FabSwingers.com forum: The anti-mothers day

By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

The thread for those who would rather not celebrate having a mother.

Mine is STILL alive at 98 and STILL a bitter, nasty, bullying narcissist. I’m lucky, I escaped, my sibs are still caught up with her.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Thanks for starting this thread, I was trying to find a nice way of phrasing it but, yeah.

I'll probably post later in the day but thanks

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Mine is judgemental, bigoted and self righteous. My life is better without her.

I appreciate and recognise that others have wonderful mothers and that they want to celebrate them, not here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was diagnosed a boarder line sociopath ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I join in by saying that mine was/is a terrible cook?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

I could have written something very similar to the op but I don't know (or care) whether she's still breathing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, mine is still alive, not seen her for almost 9 years now, won’t go into details, but life is better without her.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Don't know mine, and tbh I wouldn't want to either.....but I thank her for making me the best mum I could be for my kids....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't forget there is some of your mother in you..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mums ace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a strange relationship with my mum. I like her and often will go over her house to have a cuppa with her but I also harbour grudges for eternity.

She’s the woman who did nothing when my step father battered me twice when I was 15, once in front of her and the second time in front of 3 of my best friends and I ended up in hospital. I still remember the Sunday afternoon and after it happened I had an arm around each friends shoulders who were trying to support my weight, saw my mum walking home from work and all she said was you better not come home for a while. I was in hospital with broken ribs, having a metal plate in my jaw and a busy eye socket instead.

There’s always that at the back of my mind when dealing with my mother, he was abusive to her too till she got rid for good in 2007 but it’s always at the back of my mind.

That being said she won’t finish work today till half 5/6 coz they do 3 sittings of meals in the pub on mother’s day, she’ll spend the day waiting on other mothers so I’m doing a toast dinner for tea time and my sister is coming down and we’ll take a dinner down to my mothers. I might actually make it in my mothers house so I can leave her the dishes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucking roast dinner I meant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel sorry for most of you people, but I suppose what you never had you don’t miss, my mums my rock, She was diagnosed with cancer very recently so making it the most of whatever times left is important

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I feel sorry for most of you people, but I suppose what you never had you don’t miss, my mums my rock, She was diagnosed with cancer very recently so making it the most of whatever times left is important "

I’m sorry to hear about your mum, it’s horrible to see your loved ones go through all that and contemplate a future without them.

My mother didn’t afford any of us that same respect or emotion.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x"

It goes way beyond her lack of fulfilling her role and firmly in the path of damaging all of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She’s a strong women and they’ve supposedly caught it early, so hopefully all goes well, I’ve stocked her freezer up with cannabis oil for her to reap the benefits fromn to so I’m quite confident and positive about it all

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

I didn’t have much of a childhood where my mother was concerned as she wasn’t well so couldn’t help the way she was

She isn’t around anymore but I still bear that bit of dissapointment that my mum was t like other people’s mums

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"My mums ace

Pop over to the Mother’s Day celebration threads and share it there.

Today is an immensely painful and difficult day that reminds me constantly that my hard work and forgiveness in trying to have a positive relationship with her was thrown away, ignored and belittled.

I had no mother whilst living with one that was supposed to be one.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Same here .... I choose not to have a relationship with mine ...

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

"Mine is judgemental, bigoted and self righteous. My life is better without her.

I appreciate and recognise that others have wonderful mothers and that they want to celebrate them, not here. "

Same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

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By *londie8399Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

my real mums a waste of space she didnt bring any of her 5 kids up i class my foster mam as my real mam

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?"

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

There are plenty of other threads for you.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Same here .... I choose not to have a relationship with mine ...

Horrid isn’t it. Not having a relationship with mine means big fractures with my sibs too.

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By *londie8399Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

me and my brothers and sisters are all really close considering we were all brought up in diffrent places

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?"

I know your intentions are good but, that's a really invalidating comment. Being abused as a child does not result in stronger more resilient and compassionate people. It causes unimaginable long lasting pain, and if someone manages to become a 'better' person as an adult it's despite the abuse, not because of it.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

Hmmm ... yeah. It would take a very long and boring post to explain my relationship with my mother. I go through the motions of keeping in touch still but I feel pretty much invisible as far as she's concerned, and she heavily favours my (shit stirring) sibling. She has done some spectacularly hurtful stuff down the years including scattering my beloved dad's ashes - with my sibling - without involving me at all, as if I didn't exist, as if I wasn't his daughter. There are myriad more examples and I simply don't understand the lack of interest and support. 'Everyone' else sees her as perfectly normal and pleasant so I constantly question my own perception.

