Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Dunno I've never cheated." snap | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| Reply privately |
 | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." Surely leaving is the better option. Do you even like your wife anymore? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." How long until the kids are grown up? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. Surely leaving is the better option. Do you even like your wife anymore?" What you might not be factoring here is that this guy might still live his wife although he isn't able to love her physically. Maybe he doesn't want to leave her, but has to satisfy his physical needs as well. I feel for him. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." cant say fairer than that dude | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." Well your children must be older now? So you can think about leaving soon? When you went to counselling wasn't you having sex elsewhere discussed? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. Well your children must be older now? So you can think about leaving soon? When you went to counselling wasn't you having sex elsewhere discussed? " Would they discuss that in counselling? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." That's some pretty deep reading there for a Monday morning op....suicide I wouldn't say is an option as that would mean you would be leaving her as a single parent which you have said you don't want to do to her. Like others have said how old are your kids? Have you discussed the possibilities of an open marriage? Have you weighed up all of the pros and cons of separation? You really need to think about yourself and how it's affecting you because how you are with your thoughts,surely your family can pick up on that your not truly happy? Just my opinions op and certainly no judgement at all, each to live their life how they want  | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. Surely leaving is the better option. Do you even like your wife anymore? What you might not be factoring here is that this guy might still live his wife although he isn't able to love her physically. Maybe he doesn't want to leave her, but has to satisfy his physical needs as well. I feel for him. " Brilliant posts, very much my situ and like the above still love my wife and kids | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Because I really, really wanted the hotel on Mayfair. Who else wouldn't want the £2000 that comes every time someone landed on it." Just spat coffee over my Monopoly set lol  | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Cheating is cheating, don’t like it then leave that person " Thank you Confucius | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." If she feels that way and knows you struggle not having physical intimacy it would be kind of her to give you her blessing to seek it elsewhere, then you wouldn’t feel so conflicted. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh?" Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have  .x | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x"Thanks. And it wasn’t my intention to take over this thread at all, just to answer the original post. It’s just that sometimes the answer is quite big. Someone else can have a go now | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." I can fully understand this situation, having loved like that for 9 years. We have been split 9 years now and my relationship with my son is great. I don’t regret staying for those years, like you say you try and keep the family together. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. If she is asexual is it just the family unit she now enjoys? Ethical non-monogamy may be the way you can have the best of both, many poly relationships are like this. It isn’t cheating as there’s total openness, honesty and inclusion | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. I can fully understand this situation, having loved like that for 9 years. We have been split 9 years now and my relationship with my son is great. I don’t regret staying for those years, like you say you try and keep the family together. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. If she is asexual is it just the family unit she now enjoys? Ethical non-monogamy may be the way you can have the best of both, many poly relationships are like this. It isn’t cheating as there’s total openness, honesty and inclusion " Yes, except she won’t accept it. So cheating with a load of guilt, self loathing and being told I’m horrible by a load of strangers (not you!) is where I am | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. I can fully understand this situation, having loved like that for 9 years. We have been split 9 years now and my relationship with my son is great. I don’t regret staying for those years, like you say you try and keep the family together. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. If she is asexual is it just the family unit she now enjoys? Ethical non-monogamy may be the way you can have the best of both, many poly relationships are like this. It isn’t cheating as there’s total openness, honesty and inclusion Yes, except she won’t accept it. So cheating with a load of guilt, self loathing and being told I’m horrible by a load of strangers (not you!) is where I am" I don’t think your horrible, you’ve found a life jacket on here, in my humble opinion, I think that’s great for you.. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh?" I feel for you. I don't necessarily agree with the cheating but from what you say I understand fully why. That is the problem a lot of the time, people judge without knowing the full story. I have huge respect for you that you have put your family first. However, please look after yourself. With regards to the suicide, you might think that is a good idea but think of the ones left behind, from experience, believe me that is not a good thing | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
 | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x" | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"I believe it all depends on the situation. My life at home is shit, he wont let me leave or leave himself he is manipulative and a general dick, so I use fab for some Male company and attention. It also helps with my confidence seeing as I've been told for years I wouldn't get anyone else due to being fat. I dont condone cheating but sometimes it's just what happens "Do you earn your own money or could you work full time? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
"Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows? I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others..... Best of luck with it all anyway  | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Dunno I've never cheated.snap" Ditto | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway "I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic. It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
"Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....  | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"It's always struck me as odd that romantic relationships are generally accepted and expected to be sexual. Yet if for some reason sex ceases its the one who still wants it to be sexual who's expected to make the biggest compromise." Yes it's totally unreasonable and unfair! Leaving for me was the only option. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. I can fully understand this situation, having loved like that for 9 years. We have been split 9 years now and my relationship with my son is great. I don’t regret staying for those years, like you say you try and keep the family together. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. If she is asexual is it just the family unit she now enjoys? Ethical non-monogamy may be the way you can have the best of both, many poly relationships are like this. It isn’t cheating as there’s total openness, honesty and inclusion Yes, except she won’t accept it. So cheating with a load of guilt, self loathing and being told I’m horrible by a load of strangers (not you!) is where I am" Probably the best and most honest answer I've seen on here. I suspect the occurrence is greater than 1% but most don't ever seek help and get it diagnosed. I dare say that sometimes its the man too. Not that it's any help in practice. I don't know why some on here don't understand why you can't still love an asexual woman and not want to leave her and destroy her life. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh?" I really feel for you OP
That seems like an impossible situation. I'm sure your children would prefer you alive and happy, you might think they don't see or understand but maybe they could. My children survived my separating from their dad and it actually brought us closer together and it was much better for them emotionally because they weren't oblivious to the arguments and tension.
