FabSwingers.com forum: Fat?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Carrying on from another thread.

Does it matter if someone is fat?

What is classed as fat?

Do fat people have feelings or are they the brunt of too many jokes and chastisement?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Have to say when i was at my heaviest ive never been the brunt of jokes. I live in a small town so everyone just knows everyone. Obviously i had the "oh your a big girl" comments ect. Obviuosly a small amount of abuse over the years. But dont people (unfortunatly) get some form of abuse in there life if they dont fit the perfect stereo type. Just look at the jokes about red heads.

It never bothered me being fat, i was happy, ive always had friends, boyfriends. It never impacted on my life(or so i thought).

Ive never bothered if my friends have been a size 10 or a size 20, just something that had never influenced me.

However, since loosing weight(althought im still fat) i realized it did impact on the things i did and in the last year i wasnt happy and i certainly wasnt healthy, so i got off my fat arse and did something about it. Ive always said if your truelly happy and healthy whatever size good for you, if your not happy or healthy only you can do something about it.

Im still fat, im a size 16, IF i had to stay this weight forever im very comfortable in my skin, ive sorted my health issues and i am a different person. However, i want to loose more weight because the feeling is very addictive of getting on the scales and being lighter or not wearing something for a couple of weeks and putting it on and it being too big. So i think now its the buzz, thats why im genuinely not bothered that the loss has slowed down.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm fat (just in case it had escaped anyones notice)

It matters to me in terms of health complications but not in terms of vanity / image.

That said, it did matter a hell of a lot as a teen and in my early 20's.

Maturity and having the confidence and love of someone helped me turn that into something positive.

As for what is fat, to me it is someone who carries an unhealthy weight for their height, no someone who is half a stone over their ideal medical weight.

As for if fat people have feelings, course we do.

Some deal with the jibes better than others. It's like water off a ducks back most of the time, but the odd comment still throws me to this day.

In terms of being attractive, I realise I am not everyones cuppa, but I don't hide behind a veil of smoke and mirrors.

What you see in my pics is what you get - no point in it being any other way.

The key is that whilst I am not attractive to everyone, I am attractive to some - and some of them I will find attractive in return.

A lot of fat people assume that rejection happens because of their weight when that isn't always the case - it could be cos they are too tall, too small, too hairy, too old, too young etc etc

No one is attractive to everyone.

I make the best of what I have within my means and mindset.

If I changed my image by losing more weight, waxing my body hair, wearing contacts etc, it would be for me and no one else.

At the moment, I am happy with my lot - if that changes in the future, only time will tell, but at the minute I would be changing it to 'fit in' (no pun intended) which is something I've never been very good at !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesnt matter if someone is fat if they are happy, am thinking dawn french, shes lost weight and looks even better, though she said she is still overweight. If someone has health problems, then it does matter.Being plump and being fat is two different things. I used to be slim and one of the best things about being slim is you dont have to worry about people taking the piss or looking down their noses at you amongs other things, i dont mind so much if people poke fun in a jokey nice sort of way, but dont like it when people are nasty. You need a thick skin to be fat, and quite confident in yourself, like dawn french is and i admire her for that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

for me it's a purely subjective issue....at 6'1 and weighing in at nearly 14 stones with a bit of a podge...I consider myself fat, thought not overweight...have started down the gym 4 times a week for an hour a time with a half hour swim to follow.....the only person's opinion who matters to me...is mine...anyone else can get stuffed .....hmmmmm stuffed........i do miss stuffed crust pizza

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Im a Big girl whos in the process of losing weight due to health reasons(lost just under 3stones just now) but you know what im the most confidant person i know and i know i will still be me whether im 20 stones or 10 stones so what other people think of me is irelevant look at peoples personality and not the skin their in ...treat people with respect regardless of their size because at the end of the day they are human beings and they do have feelings .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Carrying on from another thread.

Does it matter if someone is fat?

What is classed as fat?

