Very much so and is much much harder to recover from than most physical harm that could ever be inflicted

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Yes, very real, the scars and wounds can't be seen but they are there and sometimes never heal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it's not only real, but it's common.

I myself was a victim on more than one occasion, and with more than one partner, I look at my wife now and can't imagine ever feeling that I had no option but to stay after I had been broken down emotionally, my wife actually loves and respects me, never tries to manipulate me, I'm blessed.

There was a point when I was made to feel useless

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"It’s so real & so damaging that ther’s consultation to make it into a criminal offence. There’s already a criminal offence of controlling & coercive behaviour within relationships "

Really? In that case I’m getting my wife sent to jail

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional abuse is very real and shockingly prevalent in society, mostly because it's a negative learnt behaviour that achieves the abusers selfish and perverse goals. It's the dark subtle practice of gaining control over someone by undermining, isolating and confusing their target into denial and silence.

Emotional abuse is the death of a persons self esteem and mental peace by a thousand privately administered cuts. The abuser will mess with your head by keeping you off balance emotionally. It's a toxic abuse that leaves no physical evidence, an undetectable but debilitating poisoning.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds


"Yes my ex used to and still does at times use the kids as a weapon to manipulate me im not sure she realises she does it mind you"

Same situation here

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Yes it's not only real, but it's common.

I myself was a victim on more than one occasion, and with more than one partner, I look at my wife now and can't imagine ever feeling that I had no option but to stay after I had been broken down emotionally, my wife actually loves and respects me, never tries to manipulate me, I'm blessed.

There was a point when I was made to feel useless"

Don't see yourself as a victim of it be a survivor of it. That's how I view it x

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Off site conversation this week- woman said her husband had emotionally abused her. She struggled to give examples.

Man said, "That's not abuse. He didn't hit you."

What are your thoughts? Is emotional abuse a real thing?"

Yup

Absolutely

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Much more harmful that physical sometimes. Bones mend, but someone continuously undermining you, not sure you ever get over that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it's not only real, but it's common.

I myself was a victim on more than one occasion, and with more than one partner, I look at my wife now and can't imagine ever feeling that I had no option but to stay after I had been broken down emotionally, my wife actually loves and respects me, never tries to manipulate me, I'm blessed.

There was a point when I was made to feel useless

Don't see yourself as a victim of it be a survivor of it. That's how I view it x"

I WAS a victim, but no more, and as for survivor, I probably am, but life is so much better now it just feels like it was a TV show I used to watch

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft. "

Eroding their self confidence.

e.g. on a night out just before going into the venue my friends ex said "try not to be an idiot tonight eh?" She was quite shy but lovely and very intelligent and empathetic. He then made comments about her outfit. Later in the evening he was standing with her talking to friends and they were discussing food, he said while pretending to joke "I prefer takeaway if I'm not cooking. She's a bit useless in the kitchen".

Every time he had a chance in public to pretend he was joking and put her down he did.

She eventually got free but took years to recover.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it is real and it can happen to anyone.

It's about manipulation, gaslighting and making the other person feel worthless. Ultimately its about control and is far more subtle and insidious than physical abuse. "

Along with coercive control

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks


"Emotional abuse is very real and shockingly prevalent in society, mostly because it's a negative learnt behaviour that achieves the abusers selfish and perverse goals. It's the dark subtle practice of gaining control over someone by undermining, isolating and confusing their target into denial and silence.

Emotional abuse is the death of a persons self esteem and mental peace by a thousand privately administered cuts. The abuser will mess with your head by keeping you off balance emotionally. It's a toxic abuse that leaves no physical evidence, an undetectable but debilitating poisoning."

In my experience the perpetrators of this type of abuse are not conscious of what they are doing because to them it’s just a way of being. An abuser can exist in their own version of reality & be entirely oblivious to causing harm to another person as in their version of reality their behaviour is totally justified.

The cause is usually the perpetrator’s underlying low self esteem, bizarrely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes its real and hard to get over

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft. "

I agree saying it like that can sound as if it isn't anything but it is.

The important thing here is to educate people and teach them to recognise and name the behaviour.

Boyfriend keeps asking me to have sex, I think I'm going to do it just to get it over with and get peace, he says I'm giving him blue balls and being an uptight bitch.

Recognise-coercion

If asked to have sex and you say no a respectful human will accept this answer.

Girlfriend says I'm a bit of an idiot, says her last boyfriend was better. Says I'm not much of a man.

Recognise-emotional abuse

If someone loves you then they accept you as you are and don't make you feel bad or worthless.