Even at my age it's a kick in the guts. Your mum's supposed to have your back isn't she? And because mothers are 'supposed' to be revered, it's a very difficult subject to talk about.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Thank you so much for you supporting words, the pain never really goes away, does it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suit yourself, I’m not trying to convince, nobody of anything, but if you’ve got mother issues and your posting threads about it on here, then getting snappy because what someone says resurfaces some emotional scars why bother I the the first place?

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Hmmm ... yeah. It would take a very long and boring post to explain my relationship with my mother. I go through the motions of keeping in touch still but I feel pretty much invisible as far as she's concerned, and she heavily favours my (shit stirring) sibling. She has done some spectacularly hurtful stuff down the years including scattering my beloved dad's ashes - with my sibling - without involving me at all, as if I didn't exist, as if I wasn't his daughter. There are myriad more examples and I simply don't understand the lack of interest and support. 'Everyone' else sees her as perfectly normal and pleasant so I constantly question my own perception.

Even at my age it's a kick in the guts. Your mum's supposed to have your back isn't she? And because mothers are 'supposed' to be revered, it's a very difficult subject to talk about. "

Our lives run parallel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I apologies and shall learn to just mind my own business rather that trying to be nice and polite, sorry

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Suit yourself, I’m not trying to convince, nobody of anything, but if you’ve got mother issues and your posting threads about it on here, then getting snappy because what someone says resurfaces some emotional scars why bother I the the first place?"

What an utterly nasty and hurtful response to respectful replies to your post.

I ask you again, please pop over to one of the other threads about mums and respect this one by leaving.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m genuinely not trying to be nasty or anything so sorry if I come across that way. Again I apologies for any offense, wasn’t intentional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amazing thread this and it never fails to intrigue me as to how open some people are on here.

This is not aimed at any one person in particular and I'm not criticising or judging, just an observation.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Amazing thread this and it never fails to intrigue me as to how open some people are on here.

This is not aimed at any one person in particular and I'm not criticising or judging, just an observation."

The forums are full of people sharing their shit but anything that criticises mothers always makes others feel uncomfortable, more that the cheating threads even.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have mates who have been abused by their biological parents and spent most of there childhoods in care, i couldn never possibly understand such pain but my mates have dealt with it very well, I suppose I just underestimated the effects such things have on different people later in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thread for those who would rather not celebrate having a mother.

Mine is STILL alive at 98 and STILL a bitter, nasty, bullying narcissist. I’m lucky, I escaped, my sibs are still caught up with her. "

Dear me , that doesn’t sound nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

should it not really be happy MILF day?

*some resonings are anyone over a certain age is a milf regardless of them having any or none children.

you Mieeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllfffff!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"My mums ace

Congratulations, enjoy the other threads

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?"

On the contrary. A damaged mother-child relationship can have very long lasting and negative repercussions, not least because your sense of self is so intrinsically bound with your primary care giver as you grow up. It shouldn't take too much imagination to realise that if your own mother is extremely cold (and/or abusive) then affected children question what's wrong with them, even if they don't possess the maturity (understandably) to start to analyse this properly until they hit adulthood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Amazing thread this and it never fails to intrigue me as to how open some people are on here.

This is not aimed at any one person in particular and I'm not criticising or judging, just an observation.

The forums are full of people sharing their shit but anything that criticises mothers always makes others feel uncomfortable, more that the cheating threads even. "

Did that post come with a free side?

Yes I get it I suppose and my point was more of a general one than specifically about this tread. We all use the forums for our own ends I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have mates who have been abused by their biological parents and spent most of there childhoods in care, i couldn never possibly understand such pain but my mates have dealt with it very well, I suppose I just underestimated the effects such things have on different people later in life. "

I think what you said came from a good intention. That's a good thing.

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By *aptain VMan
over a year ago

Birstall, Leicester

"The thread for those who would rather not celebrate having a mother.

Mine is STILL alive at 98 and STILL a bitter, nasty, bullying narcissist. I’m lucky, I escaped, my sibs are still caught up with her. "

I'm sure you are a better parent / role model from your experiences and made you into a better person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Amazing thread this and it never fails to intrigue me as to how open some people are on here.

This is not aimed at any one person in particular and I'm not criticising or judging, just an observation."

It's often easier to bounce your thoughts off strangers. Things you can't discuss with those you know. I have been surprised, and sometimes humbled, by some of the things ladies I chat to have disclosed to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thread for those who would rather not celebrate having a mother.

Mine is STILL alive at 98 and STILL a bitter, nasty, bullying narcissist. I’m lucky, I escaped, my sibs are still caught up with her. "
mines still alive but don't know where she is .......oh well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Amazing thread this and it never fails to intrigue me as to how open some people are on here.

