FabSwingers.com forum: How do you cope .....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Might not be the best place to post but I don’t use any other form of forums etc.

How do you cope with loosing someone close ?

I need some words of support.

I lost my mum on Tuesday.

Sorry if it’s the wrong topic to post about

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your loss. Honour your mum by focussing on the good times you had with her. Also, hope you have someone to support you, dealing with grief is hard.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

There is no answer but perhaps build a memory book and focus on the good times you shared together. Grief is a very personal thing, so what works for some might not work for you x

Big hug xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both of us have lost our parents I'll never forget the pain and heartache, people say it gos away but for me it never has, you learn to accept and deal with it plus I'd never want to forget my mum, when i/we as a family achieve things i like to think she's looking down with a big smile on her beautiful face.

I'm not sure if this helps but it's how I deal with it.

Also sorry for your loss. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey, so sorry, the only thing I would say is know that your mum would want you to be strong and happy and to remember her for who she was and to remember more the good times than the sad.. Stay strong, she ll always be with you.. In your heart and soul xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

I lost my partner 3yrs ago ..... the grief just gets a bit more manageable over time it’s like a wound on your heart that scabs over but it’s always there ...... I will never stop grieving for him until the day I die ..... time doesn’t completely heal it ... never will .... big hugs for your loss xxxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I'm so so sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say really except that grief is a process with overwhelming emotions which go back and forth from anger to sadness and so many more inbetween. For me it was good to let them out. It took time for my head to process just what had happened. You may never get over it but you do learn to live with it. I thinking about at this awful time xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ussD1Man
over a year ago

Gloucester

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Someone told me once to actively think about the one you’ve lost, think fondly, think of all the times you laughed together, think of the love you had. There can be no better epitaph for a lost loved one than those who loved them keeping their memory close and drawing strength from it.

Sending hugs and love

XxX

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are never lost as they have been a part of your life and you will carry then with you always.

It hurts like hell but I fucused on that being a positive... I'd rather feel that pain than not had that time with them.

I hope that this makes sense... There is no easy route... I know it's a cliche but time helps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

We all grieve differently, so anything you feel will be unique to you. Don’t let others tell you how to deal with this ‘the right way’

If you need to cry let it out, fully. Don’t hold back and release the emotion, if you remember a happy time or a funny moment you shared and feel a smile or even a laugh coming on, don’t feel guilty about it.

It’s a journey that will never end grief, but I promise it will get easier to live with in the future.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't cope in a simple answer. You just have to face each day and try and get through it.

Loosing my mum was the hardest thing in my life she was the rock to my family, it doesn't get easier but it gets more manageable being with out her.

I read a brilliant analagy on grief the other week and it really put it in context the way I'm feeling.

Essentially, the theory sums up grief as a ball in a box with a pain button. The ball is largest immediately after a trauma or loss, which means almost any action can trigger the pain button. But, as time goes on, the ball often gradually shrinks and the pain button is activated less often.

While it may get smaller, the ball of grief usually lasts forever, and sometimes the pain button will be activated when you least expect. Also, it’s not unusual for certain pain button triggers to cause the ball of grief to grow larger for a period after you thought it had permanently shrunk.

Big big hugs to you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

You can always unload on here.. there are always virtual hugs available any time..and sympathy...hugs from me x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inn2000Woman
over a year ago

belfast

Oh sweetheart I lost mum to cancer nearly 2 years ago and there are days it feels as raw as ever.

I never ever stop thinking of her but there are more smiles than tears now (and she would kick my arse if I wasn't getting on with my life)

Only advice I have is just ride the storm and don't be afraid to have bad days.

And what better place to share than here? I have made friends for life on fab and they genuinely do know me warts and all.

Huge hugs to you xxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so sorry to hear that, sharing how you feel will help. The more you talk and remember the great memories makes it easier. They never leave you really, they're always in your heart and mind.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone once said to me

Just one day at a time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Love and hugs xxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes time and helps having good friends around but there will be times you just want to be on your own ,you might want to scream one day and laugh the next....just dont ever feel guilty on the days you do find yourself laughing.i recently lost my step daughter and its at very strange times that the feelings hit me. Sending big hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No 2 people are the same.

You're allowed to feel how you feel.

Don't feel guilty for being sad.

Don't feel guilty if you find yourself laughing at something and not being sad.

Allow yourself to be.

Do be kind to yourself though, and remember that although almost everyone loses a close loved one it IS a traumatic event in your life and reaching out for advice, company, distraction or anything you feel you need is ok.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

My heart goes out to you OP, grief affects us all in different ways, each day can be a different emotion but definitely lean on the people close to you......I know from my experience of helping my son through his grief was to just be there when he needed to talk, cry or just me to hold him.....please use your friends and family for support.....xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will add my voice to the many here. Utilise your support network around you, find your way to coping mechanisms that lessen the hurt and hold your memories close. You will always, always turn your mind through scenarios where she is still with you on this physical plain of existence (I add that as I do not know your belief structure). Its heart wrenching to reach for the ones who are no longer continuing that journey with us but the road ahead still exists even if you stop for awhile to reflect, even to be broken.