My husband hates my family I've hardly seen them this past year. He says we only need each other.

I miss them but the fight isn't worth it.

Recognise-isolation and control

If a partner keeps you away from both friends and family it's called isolation. It makes you more vulnerable when people who love you cannot see and support you.

My girlfriend says I'm getting fat, I always thought I was fit but she says I'm oblivious. She's put me on a diet and I'm really self conscious about my body now. My mate said it was bullshit but she knows me best? She just wants what's best for me.

Recognise-physical abuse, emotional abuse gaslighting

Telling a partner they're crazy, stupid, ugly, delusional. Controlling their diet eroding their confidence.

Gaslighting is very common in abusive relationships. Telling a partner they are wrong in the face of clear evidence otherwise. When someone is abusive they chip away at their victims sense of self until the victim sometimes beloved they are insane and their abuser is correct. The name was taken from a novel called Fanny by Gaslight (no sniggering you lot) The synopsis will explain why this was the source of the current phrase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someones whos went through it it certainly is 20yrs later it still affects me

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

Without a doubt, yes it's real.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Believed*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Were you really expecting many no's?

Of course its real, shit loads of it happens in this very forum. Difficult one to police and judge though because its so personal....

Plus the perp's can be super manipulative and charming with everyone else....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex would tell me nobody would want me because I was now fat, and call me a fat doughnut eating cunt.

He would be go out to his van or car to take phone calls, and sleep with his phone on his chest, to make me think he was hiding something from me.

That's emotional abuse. It makes you feel overly emotional and sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Telling someone they aren't worthy of your love or attention is emotional abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Often more long term damage than physical abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's real, and so destructive too....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Were you really expecting many no's?

Of course its real, shit loads of it happens in this very forum. Difficult one to police and judge though because its so personal....

Plus the perp's can be super manipulative and charming with everyone else.... "

I wanted to word it in a way that someone would agree with the man and say why they thought it's *not* abuse.

I want to understand those thoughts from that viewpoint.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft.

Eroding their self confidence.

e.g. on a night out just before going into the venue my friends ex said "try not to be an idiot tonight eh?" She was quite shy but lovely and very intelligent and empathetic. He then made comments about her outfit. Later in the evening he was standing with her talking to friends and they were discussing food, he said while pretending to joke "I prefer takeaway if I'm not cooking. She's a bit useless in the kitchen".

Every time he had a chance in public to pretend he was joking and put her down he did.

She eventually got free but took years to recover."

Yes this- but I'm struggling to explain as the man just thinks her boyfriend was 'joking'. Such as in your example.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Emotional abuse is very real and shockingly prevalent in society, mostly because it's a negative learnt behaviour that achieves the abusers selfish and perverse goals. It's the dark subtle practice of gaining control over someone by undermining, isolating and confusing their target into denial and silence.

Emotional abuse is the death of a persons self esteem and mental peace by a thousand privately administered cuts. The abuser will mess with your head by keeping you off balance emotionally. It's a toxic abuse that leaves no physical evidence, an undetectable but debilitating poisoning."

Death by a thousand cuts. That no-one sees and won't believe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft.

That’s becayse that’s not emotional abuse. It’s like the kids coming home because someone nicked a pen and now they’re being bullied.

Saying someone is shit and making them feel a bit crap isn’t abuse.

Telling a person that they are worthless over and over to the point they feel worthless is emotional abuse. Making someone believe something is their fault because they are not doing as they should over and over is abuse. Blaming, shaming often external to the relationship is emotional abuse. Constant criticism and name calling is emotional abuse.

Abusers are manipulative, often narcissistic and generally hold the balance of power. The abused can be forced into submission of suffer depression to different degrees. "

Exactly all that, I went through that and much more at the hands of my ex husband. I will never be the person I was before and in some ways that’s good. X

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By *entish79Man
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Yes it is! Very much so

It can make a person small and meak when in reality they can be so much more

It can destroy a persons confidence

Cant belive someone said it isnt a thing

The woman is my friend and she was absolutely heartbroken.

I've been trying to explain to the man what emotional abuse is but I'm struggling.

'Saying someone is shit all the time and making them feel crap' just sounds a bit daft.

That’s becayse that’s not emotional abuse. It’s like the kids coming home because someone nicked a pen and now they’re being bullied.

Saying someone is shit and making them feel a bit crap isn’t abuse.