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Thanks. And it wasn’t my intention to take over this thread at all, just to answer the original post. It’s just that sometimes the answer is quite big.
Someone else can have a go now "Actually think this is a very valid side of the issue, also your profile blurb is lovely and the hands picture brought a warm smile to my face | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
"I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. Well your children must be older now? So you can think about leaving soon? When you went to counselling wasn't you having sex elsewhere discussed? Would they discuss that in counselling? " I don't know but if it was brought up that would be the ideal time to do it surely? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of."I think discussing things is good and can validate you. I would say if you're having suicidal thoughts they're best discussed with a professional . | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"I believe it all depends on the situation. My life at home is shit, he wont let me leave or leave himself he is manipulative and a general dick, so I use fab for some Male company and attention. It also helps with my confidence seeing as I've been told for years I wouldn't get anyone else due to being fat. I dont condone cheating but sometimes it's just what happens
Do you earn your own money or could you work full time?
"I work near enough fulltime but we have little kids | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here." That’s a lie | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." That's a very brave post. None of us can guess what goes on in a marriage. I hope you and your wife find a way to accommodate what both of you need and want to be happy people. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"It's always struck me as odd that romantic relationships are generally accepted and expected to be sexual. Yet if for some reason sex ceases its the one who still wants it to be sexual who's expected to make the biggest compromise." You're right, to a degree. I was in a similar situation to Adam, my ex did try but that made things worse. The answer to the question; what's worse than a partner who doesn't want sex? A partner who doesn't want sex but does anyway. I can't express what that does to a person. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Very much the same as the OP, but without the suicidal thoughts. I love my partner, and I'm pretty sure she loves me. But I've had my own bedroom for about 9 years now. She told me years ago that she no longer fancied me sexually, which hurt!, but we've sort of stayed together because we can't leave each other. Masturbation now fills 99% of my sexual relief. " I know many in similar situations, my parents being one of them until I turned 18 and my dad decided I was grown up enough for him to move on. I carried a lot of guilt for a while that he stayed in a situation he didn't want to be in for the sake of me. I respect his choices tho, and know he sacrificed his own happiness for a lot of years for what he believed to be the right reasons. Turns out the mother proper shafted us once he had let her practically have the house and started all over again himself. He let her have the house for the price of the mortgage back in 1977, on the condition myself and my sister ALWAYS had a home if needed. When myself and my sons dad split I asked to go back to the 4 bed house that nobody was living in, and was told no, the main reason being the cost of electric and losing her council tax single person reduction. Doing "the right thing" doesn't always work out, and I find it incredibly sad. P | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Very much the same as the OP, but without the suicidal thoughts. I love my partner, and I'm pretty sure she loves me. But I've had my own bedroom for about 9 years now. She told me years ago that she no longer fancied me sexually, which hurt!, but we've sort of stayed together because we can't leave each other. Masturbation now fills 99% of my sexual relief. I know many in similar situations, my parents being one of them until I turned 18 and my dad decided I was grown up enough for him to move on. I carried a lot of guilt for a while that he stayed in a situation he didn't want to be in for the sake of me. I respect his choices tho, and know he sacrificed his own happiness for a lot of years for what he believed to be the right reasons. Turns out the mother proper shafted us once he had let her practically have the house and started all over again himself. He let her have the house for the price of the mortgage back in 1977, on the condition myself and my sister ALWAYS had a home if needed. When myself and my sons dad split I asked to go back to the 4 bed house that nobody was living in, and was told no, the main reason being the cost of electric and losing her council tax single person reduction. Doing "the right thing" doesn't always work out, and I find it incredibly sad. P" I must add, my parents really didn't want to be together, I think the fear of the unknown was a huge factor too in why my dad stayed as long as he did. P | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"It's always struck me as odd that romantic relationships are generally accepted and expected to be sexual. Yet if for some reason sex ceases its the one who still wants it to be sexual who's expected to make the biggest compromise. You're right, to a degree. I was in a similar situation to Adam, my ex did try but that made things worse. The answer to the question; what's worse than a partner who doesn't want sex? A partner who doesn't want sex but does anyway. I can't express what that does to a person. " Sex is so bound up with love in our society and we're so narrow in terms of the type of relationship we're prepared to accept that it's no surprise such difficulties occur. I don't think these things will ever change. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"It's always struck me as odd that romantic relationships are generally accepted and expected to be sexual. Yet if for some reason sex ceases its the one who still wants it to be sexual who's expected to make the biggest compromise. You're right, to a degree. I was in a similar situation to Adam, my ex did try but that made things worse. The answer to the question; what's worse than a partner who doesn't want sex? A partner who doesn't want sex but does anyway. I can't express what that does to a person. Sex is so bound up with love in our society and we're so narrow in terms of the type of relationship we're prepared to accept that it's no surprise such difficulties occur. I don't think these things will ever change." no i dont thik it will. some people are so black and white and dont understand the grey scale | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"It's always struck me as odd that romantic relationships are generally accepted and expected to be sexual. Yet if for some reason sex ceases its the one who still wants it to be sexual who's expected to make the biggest compromise. You're right, to a degree. I was in a similar situation to Adam, my ex did try but that made things worse. The answer to the question; what's worse than a partner who doesn't want sex? A partner who doesn't want sex but does anyway. I can't express what that does to a person. Sex is so bound up with love in our society and we're so narrow in terms of the type of relationship we're prepared to accept that it's no surprise such difficulties occur. I don't think these things will ever change. no i dont thik it will. some people are so black and white and dont understand the grey scale" | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"It's always struck me as odd that romantic relationships are generally accepted and expected to be sexual. Yet if for some reason sex ceases its the one who still wants it to be sexual who's expected to make the biggest compromise. You're right, to a degree. I was in a similar situation to Adam, my ex did try but that made things worse. The answer to the question; what's worse than a partner who doesn't want sex? A partner who doesn't want sex but does anyway. I can't express what that does to a person. Sex is so bound up with love in our society and we're so narrow in terms of the type of relationship we're prepared to accept that it's no surprise such difficulties occur. I don't think these things will ever change. no i dont thik it will. some people are so black and white and dont understand the grey scale" True, its no surprise though. From the time we start thinking about relationships we're told the only model is two people fulfilling each others needs completely and anything else is bad or wrong. I've got a friend who doesn't want a full time relationship but would love to have a man in her life to go out for meals, an occasional weekend away and have sex with. I've told her numerous times a married man whose wife wasn't interested in sexual intimacy and agreed with the arrangement would be ideal. Its never going to happen. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"As a couple who swing (albeit with some close friends we have known for years not from this site) we have no need to cheat. We get sexual gratification and pleasure with other people with each others’ consent. Isn’t that what this site and swinging should be about? " In a perfect world yes. I wouldn't knowingly meet someone who's cheating, it's something that doesn't sit well with me, however I can understand how people who feel isolated, trapped, not knowing what to do for the best can find themselves going down that route. I don't agree with it, but having lived with my parents, I can understand it. P | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Dunno I've never cheated.snap" Have never cheated been tempted but I just could not do it. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of."I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t." 
From your comment you have explore a lot as a person and a couple. Have you not spoken about your needs and for filling your needs else where so you can 1 drop the guilty feeling and enter into a agreement with your wife. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone. "No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t.
From your comment you have explore a lot as a person and a couple. Have you not spoken about your needs and for filling your needs else where so you can 1 drop the guilty feeling and enter into a agreement with your wife. "Yes, with 2 different couples therapists as well as individual therapists too. Unfortunately changing an asexual person is like changing a gay or straight person’s orientation - if they don’t want to then I don’t strong force them, that would be horrible | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine." It’s a shame she doesn’t seem to be considering your feeling as much as you do hers. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine."Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. "Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine."It makes me sad reading your posts Adam. I get where you're coming from and feel for you. 'Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity' She must know that the above statement doesn't apply to you. Does she realise how selfish she is being do you think? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household."But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine."You're talking very calmly about suicide and have considered how best to do it so it looks like an accident. Now you say your relationship is hell in a very matter of fact manner. Did the therapy you've sought address your needs or depression at all? Please go and see your gp and tell them that you've had these thoughts. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist? "Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine."A relationship should be about compromise and happiness. Just because you dont argue doesn't mean theres not an air of tension which children pick up on. We learn are loving and caring traits from our parents your children will think this is normal. I walked away from an awful relationship with my son who at the time was 9mths old. It would have been easier to stay but lifes to short for unhappiness. I dont regret that discussion and it was the best thing to do to ensure my son wasnt exposed to topic adult relationships. I feel for you I honestly do cant be easy. Yes I've cheated in the past in my younger days just because I didn't have the balls to say "its over'. Trying to please others above myself it doesn't work. I wouldn't cheat now but then it's over 10 years since I've been in a relationship. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades."So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades."My dad and I had a long conversation recently about him and my mum and stuff that went on when I was growing up. He was shocked at what I noticed as a child. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here." I prefer a panther myself. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades.
So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide? "Yes, very much so | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades.
So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide?
Yes, very much so"So you want to stay with a woman who cares so little about you that she is happy despite that knowledge? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide? Yes, very much so" Obviously I don't know things from both sides here but that sounds like the recipe for divorce. You say that you're staying for your children but don't your kids deserve to grow up knowing what a healthy relationship looks like? What a happy father looks like? This determination that kids can only be happy with bio mum and dad together is a fallacy. My kids thrive now and love the fact that they get two of everything and a happy functioning Dad. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades.
So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide?
Yes, very much so
So you want to stay with a woman who cares so little about you that she is happy despite that knowledge? "No. I want to keep her and the children financially secure and our relationship as good as it can be. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide? Yes, very much so Obviously I don't know things from both sides here but that sounds like the recipe for divorce. You say that you're staying for your children but don't your kids deserve to grow up knowing what a healthy relationship looks like? What a happy father looks like? This determination that kids can only be happy with bio mum and dad together is a fallacy. My kids thrive now and love the fact that they get two of everything and a happy functioning Dad. " That’s great, however knowing my family quite well I can say that two would be ok, two would be destroyed by it. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Never cheated, however there are 2 types of cheaters. 1 - Stolen moments. These can cheat on you and love you, it will be random, and they do it because they believe that people only live once, and this chance will never persent itself ever again and they just want to experience it before its gone forever. 2 - Affair. These people will actively look to cheat. I personally believe it stems from childhood issues. They got rejected too much, or their parents didnt hug them enough or some other reason that has them needing to be constantly accepted by someone. The more the better. " Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Never cheated, however there are 2 types of cheaters. 1 - Stolen moments. These can cheat on you and love you, it will be random, and they do it because they believe that people only live once, and this chance will never persent itself ever again and they just want to experience it before its gone forever. 2 - Affair. These people will actively look to cheat. I personally believe it stems from childhood issues. They got rejected too much, or their parents didnt hug them enough or some other reason that has them needing to be constantly accepted by someone. The more the better. Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read!" You should green arrow my posts if you wanna see crap | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades.
