FabSwingers.com forum: Dating, for no commitment

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you’re one of those people who don’t want commitment, what happens when you fall in love with someone? Do you accept this and go with the flow, or try to forget about this and remain uncommitted? What happens if you’re together for a few years, the next thing on the cards is buying a house or some other form of ‘big commitment’ - what do you do? Do you stay because you love them or leave because it’s not what you want at all? Won’t it make you sad leaving?

Serious question btw. Two of my friends split up a year or two ago. Had been together for a few years, split up because he wanted to get married, to buy a house and have kid etc but she didn’t want any of that.

It just seems weird to me that she would be in a relationship for so long but not want a commitment at the end of it, however I’m also a very committed type of gal and haven’t really experienced the whole ‘dating for no commitment’ thing.

My friend thought he could change her mind, and after sitting for many hours in the cold on our nights out I explained he couldn’t, it’s not fair for him to tell her what she wants, and just accept they want different things.

(Hope I’ve worded this question alright. I’m not sure I have)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again "

That was the reason I changed my mind on commitment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted to get married again but here we are lol.

I’ve only ever been in two proper relationships, I would have thought if they had been seeing each other for a couple of years that’s kinda a commitment?

I guess some people are happy just living separate and just going out without all that stress etc, it seems odd to me to be together that long and it not be a commitment. Did they see anyone else in that time? Or do anything financial together? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again "

My marriage ended. We are good friends still and I would definitely do it again it the right person came along. I’m not put off commitment in any way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been seeing my long term partner for sex for 9 years.

Last year he told me he loved me and said don't have a melt down, it doesn't change anything-which it hasn't I don't think.

If he wanted more I couldn't give it to him, as I'm unable to love now and I can't see myself living with a man again, so, I would probably walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again

That was the reason I changed my mind on commitment.

I was put off. I said never again, but .... life changes.

It's a tough one to call, but the long n short of it is this for me.

Nobody knows what the future holds. Not a soul. Even with the best intent in the world the world throws curve balls at us. Enjoy what you can while you can, and if, down the line 2 people are wanting different things then it's either compromise or part ways or 1 person needs to "suck it up"

I wouldn't recommend the suck it up option.

You can question the future til you're blue in the face, and the only thing you'll have achieved is having a blue face.

If you're happy, you're blessed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never wanted to get married again but here we are lol.

I’ve only ever been in two proper relationships, I would have thought if they had been seeing each other for a couple of years that’s kinda a commitment?

Yeah they had been in a proper ‘official’ relationship for about three years. I remember the first time I met the girlfriend we stayed up till 5am chatting and she was saying after uni (they were both at the same uni together, but coincidentally lived in the same village anyway) she wanted to travel around the world. He said he would go with her and she told him ‘no, you’ll be wanting marriage next!’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again "

Im in this mood after divorce. Its hard to trust. If I'll fall in love, I do not know what will do:stay or leave. I'm trying to avoid it but for how long? I don't know.

Life after divorce is different, not so easy especially if you have kids but if someone asks me "will you get married anyway?" My answer always be the same YES. I believe two people can live together in the harmony but only if both treat each other with respect, share similar interests and really want to have a family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again "

After my first marriage I thought I'll never commit to anyone ever. And here I am married again.

Husband and I started as fb's with no intention of any commitment. Both were separated at the time and not wanting any kind of relationship. A few months later he said he loved me. Scared the shit out of me. I wasn't ready for it or expecting it. Was agonizing for a couple of weeks about whether to cut everything off or go with the flow. I knew I'd hurt him if I left but couldn't return the same feelings either. Decided to stay and carry on as we were and let things evolve one way or another by themselves. A year later I've said the same love phrase back to him. 13 years on we're married, have kids, house and never been happier.

It’s probably not about trying to change ones mind (husband never tried to influence my decision in any way) but about the other allowing the chance for things to happen. Time is a powerful thing.

Mrs

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By *airymagicWoman
over a year ago

goblin city

Ive been seeing someone 2 years, it's suitable for us. He's met my daughter, we go out for occasional meal. He is my bf

Could I see it being more than twice a week and occasional meals out. He doesn't stay over

We're at the limit of our relationship I think, doubt very much I could see more. But he's exceptionally important, but it's me and my daughter. I'm not looking for more than what we are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm feeling very wary of commitment after the breakdown of a 10 year marriage, followed by the breakdown of 3 year relationship. I couldn't live with anyone again, I need far too much alone time for that. If I ever got involved with anyone again it would be on the basis that marriage and cohabiting would never be on the cards. If they decided they wanted more and had to end it then so be it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im in a committed relationship but wouldnt live together

Works perfect for us as its what we both want. Wouldnt get involved with someone who wanted to live with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also; would anything make you change your mind?

Who knows. If my marriage for some reason ends, I might be put off the whole idea of commitment and never want it again "

It's hard to know until you live that journey and come out the other side. I've been divorced over 10 years and great mates with him still. It wasn't him but the next ex that broke my spirit in rather a big way. This lifestyle facilitated the need for no emotional connection for the last 8 years. That's only recently been challenged. Sometimes plans change, people change and circumstances change and the only thing that truly matters is being happy however you choose to live your life. Best advice is never say never. Eyes wide open always x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted to get married the second time(or divorced).... but what was supposed to be a bit of fun quickly escalated.... even though i kept saying to myself i wasn't getting committed and serious with anyone again.... or not for alot longer anyway.

Sometimes shit happens haha.... even if it isn't what you want in the first place.

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By *airymagicWoman
over a year ago

goblin city

"I'm feeling very wary of commitment after the breakdown of a 10 year marriage, followed by the breakdown of 3 year relationship. I couldn't live with anyone again, I need far too much alone time for that. If I ever got involved with anyone again it would be on the basis that marriage and cohabiting would never be on the cards. If they decided they wanted more and had to end it then so be it. "

At least you know, so it's straightforward and honest

Best way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be nice to be in a committed realationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a committed relationship but wouldnt live together

Works perfect for us as its what we both want. Wouldnt get involved with someone who wanted to live with me"

That's my way of thinking now.... like the living alone lifestyle.... and would consider getting into another relationship if it stayed like that.

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