Telling a person that they are worthless over and over to the point they feel worthless is emotional abuse. Making someone believe something is their fault because they are not doing as they should over and over is abuse. Blaming, shaming often external to the relationship is emotional abuse. Constant criticism and name calling is emotional abuse.

Abusers are manipulative, often narcissistic and generally hold the balance of power. The abused can be forced into submission of suffer depression to different degrees. "

^ this.

Anyone who thinks abuse is somehow limited to something physical is an idiot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nagging is emotional abuse, and it used to be a punishable crime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it is real and can me more harmful than physical abuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very real.

My children were subjected to it by their mother in her attempts to continue her abuse of me after we broke up.

They were eventually removed from her care by Social services. My son was placed in my care, however, my daughter is currently in foster care due to the damage done to her emotionally - as she doesn't want anything to do with me as a result of what she was subjected to by her mum.

Personally, I think that my ex should be rotting in jail for what she did to my kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I skipped to the end apologies.

My ex mentally, emotionally abused me for years. Losing my confidence, keeping me on a tight lead unable to do anyrhing myself. All blame was my fault, if I was late home from work my phone went, I'd have to park up a few minutes from home to say where I was and be verbally abused. You learn to play by the rules before you can finally escape. Friendless and low esteem can make people stay. I was lucky no children involved. Looking back he was a bully, but never hit me but the threat was always there. Leave me and I'll kill you. I was lucky, he'd re-married within a year and moved away. Men can be in the same situation but even more wary of telling people. I had family I could confide in.

Its the worst kind as there are no physical bruises or signs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Emotional abuse is very real and shockingly prevalent in society, mostly because it's a negative learnt behaviour that achieves the abusers selfish and perverse goals. It's the dark subtle practice of gaining control over someone by undermining, isolating and confusing their target into denial and silence.

Emotional abuse is the death of a persons self esteem and mental peace by a thousand privately administered cuts. The abuser will mess with your head by keeping you off balance emotionally. It's a toxic abuse that leaves no physical evidence, an undetectable but debilitating poisoning."

Absolutely good point!!

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Its not just woman who can be emotionally abused. Men are often more susceptible to it, as we tend to be a little more blind to the subtler signs. It happened to me. I got into a rebound relationship when my marriage fell apart. After a year or so, she started to struggle with depression which I recognised and brought up. Her flat out denial, even to her friends who worked in mental health worsened her symptoms. Things got ugly. She tried to control my friends, my time with my daughter, my work time.. in the end she had a psychotic break and physically assaulted both me and my daughter. I left her there and then. She assaulted me 2 weeks later also, in public.

It was only after receiving counselling afterwards (it was pretty fucking traumatic - I had to hit her to stop her assaulting my daughter) that all the things I had put down to her "funny little ways" was pointed out that she was flat out manipulating and controlling me from the beginning when I was in a bad place, and that moved very quickly to full blown emotional control and abuse which I accepted because I wanted to keep her happy..

Anyone who says it isn't abuse is a fucking dick..

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By *ellbound_GhoulwarpWoman
over a year ago

Fifth Circle of Hell

I've had two relationships that involved domestic violence and I'm 31, the physical wounds apart from one of them have healed but the emotional and mental scars will never fade. However it did lead me to be very wary of men and I would strongly recommend anybody who is worried to use claire's law to get potential longterm partners checked for those types of flags

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"Off site conversation this week- woman said her husband had emotionally abused her. She struggled to give examples.

Man said, "That's not abuse. He didn't hit you."

What are your thoughts? Is emotional abuse a real thing?"
to be honest I think in many ways it can be more damaging than physical abuse.. it is very real abuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in an 18 year marriage which was full of abuse from my partner.

Still struggling to get over it now.

It is very real.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes and it's now illegal in Scotland

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"Emotional abuse is very real and shockingly prevalent in society, mostly because it's a negative learnt behaviour that achieves the abusers selfish and perverse goals. It's the dark subtle practice of gaining control over someone by undermining, isolating and confusing their target into denial and silence.

Emotional abuse is the death of a persons self esteem and mental peace by a thousand privately administered cuts. The abuser will mess with your head by keeping you off balance emotionally. It's a toxic abuse that leaves no physical evidence, an undetectable but debilitating poisoning.

In my experience the perpetrators of this type of abuse are not conscious of what they are doing because to them it’s just a way of being. An abuser can exist in their own version of reality & be entirely oblivious to causing harm to another person as in their version of reality their behaviour is totally justified.

The cause is usually the perpetrator’s underlying low self esteem, bizarrely. "

I disagree that they are oblivious. In my experience they've known exactly what they were doing.

