FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Empathy

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Do you have it? Can you put yourself in someone else's shoes?

Does your closeness to the issue make it harder or can you reflect on your own behaviour and how you may have affected situations?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think empathy makes us human .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im very empathetic to people if ive been in a similar situation. I try hard to empathize if i havent but its not easy if you havent experienced it yourself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/04/19 13:25:48]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im an empathic mother fucker

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"Im an empathic mother fucker "

Emp-mofo

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea

Empath here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im very empathetic to people if ive been in a similar situation. I try hard to empathize if i havent but its not easy if you havent experienced it yourself"

Me too. I get it a lot from people as I have an autistic child but nobody knows unless they’re going through it. I understand why though. As for sympathy I don’t like that at all. If I tell people and they say oh I’m so sorry it winds me up. They are what they are and I’m not sorry.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very empathic when I take the time.

I think the older you get the more empathic you get. Like most things really.

Body fades, mind grows!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic "

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have too much. It's not always a good thing to have.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly I’m rubbish at it. I try, but I’m wired wrong.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling."

Truest thing I’ve read today. Spot on

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling."

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things"

Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Deanna Troi was hot as hell!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I do try to be empathetic, sometimes on some subjects I'm less so, depending on my experiences and how close I am to the subject.

Sometimes though I don't think people necessarily want either, sometimes, people want others to listen, not write their own narrative over the story.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things

Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better. "

Can do, although as with my previous post, empathy is feeling for someone and understanding by basing on your own experiences, sympathy is feeling for someone and comforting then whilst not having experienced what they are actually going through... it's that latter bit that can make someone appear to be ingenuous, even if they are not

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things

Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better. "

Than can be confused with a good listening ear too. Some can listen well and still be detached and the other person still poyrs out their heart.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even deep empathy is only an approximation of the felt experience of another. It is not their reality. However it does help to develop mutual understanding. If I really want to understand another’s perspective or experience and be helpful to them in some way I can be reasonable at it. Sometimes I lack empathy when I’m selfishly looking after my own needs. And sometimes I reasonable at seeing other perspectives in a situation.

Sometimes I’m overly empathetic and gullible.

School report says: could do better

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things

Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better. "

Many years ago someone likened the two approaches to me thusly;

Imagine a person is in a hole, sympathy and empathy come along to help. Sympathy jumps in the hole to console the person, empathy gives them a hand to help them out.

Rather oversimplified but I return to it fairly often if I'm considering a response.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things

Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better.

Many years ago someone likened the two approaches to me thusly;

Imagine a person is in a hole, sympathy and empathy come along to help. Sympathy jumps in the hole to console the person, empathy gives them a hand to help them out.

Rather oversimplified but I return to it fairly often if I'm considering a response. "

I like that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?"

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very empathetic. To my own detriment at times

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else. "

They will tell you if you check you’ve understood enough to be helpful.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else. "

I agree, often people want or need others to listen to what they're feeling not tell them how they 'should' be feeling or how they felt in a similar situation.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all stand in our shoes and not other peoples, we don’t all have the same shoe size. We can imagine how someone else is feeling but we are just not them.x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I try to be but sometimes, especially on here, a cold harsh dose of reality is actually what's needed.

I like _ea monkey's analogy though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else. "

I don't agree it's about ego. I don't think you need to know exactly how someone feels to be empathetic, you just need to be able to appreciate and understand what they MIGHT be feeling and use that to explore further with them.

I think empathy also is being able to reflect on the circumstances and how the other person may interpret them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its classic stages of engagement theory which applies -

Pity is I acknowledge your pain

Sympathy is I care about your pain

Empathy is I feel your pain

Compassion is I want to relieve your pain

Each stage is a level of interaction with the person suffering and each, in their own ways, are valuable to an individual. These stages can apply to every day things in our lives. For example with can sympathise with an animal, even show compassion but we can't truly empathise with them, not being of that species. As you go along the scale the engagement and emotional investment in the person becomes greater. Your support therefore becomes more invaluable to them and can in turn help progress a positive outcome.

That being said it can go the other way and lead to an overdependancy that is hard to disassociate yourself from. For me I find those stages useful. My ability to offer support fluctuates greatly and sometimes I have to decide which level of support I can feasibly offer to a person.