So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide?
Yes, very much so
So you want to stay with a woman who cares so little about you that she is happy despite that knowledge?
No. I want to keep her and the children financially secure and our relationship as good as it can be.
As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right "I don't get it. This is not Where there's one problem but everything else is great so you carry on. You've thought about killing yourself because that seems preferable to being in the relationship and your wife doesn't care about that. If that's not a reason to leave I don't know what is. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Never cheated, however there are 2 types of cheaters. 1 - Stolen moments. These can cheat on you and love you, it will be random, and they do it because they believe that people only live once, and this chance will never persent itself ever again and they just want to experience it before its gone forever. 2 - Affair. These people will actively look to cheat. I personally believe it stems from childhood issues. They got rejected too much, or their parents didnt hug them enough or some other reason that has them needing to be constantly accepted by someone. The more the better. Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read!" I just wasnt that rude to say it | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Never cheated, however there are 2 types of cheaters. 1 - Stolen moments. These can cheat on you and love you, it will be random, and they do it because they believe that people only live once, and this chance will never persent itself ever again and they just want to experience it before its gone forever. 2 - Affair. These people will actively look to cheat. I personally believe it stems from childhood issues. They got rejected too much, or their parents didnt hug them enough or some other reason that has them needing to be constantly accepted by someone. The more the better. Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! You should green arrow my posts if you wanna see crap "Try any tabloid if you want more of the same. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Very much the same as the OP, but without the suicidal thoughts. I love my partner, and I'm pretty sure she loves me. But I've had my own bedroom for about 9 years now. She told me years ago that she no longer fancied me sexually, which hurt!, but we've sort of stayed together because we can't leave each other. Masturbation now fills 99% of my sexual relief. I know many in similar situations, my parents being one of them until I turned 18 and my dad decided I was grown up enough for him to move on. I carried a lot of guilt for a while that he stayed in a situation he didn't want to be in for the sake of me. I respect his choices tho, and know he sacrificed his own happiness for a lot of years for what he believed to be the right reasons. Turns out the mother proper shafted us once he had let her practically have the house and started all over again himself. He let her have the house for the price of the mortgage back in 1977, on the condition myself and my sister ALWAYS had a home if needed. When myself and my sons dad split I asked to go back to the 4 bed house that nobody was living in, and was told no, the main reason being the cost of electric and losing her council tax single person reduction. Doing "the right thing" doesn't always work out, and I find it incredibly sad. P I must add, my parents really didn't want to be together, I think the fear of the unknown was a huge factor too in why my dad stayed as long as he did. P" Many reasons we all stay P, and each reason is different. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. I feel the pain for each person on here and would never attribute blame to anyone. X | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh?" You have a lot of courage to post this. I admire that in you. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it. Tricky, eh? Lots of people are on here for their own reasons, I think your brave to have posted what you have .x
Brave, I'm not sure is the word. Certainly an amount of bravery to risk the backlash of judgement and opinion. Maybe a little unwise though if you're current state of mind is a fragile one. I'm not sure why a person would go into that much gory detail with online strangers (who are often full of shit themselves in general), maybe for some validation, self worth and understanding, to release some guilt, who knows?
I think if a person is going to cheat then it needs full ownership and acceptance, otherwise its best to keep life simple and find something less complicated that makes life worthwhile. Life is only all about sex if you make it. Labels like asexual make me sad, its a way to explain something that already is I guess but it makes ppl feel safe and like there's no use in trying to change or consider their relationships with others.....
Best of luck with it all anyway
I think discussing things with anyone is cathartic.
It doesn't really matter who it is - and who better to discuss a sexless relationship with than a group of horny strangers
Lol I guess.....
.....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat.....
.....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe....
I see your point but you must know that most people here are out with the pitchforks when married cheating blokes come up. I’d probably get a more sympathetic response from many if I went to the most militant wing of churchgoers
This place does allow me to feel that sexual needs are normal, it’s ok to have them. Whereas I had learned that sexual needs were to be ignored, buried away and to be ashamed of.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably?
The current situation must be hell for everyone.
No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine.
Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy.
And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household.
Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly.
I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household.
But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household.
Were you honest with the therapist?
Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way.
As for hiding stuff from the children, adults are very good at that. You haven’t got to look far into many family histories to find all sorts of things that come out when someone dies that was completely secret for decades.
So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide?
Yes, very much so
So you want to stay with a woman who cares so little about you that she is happy despite that knowledge?
No. I want to keep her and the children financially secure and our relationship as good as it can be.
As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right
I don't get it.
This is not Where there's one problem but everything else is great so you carry on. You've thought about killing yourself because that seems preferable to being in the relationship and your wife doesn't care about that.
If that's not a reason to leave I don't know what is. "It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! I just wasnt that rude to say it "It's okay, I am used to people on here being personally rude to me. You will notice I respected all the opinions above mine that i disagreed with. And feel free to green arrow my posts, you will notice I have never ganged up on anyone, told anyone their opinion is shit, or been rude to anyone. But I will leave this discussion now. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! I just wasnt that rude to say it
It's okay, I am used to people on here being personally rude to me.