The penny dropped when I pulled him on behaviour (mostly kept quiet for a quiet life) and he said oh that's just the way I am.

But that was untrue. He chose who and when to be verbally aggressive. He never did it to men. If it had been something he genuinely couldn't control it would have happened right across the board.

Emotional abusers are expert manipulators. They might be oblivious to the extent of pain and damage they cause, but to say they're not conscious of what they're doing is b@llocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is a bit triggering. I'm sorry so many people have been at the receiving end of such damaging behaviour

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Hug of support to anyone going through this currently and to everyone who has survived an abusive relationship.

It's much more common than you think.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"This thread is a bit triggering. I'm sorry so many people have been at the receiving end of such damaging behaviour "

I'm not someone you know but if it's dragging up stuff for you do you have a friend to call/text talk it out if needed?

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough


"Emotional abuse is very real and shockingly prevalent in society, mostly because it's a negative learnt behaviour that achieves the abusers selfish and perverse goals. It's the dark subtle practice of gaining control over someone by undermining, isolating and confusing their target into denial and silence.

Emotional abuse is the death of a persons self esteem and mental peace by a thousand privately administered cuts. The abuser will mess with your head by keeping you off balance emotionally. It's a toxic abuse that leaves no physical evidence, an undetectable but debilitating poisoning.

In my experience the perpetrators of this type of abuse are not conscious of what they are doing because to them it’s just a way of being. An abuser can exist in their own version of reality & be entirely oblivious to causing harm to another person as in their version of reality their behaviour is totally justified.

The cause is usually the perpetrator’s underlying low self esteem, bizarrely.

I disagree that they are oblivious. In my experience they've known exactly what they were doing.

The penny dropped when I pulled him on behaviour (mostly kept quiet for a quiet life) and he said oh that's just the way I am.

But that was untrue. He chose who and when to be verbally aggressive. He never did it to men. If it had been something he genuinely couldn't control it would have happened right across the board.

Emotional abusers are expert manipulators. They might be oblivious to the extent of pain and damage they cause, but to say they're not conscious of what they're doing is b@llocks.

"

All abusers unless they are chronically mentally ill are conscious of their behaviour and are accountable for it. They may be insecure, needy, have ridiculous expectations of relationships (at best). At worse they are violent narcissistic and hypersensitive. Some will have undiagnosed or untreated mental conditions but that does not relieve them of their responsibility. They may try to deny or minimise their behaviour. They may feel shame after which is why the abuser can hit out then overwhelm the victim in love and affection.

In all cases the victim is not responsible.

For all of us who have lived through this I extend my love and admiration. I am a strong independent woman and i was part of a relationship like that. We do survive. We do recover. Eventually.

V x

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Copied from the Relate website

What constitutes emotional abuse?

There are a variety of types of behaviour that could be classed as emotional abuse. These include:

Intimidation and threats.

This could be things like shouting, acting aggressively or just generally making you feel scared. This is often done as a way of making a person feel small and stopping them from standing up for themselves.

Criticism.

This could be things like namecalling or making lots of unpleasant or sarcastic comments. This can really lower a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

Undermining.

This might include things like dismissing your opinion. It can also involve making you doubt your own opinion by acting as if you're being oversensitive if you do complain, disputing your version of events or by suddenly being really nice to you after being cruel.

Being made to feel guilty.

This can range from outright emotional blackm@il (threats to kill oneself or lots of emotional outbursts) to sulking all the time or giving you the silent treatment as a way of manipulating you.

Economic abuse.

This can be withholding money, not involving you in finances or even preventing you from getting a job. This could be done as a way of stopping you from feeling independent and that you’re able to make your own choices.

Telling you what you can and can’t do.

As the examples above make clear, emotional abuse is generally about control. Sometimes this is explicit. Does your partner tell you when and where you can go out, or even stop you from seeing certain people? Do they try to control how you dress or how you style your hair?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely real both my ex wife and my ex fiancée have done it to me...You would think it would be Male on female but proportionally Its Women who do it to men...

And I’m not in the least bit weak willed ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a lot of it in the dyke community but that shit attitude of "a woman couldn't do that" still prvails, also that women tend to stay in shit relationships as they think they can fix their lover or that there is good underneath it all....still related to gender. Lesbians get away with shit that men wouldn't!

I had a horrendous 7 months of hell in my first relationship. She was older and bloody well knew better. It took a long time to recover from it and not to expect it from others. She's in politics now, surprise surprise. Grade A sociopath.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional abuse certainly does exist (usually in relations or between colleagues in offices etc).