Be true to who you are and how she raised you, live the life she wanted for you and communicate whichever way you can to relieve some of the pressure inside.

Accept the help offered. I didn't when I lost my son and to this day I regret it. It's ok, not to be ok.

Unshed tears are like a poison inside.

Heart goes out to you at this time and I hope that you get moments of happy memories, even fleeting, so that you can find your way back to smiles when you think about her x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Hug of support to you. Lost my mum last July. Try to remember the good times and be kind to yourself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"So sorry to hear of your loss.

Sending hugs and love

XxX"

This really!

Lost my dad 11 years ago and we were very close! The first year was dreadful. The funeral, anniversaries of everything (your birthday, their birthday, Christmas, Mother’s/Father’s Day etc) - but after that the pain dulled and now - though I miss him - the memories of his illness have faded somewhat and the strongest memories are of my brilliant dad before he was gripped by cancer!

My mum’s been very ill for some time and isn’t expected to live the year out - though due to the nature of her illness - some of the grieving has been done whilst she’s alive!

Sending absolutely enormous hugs - and please be kind to yourself! Don’t be afraid to get immersed in grief when you need to and have a good old cry!

Xxxxxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I lost my dad two of months ago and it was really fucking tough. I don't think there is one particular way of coping - you just have to do what you can do to get through. I also don't think the grief ever leaves you, it changes to something more manageable though.

What I would echo is reach out to people. Talk to them about everything and nothing. Take yourself away when you need to and don't feel guilt for that.

Surround yourself with as much positivity as possible and cut out the negativity. You deserve understanding, support and love.

I hope you find peace of sorts soon Op, x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Hi OP

So sorry for your loss

It's very raw for you still ,be kind to yourself and if you need support,don't be afraid to ask for it,friends/family/gp.

Grieving is different for everyone,you will feel all sorts of emotions and that's totally normal .

Cruse bereavement care are a really good charity too and can be a support for you.

Big hugs and love to you

Feel free to PM me if you need to chat or anything xx

Miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oney to the beeWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Might not be the best place to post but I don’t use any other form of forums etc.

How do you cope with loosing someone close ?

I need some words of support.

I lost my mum on Tuesday.

Sorry if it’s the wrong topic to post about

. "

Here is a start but if its affecting you badly get professional help there are some very good people out there who can give you ways of coping. Good luck its not bad to ask for help.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It might not be the best place to ask but you are seeking help and that is a great step. My deepest sympathy for your loss and i hope you find the help you need xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might not be the best place to post but I don’t use any other form of forums etc.

How do you cope with loosing someone close ?

I need some words of support.

I lost my mum on Tuesday.

Sorry if it’s the wrong topic to post about

. "

I lost mine 20 odd years ago...held her hand and told her it was ok to go...and she sighed and went. I'm not gonna tell you it gets easier because it doesnt, but eventually you start being able to look back and smile over memories rather than cry over them. Time doesnt heal it just makes things more distant. I still miss her even now, and occasionally I even shed a tear but the difference is they are generally over a good memory rather than a sad one. So 'hang in there' and dont avoid the memories they will eventually make you smile.

I hope you feel better soon and for what its worth I'm sending you my wishes xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cried a lot and made my evenings easier by eating chocolate and watching Netflix. I put on a lot of weight but it helped me.

As the weeks went on I cried less and less, and now I can talk and think about her without crying.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all grieve differently, so anything you feel will be unique to you. Don’t let others tell you how to deal with this ‘the right way’

It’s a journey that will never end grief, but I promise it will get easier to live with in the future. "

I couldn't agree more with this.

Both of my parents are gone and the above is so true of my experiences

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might not be the best place to post but I don’t use any other form of forums etc.

How do you cope with loosing someone close ?

I need some words of support.

I lost my mum on Tuesday.

Sorry if it’s the wrong topic to post about

. "

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I lost my grandad earlier this year and I still get emotional over it.

Grief is personal, it’s about taking as long as you need to process your emotions and come to terms with those emotions being part of your “normal.” Eventually you will find an equilibrium that you are comfortable with and be able to deal with the emotions as they come.

Embrace the memories, as they are coming to you, because it recollects a special moment in your relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

So sorry to hear this very sad news OP.

I lost my mum three years ago, I had cared for her the last couple of years of her life with her dementia so I had already grieved while she was alive which was very hard for me! When she passed away and I saw her take her last breathe I was relieved she was out of pain and discomfort BUT then my grief kicked in! I moped around until one day somebody said to me ‘do you think your mum would be happy to see you in this state?’ The answer was ‘no’ so from then on when I felt low or something triggered upset I thought ‘what would mum say to me?’ and the answer was for me to carry on as she would have wanted me to. I found and still find this a useful tool in dealing with the grief.

We never stop grieving OP, we just learn to live with it.

As another posted above said ‘one day at a time’.