Do fat people have feelings or are they the brunt of too many jokes and chastisement?"

of course fat people have feelings, what an odd question

The sad fact of the matter is other people dot seem to think they d and so most overweight people put on a front. I for one will ALWAYS make the fat oke first, especially in a group of new people. It takes the wind out of the bullies sails a bit

of course you can be healthy and overweight, i know people who are technically obese but have o health problems, lead active lives moutainerring etc but people dont see that, they just see a fat person

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm fat. Always have been, presume I always will be.

I've had the fat jokes all my life and all that goes with it.

The reasons for the questions I asked is the fact that anyone with some extra lumber on them knows they have but it just seems the chastisement doesn't really stop even when you reach adulthood (check the Adele thread) so just because someone is classed as fat, does it give the beuatiful crowd the right to pull anyone up on it?

Btw, it doesn't bother me I'm fat but it does nark me when people jump on someone without taking a look at themselves.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andtsurreyCouple
over a year ago

Torbay

Just thinking that in many years on another site I was never made to feel so uncomfortable about my size as I do reading these forums. Is it me or is there an obsession with what makes someone a BBW or which fat people have feelings (FFS).

As always it's my fault for reading them and I don't normally get upset or join in... Must be pmt

But can't we all just get on and accept we are all different and are attracted to different things ??

T (now cowardly sitting in the corner awaiting the shouting replies )

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ath-N-DelCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow area

"Just thinking that in many years on another site I was never made to feel so uncomfortable about my size as I do reading these forums. Is it me or is there an obsession with what makes someone a BBW or which fat people have feelings (FFS).

As always it's my fault for reading them and I don't normally get upset or join in... Must be pmt

But can't we all just get on and accept we are all different and are attracted to different things ??

T (now cowardly sitting in the corner awaiting the shouting replies ) "

Long as you are happy...

To hell with what others think...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As always it's my fault for reading them and I don't normally get upset or join in... Must be pmt

But can't we all just get on and accept we are all different and are attracted to different things ??

T (now cowardly sitting in the corner awaiting the shouting replies ) "

Reading these forums could make anybody go potty with self doubt !

And not just on the weight issue.

There are common themes that pop up and similar points get raised.

Being fat, over 40, hairy, partnered, bisexual and just generally opinionated, I get to join in loads of 'em

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

As always it's my fault for reading them and I don't normally get upset or join in... Must be pmt

But can't we all just get on and accept we are all different and are attracted to different things ??

T (now cowardly sitting in the corner awaiting the shouting replies ) "

not a shouting reply - promise

but i think it shows more about you ad your outlook that you take offese at these topics

i am overweight, not just a little ut a lot ad i have never been made to feel uncomfortable or out of place because of this, yes some people dont like it and will make some stupid comment but they are often dealt with quickly. all they are doing is showing people how ugly they are

i guess there are more threads about BBWs etc as its a term used more on sites such as this tha in real life, some people genuinely dot know what it is, some are trolls trying to stir things up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

well im a fatty im a bbw who is loosing weight now she is finally happy in life and yes we have feelings how ever when i was skinny i was told i was fat i was a size 10 but top heavy so had to buy bigger sizes because i had huge boobs that made me wear a 14-16 top then i gained weight and still had grief so i think some people will just pick on you for the sake of it. I have not had many problems on this site with my size but have on others if anything being on here has boosted my confidence

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

As always it's my fault for reading them and I don't normally get upset or join in... Must be pmt

But can't we all just get on and accept we are all different and are attracted to different things ??

T (now cowardly sitting in the corner awaiting the shouting replies )

Reading these forums could make anybody go potty with self doubt !

And not just on the weight issue.

There are common themes that pop up and similar points get raised.