And there are laws against it, as it can be so damaging.

If you ever meet a narcissist/ sociopath etc, steer clear. Avoid at all costs. You’ll always be disposable to them, despite their initial wooing to entice you in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is abuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread is a bit triggering. I'm sorry so many people have been at the receiving end of such damaging behaviour

I'm not someone you know but if it's dragging up stuff for you do you have a friend to call/text talk it out if needed?

"

Thanks, that's lovely of you but I'm OK.

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By *ilks xXxWoman
over a year ago

East Mids

Absolutely yes, and those scars take longer to heal.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Yep, and my ex wife was rather good at it.

So if you want any tips on how to be emotionally abusive and how to wrap others sense of reality talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst kind.

I'd much rather take a physical beating than a sly (sometimes not sly at all) mental one.

Never thought I'd trust enough again to let someone in, and I mean really in, luckily for both myself and B I chose to let go of the demons, I do still carry scars that I'm working on though.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, been on the receiving end in multiple relationships.

-Threatening to hurt herself if I didn't behave in X way

-Gaslighting, aka denying something really happened to make me seem crazy

-Making up mental illness to manipulate my behaviour (Dated one girl that faked being bipolar for 2 years)

Just to name a few things. And there's no physical marks either so I can't prove a damn thing

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

There are a lot of support groups and sites available for victims of emotional abuse and those that have survived narcissistic partners.

Don't feel you have to go It alone x

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

It’s definitely a real thing and it’s horrible. Although we probably all in our darkest moments engaged in it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This thread is a bit triggering. I'm sorry so many people have been at the receiving end of such damaging behaviour "

I'm sorry. Xx

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Of course you can be emotionally abused, it affects some people more than others though, luckily I have thick skin and verbal abuse tends to bounce off me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lots of really helpful information, thank you. I can't reply to all posts individually but I've read them all and I'll pass on the info, especially the ones from Relate sites etc.

.

The 'man' in the OP who said it's not abuse, is my mate's 15 year old son. The abusive ex is her son's dad.

This is why it's really difficult. We think his dad has said his mum is lying and making it sound worse than it was. (Undermining/ gaslighting) They split up 10 years ago and her son was too young to remember what went on.

And why she's heartbroken- her own son is siding with her ex and doesn't believe the abuse was real.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Is this abuse still going on? If so there must be a needs to an end surely?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Lots of really helpful information, thank you. I can't reply to all posts individually but I've read them all and I'll pass on the info, especially the ones from Relate sites etc.

.

The 'man' in the OP who said it's not abuse, is my mate's 15 year old son. The abusive ex is her son's dad.

This is why it's really difficult. We think his dad has said his mum is lying and making it sound worse than it was. (Undermining/ gaslighting) They split up 10 years ago and her son was too young to remember what went on.

And why she's heartbroken- her own son is siding with her ex and doesn't believe the abuse was real."

That's not unusual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread is a bit triggering. I'm sorry so many people have been at the receiving end of such damaging behaviour

I'm sorry. Xx "

No need to apologise, it's an important conversations to have xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lots of really helpful information, thank you. I can't reply to all posts individually but I've read them all and I'll pass on the info, especially the ones from Relate sites etc.

.

The 'man' in the OP who said it's not abuse, is my mate's 15 year old son. The abusive ex is her son's dad.

This is why it's really difficult. We think his dad has said his mum is lying and making it sound worse than it was. (Undermining/ gaslighting) They split up 10 years ago and her son was too young to remember what went on.

And why she's heartbroken- her own son is siding with her ex and doesn't believe the abuse was real."

It sounds like his dad has brainwashed him. Sadly parents can sometimes try and do that with kids as they're likely to trust whatever their parents say is true. That said at 15 i would be wanting to hear both sides of the story and would have been wary of siding with one parent or the other. I really feel for ypur friend as it sounds like an awful situation to be in.

My parents split when I was young and my mum in particular has made a lot of accusations avout my dad, but i'm aware both have their own version of events so it's hard to know what isn't and is truthful.

I've suffered emotional abuse in the past so i know all too well it's real. At 15 I knew all too well it is a real thing. Not all teenagers have the experience or maturity to rralise this though.

The sticks and stones phrase is very inaccurate I think.

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport


"Off site conversation this week- woman said her husband had emotionally abused her. She struggled to give examples.

Man said, "That's not abuse. He didn't hit you."

What are your thoughts? Is emotional abuse a real thing?"

Yep! Fear, dread, anxiety..... not great

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