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Charm or smarm?

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Where's the line?

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

Charm for me is synonymous with flirting and flirting should imo always go into the line of being a little bit cheeky and dare i say mean(in a light hearted manner) between two or more peole.. Blowing smoke up someones openings is just smarm to me, but then i would never make a good salesman tbf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's flexible.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's down to the personality and delivery, charm sincere and understated smarm insincere and often full on

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm "

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm "

Probably true.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm "

This is true. Part of it is how you respond to the particular person. Part of it is how sincere you judge the person to be and if it's "pitched right" - too pretentious and flashy and almost an air of pretension and you'd probably say smarmy.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm

This is true. Part of it is how you respond to the particular person. Part of it is how sincere you judge the person to be and if it's "pitched right" - too pretentious and flashy and almost an air of pretension and you'd probably say smarmy. "

Can you learn to "pitch" or does the sincerity trump everything?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's flexible..... "

Hello enigman and welcome to the forums....lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's flexible.....

Hello enigman and welcome to the forums....lol.."

Cheers my love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's flexible.....

Hello enigman and welcome to the forums....lol..

Cheers my love "

Your welcome my love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/04/19 17:34:40]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Charm is when you find your loins melting a little. Smarm is when you find words cringy and you see them as slimy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's flexible.....

Hello enigman and welcome to the forums....lol..

Cheers my love

Your welcome my love "

Are you flirting with me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Charm is when you find your loins melting a little. Smarm is when you find words cringy and you see them as slimy.

"

Wanted or unwanted, connected or divided.....

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm

This is true. Part of it is how you respond to the particular person. Part of it is how sincere you judge the person to be and if it's "pitched right" - too pretentious and flashy and almost an air of pretension and you'd probably say smarmy.

Can you learn to "pitch" or does the sincerity trump everything?

"

I think sometimes people can learn to imitate sincerity. Very, very well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Smarm is misjudged, overdone charm. True charm has subtlety

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Smarm is misjudged, overdone charm. True charm has subtlety "

But you can overdo charm with the right audience and its still not taken as smarm. Its all dependent on whether the person wants to flirt or not....

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By *o_eye_deerMan
over a year ago

The South Near That London

If it makes your skin crawl then it’s smarm. Normally used by men on age inappropriate women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.

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By *o_eye_deerMan
over a year ago

The South Near That London


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. "

Not a bad idea - or the more blunt version; everyone is a c**t until they show otherwise

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. "

That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's down to the personality and delivery, charm sincere and understated smarm insincere and often full on "

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.

That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.

"

I would see it more as, with Aspergers you are more likely to take people at face value. Unfortunately a large proportion of people aren't that trust worthy!! They "smarm" to get what they want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. "

Shame that

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.

That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.

I would see it more as, with Aspergers you are more likely to take people at face value. Unfortunately a large proportion of people aren't that trust worthy!! They "smarm" to get what they want. "

Yep. You take people literally and struggle to understand what they are saying might not actually match up to why they are saying it (not all Aspies are the same obviously).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.

That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.

"

As Meli says, aspies have a tendancy to take things literally and at face value. If I have liked someone enough to initially let them in (this doesn't happen often) then it has taken me a very long time to see through the bullshit. I was with MrWho for 2 years before I figured out he had never been on the armed forces.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.

That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.

As Meli says, aspies have a tendancy to take things literally and at face value. If I have liked someone enough to initially let them in (this doesn't happen often) then it has taken me a very long time to see through the bullshit. I was with MrWho for 2 years before I figured out he had never been on the armed forces. "

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.

That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.

As Meli says, aspies have a tendancy to take things literally and at face value. If I have liked someone enough to initially let them in (this doesn't happen often) then it has taken me a very long time to see through the bullshit. I was with MrWho for 2 years before I figured out he had never been on the armed forces.

x"

That's deception though, neither charm or smarm? Sad though.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Where's the line?

"

Charm

______________________________________________

Smarm

Me... Probably well over the line

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Where's the line?

Charm

______________________________________________

Smarm

Me... Probably well over the line "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Smarm is misjudged, overdone charm. True charm has subtlety

But you can overdo charm with the right audience and its still not taken as smarm. Its all dependent on whether the person wants to flirt or not.... "

Disagree. A truly skilled person adjusts the charm to fit the audience so it never crosses the line. It is similar to flirting; both are sophisticated social skills

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it makes your skin crawl then it’s smarm. Normally used by men on age inappropriate women"

"age inappropriate women.." so would that be much younger women who are naive, or much older women who are desperate?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't do charm :/

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