You will notice I respected all the opinions above mine that i disagreed with.
And feel free to green arrow my posts, you will notice I have never ganged up on anyone, told anyone their opinion is shit, or been rude to anyone.
But I will leave this discussion now."Neither have I. Until now | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" So your wife knows you are so unhappy with your relationship with her that you've contemplated suicide? Yes, very much so Obviously I don't know things from both sides here but that sounds like the recipe for divorce. You say that you're staying for your children but don't your kids deserve to grow up knowing what a healthy relationship looks like? What a happy father looks like? This determination that kids can only be happy with bio mum and dad together is a fallacy. My kids thrive now and love the fact that they get two of everything and a happy functioning Dad. That’s great, however knowing my family quite well I can say that two would be ok, two would be destroyed by it." I'm sure that you've thought about it long enough and hard enough about it to come to this choice. You seem determined that this is your only course of action as you've dismissed other options given. Sometimes marriages just don't work, to my mind, the best thing for both parties is to be genuinely happy elsewhere. Not in a bad way but do you think that your grown up children will thank you for staying with their mother, given with everything that you've said? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Lol. Biggest load of crap I’ve ever read! I just wasnt that rude to say it
It's okay, I am used to people on here being personally rude to me.
You will notice I respected all the opinions above mine that i disagreed with.
And feel free to green arrow my posts, you will notice I have never ganged up on anyone, told anyone their opinion is shit, or been rude to anyone.
But I will leave this discussion now.
Neither have I. Until now "I'll shut the door on my way out  | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"I think most people wouldn't admit it on a public forum. I know that most of the locals on my daily feed thingy are married attatched. It's easy to spot even when they don't admit it. I guess it's the way of the site but I don't want to be a hole to be used when a married man is horny so they can then go back and make house with their wife and kids! It's not only degrading it doesn't sit well with me. " I reckon about eighty per cent of alleged single men on here are attached in some way. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"I think most people wouldn't admit it on a public forum. I know that most of the locals on my daily feed thingy are married attatched. It's easy to spot even when they don't admit it. I guess it's the way of the site but I don't want to be a hole to be used when a married man is horny so they can then go back and make house with their wife and kids! It's not only degrading it doesn't sit well with me. " | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"I've never cheated never will.... Its impossible for me to find one woman thats interested yet alone a second." Dont be hard on yourself x | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"I think most people wouldn't admit it on a public forum. I know that most of the locals on my daily feed thingy are married attatched. It's easy to spot even when they don't admit it. I guess it's the way of the site but I don't want to be a hole to be used when a married man is horny so they can then go back and make house with their wife and kids! It's not only degrading it doesn't sit well with me. " Most cheating partners will rationalise it as being ok, they see available sexual women and are just greedy and they feel quite safe meeting people off this site because they will reckon the other person will not tell the partner that’s being cheated on as it’s a sex site people will be expected not to make judgments and not name the cheaters, they have no respect Cheaters should really learn that the hurt and deception goes so much further than they think Whilst they are cheating they will very likely not being a good partner or a good parent, they nearly all get found out in the end too,the relationship they have will very likely be lost, the family they have will lose all respect for them, what role model will a cheater be in a child’s life ? Not a good one I can tell you, cheaters ultimately ruin everything Nothing good at all about them | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Never judge why someone is doing what they do or why... everyone has their own reasons for being on here " | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it I think Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe.... I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit" Have you discussed separation with your wife? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it I think Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe.... I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit Have you discussed separation with your wife? " Yes. It went extremely badly, I am afraid for how she and the children would be. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it I think Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe.... I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit Have you discussed separation with your wife? Yes. It went extremely badly, I am afraid for how she and the children would be." I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"After the children were born, my wife’s urge for intimacy went through the floor until we were only having sex 2 or 3 times a year. This isn’t unusual so I made sure we shared all the jobs around the house. I’d always done that before so it wasn’t really a change of mindset, just a chunk of extra work but it was for both of us. The intimacy out of bed reduced too, although with a young family I ignored it because the children were much more important. It kept reducing further over the years. I tried talking to her but I was ignored, my position became the person to bring in a salary and be a parent, not a partner. More a housemate really. Years passed, nothing changed except I got more and more depressed. Every so often I’d raise the subject but it just got ignored. I’ve enormous respect for single parent families because that’s incredibly difficult - I didn’t want to do that to my wife or the children. So I put my needs at the back again, that’s what I’d been taught to do over several years and that my sexual needs didn’t matter. About 18 months ago after too many suicidal thoughts and knowing that soon I was going to do it, I went to the GP. After some couples counselling plus individual counselling for both of us it turns out that my wife is asexual. That’s about 1% of the population and it’s a bit of a spectrum, but she sees sex as there to procreate but nothing else. That’s why after the children were born, she just switched off. I’ve tried, really tried doing it her way and I know that leads to me jumping off a bridge. 15 years’ experience means that I’ve given it a really good try. She won’t change, or can’t change but just as I respect her need to be asexual, I now respect my own need to be a sexual person. Don’t bother trying to lay on the guilt, I have enough of that that I give myself with plenty of self loathing too. That’s why I do it, and it’s really down to that or suicide. At least if I make it look like an accident my life insurance will take care of them financially, a divorce won’t. Surely leaving is the better option. Do you even like your wife anymore? What you might not be factoring here is that this guy might still live his wife although he isn't able to love her physically. Maybe he doesn't want to leave her, but has to satisfy his physical needs as well. I feel for him. " Same here, good luck fella we wish you well. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it I think Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe.... I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit Have you discussed separation with your wife? Yes. It went extremely badly, I am afraid for how she and the children would be. I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? " It’s quite possible that the children are noticing things, but it’s a lot less than if we were to split up. As for why we are still together after I said we should split up, I’m afraid that I felt so terrified and humiliated by what was said that we’re still together. So that’s cowardice as well as guilt and self loathing that I feel. If that’s not bad enough, do you know how much of a shitbag I feel on Fathers Day when the children get me a card and present? Knowing how little I deserve their love? | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it I think Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe.... I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit Have you discussed separation with your wife? Yes. It went extremely badly, I am afraid for how she and the children would be. I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? " Did they go with you when you split from your ex? Did they ever think he was a good dad and you were mean for leaving him? Brilliant that you're qualifying this year. x | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Multiple quoting would be handy here but that’s beyond my phone skills, so with apologies to clarity: Yes, we discussed me having sex outside the marriage and agreed it had to stop. Yes, 2 of the children are older but one is still young, splitting up would destroy her, she’s got that personality. Part of the therapy was to compromise on sex so it wasn’t zero. That was slow, painful and as she’s asexual it feels like I’m forcing a gay woman to have sex with me. I’m not that kind of person. The intimacy hasn’t improved, the sex hasn’t changed so I’m still on here. An open relationship was discussed and she won’t accept it I think Lol I guess..... .....possibly you'd get a different answer if you went to church for the chat..... .....pick the audience for the answer you'd like the receive maybe.... I'm not trying to make light of your situation, which must be terrible, but surely if your relationship is so bad that it's made you contemplate suicide and if your partner refuses all reasonable compromises, wouldn't it be best to separate amicably? The current situation must be hell for everyone. No, it’s only hell for me. She gets everything she wants from the relationship, we don’t argue, the children are fine. Obviously you know her and I don't, but that's a bit of an assumption if I may say so. She's with a man who bitterly resents her. I can see how she can be happy. And kids will pick up on a fundamentally unhappy household. Not an assumption at all, the therapist asked her and she replied honestly. I don’t bitterly resent her either, it’s mostly ok in terms of day to day stuff. That’s why the last bit you said is wrong too- the kids don’t pick it up because it’s not a fundamentally unhappy household. But you say you've contemplated suicide. If a husband and father is in that state that doesn't strike me as a very happy household. Were you honest with the therapist? Completely honest with the therapist, it’s the only way. As I’ve tried to show, it’s rarely black or white. I don’t hate her, I hate how she makes me feel with this issue, but there’s still a lot that’s going right It’s a reason to leave, you’re absolutely correct. But there are also reasons to stay, that’s what makes it shit Have you discussed separation with your wife? Yes. It went extremely badly, I am afraid for how she and the children would be. I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? It’s quite possible that the children are noticing things, but it’s a lot less than if we were to split up. As for why we are still together after I said we should split up, I’m afraid that I felt so terrified and humiliated by what was said that we’re still together. So that’s cowardice as well as guilt and self loathing that I feel. If that’s not bad enough, do you know how much of a shitbag I feel on Fathers Day when the children get me a card and present? Knowing how little I deserve their love?" You're one hell of a dad for sticking around in all that! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? It’s quite possible that the children are noticing things, but it’s a lot less than if we were to split up. As for why we are still together after I said we should split up, I’m afraid that I felt so terrified and humiliated by what was said that we’re still together. So that’s cowardice as well as guilt and self loathing that I feel. If that’s not bad enough, do you know how much of a shitbag I feel on Fathers Day when the children get me a card and present? Knowing how little I deserve their love?" Why don't you deserve their love? Are you being a bad parent to the children? Does your partner deserve their love more than you, even though she is unwilling to compromise to make you happier? Please go back to therapy and work through how you feel this is affecting your children and, importantly, your relationship with your children. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? Did they go with you when you split from your ex? Did they ever think he was a good dad and you were mean for leaving him? Brilliant that you're qualifying this year. x"They were confused as we didn’t argue but I hid what my husband was like from them or so I thought. I made it amicable and I supported him emotionally and financially for 5 yr after we split and then discovered he was narcissistic and over the last two years all three sons have stopped seeing him of their choice not mine. I bought him out of the marital home and didn’t take a penny child maintenance for 6 yrs and he moans about having to pay it now for just one child even though I am paying my mortgage till I’m about 70 so the boys can have a roof over their head!! When I qualify I get a 50% pay rise and that will give my family the financial security we need!! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? Did they go with you when you split from your ex? Did they ever think he was a good dad and you were mean for leaving him? Brilliant that you're qualifying this year. x
They were confused as we didn’t argue but I hid what my husband was like from them or so I thought. I made it amicable and I supported him emotionally and financially for 5 yr after we split and then discovered he was narcissistic and over the last two years all three sons have stopped seeing him of their choice not mine.
I bought him out of the marital home and didn’t take a penny child maintenance for 6 yrs and he moans about having to pay it now for just one child even though I am paying my mortgage till I’m about 70 so the boys can have a roof over their head!!
When I qualify I get a 50% pay rise and that will give my family the financial security we need!!
"I love happy endings! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? Did they go with you when you split from your ex? Did they ever think he was a good dad and you were mean for leaving him? Brilliant that you're qualifying this year. x
They were confused as we didn’t argue but I hid what my husband was like from them or so I thought. I made it amicable and I supported him emotionally and financially for 5 yr after we split and then discovered he was narcissistic and over the last two years all three sons have stopped seeing him of their choice not mine.