Sorry for the length, under my rock I go again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the most attractive qualities in a person

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

I don't agree it's about ego. I don't think you need to know exactly how someone feels to be empathetic, you just need to be able to appreciate and understand what they MIGHT be feeling and use that to explore further with them.

I think empathy also is being able to reflect on the circumstances and how the other person may interpret them. "

True empathy is understanding exactly what they are going through, how could you ever know what someone it truly going through, to think that you do is is ego. You can only empathise up to a point, after that it’s just guess work.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shoes innit, nothing to do with experience....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

I don't agree it's about ego. I don't think you need to know exactly how someone feels to be empathetic, you just need to be able to appreciate and understand what they MIGHT be feeling and use that to explore further with them.

I think empathy also is being able to reflect on the circumstances and how the other person may interpret them.

True empathy is understanding exactly what they are going through, how could you ever know what someone it truly going through, to think that you do is is ego. You can only empathise up to a point, after that it’s just guess work."

I agree there are different levels of empathy but that wasn't the question.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds

I'm afraid I have Zero Degrees Of Empathy. Even read the book of the same name but didn't really help. I'm not a cold person, just someone who struggles to empathise

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men in heels and women in toe caps is tricky in the main..... Flip flops are comfy in this weather for everyone mind...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else. "

That's a rather narrow, negative and sad view imo. Maybe your experience has governed that, but we can know how someone feels. It takes a good listening ear and experience and we can. We can't walk in anothers shoes but we can understand others. Doesn't mean we always understand them but we do share a lot of similar experiences which lead to understanding.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have empathy, but even if I understand what someone is going through because I've been through something similar, their course of events may be different to mine and so the pain is individual to oneself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to know what someone is going through. You see their pain and anguish and you feel it with them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

That's a rather narrow, negative and sad view imo. Maybe your experience has governed that, but we can know how someone feels. It takes a good listening ear and experience and we can. We can't walk in anothers shoes but we can understand others. Doesn't mean we always understand them but we do share a lot of similar experiences which lead to understanding."

How is what I said anything other than factually correct, it’s not negative or sad, it’s just the way it is. You can only empathise up to a point, again the rest is guess work. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about people’s feelings, but do I truly understand what they are feeling, no I don’t, I’m guessing, as you are, as everyone is.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too much empathy sometimes.

I can justify the shiity behaviour of others towards me because of it .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

That's a rather narrow, negative and sad view imo. Maybe your experience has governed that, but we can know how someone feels. It takes a good listening ear and experience and we can. We can't walk in anothers shoes but we can understand others. Doesn't mean we always understand them but we do share a lot of similar experiences which lead to understanding.

How is what I said anything other than factually correct, it’s not negative or sad, it’s just the way it is. You can only empathise up to a point, again the rest is guess work. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about people’s feelings, but do I truly understand what they are feeling, no I don’t, I’m guessing, as you are, as everyone is. "

You said it was egotistical to think one can understand. No one would ever say they full understand, but still understand much of what they are going through. Pedantic comes to mind.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Yes, can understand empathy, but I am not very sympathetic

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

I agree, often people want or need others to listen to what they're feeling not tell them how they 'should' be feeling or how they felt in a similar situation. "
Yes exactly, this can make you feel worse

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

That's a rather narrow, negative and sad view imo. Maybe your experience has governed that, but we can know how someone feels. It takes a good listening ear and experience and we can. We can't walk in anothers shoes but we can understand others. Doesn't mean we always understand them but we do share a lot of similar experiences which lead to understanding.

How is what I said anything other than factually correct, it’s not negative or sad, it’s just the way it is. You can only empathise up to a point, again the rest is guess work. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about people’s feelings, but do I truly understand what they are feeling, no I don’t, I’m guessing, as you are, as everyone is.

You said it was egotistical to think one can understand. No one would ever say they full understand, but still understand much of what they are going through. Pedantic comes to mind."

I didn’t say it was egotistical, I said it was people’s egos thinking they understand, big difference. I won’t be able to reply to your next comeback cause off to help a friend mend a fence. I empathise with him, cause mine fell over too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

I suppose it’s easier to empathise with someone when you have had experienced similar things but yes I believe I am empathetic with people.

I do sometimes wonder if people really did empathise with others if it might make them question their own behaviour at times.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but it doesn't make me sympathetic

Very much so .. some people mix the 2 ... whereas they are 2 different things

Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better.