This is not aimed at any one person in particular and I'm not criticising or judging, just an observation.

The forums are full of people sharing their shit but anything that criticises mothers always makes others feel uncomfortable, more that the cheating threads even. "

It's individual situations. I wasn't close to either of my parents. they both died close together a while ago. I've never mourned them. that's just how it is.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I appreciate and respect you trying to understand and empathise with people about this subject. I think that part of the issue though is you attempting or seeming to tell others how they feeling.

I don't think that until you've had it happen and the people who are meant to love you unconditionally, dont, then you can really recognise that.

For many people today is a very painful reminder of exactly what they didn't and don't have.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think what you said came from a good intention. That's a good thing."

I agree.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

"Amazing thread this and it never fails to intrigue me as to how open some people are on here.

This is not aimed at any one person in particular and I'm not criticising or judging, just an observation.

The forums are full of people sharing their shit but anything that criticises mothers always makes others feel uncomfortable, more that the cheating threads even. "

This is often true on other online communities as well, and in real life conversation. It's such a taboo. It doesn't mean to say that people affected by having poor mothers don't respect and admire the women who have made every effort to raise their children in as loving and as supportive a way as they can. Though I hold my hands up and confess to feeling very envious of anyone who has always had the absolute reassurance of a mum who's fully invested in them.

I think *some* people are far too quick to project their own feelings onto a situation that they have no experience of. Almost as I'm insulting *their* mum by saying that mine has been a source of huge disappointment and hurt. Which of course I'm not. If you've had a lifelong good relationship with your mother I guess it must be almost unimaginable to think of her rejecting/ignoring you - but it happens!

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

The point is you've come on a thread designed to give people an outlet for their pain on a difficult day basically saying oh well my relationship with my mother is great, surely it can't have been all that bad, let's search for the silver lining. It's patronising. You're playing out your pain at your situation by belittling that of others.

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

Are you sure they've "dealt with it really well" or just put up a front like the majority of posters on this thread. I think you'll find that most folks in our situation don't usually talk about our past in general conversation and as well meaning you might be, your platitudes do nothing to change the feelings about the past.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand what people are saying. I didn’t word my response very well but my intentions were good. Just didn’t come across that way which I’m sorry for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a difficult relationship with my mom, I’m not really close to her and can’t forgive her for some of the things she’s said and done over the years. But she’s a good nan to my kids and does try to help me now. My brother and sister have a close relationship with her, it always made me wonder what was so wrong with me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And whether it’s a front or they have dealt with it well, he’s a fairly successful family man living life to fullest, from what I know he’s been through he’s a soldier and dealt with it like a boss, obviously I suppose not all victims of such terrible things are fortunate

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I have a difficult relationship with my mom, I’m not really close to her and can’t forgive her for some of the things she’s said and done over the years. But she’s a good nan to my kids and does try to help me now. My brother and sister have a close relationship with her, it always made me wonder what was so wrong with me x "

I think that last line is the most telling and is often the question that everyone in this situation asks; "what's so wrong with me, that made you not love me?" I guess that today highlights what I don't have and didn't get. It's taken a while to understand and accept that the failing wasn't mine. I think I'm not alone in feeling that, even though it's in the past and the door has been closed, being reminded is still sore.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I’m sorry you’re going through this too, I’m almost envious that my sibs can overcome (to a point) what she did, and still does to them.

I have children and grandchildren and that was the hardest thing to deal with, knowing she doesn’t feel about me the way I feel about them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?"

Could you be anymore condescending?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm fairly open on here about not being in contact with any of my family. My parents are not nice people and I have been a disappointment to them for most of my life. I'd have settled for them liking me as clearly loving me was beyond them.

Mothers day sucks. As do most family orientated occasions. It annoys the hell put of me when people, however well meaning project their own happy family scenarios onto me as a reason I should reconciliate. Unless you have been there you have no idea what it takes to reach a point where walking away from your family is less painful than staying in touch. And the scars from that tend noto to heal

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm fairly open on here about not being in contact with any of my family. My parents are not nice people and I have been a disappointment to them for most of my life. I'd have settled for them liking me as clearly loving me was beyond them.

Agreed. Sometimes it's well meant, sometimes it's just plain rude and dismissive.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

My mother is currently at this exact moment in the pub, presumably smashed out of her head already after the phone call I got half an hour ago calling me a useless fat cunt and she hopes I die so my 5 year daughter can have a better life without me and that she's wasted her life on me and my 3 siblings.

To be honest that speech is gradually getting much shorter every time she uses it so by Christmas when it comes up again it might be down to just 1 line.

