FabSwingers.com forum: Dying! How do you feel about it?

By *ust Peachy OP Woman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

As I can’t bullshit for toffee - I said ‘I don’t know mum - but if you KNEW dad (who died 11 years ago and was absolutely her soul mate) was there waiting to give you a big hug - would dying bother you?’

She said no - she’s sick of being in pain every time she draws a breath and would welcome death if she was certain dad was there waiting - but it was the uncertainty - the fear of maybe just becoming nothing - that kept her fighting - along with the people who love her!

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I vary between sceptic and believer.

I lost my faith a while ago, yet theres that tiny piece of me that wants there to be something.

Mostly because the thought of nothing is so hard to comprehend for those I have loved and lost.

Sorry that's probably not much help x

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I believe we go to another place were all the people we have lost and loved are waiting . But then I'm very spiritual. I have no fear of death at all.

Sending hugs for you it must be very difficult. X

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By *ust Peachy OP Woman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I vary between sceptic and believer.

I lost my faith a while ago, yet theres that tiny piece of me that wants there to be something.

Mostly because the thought of nothing is so hard to comprehend for those I have loved and lost.

Sorry that's probably not much help x"

Tbh it’s sort of how I feel myself!

When dad died I was a regular churchgoer!

I’m a happier person than I was then - but at times like this I miss the faith - the certainty of heaven and being re-united with loved ones - that I had then! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

Hugs Peachy

I believe we all have a spirit, it's the vessel that carries that spirit around that dies. I'm not religious and I've no idea what happens but I'm not afraid. I think it's like going to sleep and I love sleeping x

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By *iss SinWoman
over a year ago

portchester

Cheerful topic then

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By *ust Peachy OP Woman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I believe we go to another place were all the people we have lost and loved are waiting . But then I'm very spiritual. I have no fear of death at all.

Sending hugs for you it must be very difficult. X"

Thanks lovely! An odd thing to say I know - but I feel like she’s died so many times already- because each time we’ve been pulled through the mill and told to prepare ourselves for her death! So much so that - when it actually happens - I’ve no idea what I’ll feel any more! Not sure if that makes sense though? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to hear peachy

i hope things get better and she recovers ... Just make sure you spend your time with her and make the most of it just in case worst case scenario does happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's heartbreaking!!! My thoughts are with you.

This is going to sound harsh! I'm not sure what is after death but if you're unsure then us lie your arse off!! Tell her comforting things. Convince her your Dad will be there... If she is unbearable pain then do you think 'this world' is best? I was in hospital 8 weeks and seen a few people pass away. They looked so peaceful... before that it was aweful to see. You could feel their pain and suffering. Personally I think it is inhumane to keep someone who is suffering that much alive...

This is a hard one to comment on... like I said heartbreaking!!

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By *ust chilled out meMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Personally I think when you go you go lights out no nothing I like to hope that I'm wrong and that your loved one's are waiting for you I no it's a harsh way to put it but we are all going to die at some point and theres nothing we can do about it when I go I'd like to go in my sleep or quickly like I think most iff not all of us would

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awww my lovely

((((((((((())))))))))

Something else for sure, I don't think all that energy we creast as humans just vanishes..... Having lost my wife and my mum in recent years (and I know ppl say this and its probs sounds shite) they're still here in memories and thoughts and dumb stupid stuff you forgot about when they were alive.... But yeah I think a human brain an consciousness is fucking special and all that creativity must make something new...

Much love

I'm here if you need a spanner to talk to, just ring xx

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By *ust Peachy OP Woman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"Cheerful topic then"

Apologies! I’m usually very cheerful - but after the last 30 hours or so of hospital chairs/waiting/lack of sleep I’m feeling more reflective than usual I guess!

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By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We like the idea that there’s something out there looking out for us and after all of this.

What we believe shouldn’t matter though, important to just spend time with her, reassure her with whatever beliefs she needs to be comfortable with everything going on, and spend time with her remembering everything you’ve been through together. That’s the real stuff, a good life lived and people who love you, death comes to us all, and how we come to terms and cope with that is different for everybody. It’s everything that came before that really matters though.

So sorry that you’re going through this right now, and hope everything works out for the best. Remember to be strong for you as well as for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear your pain, sending hugs. I've always believed that a as in live you choose your path after it has ended. It's quite long to explain all of what I think, but I've never believed that death is the end.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I think that nobody really knows what happens when we die. It’s the last great adventure. Or maybe it’s nothing.