Many years ago someone likened the two approaches to me thusly;

Imagine a person is in a hole, sympathy and empathy come along to help. Sympathy jumps in the hole to console the person, empathy gives them a hand to help them out.

Rather oversimplified but I return to it fairly often if I'm considering a response.

I like that "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't have to know what someone is going through. You see their pain and anguish and you feel it with them."

Yes yes yes, so much this.

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Definitely. To me sympathy can often come across as insincere or dismissive whereas empathy seems more productive, to be able to understand someone's emotions you can help them or help yourself to interact with them better.

Many years ago someone likened the two approaches to me thusly;

Imagine a person is in a hole, sympathy and empathy come along to help. Sympathy jumps in the hole to console the person, empathy gives them a hand to help them out.

Rather oversimplified but I return to it fairly often if I'm considering a response. "

Aww I like that a lot TM.

I do have some empathy; I'm trying to get better at expressing and having empathy rather than sympathy for another. I don't think my closeness to a situation does make it harder.

I think having empathy for others is a relatively easy thing to claim to have - actually demonstrating you have it is something else entirely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I'll help and support those who are deserving of my empathy.

I'll console those who are deserving of my sympathy.

Though I have too often found myself supporting people who were taking advantage.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else.

I don't agree it's about ego. I don't think you need to know exactly how someone feels to be empathetic, you just need to be able to appreciate and understand what they MIGHT be feeling and use that to explore further with them.

I think empathy also is being able to reflect on the circumstances and how the other person may interpret them. "

Yep one is emotional empathy and the other is a sort of mental empathy - taking their perspective

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll help and support those who are deserving of my empathy.

I'll console those who are deserving of my sympathy.

Though I have too often found myself supporting people who were taking advantage. "

In the latter case I think that is where taking a perspective is more useful than emotional empathy- as you can do it in a more detached way and act with greater clarity.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't have to know what someone is going through. You see their pain and anguish and you feel it with them.

Yes yes yes, so much this.

P"

Yep that is emotional empathy when it is deep you can feel the joy, fears, the sadness and the anger in your own body. Cry with them, laugh with them. feel paralysed with them. That’s why a degree of being able to detach from the emotion is needed to be able to help them if needed.

There’s a hell of a lot of times we’ve experienced it on here via messaging.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"I'll help and support those who are deserving of my empathy.

I'll console those who are deserving of my sympathy.

Though I have too often found myself supporting people who were taking advantage.

In the latter case I think that is where taking a perspective is more useful than emotional empathy- as you can do it in a more detached way and act with greater clarity."

Yes exactly. Sometimes you don't see that until after.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll help and support those who are deserving of my empathy.

I'll console those who are deserving of my sympathy.

Though I have too often found myself supporting people who were taking advantage.

In the latter case I think that is where taking a perspective is more useful than emotional empathy- as you can do it in a more detached way and act with greater clarity.

Yes exactly. Sometimes you don't see that until after. "
so true but at least we’re wiser for the next time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Female has loads. Male has virtually none. After a long military career it was drummed out of him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don’t need to have had the same experience to empathise just to have experienced and be able to recognise the emotion or the dilemma etc....

Some people more naturally have empathetic qualities because of their motivational values/personalities than others.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s very thin on the ground

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s very thin on the ground "

I agree generally however I know quite a lot of people who demonstrate considers empathy quite often. I guess I’m fortunate in the people I know, work with and am friends with.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*considerable

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are 3 types of empathy which is often overlooked. Cognitive empathy is the ability to to place yourself in someone else's shoes in an attempt to understand their situation. This is a learned skill and some are better at it than others. Emotional empathy is tuning into the emotions of another. Some people are naturally very sensitive and do this with ease. Others are oblivious and rarely pick up anything, needing to be told. Demonstrative empathy is showing that you have experienced an instance of cognitive or emotional empathy.

My cognitive empathy is good, my emotional empathy is overly sensitive and until about 2 years ago would often cause me distress from what I call 'emotional contagion'. Being autistic means filtering out unnecessary stimulus is very difficult.