Hey-ho....she'll be sober tomorrow and will have forgotten all about it, again. (JJ) xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I’m damaged goods and this thread proves it, I started a thread about mother’s day and that I had made Gin fairy cakes. My Mum has very little maternal instinct she is cold selfish and often spiteful. Problem is I’ve spent my whole life trying to be accepted and loved by her try.Common sense says it isn’t coming but just can’t stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x"

You may have had bad mothers but they gave you a start, some better than others. It's a shame people on here who will jump in at an apparent racist remark, or a thread about 'fat' women or cheats or..... Seem to think it's ok to talk about someone who gave a lot of their time trying to raise you.

No matter how bad you may think they were, maybe, just maybe some of the issues weren't solely down to them but a combination of circumstances beyond their control. Sometimes they grew into who they have turned out because of what they had to go through in the early years. Maybe she thought she'd done her best. Imagine if she could read this thread.

Just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more anti mothers day posts than the day itself... It is definitely a Fb avoidance day... But because I don't have mine anymore and need her more than ever

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."

I can't disagree with you enough on this.

Your comments are completely lacking in empathy or any kind of thought or regard for how people are feeling.

You dismiss people's lifelong feelings out of hand in an effort to see the other side of a situation which you clearly have little to no understanding of.

Shame on you.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?"

Would you tell a child that it's OK that their mother hates them and is incapable of meeting their needs because in 20 years time they'll be stronger for it?

It's what you're doing. Stop it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."

My mum reminds me whenever I see her that having me was a mistake and that my brother and I destroyed her life. My brother paid the ultimate price as he became an alcoholic and died aged 44 he tried to get close to her but was shunned for being gay. Yes I love her because she gave me life but as a parent you have a duty to the children you produce not to destroy their lives

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought.

I can't disagree with you enough on this.

Your comments are completely lacking in empathy or any kind of thought or regard for how people are feeling.

You dismiss people's lifelong feelings out of hand in an effort to see the other side of a situation which you clearly have little to no understanding of.

Shame on you. "

And how do you come to that conclusion?

I've more understanding than you could ever image so maybe you might want to rethink again.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."

I suggest you read Bike Monkeys post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."

That's pretty sanctimonious. You don't know the situation so can't possibly know whether your opinion is relevant or wildly off the mark. In my experience people don't easily emotionally reject their parents. It takes massive neglect and/or abuse before people are able to accept and detach, and even then those people are a minority. All anyone wants is to be loved and approved of by their parents and will chase that for a lifetime, even if it never happens.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."

And she still chose to bring me into the world and saddle me with extraordinary burdens from a ridiculously young age. She still chooses to inflict her crap on me rather than getting help. She still thinks I'm the broken one. She still refuses to accept me as I am.

She's an adult and should take some responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought.

Maybe her life had been destroyed...like you quote your brothers.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought.

I can't disagree with you enough on this.

Your comments are completely lacking in empathy or any kind of thought or regard for how people are feeling.

You dismiss people's lifelong feelings out of hand in an effort to see the other side of a situation which you clearly have little to no understanding of.

Shame on you.

And how do you come to that conclusion?

I've more understanding than you could ever image so maybe you might want to rethink again."

Then stop dismissing other people’s situations. If you understood you would not have posted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's hear it for those who don't even know where their mothers are

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By *ettyboop61Woman
over a year ago

St Neots

I'm at my mum's now.....I love e her but sometimes in my life I didn't like her...I didn't like the way she thought about things/people always judging....I stayed with her in my 20's so she could pay a mortgage sometimes I wish I had gone the way I wanted my life would of been better and more fulfilling.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was an alcoholic. Selfish and numb of any emotion unless it suited her. She passed away recently and I genuinely think it was a blessing. Not just for her due to her ill health but for me and my son's because it was over

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought.

I can't disagree with you enough on this.

Your comments are completely lacking in empathy or any kind of thought or regard for how people are feeling.

You dismiss people's lifelong feelings out of hand in an effort to see the other side of a situation which you clearly have little to no understanding of.

Shame on you.

And how do you come to that conclusion?

I've more understanding than you could ever image so maybe you might want to rethink again."

I come to that conclusion based upon what you wrote, essentially blaming the children for the mothers failings.

That guilt and feeling is something that I've spent a long time to try and reason with, much as many others have posted on this thread.

Reread the thread, then have a look at your comment. I don't need you to tell me to see things from her side, I did for years and that's why I felt worthless for so long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought.

Maybe her life had been destroyed...like you quote your brothers."

My life was pretty much destroyed by my parents. My children are my life I have made many mistakes but I makes sure they feel the unconditional love I have for them. I chose to have them. That’s the least they deserve x

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought.

I can't disagree with you enough on this.