I bought him out of the marital home and didn’t take a penny child maintenance for 6 yrs and he moans about having to pay it now for just one child even though I am paying my mortgage till I’m about 70 so the boys can have a roof over their head!!
When I qualify I get a 50% pay rise and that will give my family the financial security we need!!
"Sounds like you have done really well, splitting from the ex was probably the best thing you could have done, it’s amazing you have taken the mortgage over, I think the protecting the kids after a break up fires a woman character into action | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? It’s quite possible that the children are noticing things, but it’s a lot less than if we were to split up. As for why we are still together after I said we should split up, I’m afraid that I felt so terrified and humiliated by what was said that we’re still together. So that’s cowardice as well as guilt and self loathing that I feel. If that’s not bad enough, do you know how much of a shitbag I feel on Fathers Day when the children get me a card and present? Knowing how little I deserve their love? Why don't you deserve their love? Are you being a bad parent to the children? Does your partner deserve their love more than you, even though she is unwilling to compromise to make you happier? Please go back to therapy and work through how you feel this is affecting your children and, importantly, your relationship with your children. " I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I stayed with my husband for 17 yrs to protect my boys as my ex was narcissistic but something happened when my eldest was 15 and I knew I had to leave him to protect the boys. So I did and 7 yrs later I qualify later this year in a new career and will have financial security for me and my kids. My older two are in their early twenties now and not only telling me things their dad did but hints I said when I was stressed that I can’t even remember. This will be impacting on your kids in some way that you don’t notice. When you mentioned it why did it go badly what were her reasons for staying together? Did they go with you when you split from your ex? Did they ever think he was a good dad and you were mean for leaving him? Brilliant that you're qualifying this year. x
They were confused as we didn’t argue but I hid what my husband was like from them or so I thought. I made it amicable and I supported him emotionally and financially for 5 yr after we split and then discovered he was narcissistic and over the last two years all three sons have stopped seeing him of their choice not mine.
I bought him out of the marital home and didn’t take a penny child maintenance for 6 yrs and he moans about having to pay it now for just one child even though I am paying my mortgage till I’m about 70 so the boys can have a roof over their head!!
When I qualify I get a 50% pay rise and that will give my family the financial security we need!!
"That’s fantastic, well done! You should be justifiably proud | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help." I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you would leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. " This i agree with | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here." To pop my cock-snot up some random lasses fart pipe. Standard. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. " Where has "slags" come from in this discussion?  That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here. To pop my cock-snot up some random lasses fart pipe. Standard. "Mind you, joking aside, it’s a great question and one I’m surprised hasn’t been asked before on here | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Dunno I've never cheated.snap" Snap | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
"But that's why the cheaters are here. They want their home life and they want NSA from women / men on here behind their partners backs. As a single woman I see no satisfaction in being the dirty secret that is just a hole to cum inside. I might as well be paid if that is the case. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
" | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
But that's why the cheaters are here.
They want their home life and they want NSA from women / men on here behind their partners backs.
As a single woman I see no satisfaction in being the dirty secret that is just a hole to cum inside.
I might as well be paid if that is the case.
"Why I don’t want to meet attached people. I would get no satisfaction out of it and morally I would feel too guilty. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
But that's why the cheaters are here.
They want their home life and they want NSA from women / men on here behind their partners backs.
As a single woman I see no satisfaction in being the dirty secret that is just a hole to cum inside.
I might as well be paid if that is the case.
"I get that but your op stated that there would be no judgements. It looked like it was actually going to be a safe space for people to discuss this very emotive issue, albeit it became a thread focusing on one person's story. I'm single. I have never cheated on anyone, ever. However, I have chatted to and met men and women on here who are attached. As has just about everyone who partakes on the forum and those who attend the socials. My point earlier is that it would be hypocritical to pretend you are not part of someone's secret, even if you're not having sex with them. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here." Really? I would say it’s turned out exactly that way... | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I love happy endings! " I work full time, study full time, do car boot sales and sell on eBay to make extra money and am single parent to 3 boys (2 are young adults) and I love life!!
It has its stresses but there is always dairy milk to help me through them!! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here. Really? I would say it’s turned out exactly that way..." Yes I think I'd like to think I have no judgement. But I guess I can't do it. I have my reasons just as those off you that cheat do. Feel free to judge me. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" Sounds like you have done really well, splitting from the ex was probably the best thing you could have done, it’s amazing you have taken the mortgage over, I think the protecting the kids after a break up fires a woman character into action "It certainly does but in a sense it’s easier to parent when you are not living with an idiot!!
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. " oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here. Really? I would say it’s turned out exactly that way... Yes I think I'd like to think I have no judgement. But I guess I can't do it. I have my reasons just as those off you that cheat do. Feel free to judge me." I have no reason to judge you, just feel for those that shared something so personal on a supposedly non-judgemental thread. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men" Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"The only downside of cheaters I have (no judgement to those on this thread!) Is that most ignore what I am looking for, all I get night after night (during the week of course, weekends my messages are sparse to say the least) is messages saying 'in hotel now, wanna meet' when you know they are only doing so because they have a work hotel for the night. If you are respectful to those you contact and just do your own thing then carry on, just leave me alone and I will be more than happy. Some of these stories I can understand and some not so much, but then I have always walked away from a relationship, if it wasn't working for me, I suppose it is easy to judge others who don't do the same, just difficult to understand. " I feel exactly the same as this and have done the same myself. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
But that's why the cheaters are here.
