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By *ottsguy44 OP   Man
over a year ago

nottinghamshire

My girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer. "I'm looking for cheap flights" I said "I love you" she said, sank to her knees and gave me the best blow job ever. That's strange I thought, she's never shown an interest in darts before

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By *ottsguy44 OP   Man
over a year ago

nottinghamshire

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 108."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poke her face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bought a racehorse once and called it My Face.

It was shit but I just wanted to hear the posh birds at Ascot shout "come on My Face"

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I've just been mugged by 6 dwarves.

Not Happy !!

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By *eeker321Man
over a year ago

prosperous

My friend asked me to wind her baby. I thought that's a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead arm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where is the best place to keep women?

Bird cages

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"My friend asked me to wind her baby. I thought that's a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead arm"

Love it!

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By *an from UncleMan
over a year ago

ml1

I was in a que at Asda yesterday and had to break wind, a guy turned and said, excuse me, did you just fart in front of my wife, i said i'm so sorry i did'nt know it was her turn

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By *eeker321Man
over a year ago

prosperous


"My friend asked me to wind her baby. I thought that's a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead arm

Love it! "

Could go either way that joke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lady goes to the doc after a vigorous gangbanging and says her pussy is a bit sore . Doc tells her to get on the table and takes a look . It looks a bit tender, says the doc, would you like me to numb it for you . Yes please says the lady .

Doc sticks his face in her pussy and goes " Num num num "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Indian karaoke star ....

gerrup ta Singh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went to the doctors and he told me I had to stop masturbating right away.

I said “Oh god, why?”

“Because I’m talking to you now” was his response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

My friend's son thinks he's smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face!

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By *eeker321Man
over a year ago

prosperous


"My friend's son thinks he's smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face!"

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New fifa rankings have just come out and Scotland are now three places behind the island Tom Hanks was stranded on in Castaway!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a pitbull and a woman with PMT?

Lipstick

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By *cgkcCouple
over a year ago

Hitchin

Q: How many grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Female midget goes to the doctors and says 'doctor,my pussy hurts every time I walk' The doctor says 'let me have a look' he bends down and takes a look,gets back up and reaches into the drawer and brings out a pair of scissors, the dwarf cries'wtf are you going to do with them!! Doc says'im going to trim the top of your wellies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Female midget goes to the doctors and says 'doctor,my pussy hurts every time I walk' The doctor says 'let me have a look' he bends down and takes a look,gets back up and reaches into the drawer and brings out a pair of scissors, the dwarf cries'wtf are you going to do with them!! Doc says'im going to trim the top of your wellies"

Laughed a lot at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This forum does put a smile on my Face

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

HER: My gynaecologist said I should avoid sex for a fortnight

HIM: What did your dentist say?

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