Your comments are completely lacking in empathy or any kind of thought or regard for how people are feeling.

You dismiss people's lifelong feelings out of hand in an effort to see the other side of a situation which you clearly have little to no understanding of.

Shame on you.

And how do you come to that conclusion?

I've more understanding than you could ever image so maybe you might want to rethink again.

Then stop dismissing other people’s situations. If you understood you would not have posted."

Playing devil's advocate with this thread is callous, pure and simple.

If you understand, as you claim, then leave it alone please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thread for those who would rather not celebrate having a mother.

Mine is STILL alive at 98 and STILL a bitter, nasty, bullying narcissist. I’m lucky, I escaped, my sibs are still caught up with her. "
I'm estranged from my mother and have gone through the grieving process but still feel sadness, even though it was the right choice to make not going through so much unhappiness anymore. I know it's the same with any grieving process for someone, even though some people have many happy memories for the people they have lost,but in my case and many peoples case, my memories are more of unhappiness and wasted times of ignoring and putting up with certain certain behaviours.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My mother desperately wanted children then rejected me as inadequate from my infancy. She denied my pain and refused to get me help. When it blew up and I was nearly taken into care (primary school), she told me that it was because I was a terrible child and that she could not deal with me, then cut me off emotionally for 20 years, dealing only with my physical needs. Then recently has done an about face and wonders why we aren't best friends. Thank God for my father, flawed though he also is. He probably saved me from suicide. She tries to make me hate him and pledge loyalty to her.

She probably has her own issues. She still inflicted/ inflicts them on me. I was a young child. She was an adult. She's still a competent adult. She can deal with her shit. I'm still entitled to mourn what I don't have, and protect myself from her. I do my duty. It's more than she deserves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."

Incredible arrogant statement, you know nothing of other peoples lives and their personal situation and how it’s effected them. If venting on here helps people a little then that can only be a good thing. Unbelievable lack of empathy on this thread from some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My mums ace

So is mine, I'm taking her for some food and a couple of drinks later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of your own children may surprise you one day by posting something similar and you may have thought you did your best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine gave me the hand book of how not to raise my own kids so they grow up normal not a screw up like her kids did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some of your own children may surprise you one day by posting something similar and you may have thought you did your best."

That’s highly unlikely.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"My mums ace

So is mine, I'm taking her for some food and a couple of drinks later

Great to know, I wish you well in your endeavour.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Some of your own children may surprise you one day by posting something similar and you may have thought you did your best."

Which is their right. (although I'd be astonished, as I've stopped the cycle of dysfunction by not having children)

Your best is not always good enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love milfs

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"My mums ace

So is mine, I'm taking her for some food and a couple of drinks later

Fab, congratulations. Take it to another thread.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If you can't deal with our pain and have to deny it, please go away. You're not making me appreciate my mother. You're making me despise people like you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry your mum didn't fulfil her role for you. It's sad that there is a need for this thread but understand it. Some parents are just shit x

Just a thought."
People do have their issues in life, but a person has to take responsibility of how they inflict their issues on others and of the consequences of their behaviour which may bring much unhappiness to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't believe how unnecessary some of the contributions to this thread are. These forums can be a wonderfully supportive environment, but some people seem intent on making this thread anything but that

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Some of your own children may surprise you one day by posting something similar and you may have thought you did your best."

They are very welcome to...and I would try my hardest to fix it but as it happens, my children have a different opinion of me than I do my mother.

One of my sisters was facing the death of her newborn. She begged my mother to care for her two year old grandson because his abusive father was nowhere to be seen. Her reply was “but I have Bill and Mary to tea on Tuesday and its the royal wedding on Thursday”

My mother is not an alcoholic, she has been through some terrible stuff in her life and we all recognise that but she has no right to pass that damage on. Which she did in bucketloads.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I can't believe how unnecessary some of the contributions to this thread are. These forums can be a wonderfully supportive environment, but some people seem intent on making this thread anything but that "

There’s a huge amount of cognative dissonance on the forums today but knowing there are lots of people on is thread who understand me is hugely comforting. Thank you for sharing.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm posting in this one as well because I had such a difficult, dysfunctional, abusive relationship with my mother. Mother's Day was an odd affair for me in her lifetime.

Although losing my son, and my other pregnancies, was and is still such pain for me there is a part of me that is thankful those children have been spared me possibly passing on my inherited behaviour to them.

The first Mother's Day after I lost my son (just a few weeks after he died), one of the church ladies put aside one of the daffodil posies for me, to recognise I was a mother. My own mother organised the posy buying for the church but never thought one of them should go to me.