They want their home life and they want NSA from women / men on here behind their partners backs.
As a single woman I see no satisfaction in being the dirty secret that is just a hole to cum inside.
I might as well be paid if that is the case.
"tell you what op your bang out of fucking order. You start a thread stating they wont be judged. People have laid their souls on the line but fuck it you will judge them anyway | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
;-) | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"Wow - what happened to "no judgement here"..... " My thoughts too. This thread has people baring their soul and that should be respected. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only." Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
But that's why the cheaters are here.
They want their home life and they want NSA from women / men on here behind their partners backs.
As a single woman I see no satisfaction in being the dirty secret that is just a hole to cum inside.
I might as well be paid if that is the case.
tell you what op your bang out of fucking order. You start a thread stating they wont be judged. People have laid their souls on the line but fuck it you will judge them anyway"Thankyou | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only." Long story, short version - it really isn't. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only." I only meet at weekends | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion. "I'm not after anything other than the truth | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion. "Not sure which site to go to then as the cheaters are on all the dating sites too. I’ve met more there than anywhere else. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion.
Not sure which site to go to then as the cheaters are on all the dating sites too. I’ve met more there than anywhere else. "Yes they are. But we're not allowed to have any opinion about it  | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. Where has "slags" come from in this discussion? That feels pretty judgemental - to the wo/man cheating and the wo/man meeting them.
But that's why the cheaters are here.
They want their home life and they want NSA from women / men on here behind their partners backs.
As a single woman I see no satisfaction in being the dirty secret that is just a hole to cum inside.
I might as well be paid if that is the case.
tell you what op your bang out of fucking order. You start a thread stating they wont be judged. People have laid their souls on the line but fuck it you will judge them anyway
Thankyou "you shouldnt be thanking me you should be hanging your head in shame. Lulling people into a sense of security then bam you go in for the attack. Probably the worst hypocritical thread ive seen on here | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. I only meet at weekends" So it’s the day of the week that insults you.... | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
"What are your reasons? No judgement here." You can’t really call people “Cheaters” and then say you’re not judging them! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion.
Not sure which site to go to then as the cheaters are on all the dating sites too. I’ve met more there than anywhere else.
Yes they are.
But we're not allowed to have any opinion about it "They get my opinion alright when I find out and they’ve tried to dupe me. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
....
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion.
Not sure which site to go to then as the cheaters are on all the dating sites too. I’ve met more there than anywhere else.
Yes they are.
But we're not allowed to have any opinion about it "Of course you can have an opinion. We all do. I met one man for months, including at weekends, who convinced me he was a widower. When he confessed the truth I think he expected me to forgive his lie. Anyone can tell you anything they want. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion. "If treating someone like a cum dump is NSA then I want none of it. Mutual fun in a respectful way is not a 'deeper attachment'. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" So it’s the day of the week that insults you...." Why are you twisting what I'm trying to say? It's OK if you don't agree with me. Everybody wants to justify everything to suit their own agenda. I tried to ask a simple question that I had personal reasons attatched to it. I tried not to judge but I did and I do. Have you never changed your mind? I personally feel insulted by being a dirty secret. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion. "So tell the cheaters to stop joining bloody dating sites pretending they are bloody single if it is that simple then! | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" So it’s the day of the week that insults you.... Why are you twisting what I'm trying to say? It's OK if you don't agree with me. Everybody wants to justify everything to suit their own agenda. I tried to ask a simple question that I had personal reasons attatched to it. I tried not to judge but I did and I do. Have you never changed your mind? I personally feel insulted by being a dirty secret. " I think it is the manner of your change of mind after a slew of posts about someone's very personal circumstances. True, they offered it up, but you offered that there would be no judgement from you. Your OP should have stopped at the first sentence. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
" I’ve done the therapy, there’s no more that can be done. If nothing changes then talking about it won’t help. I don't know you - but it sounds like you don't want to leave your wife. You can never control how a person will feel or react - or is it your job to. Everyone is responsible for themselves - it can't be that bad or you woukd leave - you just want the wifey and the "slags " from the internet. It's your buisness and none of us here will ever know the full picture. I know that I don't want to be the "slag " that satisfies horny men that don't get sex at home. It's insulting and makes me feel shit. oi for someone who says there not going to be judgemental your making a pretty good job of it refering to women as slags who sleep with married men Slags was the wrong choice of word. I'm referring to how I feel I'm perceived by a married man that wants to meet me on a Tuesday morning for a "release " Would you feel any different if a single man wanting just a Tuesday morning release fuck, dump his cum in your hole...? Can’t be an exclusive ask of attached men only. Well exactly. It’s a casual sex site, isn’t it?
Aren’t most on here after no-strings sex, irrespective of marital (or partnership - not all cheaters are married!) status?
Anyone wanting a deeper attachment beyond NSA sex is possibly on the wrong site.
In my humble opinion.
Not sure which site to go to then as the cheaters are on all the dating sites too. I’ve met more there than anywhere else.
Yes they are.
But we're not allowed to have any opinion about it "Of course you are allowed an opinion, we all are - the difference here is you said come here cheaters, post here without judgement, and that wasn’t the case. FWIW....I think us cheaters that reside in the forums are pretty much aware of what some people’s opinions are of us, it’s aired on a weekly basis after all. | |||
(closed, thread got too big) | |||
| Reply privately |
| back to top |  |