I tend to think that I wasn’t upset that I wasn’t around in Victorian times, so I won’t miss being around in a century from now.

But if there is an afterlife, then I would choose to believe the resurrection promises in Christianity, a new heaven and a new earth.

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By *el71Couple
over a year ago

Preston

i Am sure there is something! Being a part of many people’s last, watching them, the peace over come them, as they reach out and whisper a name.... I like to think their loved ones are there to take their hands from mine! Thinking of you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh that's a lot to deal with. So sorry for your situation x

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

She must be a strong old gal to have been in and out of hospital so many times in the last year.

I don't know what I believe in tbh but I do know that pain and suffering is awful to have or to witness.

Lots of hugs to you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its exactly like before you were born.

My main conundrum is do i want ro know its happening?

Like instant wipe out on the bike dont even know somethin went wrong or im dead

Or injured and aware im going to die in the next few mins so i am aware of it and can recollect and reflect on life for a few more pointless seconds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an awful situation

I’d tell anyone anything to comfort them in their final days, hours. But personally I just think it’s lights out and that’s the end.

I’d like to think a peaceful death where you slip away is like going to sleep or when you are given general anaesthetic.

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

Sorry for you and your family in a hard time.

Im going through similar, my father broke his neck in his teens, but miraculously managed to live a semy normal life, for those that watch formula one, think Frank Williams, four years ago he suffered a horrible illness that I won't go into, but resulted in him going into a nursing home, he's been there four years now, has no quality of life, but the worst of it is that his mind is still brilliant. For my mum it's worse than if he was dead, at least then she could greave and then move forward, it's been unbelievably hard for the whole family, except for my brother who couldn't give a shit. I'm personally not a believer of the after life but both my parents are, my view is that if believing its true but it turned out to not be, then they due believing, that giving then solice, and if they die and there is no afterlife then they won't know, but it gave them peace in the last days, so if you believe or not it doesn't matter, if the person involved does and it makes their life better then I hope it helps. Sorry for the long strange post, Its been a hard day with both parents medical issues, and I've had some wine, but my answer is let them belive what ever they want, if it makes the last few hours better then all good, to the op, sending love and hugs at this difficult time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My nan died whilst my grandfather was in hospital mostly unconscious, he was hanging on and hanging on, unaware that she had died.

One afternoon about a week after she passed, I went in and whispered when he was sleeping... "she's gone, it's ok, you can go now too, she's waiting", within 24hrs he passed away peacefully. Reunited in soul.

Bodies wither and died and our souls live on...be it on this earth or another level.

Hope your mum isn't in pain for too much longer. Big virtual hugs xxx

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

I don't know, is the honest answer.

What I do know, having sat beside both my dad and mum in the last 18 months as they passed away, is it an awfully painful position to be in.

You want their suffering to end, but you don't want them to be gone.

Huge hugs of support to you O P.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 03/04/19 00:24:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not religious, but I do believe you greet death and can sometimes hand over your will to live. Mainly when you have lived as a couple for many years and your souls become tied.. but I don’t believe your mum has anythng to fear.

Live your dreams, do what makes you happy for this will all be us one day.

Much love to you and family at this tough time.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think many of us with elderly parents will empathise.

I can't be 100% certain but I'm as sure as I can be that our consciousness exsists for a time after death, I just don't know how long. I just hope for my ashes to be scattered under an oak tree and continue that way. I don't know if I'm scared of dying but I do know that extreme old age is no place for sissies.

I'm sorry that you're going through this with your mum, I absolutely understand and sympathise.

I had to repost because I accidentally put an entirely inappropriate wink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/04/19 00:23:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My nan died whilst my grandfather was in hospital mostly unconscious, he was hanging on and hanging on, unaware that she had died.

Bodies wither and died and our souls live on...be it on this earth or another level.

Hope your mum isn't in pain for too much longer. Big virtual hugs xxx "

Beautifully put

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I believe we all live on in the memories we helped create and the lives we touched. But as nice as it would be I don't believe there's anything waiting for us

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm not massively afraid of death but don't want it yet. I'll be fine to end this life should it be largely permanent severe pain and wish for a peaceful end or with people I love. I don't see that we can continue as a person though, as comforting as it would be but am basing this on no more evidence than those who believe otherwise. Hope your mum finds some positive times op

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

When my youngest son was born the first thing the midwife said to me was “he looks like he’s been here before” and i liked that, it gave me a sense of peace at a time when everything in my life was chaotic.