Relationships are complicated things. Larkin always comes to mind.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

There’s a huge amount of cognative dissonance on the forums today but knowing there are lots of people on is thread who understand me is hugely comforting. Thank you for sharing."

Agreed. Thank you for this thread.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most of us have had the guilt, wondered what we could possibly have done so wrong. Only bad children deserve treatment like this, yes?

No. Some bad adults have children, and inflict their issues onto the children. Those children grow up with an extraordinary burden. The psychological and physical toll is extreme. Many don't survive for a variety of reasons.

I asked for years why I was so awful that my mother didn't love me, from infancy. The correct question is, what mother does not love her child (and does not deal with that so as not to reduce the harm inflicted upon that child?)

I would not mistreat a stranger the way my mother has me.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

There’s a huge amount of cognative dissonance on the forums today but knowing there are lots of people on is thread who understand me is hugely comforting. Thank you for sharing."

I came onto to Fab today to see if this thread is here. I have found it comforting over the years to have shared these stories.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

There’s a huge amount of cognative dissonance on the forums today but knowing there are lots of people on is thread who understand me is hugely comforting. Thank you for sharing.

Agreed. Thank you for this thread. "

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My mother is currently at this exact moment in the pub, presumably smashed out of her head already after the phone call I got half an hour ago calling me a useless fat cunt and she hopes I die so my 5 year daughter can have a better life without me and that she's wasted her life on me and my 3 siblings.

To be honest that speech is gradually getting much shorter every time she uses it so by Christmas when it comes up again it might be down to just 1 line.

Hey-ho....she'll be sober tomorrow and will have forgotten all about it, again. (JJ) xx"

Can you block her from contacting you? X

We wouldn't accept such behaviour from 'friends'. We shouldn't accept such behaviour from 'family'.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

There’s a huge amount of cognative dissonance on the forums today but knowing there are lots of people on is thread who understand me is hugely comforting. Thank you for sharing.

I came onto to Fab today to see if this thread is here. I have found it comforting over the years to have shared these stories.

I saw your other post L, talking about the church and your mums love and hard work.

I understand.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

To be honest that speech is gradually getting much shorter every time she uses it so by Christmas when it comes up again it might be down to just 1 line.

Hey-ho....she'll be sober tomorrow and will have forgotten all about it, again. (JJ) xx

Can you block her from contacting you? X

We wouldn't accept such behaviour from 'friends'. We shouldn't accept such behaviour from 'family'. "

We (adult family) were talking about what you put up with from family as 'normal' that you would tell others to escape from. Whatever you do you will be judged and sometimes the guilt and judgement feels worse than putting up with unacceptable, painful behaviour.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I said on the other thread, I show my mother I love her by maintaining a civil superficial relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m very grateful for this thread today, my first mother’s day in freedom, emotionally it’s a rollercoaster today, thank you for bringing it into the open and sharing x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I’m very grateful for this thread today, my first mother’s day in freedom, emotionally it’s a rollercoaster today, thank you for bringing it into the open and sharing x"

Hugs to you. I hope the bitterness in bittersweet fades.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My antis are ace too

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I'm afraid it's a very common trope. That mothers are wonderful no matter what, and horrible mothers give you gifts, too!

Return to sender, please.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

"Same here .... I choose not to have a relationship with mine ...

Horrid isn’t it. Not having a relationship with mine means big fractures with my sibs too. "

Yep same here .... I don’t see my sister either .. big hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I'm afraid it's a very common trope. That mothers are wonderful no matter what, and horrible mothers give you gifts, too!

Return to sender, please. "

That's not what he said though.

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By *hunderstruckMan
over a year ago

Northampton

No live to mine although she’s dead . I’d never thought about her in this day before .

Put in a home at 4 til I left at 16 brought up by nuns.

When she died their was no tears .

I cried my eyes out when my mate lost his mum who cared for me mite than my own .

So I understand all the vitriol being posted .

This day was only brought about by card companies making money .

If you have a mum who you love everyday is mother’s day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest that speech is gradually getting much shorter every time she uses it so by Christmas when it comes up again it might be down to just 1 line.

Hey-ho....she'll be sober tomorrow and will have forgotten all about it, again. (JJ) xx

Can you block her from contacting you? X

We wouldn't accept such behaviour from 'friends'. We shouldn't accept such behaviour from 'family'.

Fair point about the outside judgement. A reason people stay in abusive marriages too.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I will interpret what he wrote and how it made me feel. I asked him in a respectful way to stop. I’ve not been rude to him nor used derogatory, dismissive terms of endearment to him.

He is welcome to come back and discuss the interaction between him and I and because you are a mod, I will keep my comments about your interaction to myself.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I'm afraid it's a very common trope. That mothers are wonderful no matter what, and horrible mothers give you gifts, too!