My demonstrative empathy has always been a bit shit. I'm better than I was, but in the past I was so preoccupied with trying to be normal and not be overwhelmed by the constant assault on my senses that I didn't have the resources to reach out. I was a crap friend as a result. I'm much better with the people I love now I'm not bothered about functioning like normal people do and I don't use up all my energy on masking.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are 3 types of empathy which is often overlooked. Cognitive empathy is the ability to to place yourself in someone else's shoes in an attempt to understand their situation. This is a learned skill and some are better at it than others. Emotional empathy is tuning into the emotions of another. Some people are naturally very sensitive and do this with ease. Others are oblivious and rarely pick up anything, needing to be told. Demonstrative empathy is showing that you have experienced an instance of cognitive or emotional empathy.

My cognitive empathy is good, my emotional empathy is overly sensitive and until about 2 years ago would often cause me distress from what I call 'emotional contagion'. Being autistic means filtering out unnecessary stimulus is very difficult.

My demonstrative empathy has always been a bit shit. I'm better than I was, but in the past I was so preoccupied with trying to be normal and not be overwhelmed by the constant assault on my senses that I didn't have the resources to reach out. I was a crap friend as a result. I'm much better with the people I love now I'm not bothered about functioning like normal people do and I don't use up all my energy on masking. "

Ooh nice summary

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he machinistMan
over a year ago

Stoke


"I think empathy makes us human .

"
.

I'm afraid it's not exclusive to humans even if it makes you feel better for being special.

Nearly every animal exhibits empathetic behaviour.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a great deal of empathy

However, I lose it quickly for those who do nothing to improve their situation

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he machinistMan
over a year ago

Stoke


"Female has loads. Male has virtually none. After a long military career it was drummed out of him. "
.

Males and females follow that line by nature anyhow, it's part of our biological makeup.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can try and empathise, or think that you do, but the truth is none of us know what someone else is going through. You can only go on your own experiences, which could be nothing like what the other person is feeling.

Isn't that what empathy is though .. help others understand how they are feeling by using your own experiences?

But none of know how anyone is really feeling, to think we do is down to ego more than anything else. "

This absolutely. People often don't listen properly to others in distress because they've already decided what the other person is thinking and/or feeling based on a snippet of information or a tiny observation that may be interpreted incorrectly anyway. We a know someone 'who knows best' and bulldozed over the emotions and needs of everyone around them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I don’t have much empathy , I honestly think it’s so over rated . No one knows for sure how someone else feels in any given situation , and trying to see it from their perspective is impossible , even if you have been through it yourself .

Infact , empathy often makes a situation worse as the person you give it to may find your efforts sanctimonious or way off the mark .

Sympathy , yes I have that in abundance , but empathy , nope .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which kind of empathy are we talking here?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m an empath, to my own detriment at times. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"I don’t have much empathy , I honestly think it’s so over rated . No one knows for sure how someone else feels in any given situation , and trying to see it from their perspective is impossible , even if you have been through it yourself .

Infact , empathy often makes a situation worse as the person you give it to may find your efforts sanctimonious or way off the mark .

Sympathy , yes I have that in abundance , but empathy , nope ."

I don’t like people feeling sympathy for me, I much prefer empathy, understanding me and any problems I have means much more than someone feeling sad sorry or pity for me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think any one can be truly empathetic, lives have so many facets. When my husband died so many people tried to empathise even people who had lost partners, but they couldn’t possible understand what I had lost or the effect it had on my life. What I had lost and the effect it had on my life was truly unique to me x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Empathy is a clear indication of personal self confidence specific to the situation others find themselves in.

There is also an unate willingness to see this in others. Fact

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"I don’t think any one can be truly empathetic, lives have so many facets. When my husband died so many people tried to empathise even people who had lost partners, but they couldn’t possible understand what I had lost or the effect it had on my life. What I had lost and the effect it had on my life was truly unique to me x"

No one can ever fully understand another even the closest to us will struggle when it’s a major part of our life that has been lost and grief is very personal to people too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t have much empathy , I honestly think it’s so over rated . No one knows for sure how someone else feels in any given situation , and trying to see it from their perspective is impossible , even if you have been through it yourself .

Infact , empathy often makes a situation worse as the person you give it to may find your efforts sanctimonious or way off the mark .

Sympathy , yes I have that in abundance , but empathy , nope ."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I don’t have much empathy , I honestly think it’s so over rated . No one knows for sure how someone else feels in any given situation , and trying to see it from their perspective is impossible , even if you have been through it yourself .