I like to think that there is somewhere we go, to reunite with those we haved loved and lost. It gives me comfort to think that.

I don’t fear dying itself. I fear dying whilst my children are so young, or a painful death as i’m a wuss with a low pain threshold. I want to just go to bed one night and pass away peacefully.

Big hugs to you OP x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My nan died whilst my grandfather was in hospital mostly unconscious, he was hanging on and hanging on, unaware that she had died.

Bodies wither and died and our souls live on...be it on this earth or another level.

Hope your mum isn't in pain for too much longer. Big virtual hugs xxx "
my gran was in and out of hospital for years after my grandad had passed... She battled brain cancer several times then one day took a fall that she'd never recover from... For months she deteriorated, unable to move or do anything for her self... She suffered for months... And when she finally passed it was a relief ... I didn't cry because it felt as though it released her from pain. ... Then 2 months later my step brother dies of a heart attack in his sleep .... So when I say spend time with her make every moment count and memorable, please do ... Death can strike when you least expect it.

And I regret not spending more time with my step brother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As much as I would like to think all my nearest and dearest are waiting for me, I honestly dont know, this is only my belief and if it brings comfort to people to think differently then I am all for it.

I was a carer for many years and I would always open a window when a resident passed away to let their soul fly, so maybe I do believe a little.

I’ve seen so much death over my working life, I’ve seen elderly people struggle day in and day out that I am not scared of passing on now, I used to be so much but I have seen the relief on their faces, their relatives faces (although gripped in loss).

I hope you are ok OP and I am always here if you need a chat.

All my love

Danish x

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Since no one knows for sure then any words of comfort in this situation are perfect .

I personally do believe in reincarnation and that we do get an opportunity to see our loved ones again . This belief doesn’t hurt anyone and gives me strength . It also helps me realize that death is nothing to be afraid of .

I hope you can help your Mum find a peaceful way to move in and be with your Dad again .

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By *ust Peachy OP Woman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Thanks everyone!

You’re actually helping a lot - as did a chat with a fab friend I just had!

Need sleep now! Tomorrow is a whole new challenge!

Thanks again though! Xxx

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

Everything in life I believe is relative and energy transfer from one thing to another. Where our conscious mind goes nobody can tell you that. Accepting the inevitable death is part of the human experience facing death while still alive. As an asthmatic, I have imagined my death cause as a high probability of being from a respiratory system problem.

If your loved ones are still around seeing beauty in the everyday life of even the most mundane things can help.

Our conscious mind goes/ is somewhere but we as human do not have the ability to feel it.

As long as your mum enjoy her time and you enjoy your time will her. All will be well.

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By *litstimulousMan
over a year ago

Swindon

I find it hard to believe when the body ceases to be alive the conciousness of the mind continues.

After withessing my cousin in hospice in the last hours of his life and the pain the family went through I am a strong advocate of euthanasia. When our pets get beyond help in many instances the humane act is to put them to sleep. For a human to say OK I'm fine and I would like to go now and have the dignity to say goodbye to their loved one's whilst still coherent should be a right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the reincarnation best

Out of the none warriors death places like valhalla

most likely is we just go blank

I fear death otherwise id fear nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In addition its a horrible thing to see anyone go thru and very brave of you to post it on here i hope getting things off your chest helped a little what your going thru is one if the things i dread most in my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sad to read this post, so sorry to hear.

I'm not sure what I believe to be honest but you being with your Mum, holding her hand, seeing you smile will give so much comfort to her.

I hope your Mum believes she will be reunited, who knows maybe she will..

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I can imagine this is such an awful time for you and your family. Your moms journey being in and out of hospital echoes that of my children's dad. He was made a DNR and died soon afterwards (not saying your mom will).

After he had died it was the first time in a long time that he looked peaceful. Almost looked like he was smiling I like to think he was. We lost my sister 10 years ago and whilst I believe when we are gone we are gone my mom totally believes she will see her again. I wish I could have that kind of faith.

I am thinking of you at this time and sending hugs x

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I had experience of death at a young age and so it never has scared me. It’s just a part of life. The ideal is a big reunion isn’t it? One of those lovely things we console ourselves with. I’m firmly in the ‘nothingness’ camp though. It doesn’t scare me. How ever will I know? I’ll be rather dead.