Being fat, over 40, hairy, partnered, bisexual and just generally opinionated, I get to join in loads of 'em

Im not hairy but i wear glasses, actually we dont get any four eyes threads lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andtsurreyCouple
over a year ago

Torbay

I'll just toughen up a bit and not post after a bad day. As said it's my outlook and problem and I should just get my arse (fat one at that lol) back to slimming world and read a good book rather than these forums. No more whinging promise

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i've had weight issues all my life i was a podgy kid which made me a nice big target for bullies then a comment made by well meaning friend of my mothers when i was around 8 or 9 stung me to the core she said "if you lost a little weight you'd be quite pretty" this made me believe that not only was i the fat kid in the village i was also the ugly one

this left me with many issues and with a mother that continuely dieted and tried to make me the same then a step father coming along and insisting on making defamitory remarks about my weight even grounding me till i lost a stone in weight locking all the food cupboards so i could only eat what he gave me, at this point i weighed 11 n half stone and he wanted me to weigh 9 n half i was 5ft 5 so not really hugely overweight for my height but he most certainly managed to make me feel like the size of a bus

by the time i left home at 16 i had got down to the 9 n half stone he required of me but it had left me with an eating disorder i can't claim to of been anorexic i never went that far but i hardly ate a thing as i needed to feel control and most days i would eat just a mars bar buying it in the morning and cutting it into 10 sections and allowing my self one section per hour of the day, i shrunk so a size 10 was loose on me and the last time i ever weighed myself i was just under 8 stone but i know i shrunk lower than that as the size 10 was tight at that weight and got looser after that, i used to enjoy feeling hungry and love feeling my stomach being concave and i loved more than anything laying down and seeing my hip bones stick up

i then at 17 met mr B and soon after moved in with him at his mothers house and before long i was feeling so loved that i didn't care about the empty feeling and even though right at the start i would eat such rediculously small portions within 6 months i was eating just the same ammount as evryone else at the dinner table and slowly but surely that size 10 became a 12 then a 14 then by the time we married a size 16

then a simple remark from someone that meant not a jot to anyone else than a passing remark about a friend looking great now they had lost some weight got me all paranoid again and before i knew it i had full blown bulimia as i couldn't control the eating side anymore so i decided i could just get the damn stuff right back out afterwards

this carried on for a fair few years i managed to fall pregnant twice during all of this, the first time i didn't pick up on the morning sickness i just thought in my niavety that my body was just getting rid of the food for me out of habit as i'd done it for so long

i gained quite a bit of weight during both pregnacies as i carried on with the binging but i stopped the forced sickness as i was scared the heaving would damage the babies but once they were born i went straight back to my old habits

what bought me to an abrupt end to the throwing up was the day i looked up from the toilet bowl to see our oldest son in the bathroom doorway copying me popping his tiny fingers down his throat this made my heart break so bad i was so scared of the damage i was doing to my child i just stopped that day and have never done it since

i admitted a few days latter to Mr B that i had bulimia and he gently persuaded me to go to the docs which i did but i've never been very good at recieving help i like to sort out my own problems so i came away and tried to self council myself on it but i failed in many ways as i carried on binging when i felt low but i did manage to stay away from the throwing up but this meant i piled on the weight

for many yeas i hated the way i looked and even though my wonderful hubby would tell me all the time he found me beautiful and managed to make me believe him i just thought he was blind as he loved me and didn't see the ugly me everyone else saw

friends would compliment me also but i just felt it was what friends did i never saw it as honest compliments many of then were clumsy like "you always look so well turned out for a big girl" like a big gal should be dressed in a whole lotta ugly stuff not in nice clothes but i guess working in the industry i do it made me feel i should always make the most of who i am no matter what i'm feeling thankfully

all the same i would walk with my head down hoping the world would ignore me

but it never did you see being so lacking in self confidence made me a target yet again those bullies from school never grow out of it and even as adults feel the need to make some random person walking along minding their own business feel bad about themselves by making nasty comments as they pass close by or even better shouting it across the street at you for everyone to hear, oh the best ones are the ones that spit on you like your worth nothing just because you wobble or barge into you as you walk through town then say "oh sorry didn't see you there" then laugh as they declaire to their friends "as if"