Infact , empathy often makes a situation worse as the person you give it to may find your efforts sanctimonious or way off the mark .

Sympathy , yes I have that in abundance , but empathy , nope .

I don’t like people feeling sympathy for me, I much prefer empathy, understanding me and any problems I have means much more than someone feeling sad sorry or pity for me "

The problem is that most people won’t know how to react , or know what to say , because they won’t understand you and your problems . They will like to think they do , but in reality they simply won’t .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We don’t need to have had the same experience to empathise just to have experienced and be able to recognise the emotion or the dilemma etc....

Some people more naturally have empathetic qualities because of their motivational values/personalities than others."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Empath here "

Im an empath also.Shame you are so far away. I find in naturally drawn to other empaths. My kinda people!

So to answer the question yes I can put myself in others shoes and go one better than that I can feel others feelings even if you try to hide it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

This is a tough one. I don’t really have much empathy. Not because I’m a horrible person but because I can’t hand on my heart say I know how you feel etc. It’s an over used phrase and more people should respond with ‘no, you don’t with all due respect’. When a friend died I was surrounded by empaths and death stories. Tell the dog if you must get it out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have empathy but no sympathy lol been told that by my clients too!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"Do you have it? Can you put yourself in someone else's shoes?

Does your closeness to the issue make it harder or can you reflect on your own behaviour and how you may have affected situations? "

I have empathy...apparently.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do, it's an integral part of my job role

I think if I've been in the situation myself I have an idea of how the other person is thinking which is helpful.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have it in bucket loads and would gladly give some away as often, it makes me sad.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’m emotionally very empathetic but an absolute failure when it comes to be empathetic regards physical aspects.

I think I have a reasonably high pain threshold and cope well without sleep, I really struggle to empathise when I here people complaining of being unwell, tired or hurting.

Yet if somebody says they’re sad or anxious or hurt I have too much.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"This is a tough one. I don’t really have much empathy. Not because I’m a horrible person but because I can’t hand on my heart say I know how you feel etc. It’s an over used phrase and more people should respond with ‘no, you don’t with all due respect’. When a friend died I was surrounded by empaths and death stories. Tell the dog if you must get it out. "

That's not empathy as you say. That's people wanting a pity party.

By definition an empath would understand that you didn't need to hear more death stories.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m emotionally very empathetic but an absolute failure when it comes to be empathetic regards physical aspects.

I think I have a reasonably high pain threshold and cope well without sleep, I really struggle to empathise when I here people complaining of being unwell, tired or hurting.

Yet if somebody says they’re sad or anxious or hurt I have too much. "

Maybe confusing sympathy and empathy?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a tough one. I don’t really have much empathy. Not because I’m a horrible person but because I can’t hand on my heart say I know how you feel etc. It’s an over used phrase and more people should respond with ‘no, you don’t with all due respect’. When a friend died I was surrounded by empaths and death stories. Tell the dog if you must get it out. "

That's not empathy that's just people's coping mechanism tbh ... and yes, not always what you want to hear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.


"I’m emotionally very empathetic but an absolute failure when it comes to be empathetic regards physical aspects.

I think I have a reasonably high pain threshold and cope well without sleep, I really struggle to empathise when I here people complaining of being unwell, tired or hurting.

Yet if somebody says they’re sad or anxious or hurt I have too much.

Maybe confusing sympathy and empathy? "

I think you’re right.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I have empathy and can put myself in someone else's shoes to try to understand things from their perspective. However, this doesn't change my beliefs or way of thinking.

I do this only with people who I perceive to not be wicked or malicious.

The problem is see many people have is when they're too empathetic that they adopt others problems as their own. Call it pathological altruism.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway


"This is a tough one. I don’t really have much empathy. Not because I’m a horrible person but because I can’t hand on my heart say I know how you feel etc. It’s an over used phrase and more people should respond with ‘no, you don’t with all due respect’. When a friend died I was surrounded by empaths and death stories. Tell the dog if you must get it out.

That's not empathy as you say. That's people wanting a pity party.

By definition an empath would understand that you didn't need to hear more death stories.

"

Thanks for the clarity Mrs N. Sometimes my wittering on gets me in a muddle.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top