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

"Cheerful topic then

Apologies! I’m usually very cheerful - but after the last 30 hours or so of hospital chairs/waiting/lack of sleep I’m feeling more reflective than usual I guess! "

Don't you dare apologise! I like to think our families are having a great jolly and are saving us a place at the party. It's just a happy thought, and I'm sticking to it. I wish your mum a speedy recovery and you some head peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids with cancer = there is no God (although perhaps some peace)

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

Aww Peachy I’m sorry to hear this. It’s such a difficult and emotional time

I don’t know what there is. My views are all over the place and each time I lose any person close to me, it changes again x

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By *greygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

i [k] a none believer.sory for any ones loss any time.but my man says theres a heaven with streams of cold cider .dancing girls .rugby pitches .and the best rock band ever all playing together .[he says that would be his heaven]allso to op and all other folks in same position .hold on in .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know the billions of years we weren’t here before we were born, the nothingness, we simply return to that, I don’t know why people make it so complicated, it seems so obvious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A year ago my husband, after a fight with cancer, which he was winning went into hospital for just a touch of a poorly tummy.

He was not at deaths door at all.

Through negligence he slipped and fell and banged his head, after 10 days of fighting for his life he died.

From my point of view I would love to be with him, and when my time comes the thought I will be with him fills me with a wonderful feeling. If my family told me I would be with him it would give me great comfort.

Best wishes to you

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By *s.FrostWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

Cloud Atlas...

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

I am sorry you and yours are dealing with this Peachy. It’s a difficult time.

But to give you my honest answer and not wash over the subject, for me, there’s nothing. It’s just a big void of nothingness. It’s like that period of time when you’re sleeping and not dreaming and you know nothing. I wish I believed in a good place and a bad place, coz I sure as fuck would be trying for the fun one.

And how can I be scared of nothing when nothing comes. Right now the only thing about dying that scares me is the feeling that I might not have done all the things I wanted to do while I was still alive. So everyday I try to find the good stuff, the fun stuff even amongst the shit. Reach out and do what I can, when I can, so that when the time comes, I don’t have those fears.

Lex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As Woody Allen said, I’m not afraid of dying...I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your Mum. Thoughts are with you.

I was brought up a Catholic so had those beliefs about the afterlife drilled into me. Having unpicked all of them over the last 20 odd years I came to the view that our consciousness may well live on after death. In all the mystical traditions of religions (a much more interesting area of Spirituality than mass Religious dogma) there is a concept of consciousness beyond the gross body and that consciousness lives on or is transformed in some way after death. As to the specifics, I have no idea if we are somehow reunited with those we love. However I certainly don’t want to believe they are watching over us waiting for the day we are reunited. My Grannies would turn in their graves seeing the stuff I get up to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry to hear about your mum

Big love to you and yours x

I'm not religious, but too many coincidental things have happened to me to rule anything out for certain.

If any of the gods got it right, then I'd like to think they know deep down I'm one of the good ones. That I believe in most of the positive messages most religions share with one another. If that God is pedantic enough to exclude me from the afterlife for not having Faith, then they can suck on my middle finger. I wouldn't respect a deity that vindictive.

I can't help but feel we return to dust and that that's it, which is why I attempt to face my fears and live my dreams (looking for love on here lololol).

I want to believe in karma and reincarnation, but that's only because I want to be a bonobo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any firm beliefs about what happens when we die. If there is nothing, as logic would dictate, then there is nothing and I'm content with that, it doesn't scare me. My parents came to paganism 20 years ago and believe that our energy/souls transfers into other life forms rather than existing as the distinct individual they were in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I believe we all live on in the memories we helped create and the lives we touched. But as nice as it would be I don't believe there's anything waiting for us"

I’m not really sure but this ^^ resonates with me..

@Peachy - hugs to you for this very difficult & emotional time x

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Nothing to say but hugs.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I saw it with my mum. Sometimes the body just can’t take anymore. Quality of life is very poor. Old people with various recurring health issues get tired of the fight. Wishing you all the best x.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your mum and wish you all the best my thinking is we are all made of energy and electrical impulses so my thinking is that energy cannot be destroyed so when we die energy/sole that has to go somewhere I don’t know where but it gives me hope.

I hope that you lot don’t think I’m mad.

But my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time

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By *ust Peachy OP Woman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Thanks for your thoughts and views everyone!

