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What’s the score ....

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids

I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all !

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's not uncommon, I'm afraid.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Nope, not uncommon at all x

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You never know if you want to meet someone again after the first time, no matter what has been said in the run up to the first 'sex' meet.

It works both ways and is not uncommon.

Also, sometimes, guys just say what they think you want to hear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry to hear this OP.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all ! "
would have thought it's quite a common occurrence to compliment to get you into bed then disappear, I myself wouldn’t do it but know of people that do

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids

Maybe I’m just far too gullable and trusting .... very frustrating !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot to not a lot

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all ! would have thought it's quite a common occurrence to compliment to get you into bed then disappear, I myself wouldn’t do it but know of people that do "

Crying here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's possible that people change their minds after meeting. The easiest way to convey that for some is to avoid contact.

Some have no intention of meeting again.

I don't understand why people don't just meet up with the view that if it leads to regular then great, but if it's only a one off then that's fine. It is what it is. Trying to view every meet as a potential regular just adds pressure and leads to disappointment. In my opinion.

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids

I get that a lot will say anything for their ultimate gain but when you’ve spent time (a few weeks) believing they are a decent person, feeling a connection and then they can’t string 2 sentences together afterwards for you ... I don’t want to be a hard, cold and matter of fact person but honestly .... is that the only salvation ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all ! would have thought it's quite a common occurrence to compliment to get you into bed then disappear, I myself wouldn’t do it but know of people that do

Crying here "
you're watching that series with Ricky Gervais aren't you ,after life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No idea, but your pics are nice....

Actually, despite what's said on either side prior to a meet, there are no assurances about what will happen after a meet. Either party might have a genuine change of heart..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get that a lot will say anything for their ultimate gain but when you’ve spent time (a few weeks) believing they are a decent person, feeling a connection and then they can’t string 2 sentences together afterwards for you ... I don’t want to be a hard, cold and matter of fact person but honestly .... is that the only salvation ? "

A few weeks isn't that long really. It takes me way longer than that to work out if someone's suitable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all ! "

How can you know that you want to meet someone more than once until after you've met them? Can you guarantee that you will meet more than once?

You need a realistic outlook and a slightly cynical approach to fab or you will get hurt. People will tell you anything they think you want to hear if sex is on the cards but equally you can't expect people to commit to regular meets without meeting you first.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I don't understand why people don't just meet up with the view that if it leads to regular then great, but if it's only a one off then that's fine. It is what it is. Trying to view every meet as a potential regular just adds pressure and leads to disappointment. In my opinion. "

Until you've got to after the meet, you don't really know whether you want to see them again or not. Words are just that. Words.

I am sorry though OP, it must be a bit crap.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"I get that a lot will say anything for their ultimate gain but when you’ve spent time (a few weeks) believing they are a decent person, feeling a connection and then they can’t string 2 sentences together afterwards for you ... I don’t want to be a hard, cold and matter of fact person but honestly .... is that the only salvation ? "

Afterwards? A social meet? X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I get that a lot will say anything for their ultimate gain but when you’ve spent time (a few weeks) believing they are a decent person, feeling a connection and then they can’t string 2 sentences together afterwards for you ... I don’t want to be a hard, cold and matter of fact person but honestly .... is that the only salvation ? "

Is that via messaging or meeting in person?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww OP must be crap for you... Cyber hugs here. I think it's after a meet you really know. Any one can talk the talk

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids

Thanks all ... I’m ok with it and understand it is what it is, I wasn’t and aren’t looking for anything more than ‘regular’ really ... no dramas here, it’s been a learning curve. It was with repeated statements and reassurance that ‘ one off aren’t for me... blah blah blah’ that I felt I’d found exactly what I was seeking so it has just been a negative that I thought would be a positive ....

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Did you meet first for a social? Just wondering...

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids


"Did you meet first for a social? Just wondering..."

No, weeks of chat then meet full on .... learning curve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get that a lot will say anything for their ultimate gain but when you’ve spent time (a few weeks) believing they are a decent person, feeling a connection and then they can’t string 2 sentences together afterwards for you ... I don’t want to be a hard, cold and matter of fact person but honestly .... is that the only salvation ?

A few weeks isn't that long really. It takes me way longer than that to work out if someone's suitable."

That crossed my mind too. I chatted for months before meeting, and that was on an agreed social, no obligations condition, even though things went further than intended....

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids

I’ll be doing the ‘chatting’ a hell of a lot longer in future that’s for sure. Lesson learned and a little wiser .... it’s all been helpful, thank you xx

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I get that a lot will say anything for their ultimate gain but when you’ve spent time (a few weeks) believing they are a decent person, feeling a connection and then they can’t string 2 sentences together afterwards for you ... I don’t want to be a hard, cold and matter of fact person but honestly .... is that the only salvation ?

A few weeks isn't that long really. It takes me way longer than that to work out if someone's suitable."

Same here! And I have had a lucky escape on a quite a few occasions as they just cannot keep up the pretence

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

The thing is .... you can be totally open to the idea of repeat meets but it's only once you've met that you know for sure if you want to do it again. If you felt there was good chemistry etc then I understand feeling disappointed if they don't suggest another meet but I don't necessarily feel anyone's in the wrong for saying beforehand that they like the *idea* of a regular arrangement - because they could well have said that sincerely. But ultimately the reality was you weren't someone they'd be happy to see again ... and there could be all sorts of reasons for that so don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe be a little more hard hearted about a regular meet - don't even think about that until you've met 2 or 3 times.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

You will never know if they were only ever after the one off and liked the chase ,or if they decided they didn't want a repeat meet afterwards for whatever reason.

