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Bit of advice needed!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So my best friend has been in a relationship for 18 months brought a house with her bf after 6 (i no crazy)

Now shes selling her car, as he has a high end german car, and they cant afford to run 2 cars.

How do i tell her shes making a mistake without sounding patronising

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Hi OP

If theres one thing I've learnt,its that you can't tell someone what is right and wrong for them,they often have to find out for themselves.

Just be there for her if /when needed.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't tell her but you can ask her if she has a plan if it doesn't work out, just so she is ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi OP

If theres one thing I've learnt,its that you can't tell someone what is right and wrong for them,they often have to find out for themselves.

Just be there for her if /when needed.

Miss "

Thats what i was thinking however i don't wanna see her with nothin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You possibly don’t know the whole story.

If she’s asking you for advice that’s one thing but not many people welcome unsolicited negative opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't she make her own life decisions?

I'd be pissed off if a mate started telling me what's right and wrong in my relationship. Subtle caring is fine but ppl can and do make decisions at their own pace and it's not for others to judge.....

Tread carefully if you want to keep your friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without telling her what to do, perhaps ask her if she is sure they can manage without two cars.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm getting a feeling a that some romantic interest may be at play here, am I wrong op? Apologies if I am......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm getting a feeling a that some romantic interest may be at play here, am I wrong op? Apologies if I am...... "

-a

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm getting a feeling a that some romantic interest may be at play here, am I wrong op? Apologies if I am...... "
not at all fella just care for her

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

You can't....its their choice to do what they want even if from the out side it looks wrong, all you can do is be there for said friend if it does all go wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm getting a feeling a that some romantic interest may be at play here, am I wrong op? Apologies if I am...... not at all fella just care for her"

Ok, sorry buddy

....but yeah you're gonna have to do that from a distance and hope that she proves you wrong...

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By *cousesubsallyWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere out there


"So my best friend has been in a relationship for 18 months brought a house with her bf after 6 (i no crazy)

Now shes selling her car, as he has a high end german car, and they cant afford to run 2 cars.

How do i tell her shes making a mistake without sounding patronising "

You can’t really. I’d just look at it as she’s a grown up and they have made this decision together.

It sounds as though maybe it’s not just the car issue you don’t agree with...

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

What has changed in the last 12 months that means they can no longer afford to run both cars? Why sell hers and not his? Are you only worried about her finances? Do you know something about this guy that she doesn’t? There are many more questions here but it’s a complicated scenario.

On the face of it I would echo what’s been said before. Simply talk to her as you would about any other subject and hope that your fears for her are unfounded. If they’re not, then be there to help pick up the pieces, but you can’t live her life for her.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So my best friend has been in a relationship for 18 months brought a house with her bf after 6 (i no crazy)

Now shes selling her car, as he has a high end german car, and they cant afford to run 2 cars.

How do i tell her shes making a mistake without sounding patronising "

You can't because telling someone else they are mistaken in their decisions, made jointly with their partner, about the way they run their life is patronising.

Without knowing anything else about your friend, her partner or the nature of their relationship that's all I can say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What has changed in the last 12 months that means they can no longer afford to run both cars? Why sell hers and not his? Are you only worried about her finances? Do you know something about this guy that she doesn’t? There are many more questions here but it’s a complicated scenario.

On the face of it I would echo what’s been said before. Simply talk to her as you would about any other subject and hope that your fears for her are unfounded. If they’re not, then be there to help pick up the pieces, but you can’t live her life for her. "

So im jus worried that in 2-3 years time if they split shes gonna have nothin!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is she making a mistake?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"What has changed in the last 12 months that means they can no longer afford to run both cars? Why sell hers and not his? Are you only worried about her finances? Do you know something about this guy that she doesn’t? There are many more questions here but it’s a complicated scenario.

On the face of it I would echo what’s been said before. Simply talk to her as you would about any other subject and hope that your fears for her are unfounded. If they’re not, then be there to help pick up the pieces, but you can’t live her life for her.

So im jus worried that in 2-3 years time if they split shes gonna have nothin!! "

You're her friend and you're concerned for her welfare. Unless the relationship is abusive or coercive it's none of your business.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"So my best friend has been in a relationship for 18 months brought a house with her bf after 6 (i no crazy)

Now shes selling her car, as he has a high end german car, and they cant afford to run 2 cars.

How do i tell her shes making a mistake without sounding patronising "

One thing I've learnt: where other people's business is concerned, mind my own!

If she's not a vulnerable adult I'd tread very carefully because she's obviously smitten and will drop you as a friend if you interfere.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Hi OP

If theres one thing I've learnt,its that you can't tell someone what is right and wrong for them,they often have to find out for themselves.

Just be there for her if /when needed.

Miss "

Indeed!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"You possibly don’t know the whole story.

If she’s asking you for advice that’s one thing but not many people welcome unsolicited negative opinions."

This too! I know I don't take kindly to unsolicited opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the level of your friendship if your the say what u thi k type friends im used to then tell her if not dont either way its still not you business

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they don't need 2 cars now they are together and his might well be on finance if it's high end. However likely they do need the cash saved from running 1 car instead of 2. Its not your call to decide if its right or wrong.

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