Return to sender, please.

That's not what he said though."

He said "I'm sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person". The "I'm sure" is much more powerful than the question mark, particularly given the assumption I noted. It assumes the positive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I will interpret what he wrote and how it made me feel. I asked him in a respectful way to stop. I’ve not been rude to him nor used derogatory, dismissive terms of endearment to him.

He is welcome to come back and discuss the interaction between him and I and because you are a mod, I will keep my comments about your interaction to myself."

Why the different interaction if it's a mod?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think some of these posts are uncomfortable to read, not because they are talking about their mothers, but for what people have gone through .

As much as my relationship with my mother was a good one, I know that isn't the case for everyone, so I can imagine the big deal made about Mothers day especially the "why are you not celebrating it" must get to you.

You can't choose your relatives, you also wouldn't put up with being treated like from friends, so I can understand why people don't want to acknowledge mothers day.

For anyone who wants to celebrate Mothers day, there is a thread running for you

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I'm afraid it's a very common trope. That mothers are wonderful no matter what, and horrible mothers give you gifts, too!

Return to sender, please. "

He didn't say that in his post though?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I will interpret what he wrote and how it made me feel. I asked him in a respectful way to stop. I’ve not been rude to him nor used derogatory, dismissive terms of endearment to him.

He is welcome to come back and discuss the interaction between him and I and because you are a mod, I will keep my comments about your interaction to myself."

What a strange thing to say. As a mod I pointed out what he actually said rather than what you thought he said.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

I don't understand why those of us who have difficult or non-existent relationships with our mothers are not being allowed to own our feelings and experiences?

For some of us, there is no obvious, understandable reason why our mothers were/are lacking - especially if we are treated very differently from siblings who seem to enjoy the 'traditional' love and support from our mum that we don't. I wish there *was* a simple explanation - it would save me a great deal of introspection and hurt - but personally I remain completely baffled on an ongoing basis.

And even if you know your mum had problems which might account for her poor parenting and which might allow for a certain level of understanding and forgiveness, that still doesn't alter the fact you didn't have the sort of mum you'd have hoped for. That knowledge doesn't necessarily undo the harm an unhealthy upbringing can create.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"Mine was diagnosed a boarder line sociopath ... "

Had to google what that entails..cannot imagine how horrible must be to have a mother with those tendencies.

https://www.bustle.com/p/9-signs-your-mom-might-be-a-sociopath-65407

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I’m sorry to hear that love, but Im sure the effects of that relationship or lack of relationship make you a stronger, better person?

Please stop. There is pain in you trying to convince me that she needs my respect.

His post didn't suggest that, he was asking does it make you stronger

I will interpret what he wrote and how it made me feel. I asked him in a respectful way to stop. I’ve not been rude to him nor used derogatory, dismissive terms of endearment to him.

He is welcome to come back and discuss the interaction between him and I and because you are a mod, I will keep my comments about your interaction to myself.

What a strange thing to say. As a mod I pointed out what he actually said rather than what you thought he said."

You pointed out your opinion of what he said.

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

What a strange thing to say. As a mod I pointed out what he actually said rather than what you thought he said.

You pointed out your opinion of what he said. "

I took the comment exactly the same way as Topsy did, it was an unnecessary platitude that many people in our situation rightly took offense to. Has having a shitty mother made me a stronger person? I very much doubt that due to being the internal mess that I am (one that very few people have ever got to see) but it has made me determined to never be that bad a person to anybody that enters my life.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

You pointed out your opinion of what he said. "

I didn't offer my opinion. I pointed out what he had said

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

What a strange thing to say. As a mod I pointed out what he actually said rather than what you thought he said.

You pointed out your opinion of what he said.

In which case you didn't read it the same way, as Topsy thought it said that he was trying to convince her that she needs to respect her mother.

You on the other hand answered the question about whether it made you stronger, which was what he asked ( although I did think it was an assumption that it could make people stronger with an added ? )

Lost of people ask others the question of do bad things in their life make them stronger, I think your answer is one I have seen a lot , that it has made you determined to never be that bad a person to anybody that enters your life rather than it made you stronger.

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By *opsy Rogers OP Woman
over a year ago

London

You pointed out your opinion of what he said.

I didn't offer my opinion. I pointed out what he had said"

You pointed out what you thought he said and as he hasn’t come back to explain, I shall continue to interpret it my way.

Why are you speaking for someone else anyway?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I think the poster asking about it making someone stronger asked with innocent intent, but like many on here didn’t understand the subtleties and unc*nscious bias of his language choices, and the likely history of automatic negating of their experiences that those who have not had healthy experiences of their mothers have been accustomed to.