Just take what people tell you on here with a pinch of salt,consider a social as others suggested,as this can out those who want a quick shag .

Miss x

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"I’ll be doing the ‘chatting’ a hell of a lot longer in future that’s for sure. Lesson learned and a little wiser .... it’s all been helpful, thank you xx"

I don't chat for weeks, I like to meet a person face to face asap to see if you actually fancy them in person and you can sense that sexy spark you need to have great sex. You can't tell from texts etc.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all ! "

I can understand your discomfort and displeasure at the situation but it seems common from what i've read and some friends have mentioned. I do enjoy a pre meet build up and after i've finally met that individual and we clearly enjoyed the experience it makes only makes sense to continue to engage with that person afterwards. It's what I do in any case!

To engage with someone regularly then blank them after meeting them is awful. People shouldn't be made to feel cheap or disposable once they've "served their purpose" so to speak

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids


"The thing is .... you can be totally open to the idea of repeat meets but it's only once you've met that you know for sure if you want to do it again. If you felt there was good chemistry etc then I understand feeling disappointed if they don't suggest another meet but I don't necessarily feel anyone's in the wrong for saying beforehand that they like the *idea* of a regular arrangement - because they could well have said that sincerely. But ultimately the reality was you weren't someone they'd be happy to see again ... and there could be all sorts of reasons for that so don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe be a little more hard hearted about a regular meet - don't even think about that until you've met 2 or 3 times."

Thanks for that advice, which I will certainly be taking on board .... the one thing I don’t want to become is ‘hard hearted’ it’s just not me, but I will be far more considered in the future

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By *ilks xXx OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Mids


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all !

I can understand your discomfort and displeasure at the situation but it seems common from what i've read and some friends have mentioned. I do enjoy a pre meet build up and after i've finally met that individual and we clearly enjoyed the experience it makes only makes sense to continue to engage with that person afterwards. It's what I do in any case!

To engage with someone regularly then blank them after meeting them is awful. People shouldn't be made to feel cheap or disposable once they've "served their purpose" so to speak "

I am finding it is quite common place, and I think as I’m not in search of one off quick fixes it only makes it more difficult, and more common .... the process is going to be much more considered in future with more time taken before hand, absolute definite social only meet before a final decision .... it would be a hell of a lot easier all round if people were just honest and upfront .... yes please or no thank you ... we’d all know where we stand then

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all !

I can understand your discomfort and displeasure at the situation but it seems common from what i've read and some friends have mentioned. I do enjoy a pre meet build up and after i've finally met that individual and we clearly enjoyed the experience it makes only makes sense to continue to engage with that person afterwards. It's what I do in any case!

To engage with someone regularly then blank them after meeting them is awful. People shouldn't be made to feel cheap or disposable once they've "served their purpose" so to speak "

What if you don't want to meet them again? I understand that blanking someone isn't a nice thing to do (it's happened to us). What about if you meet, it goes OK but you don't really want to repeat the experience however they do? No matter how much time you spend messaging a real life encounter can be very different, nobody can guarantee repeat meets. If meeting once is going to make someone feel bad they're in for a bumpy ride.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all !

I can understand your discomfort and displeasure at the situation but it seems common from what i've read and some friends have mentioned. I do enjoy a pre meet build up and after i've finally met that individual and we clearly enjoyed the experience it makes only makes sense to continue to engage with that person afterwards. It's what I do in any case!

To engage with someone regularly then blank them after meeting them is awful. People shouldn't be made to feel cheap or disposable once they've "served their purpose" so to speak

I am finding it is quite common place, and I think as I’m not in search of one off quick fixes it only makes it more difficult, and more common .... the process is going to be much more considered in future with more time taken before hand, absolute definite social only meet before a final decision .... it would be a hell of a lot easier all round if people were just honest and upfront .... yes please or no thank you ... we’d all know where we stand then "

It would be easier that way but it won't happen. The best approach is to be realistic and understand that other people don't always act with honourable intent but that's no reflection on your character.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds


"I’ll be doing the ‘chatting’ a hell of a lot longer in future that’s for sure. Lesson learned and a little wiser .... it’s all been helpful, thank you xx"

The thing is no amount of chatting can tell you if the physical chemistry will be right, it’s a suck it and see thing.

And both people can go into a meet with an openness to something ongoing, but if the tadaaa isn’t happening on the first meet there’s not much point having another.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex


"I’m a girl, but this isn’t aimed at just girls ...

Is it commonplace to receive all the pre meet hype with compliments, flattery and so forth to then get past the meet and then .... nothing !

Not something you can avoid, cos it’s really an unknown til after the meet but, if you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in one offs and been totally assured neither are they .... thoughts ??

I have just recently experienced this and to be honest .... I’ve felt really negative about it all ! "

It seems that a lot of people will state that they're looking for a fwb or even a partner just so that they get meetings That's fab for you.

On the other hand, If you are interested in another meeting or taking the relationship to another stage, have you tried contacting the other person(s) to let them know that and to ask for a clear response from them. After all, that might be just what they are wanting from you but may be too shy to ask for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ll be doing the ‘chatting’ a hell of a lot longer in future that’s for sure. Lesson learned and a little wiser .... it’s all been helpful, thank you xx

The thing is no amount of chatting can tell you if the physical chemistry will be right, it’s a suck it and see thing.

And both people can go into a meet with an openness to something ongoing, but if the tadaaa isn’t happening on the first meet there’s not much point having another.

"

It's a balance. Not many people can or will keep up a pretence for long, without their true intentions becoming apparent. Although I'd agree that there are no pre meet guarantees, and always the possibility of disappointment. I suppose I was just lucky...

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