I’d like to think there’s a great big reunion with loved ones after we die - but like most people I really can’t be certain! Xx

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

So sorry to hear about your mum, I'm dealing with the exact same thing. Watching my mum deteriorate and lose all her health and independence has been so draining and yes I have wondered if she would now prefer to just go to sleep forever, I wish I was a believer, truth is, I feel that, just like the flowers, trees and the other animals, we're here but once and probably death is oblivion, I think all we know is life so I'll never know I'm dead lol. My mum doesn't believe in an afterlife either but is fine about departing when it comes. Make every moment as good as you can for your mum and I hope she can enjoy the time she has left xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure exactly what is out there or where we go but when I was dealing with the same thing with my dad 4 years ago, I feel sure that when the end came he felt no fear. He was looking at someone in the top corner of the room and reaching for them, definitely not for any of us who were there. Don't know what that means but I believe that something more exists for us and take from it what you will. The thought he moved away from us to someone he wanted to be with when it was his time is something I take comfort in. That said Op, I hope your Mum does recover and you have more time to make happy memories. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you’re going through this again peachy, it is so mentally and physically draining for you all. I don’t know about heaven and hell but I believe our spirit does move on especially when you see the look of peace on someone who’s passed in pain. I don’t think it’s wrong to say yes your dad is waiting for her, as for all we know he could be. If it brings her comfort then I would say it. Hope things get better for you all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awww peachy, cyber hugs your way xx

Native Americans believe there is no such thing as death, just a change of worlds.

Chat to your mum about your memories growing up, I always think its lovely when families do that... Nice way of reliving their lifetime in their heads.

As for me I don't fear death, we are just returning to what we where before. Maybe that is our true reality and this human experience is the dream. I'm just enjoying and grateful for the dream... The good and the bad, its all growth

Much love x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

My mate told me(and I believe him 100%),when he came off his motorbike years ago,he was floating over his body watching the ambulance crew and police,don't know if that answers any questions peachy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hubby is a born again aethiest but I have faith. I believe in heaven and hell, people looking down on you etc. Hubby, that we just go and rot. We are both happy in our beliefs. Quite pertinent at the moment as he is have tests done at the moment. Doctor asked him “what would you do if it was Cancer?( weird question!!)

His answer was “die or get better”

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

I have the same in place for my 89yr old mum. She has dementia, irregular heartbeat, low blood pressure and kidney failure been in hospital 6 times in 3 yrs so i know how you feel. For now all is well and each day is a bonus as I know one day she will not know who I am etc....hugs for you xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

18 month ago my dad passed away after 2 year of hospital admitents and they asked both him and my mother about the dnr, my dad agreed and said he had no life left now as my mum had waited had and foot on him for over 4 years when he was at home , and he had had enough , it’s the hardest choice ever , by now he is pain free and at rest , my mum can have a life of her own too xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"18 month ago my dad passed away after 2 year of hospital admitents and they asked both him and my mother about the dnr, my dad agreed and said he had no life left now as my mum had waited had and foot on him for over 4 years when he was at home , and he had had enough , it’s the hardest choice ever , by now he is pain free and at rest , my mum can have a life of her own too xx "

Yes, often we keep people alive too long. My mum often tells me she ought to be dead. She has a dnr in place but I think that might be part of the reason she refuses to be taken to hospital sometimes.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"
You know what Peachy , I think about this every day, with my recent health issues, and both my parents dying relatively young , I suddenly have a sense of mortality, and I hate it. Unfortunately i dont believe in heaven or life after death , which only makes the thought of dying worse. Sorry I'm not more cheery on the subject , but that's how I feel .

I do , however wish your poor mum all the best x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, heartbreaking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Peachy In 1999 Dad was having a triple bypass when i was moving house he had ongoing heart problems was always going to the hospitial and everytime we thought it would be the end.Years later he had a fall and broke his hip so he was house bound mum lookiing after him all the time .

then he got dementia then later on water infectin he had a dnr in place 3 years ago he was in hospitial with a water infection where he had a stroke and we sat with him while he passed away it was sad at the time but he was at peace mentally and physically

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe were already in hell, and when we die, it doesnt matter, you wont/dont feel the pain your dead, its like sleeping but forever, and not when you dream, that part of your sleep where you never no

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By *layfulCouple86Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

Like yourself I have a parent who looks like they might not have too long left. Personally I find it hard to believe in anything after life and do fear death but my experience with my dad being ill has left me hoping and not necessarily in the religious narrative, but hoping that there's something more for his sake. Just something, I'd honestly take anything so long as I know when he does go and wherever he goes he is happy.

