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What’s the difference

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By *eliciouslady OP   Woman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

A friend recently gave her notice at work as she didn’t like ‘being told’ what to do.

How would you give advice from your personal experience so it isn’t construed as telling them what they should do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all get told what to do in our jobs, but people will get way more work and respect out of me if they ask me, rather than tell me. Tell me to do something and it will get done. Slowly.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Giving advice isn’t being told what to do, that’s just telling them what your thoughts on something is.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

A simple ‘Please’ makes all the difference I find

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends.

I often suggest that If I was in their situation I may have handled things in a different manner. Was she mansplained? Was it constant? No one neccesarily likes being told how to do their job, but no one is above constructive criticism. However it it verges on bullying, then that is a different ballgame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying 'thank you' or 'well done' once in a while goes a long way too

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By *eliciouslady OP   Woman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

There was no bullying.

She had been there a few weeks so ‘being told’ was because the job was new to her and it had to be explained. However, she preferred to do the job ‘her way’

Just made me wonder how to give advice without it appearing to be telling her.

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By *eliciouslady OP   Woman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K


"Giving advice isn’t being told what to do, that’s just telling them what your thoughts on something is."

But how do you achieve one without it seeming to be the other?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was no bullying.

She had been there a few weeks so ‘being told’ was because the job was new to her and it had to be explained. However, she preferred to do the job ‘her way’

Just made me wonder how to give advice without it appearing to be telling her. "

Hmm, when you're new you need to learn the ropes.

I know it's not always easy what with time restrictions etc, but if someone tells me why things need to be done a certain way it makes things a lot easier for me, rather than just telling me what needs doing (unless it's glaringly obvious of course)

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was no bullying.

She had been there a few weeks so ‘being told’ was because the job was new to her and it had to be explained. However, she preferred to do the job ‘her way’

Just made me wonder how to give advice without it appearing to be telling her. "

There's also a difference between being told and being taught

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always use the 'shit sandwich' approach. Explain there's an issue, stroke their ego and give them praise for what they're good at, and then ask them to try a different approach as theirs wasn't working

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say you should always ask someone to do something, never tell.

You are your own boss. Other people can only be more senior employees.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was no bullying.

She had been there a few weeks so ‘being told’ was because the job was new to her and it had to be explained. However, she preferred to do the job ‘her way’

Just made me wonder how to give advice without it appearing to be telling her. "

Sounds like there's a high possibility your friend would take offence to having it suggested to them that there may have been a different way to handle it. I'd ask myself is it worth the drama giving them advise ?

They are clearly not happy in the job and have already handed in notice, so it's probably not worth the effort on your part this time.

Also, if you have to walk on eggshells when you have a different opinion to a friend, then maybe they are not the kind of person to be too helpful with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was no bullying.

She had been there a few weeks so ‘being told’ was because the job was new to her and it had to be explained. However, she preferred to do the job ‘her way’

Just made me wonder how to give advice without it appearing to be telling her. "

Fair enough as she obviously didn't fit into the company. If she was working for me then at some point she would have been let go anyway with that attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/04/19 22:30:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've tried asking someone's opinion on my way of doing a task and then tried to convince them subtly of why it might be the better option.

It's a long slow way to go about it though, sometimes you just have to be blunt when deadlines are looming

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By *ust chilled out meMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

You need to be told what to do iff you have a new job you have no experience in its called learning iff there doing thing wrong point it out politely but also point out there strong points to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a case of putting yourself in their shoes and thinking what is in it for them? Your friend probably wants to get recognised for doing the job her way and getting it done raising her feeling of self-achievement.

I'd suggest to her that she follows direction, and if any ways of improving the process occur to her she can suggest them once the task is done? That way she will still be recognised for her initiative as well as her listening skills?

Diplomatic and will appeal to her own wanting independence and need for recognition?

B

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think if you are new, thr onus is on the employee to be open to being informed but not commanded,/ordered. Once they have gained trust, then they could demonstrate their ability to try novel approaches for similar or better performance. It's about trust as well as personality and this takes some time and effort by the employee. Good management is always needed though often lacking

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By *ampant Lion34Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

I've been in the Army 27 years and leaving in next few months and been told loads of times and told others what to do. But it's the way it's done and put across. There is certain things in military done a certain way so you react in combat as that's your job me being an Infantry Soldier is to close with and engage the enemy so to get people to do that and follow you you have to command respect not demand respect because of rank or status etc.

Never ask someone to do something your not prepared to do yourself and treat others how you want to be treated and lead from the front.

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

I always ask people to do something.

Never ask someone to do something you wouldn't be prepared to do yourself either, no good getting someone else to do a job because you can't be added or just don't fancy it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A simple ‘Please’ makes all the difference I find "

Can I have your bank details and sort code numbers please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A friend recently gave her notice at work as she didn’t like ‘being told’ what to do.

How would you give advice from your personal experience so it isn’t construed as telling them what they should do?

"

Until she asks for advice I'd not give her any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A simple ‘Please’ makes all the difference I find

Can I have your bank details and sort code numbers please "

PMd you them

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"A friend recently gave her notice at work as she didn’t like ‘being told’ what to do.

How would you give advice from your personal experience so it isn’t construed as telling them what they should do?

"

Has she actually asked for advice?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Saying 'thank you' or 'well done' once in a while goes a long way too"

I think so too

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

If she happy stop worrying it's not you problem there will be something she will be great at...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bit different from the work perspective but I always say what I would do in the same situation and give them possible options with potential consequences.

It’s up to them which way they want to go and that’s their business.

In my work my word is law as the clients safety is in my hands but I don’t bark orders just explain what’s going on and what we are going to do.

LJ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There might be reasons things are done in a certain way, which your friend might be oblivious too!

Especially if one is in a regulated position.

Putting ones personal touch on something and doing it your own way are two very different things.

Perhaps being self employed is the way forward!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely in a new job you need to be shown the ropes as such, therefore being told what to do. It’s how you say it I guess. I have to “tell people what to do” all the time as they work for me! but I guess it’s how you do it, I’m always polite and show the respect I’d expect from other people. I can imagine some people are power crazy and enjoy telling people what to do. Or it could be they just don’t like being told how to do things but you can’t just decide to the job “your way”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can half see where shes coming from as you learn more from your own mistakes but she must also learn to adapt too but they say being teachable is a skill maybe she just doesnt have that skill

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