I think Topsy and others responded clearly even if it wasn’t simplifying their response down to his exact question, it let him know that this wasn’t a helpful commentary and others have explained why later in the thread and that’s perfectly acceptable.

I don’t think the poster helped himself with his immediate retort though. Still, he has been clear further down the thread that he hadn’t meant to upset and has hopefully learned further sensitivity re this subject.

I think it’s always important to err on the side of compassion for another person’s pain than drill semantics.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

You pointed out your opinion of what he said.

I didn't offer my opinion. I pointed out what he had said

You pointed out what you thought he said and as he hasn’t come back to explain, I shall continue to interpret it my way.

Why are you speaking for someone else anyway?

I am not and making out I did doesn't help. I am pointing out a sentence that the man posted, as a mod.

You are allowed to think he said you need to respect your mum, but that isn't what he said and anyone is entitled to point that out.

I am now going to back out of the thread as there is clearly an issue with me pointing this out and I am not going to let any anger you have at the moment be taken out on me....mod or not

My opinion on your OP is further up, for what it is worth

( reposted for typoes )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Feelings are forever not just Mother's Day.

Kaching! Clinton Cards.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint."

Oh now I never knew there was a gaslighting thread. I'll go and see if it's a read or a snooze.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint.

Oh now I never knew there was a gaslighting thread. I'll go and see if it's a read or a snooze. "

Whispers: I really want to tell you there isn’t one, but I feel it’s not appropriate humour.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint.

Oh now I never knew there was a gaslighting thread. I'll go and see if it's a read or a snooze.

Whispers: I really want to tell you there isn’t one, but I feel it’s not appropriate humour.

Well I did. I sniggered. Anyway .... I can't find it. There's one that's 25 weeks old and im not into resurrections even though it's almost easter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint.

Oh now I never knew there was a gaslighting thread. I'll go and see if it's a read or a snooze.

Whispers: I really want to tell you there isn’t one, but I feel it’s not appropriate humour.

oh its there, its a new term for a guy being a cunt to a woman, but not termed being a cunt.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint.

Oh now I never knew there was a gaslighting thread. I'll go and see if it's a read or a snooze.

Whispers: I really want to tell you there isn’t one, but I feel it’s not appropriate humour.

oh its there, its a new term for a guy being a cunt to a woman, but not termed being a cunt. "

I think you’ve missed the joke. But I’m derailing thread and that’s not cool.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"we really should view this the same as the gaslighting thread.

I've come to terms with my mother, i dont really need to explain how I'd never seen her as a mother or her capabilities.

I wish other people and my family a happy mothers day, regardless of what i think of it from a personal standpoint.

Oh now I never knew there was a gaslighting thread. I'll go and see if it's a read or a snooze.

Whispers: I really want to tell you there isn’t one, but I feel it’s not appropriate humour.

oh its there, its a new term for a guy being a cunt to a woman, but not termed being a cunt. "

That's not what gaslighting means at all ..... tsk

I found it

as if by magic ....... x

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

My Mum was a dick. Chose a bottle over me.

I’m back in contact and she’s sadly slipping away. She gave up on me but it won’t happen the other way round.

Not down to any deep feeling I’m too inarticulate to explain. But more down because I’m a nice person despite of her best efforts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Still a sad thread really, I'm sure would all love a good mum.

My mum and I fell out because I adopted my nephew as it wasn't safe for him to be with my sister. I think she thought I would hand him back; nope I'm committed to keeping him safe.

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By *yn drwgMan
over a year ago

Camarthen

My ex had issues with both her parents which I never understood as was never really told truthfully about and in the end I kept out of, but she was jealous of my relationship with my parents and sometimes would tell me I didn't need to see them as often! Thank fuck she is an ex..

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

I don't see mine any more either, not till her funeral where I will dance on her grave drinking a chilled glass or two.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You pointed out your opinion of what he said.

I didn't offer my opinion. I pointed out what he had said

You pointed out what you thought he said and as he hasn’t come back to explain, I shall continue to interpret it my way.

Why are you speaking for someone else anyway? "

Wow. Maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut, I never intended to cause all this. Let me just set the record straight, all I did was ask a harmless question about whether your bad experiences made you a stronger person. I’m not trying to be funny when I say this but there is no other way to interpret what i said other than the way I written it. The “I’m sure” was just me trying to be upbeat and polite about something that’s a touchy subject for some people, there was no maliciousness or sarcasm in what I said. I’ve already apologised a few times for any offence caused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I think today is one of those bittersweet days. My kids make it worth it, but I’ve not even spoken to my mom. And no matter what age you are it still hurts x

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