He's a pretty stoic guy and doesn't seem all that phased although I struggle with the thought of him maybe not being there one day.

Don't be sorry for the thread though, it might not be the most delightful of subjects to talk about but it's definitely interesting.

Mr Playful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope your Mum is comfortable and in no pain

I would like to believe, but we'll not know for sure. I think there is something in it.

The week before my Mum died, I went to see her and she said to me that she felt really uneasy, she told me 'I don't think I have left, this week at best' I asked her why she thought that and she said that my Dad had been to see her, and told her that it won't be long, he was off to get everything ready.

She went into hospital the Friday after, died on the Monday.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think we should all be bumped off when we are ready.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Personally I believe we all live on in the memories we helped create and the lives we touched. But as nice as it would be I don't believe there's anything waiting for us"

This. And also, the physical stuff that made us lives on in others, our atoms are reused, that's a form of eternal life.

I wish you and your family peace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a firm believer in the afterlife, my dear Nan whom was a very straight down the line lady, told me that when my grandad died he visited her and said he was ok. When I lost my cousin at 18 in a motorbike accident, she said he visited her again but this time with my cousin and told her not to worry, that he was with him and at peace. She said both times, she wasn’t scared and found it comforting. I have also been visited by a close friend that died in a freak accident, I woke up one night and she was standing by my bed smiling at me, that helped me enormously.

Best wishes to you OP x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still chat with my parents in my dreams. Not very often does that happen, but when it does I feel so happy when I awaken.

I only hope that I’m not reincarnated in a war torn poor third world country and live a life of hardship.

I get comfort thinking that when my time comes I will be remembered by those remaining and stories of me will be passed on down the generations by my family.

Hard one to ponder sometimes.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We often talk about this stuff. We've got quite a few possessions that belonged to much loved relatives and we think about them everytime we use them. My grandfather was in the same profession that our son is now and we gave our son a book of his. I use things that my aunt had and I call them Aunt Xs things.

I think in the absence of certainty about anything else we can say that we live on in the spoken word.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am really sorry to hear that, wishing you well. pain, discomfort and death are grim things to deal with, but it’ll happen to us all at some point...

Sorry, I’m completely non religious, so maybe the end is the end, but if anything then that reincarnation malarkey sounds like a bit of a goer. Maybe she’ll come back as a polar bear or great white shark or even a rich Arab prince or princess cud work well...

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I think we just stop, like flicking a light switch, and there is nothing after it. I'm not religious and had to watch my dad die a few years ago, his breathing slowed down and then he just wasn't there anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe in an afterlife, but if it brings comfort to someone then I'd never knock them for it.

I believe once we die, that's it.

I'm not scared of death, but I am scared for what I'll leave behind. The thought of leaving my daughter/husband/both alone scares me far more than dying does.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I think it's missing out on the future that I fear, we see how fast technology is moving and at some point exploring other planets and seeing what else is out there will happen, but it will be outside our lifetimes and we'll never know. But then again I'm sure we've all lived through some amazing times in our youths that generation Z and beyond will never know or be able to recreate.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't believe in an afterlife, but if it brings comfort to someone then I'd never knock them for it.

I believe once we die, that's it.

I'm not scared of death, but I am scared for what I'll leave behind. The thought of leaving my daughter/husband/both alone scares me far more than dying does. "

Does it scare you more than being the one left behind? I'm not sure which is the most awful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry to hear of the sadness you are going through, I have similar circumstances with my mum 88 we have a DNR and as tough as it sounds I will be so pleased for her when she ‘goes’ she’s had enough and it’s horrible to see her deteriorate. I have no religious beliefs at all but believe we surround our loved ones each day , I have a hanky that belonged to my father who died two years ago I keep in my knickers drawer so I see it each day, a certain song will bring back a memory, a familiar smell, someone will say something in a way a loved one did which may make you smile , that’s my beliefs anyway x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't believe in an afterlife, but if it brings comfort to someone then I'd never knock them for it.

I believe once we die, that's it.

I'm not scared of death, but I am scared for what I'll leave behind. The thought of leaving my daughter/husband/both alone scares me far more than dying does.

Does it scare you more than being the one left behind? I'm not sure which is the most awful. "

I wouldn't be left behind for long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can’t message you. Just wanted to check in on how you are?

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

Honestly .

I believe that all we can do is try to be the best version of ourselves we can be excellent to each other,love and be loved.

As long as you die knowing you are loved it can't be that bad can it?

Once we are gone what happens next is out of our control.

Death of a loved one is always hard.

Peace and love xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

As for death, it happens when it happens, I don't fear it, I fear dyin alone, and I hate the thought of my kids grieving.

Make sure she knows she is loved, and that she knows it is ok to go. I had to tell my Mum to stop fighting, that it was ok, I felt her go long before they turned her ventilator off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I had no family it wouldn't bother me at all to be honest.

I have no fear of dying at all and it's strange because I have fear of stupid things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"

Its a beautiful thought that we will be reunited with our loved ones and its a thought i hold on too. I am terrified more about not knowing how i will go. Ive been experiencing terrible times with my partner not knowing if he has cancer. Today it wss confirmed he hasnt. So i praise the Lord for that. I hope your mum is painfree and does not suffer and if she believes your dad is waiting then im happy for her that she can go with that thought. My father passed 5 years ago and we held his hand . He actually smiled as he went. So my belief was my mam was waiting for him.

Deepest sympathy OP and pray your mum does not suffer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Hugs

Peachy xx"
I'm not scared of dying and I'm not a person who believes in God, it must be very difficult for you and your mum best wishes from me, hope she's had a good life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wooooooo.......hang on.

The OP posted this 10 weeks ago, how do we know she isn't in mourning?

I think we should wait for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi everyone!

Yesterday mum was rushed into hospital - again!

She has pneumonia - again!

Fifth time in the last twelve months - and ninth time in hospital with various ailments in the last 12 months!

Each and every time the consultants have advised us that she may not survive - and we’ve discussed things like DNR (do not resuscitate) wishes etc!

This morning - after the consultant had discussed the DNR thingy yet again - mum turned to me and - for the first time - said ‘I haven’t got long, have I?’

So - a bit deep - but what are your thoughts?

Do you think we’re re-united with our loved ones? That we simply turn to dust? Or something else?

And - if you believe there’s nothing - do you think you’ll be afraid of that impending nothingness when the time comes?

Sorry it’s not a more cheerful thread - it’s been a shitty day or two - and I’d genuinely like to know what everyone thinks!

Firstly massive hugs peachy

I believe that there is something when our body dies we are energy we carry on to what ever is next I'm not scared of death at all when your time is up its up my fear is leaving loved ones behind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hopefully your mum gets well, hate hospital and hate to have someone ill, last year spend a year in hospital with my brother only 30 years old with rear disease called ITP.he removed the spleen,My dad had stent in his heart, my big sister kidney transplant so i have spend some times around hospitals.i wish all the best for your mum,regarding the death i think we move to different frequency like radio station when we die and we can meet again,or i like to belive like this

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By *ondonFreakMan
over a year ago

London

I didnt used to think about it much, but I`ve lost a number of friends & family in the last couple of years (2 this year to cancer, @ 39 & 44yo & an uncle with heart failure), so I have been thinking about it a lot more..

Honestly, I think we just stop. We don't float off somewhere, we don't transition into another baby or animal, we just stop.

I`d rather not die yet if I can help it, I`ve got far to much to do first!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it very hard to believe that we stop and that is it.

Sure me myself Mickey Blue Balls will end.. But I believe a part of us goes on.

The universe is infinite and I feel as if we have always been around in some way or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having had a near death experience two years ago(I didn't know anything about it at the time as I was completely out of it) My family were called in to say goodbye! I did get better but still suffer some quite serious after effects

However I'm still glad I'mhere and grateful for every extra day I've had.

However a few years ago my Mother suffered from a very aggressive cancer and as she was daily suffering from more pain she actually wanted to go and I couldn't have agreed with her more. I was fortunate enough to be with her at the end as she slipped away.which helped with closure. It's down to the quality of life? If your Mom is struggling and feels its time to go because she's constantly in pain I can sympathise with her and although naturally you want to keep her. Let her go in peace and just show her the love you feel.

Sorry for hijacking thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to be the voice of doom.....but due to my job I have seen many people die....

And I've not been aware of any spirit leaving the body.....no choice of heavenly angels...just the cessation of life.

Though has all ready been said on here.....the dead live on in the memories of the living.

Stay strong OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awwww, I saw thatyou'd posted and I was all happy to see you back on fab, then I read the subject and just....

I'm always here if you need a natter my love x

Steve x

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