my turning point came when a member of staff in tesco made a cruel comment about me that i over heard and Mr B, when he came home that night and found me in peices, went straight up there and made a complaint and the woman admitted it, thankfully, and i sunk to my lowest i refused to go anywhere on my own for the longest time admitting to my friends how i felt was difficult but i had to to help them understand why i was having panic attacks everytime i tried to go out alone the only place i felt safe was at home with my family and in the salon i worked in at the time, the two became my safety bubbly i felt so confident in them as i felt loved and safe in both of them

with hubby and friends now knowing how low i had sunk they worked hard to build my confidence back up and slowly but surely i got there it took me giving myself some very hard shakes and talkings too making myself understand i was incredibly lucky to have a womderful husband that loved me just the way i was and 2 beautiful sons that loved me just they way i was and a great group of friends that loved me just they way i was for me to start loving myself just the way i was

once i realised this my confidence soared really quite fast and suddenly i could go out on my own again with my head held so damn high i just didn't care what others opinion of me was as those that mattered in my life liked me for me not what dress size i was and if tohers wanted to judge me on how much i wobbled then they just were never going to be the kind of person i would want in my life anyway so why should they bother me even just one jot

from then the abuse from strangers got less as my confidence was evident in the way i walked so i wasn't the easy target they sought out but when it did come my way i would smile my biggest smile and wave sweetly and say "why thankyou for noticing" it was just priceless the look on their faces

since then my weight carried on creeping up just purely as i'm a foodie i love nice tasting things and never really been much good on portion control and it doesn't help living in a house with 3 men that can eat anything they like and not pop an ounce on, a fact i'm grateful for as our sons never had to feel the pain i felt from the abuse i recieved

i have done everything i can to help other friends with confidence issues feel good about themselves and see that its the person that matters not the skin they are in and it also made me become very difiant when it come to conforming i never want to be who others think i should be i'm a good person with a good heart and i will never bend in any direction to please others

this was why when my poor overworked back gave out on me 3 years ago i found it very hard to give in to the inevitable and loose weight as i felt i was giving in and conforming it took me a good year of fighting it and refusing and trying to just live with the pain before i gave in and started the only thing that was going to help me, loose weight

i felt like a betrayer of my own cause as a freedom for the fat brigade even though it was my own cause in my own head wih only me as a memeber but it was importnat to me i might only be able to change the opinion of a very small minority of those that come into contact with me but it was important to ke so i then found myself constantly appologising for my weight loss, quite pathetic really

i even find myself sabotaging it from time to time i'm going throught that phase agian at the mo but i'm starting to recognise it and address it slowly but surely i have no desire to be slim i just needed to be pain free as i was scared i'd have to give up work and that fear was bigger than having to explain why i was loosing weight to all those i had told i didn't care about my weight all those years

so i reach the end of what i have to say and i can't even remeber the post that started it but i hope what i say makes a little sense in relation to it or i'm gonna look like a right loon, nowt new there then lol

didn't even know we could use as many characters in threads on here i gotta be honest been waiting for it to tell me ffs woman shut up enough already lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The so called BMI index available to look at on many websites, including the NHS, does not help, I am six foot five and the top end of fourteen stone but seem to be classed as obese!

Any clues?

Just be happy with how you are!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hang on! Have I missed something?

this wasn't a thread having a go at people with a few extra lbs.

It was an observation that some people think they are better than those that carry some extra flesh.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i've had weight issues all my life i was a podgy kid which made me a nice big target for bullies then a comment made by well meaning friend of my mothers when i was around 8 or 9 stung me to the core she said "if you lost a little weight you'd be quite pretty" this made me believe that not only was i the fat kid in the village i was also the ugly one

all the same i would walk with my head down hoping the world would ignore me

didn't even know we could use as many characters in threads on here i gotta be honest been waiting for it to tell me ffs woman shut up enough already lol"

wow.

such a humbling story, thankyou

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Hang on! Have I missed something?

this wasn't a thread having a go at people with a few extra lbs.

It was an observation that some people think they are better than those that carry some extra flesh."
But its not exclusive to people who discriminate against those that carry extra flesh, some people think they are better than everyone else cause they have more money, or have a better paid job?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it's not a matter if vanity or image. Heart disease is the biggest killer in this country and other illness are on the rise that have a link to body fat (weight is actually irrelevant). As a father to young children I drag my sorry arse out of bed and go running so that I can keep up with them AND I want to be around as long as possible (stepping out in front of a bus notwithstanding).

By the way, spring onions are by far the best food for reducing the risk of heart disease, they're just not great for your sex life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I may be fat but I‘m still superior

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As always it's my fault for reading them and I don't normally get upset or join in... Must be pmt

But can't we all just get on and accept we are all different and are attracted to different things ??

T (now cowardly sitting in the corner awaiting the shouting replies )

not a shouting reply - promise

but i think it shows more about you ad your outlook that you take offese at these topics

i guess there are more threads about BBWs etc as its a term used more on sites such as this tha in real life, some people genuinely dot know what it is, some are trolls trying to stir things up

Couldn't agree more. Comments made by strangers on the internet don't bother me in the least.

Besides, my talking mirror tells me I'm gorgeous every day...so there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if ur fat ur fat if ur skinny ur skinny, and all things inbetween

just be happy ffs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

i would just like to say congratulations to everyone that deciphered my last post on here - how many typos?????

fat fingers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Carrying on from another thread.

Does it matter if someone is fat?

What is classed as fat?

Do fat people have feelings or are they the brunt of too many jokes and chastisement?"

1. their choice/business

2. Swingers ain't got no class

3. Yes they have feelings if they have a pulse.

4. Yes they bear the brunt of too many jokes and chastisement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hang on! Have I missed something?

this wasn't a thread having a go at people with a few extra lbs.

It was an observation that some people think they are better than those that carry some extra flesh."

They are better at controlling weight either through more exercise or less eating its common seance.

Do people really need to ask what fat is in this day and age? Its all around us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Hang on! Have I missed something?

this wasn't a thread having a go at people with a few extra lbs.

It was an observation that some people think they are better than those that carry some extra flesh.

They are better at controlling weight either through more exercise or less eating its common seance.

Do people really need to ask what fat is in this day and age? Its all around us. "

no one is asking what it is, you just seem to want to point it out lol

what (i think) the OP is asking is, is it right for people to say hurtful things to people who are fat? if so why is it right?

and if you are one of these people how does it make you feel, is it your intention to hurt people? (added that question as its somthing i have pondered for some time)

oh and not 'your' in relation to the poster i quoted - 'your' meaing geeral people who say the hurtful things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hang on! Have I missed something?

this wasn't a thread having a go at people with a few extra lbs.

It was an observation that some people think they are better than those that carry some extra flesh.

They are better at controlling weight either through more exercise or less eating its common seance.

Do people really need to ask what fat is in this day and age? Its all around us.

no one is asking what it is, you just seem to want to point it out lol

what (i think) the OP is asking is, is it right for people to say hurtful things to people who are fat? if so why is it right?

and if you are one of these people how does it make you feel, is it your intention to hurt people? (added that question as its somthing i have pondered for some time)

oh and not 'your' in relation to the poster i quoted - 'your' meaing geeral people who say the hurtful things"

The starter asked what is classed as fat I just think its a daft question as we should all know. Most carry some fat cos its good for you. Being black had my fair share of abuse and wasn't skinny when younger. I could do something about my weight but not my colour. Shame people feel that have to change for others. Do it toy yourself I say.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people will find something to take a dig at you regardless. being overweight is just 1 thing on a long list

personally i will always try to spare peoples feelings but none of us are saints

most of us will have been on the recieving end and will of given some aswell

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hang on! Have I missed something?

this wasn't a thread having a go at people with a few extra lbs.

It was an observation that some people think they are better than those that carry some extra flesh.But its not exclusive to people who discriminate against those that carry extra flesh, some people think they are better than everyone else cause they have more money, or have a better paid job?

Ohhh! You mean the "professionals" in the beautiful brigade