Sending hugs...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for your massive loss OP. It really is the cruelest, low and loneliest feeling. It's raw now and your heart is weighing you dow so much you have to rely on your body to work on autopilot most of the time. That's natural, as is feeling numb one minute and heartbroken the next. It's too soon after your Mum's passing to expect to be able to have any control over your aching heart but in time you will cope and learn to honour your Mum's love and wants for you by leading a full and happy life again.

I managed initially by busying myself with making arrangements for her funeral, making sure it had elements that she would have loked and appreciated. You realise initially that, even though they are gone from us physically you can do so much to honour their memory. My mother would have wanted me to give myself time to grieve certainly, but she would also have wanted her children to make sure they supported eachother in grief and as soon as possible start finding joy in life again and eventually lead lives where we were kind to ourselves, as she had always tried to be kind to us before.

Losing someone so special and close to you is probably the greatest blow life can throw at you. If ( and you will ) you can survive that, you will be a stronger person for it. Nothing in work, relationships or everyday life will ever again challenge you as much as it would have before your loss. You will eventually begin to appreciate life more and you won't sress about the little things so much. You will begin to cherish life and surround yourself with the positivity your Mum would want you too. She put so much energy and love into rearing you and she probably enjoyed seeing you happy more than anything in this world, that you owe it to her to be good to yourself in the future and lead as rewarding and happy a life as you possibly can.

I do believe our loved ones never truly leave us and their energy can be felt around us for the rest of our days. When in the future you have achievements or happy occasions, think of how your Mum would ( and will) be smiling with joy at seeing someone so dear to her happy.

Be good to yourself OP and don't be afraid to smile when you think of Mum.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

They may have gone, but they are still here as you are part of them, remember what they gave you and installed in you..

Life goes on and your future will become brighter for what memories they gave you..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cruse is a charity that helps with bereavement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

So sorry for your loss

Everyone deals with grief in their own way, you just need to take one day at a time. It’s a long road and you will have good days and bad days.

Just remember it’s ok to cry, but when you do try and remember the happier times, fun memories. That’s how we deal with it in our family... the “first” birthday / Christmas is tough, but it’s learning to live with it, yes you can be sad but we try to end those days on a high laughing and remembering them, because life has to go on and they wouldn’t want you sad.

Most important for you is to talk to people about how your feeling, there is no ti_eline to feeling “better”, but finding someone you can just talk to without judgment is vital

Sending hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Mothers are angels in training.... She's only moved on to the next stage of her career...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank u for the lovely comments.

I’ve been busy with arranging the funeral etc and haven’t had time to take it in.

I’m struggling but coping.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I find talking about the good times with other family members helps me with losing people close to me. Also everything decent think I do I always say to myself "That's for you...".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Sorry for your loss,

Honestly I live from one day to the next, Dick and I both lost our mum four years ago within months of each other.

It will get better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Big hugs OP, in the beginning you run on empty. Then you find something that works for you, your coping strategy. I was very young when I lost my mum and I ate

You never get over losing your mother sorry to say, these days I immerse myself in my own family but it's still hard at times.

This is quite a good place to talk about these things. You don't have to worry about upsetting other family members and I have found there are some lovely people who can offer support and advice whenever you feel like you need it xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cry. Talk. Cry . Talk

Take the hugs TALK cry.

Nothing any one will make your pain any easier. Only time. With time the pain easy the memories will make u smile.

Just time my sweetness. So as I said talk cry. But most off all DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. Xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"They are never lost as they have been a part of your life and you will carry then with you always.

It hurts like hell but I fucused on that being a positive... I'd rather feel that pain than not had that time with them.

I hope that this makes sense... There is no easy route... I know it's a cliche but time helps. "

This. Your mum will always be with you, you’ll smell something or see something that will remind you of her and the memories will flood back and they’ll hopefully be a comfort, like an imaginary hug.

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry, sad, or having a bloody good cry, they help release the stress you’re under.

Big hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Struggling this weekend as would normally spend the day with mum

Funeral next Thursday

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Struggling this weekend as would normally spend the day with mum

Funeral next Thursday

Awwwwwww ((((hugs))))

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Honest answer is you don't cope, you don’t get over it you just learn to live with it, you learn to put it to one side so you can get on with life. I lost my partner just over a year ago then my father three weeks after that, I have experienced all the “firsts” including Easter as we always spent it together. If you find you can’t cope then speak to someone so you can get all the feelings and grief out, we are usually too busy being strong for other members of the family we forget to look after ourselves.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Struggling this weekend as would normally spend the day with mum

Funeral next Thursday

I know you must be in a world of pain. I dont have any words of wisdom. I really do feel for you. It's good that you can come here and at least speak about how you feel xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for the comments and personal messages

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Struggling this weekend as would normally spend the day with mum

Funeral next Thursday

You'll have all those milestones, all those firsts without her around. It hurts like hell I know x hug of support coming your way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ve had some wonderful messages of support so thank you.

I’ve decided to delete my account so wanted to send a general thanks to those that took the time to post.

Thank you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bye Vagitation - hope you find a way forward with this that works for you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread