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Fall for someone

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Has anyone fallen for someone through just chatting , without actually meeting

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

Quite a few on that tv show Catfish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Quite a few on that tv show Catfish. "

Have you seen the original film?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy that I got chatting too on here (he left a while back but we have each other on snapchat and kik) claimed he had feelings for me for a while. We had never met, had only video chatted twice and he had the tendency to ghost me for months then pop back up with an apology. Nope. Blamed the fact he had feelings....unsure how much I believe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Danish! I fell hard for her and when I met her I knew it was love not lust

Doughnut

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Sure, you can make very strong connections with a lot of communication, but you'd be wise to leave the handbrake firmly on 'til you meet someone in person a few times!

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By *attooedBBWWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

No because that’s just lust

I’ve come across so many people who think they’ve fallen in love with someone when they hardly know them. My partner included has had many an awkward moment with women he’s just been swinging with who’ve announced it after a few weeks of chat/meets.

Needless to say they’ve been taken off the books pretty sharpish as he’s not looking for that with other women atm

I find it all a bit crazy cat lady for me when it’s so quick tbh but maybe that’s just me haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No but I started to after seeing someone very regularly over about a year.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Has anyone fallen for someone through just chatting , without actually meeting "

Yes, definitely developed feelings. Well aware that the situation could totally change in the meeting in person of someone, but I still think it’s possible to develop real feels - even with the increased potential with a virtual interaction that there’s a huge amount of projection of what you hope someone to be going on, as this can still happen in person to a lesser degree, and even knowing someone in person feelings can change so it’s not always cut and dry that you have to have met to experience feelings even if they do change when you come face to face, that doesn’t have to negate what was experienced beforehand.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Sure, you can make very strong connections with a lot of communication, but you'd be wise to leave the handbrake firmly on 'til you meet someone in person a few times!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought I had and when he ghosted me for a few weeks I was devastated. Turns out he was battling addiction and why he kept putting off meeting. We chatted every day, several hours a day for a month. 4 years later and I still hear from him once and a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No but I started to after seeing someone very regularly over about a year. "

That’s just normal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Made a few fabulous freinds but catch feeling nooooooii

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We only met once then after chatting non stop we had fallen in love by the next time we met two weeks later , that was two and a half years later we’re now engaged!

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By *he Squire of Knotty AshMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

No not me but someone must have an amazing silver tongue/fingers to do that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We only met once then after chatting non stop we had fallen in love by the next time we met two weeks later , that was two and a half years later we’re now engaged!"

That’s lovely news xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not from just chatting. I did fall for someone big time. She knows. She keeps me at arm's length now though.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone fallen for someone through just chatting , without actually meeting "

Not nearly as often as I've instantly decided that not in a million years would I even want to be stood in the same bus shelter as the person I'm talking to.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

"

The term batshit crazy is disrespectful, it may not be the epitome of disrespectful but it still is.

Thinking that emotional attachment sits detached from cognitive reasoning is oversimplifying things massively. Do you genuinely not think someone can feel for another without still knowing they might not be all they say they are? Perhaps you do, there’s nowt as strange as folk I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

I wouldnt up sticks and move or send them my building society book but I can allow myself to be bewitched by the written word. Bullshit or not

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Fallen for? No. I've grown fond of people through talking a lot to them though. I think for me to "fall for" someone I'd have to have met them.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

"

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep perfectly possible to become infatuated with someone if you are messaging each other frequently and opening up emotionally to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing. "

I'd like to crawl through the phone screen sometimes and just lick them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing.

I'd like to crawl through the phone screen sometimes and just lick them "

Someone who is playful with words and ideas is a beautiful thing. Doesn't have to be crass or graphic...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing. "

I think lust could be the right word , but I always see lust a craving for sex , but it’s not the sex , it’s the friendship too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep perfectly possible to become infatuated with someone if you are messaging each other frequently and opening up emotionally to each other."

Infatuated is a good word

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing.

I'd like to crawl through the phone screen sometimes and just lick them "

Funny you should say that ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep perfectly possible to become infatuated with someone if you are messaging each other frequently and opening up emotionally to each other.

Infatuated is a good word"

It’s not a great feeling when unwanted though.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing.

I'd like to crawl through the phone screen sometimes and just lick them

Someone who is playful with words and ideas is a beautiful thing. Doesn't have to be crass or graphic..."

Very true. I like that exchange of quick wit. Mental masturbation where you both enjoy the energy in your conversation and it flows and you feel fuzzy and happy inside and smile like a right dork.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep perfectly possible to become infatuated with someone if you are messaging each other frequently and opening up emotionally to each other.

Infatuated is a good word

It’s not a great feeling when unwanted though."

It has always been my biggest woe. I can quite quickly become someones wide eyed biggest fan, as they run away screaming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing.

I'd like to crawl through the phone screen sometimes and just lick them

Someone who is playful with words and ideas is a beautiful thing. Doesn't have to be crass or graphic...

Very true. I like that exchange of quick wit. Mental masturbation where you both enjoy the energy in your conversation and it flows and you feel fuzzy and happy inside and smile like a right dork. "

Some of the very best conversations I have on here are rarely about sex, but sometimes some flirty hinting about what could be on offer, well, it helps stoke the imagination.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

You can easily fall for a persona on line if you are open to it, and it is easy to say all the right things that people want to hear, however meeting in person doesn’t always work out the way some might hope and therein lies the problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing.

I'd like to crawl through the phone screen sometimes and just lick them

Someone who is playful with words and ideas is a beautiful thing. Doesn't have to be crass or graphic...

Very true. I like that exchange of quick wit. Mental masturbation where you both enjoy the energy in your conversation and it flows and you feel fuzzy and happy inside and smile like a right dork. "

That is a very lovely thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's possible.. Depends on the situation and the person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep perfectly possible to become infatuated with someone if you are messaging each other frequently and opening up emotionally to each other.

Infatuated is a good word

It’s not a great feeling when unwanted though.

It has always been my biggest woe. I can quite quickly become someones wide eyed biggest fan, as they run away screaming "

I find talking shite most of the time is a good way of protecting myself from such situations. It’s worked for five years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like words and someone can easily make me fall in love/lust with them through sharing of allsorts via messaging alone.

Lusting after someone because of their words is a definite thing. "

Which a bit of a relief for me. I'd be fucked otherwise. Or not as the case may be.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"

Very true. I like that exchange of quick wit. Mental masturbation where you both enjoy the energy in your conversation and it flows and you feel fuzzy and happy inside and smile like a right dork.

Some of the very best conversations I have on here are rarely about sex, but sometimes some flirty hinting about what could be on offer, well, it helps stoke the imagination."

Yes! I mean, I do like the explicit "fuck you get me hard" chat but sometimes it's really fun to talk about everything but sex and just hint at it. One of the most enjoyable I've had (ta work phone censorship) had lots of reference to what we'd been reading.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Very true. I like that exchange of quick wit. Mental masturbation where you both enjoy the energy in your conversation and it flows and you feel fuzzy and happy inside and smile like a right dork.

Some of the very best conversations I have on here are rarely about sex, but sometimes some flirty hinting about what could be on offer, well, it helps stoke the imagination.

Yes! I mean, I do like the explicit "fuck you get me hard" chat but sometimes it's really fun to talk about everything but sex and just hint at it. One of the most enjoyable I've had (ta work phone censorship) had lots of reference to what we'd been reading. "

I don't like to go down the sex chat route, but when the conversation isn't going well.. It usually ends up being a boring sex chat for me.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

The term batshit crazy is disrespectful, it may not be the epitome of disrespectful but it still is.

Thinking that emotional attachment sits detached from cognitive reasoning is oversimplifying things massively. Do you genuinely not think someone can feel for another without still knowing they might not be all they say they are? Perhaps you do, there’s nowt as strange as folk I guess."

I hadn’t meant batshit crazy to be as disrespectful as you think it is , so for that I apologise .

Do I genuinely think someone can’t feel for another without meeting them ?

Of course they can , but fall in love with ? Only if they are willing to accept that the person they fell for may not be what they thought they were . Upon meeting , the disappointment may be huge if you realise the person you fell for is a liar , and this in itself is surely something everyone can do without in their life .

I’ve seen on the tv show people meet up with the one they fell for , and a guy is a woman and vice versa . Or the pics are someone twenty or thirty years younger . Or the person is twenty stone heavier !

Not only this , but they are doing the very same thing with loads of other people at the same time !

So when I say that disrespectful phrase , I am basing it in what I’ve seen . Why would anyone want to do this if they have any level of self respect ? Surely the risk that the person isn’t what they portray themselves as is too great to go falling in love with isn’t it ?

Or do some people go through life living in a dream or a fantasy . In which case I guess they wouldn’t want to meet in reality anyway .

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same. "

A very reasoned and sensible observation

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish


"Quite a few on that tv show Catfish. "

Some people really fall for the catfish. It's so sad to watch the disappointment and emotions that they go thro when they realise the truth.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same. "

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Cheesy garlic bread is a feeling, yes?

If so then definitely.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Cheesy garlic bread is a feeling, yes?

If so then definitely."

It absolutely is.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"Cheesy garlic bread is a feeling, yes?

If so then definitely.

It absolutely is. "

My therapist lied to me. .

That took me more therapy finding out it wasn't a feeling. I knew I was right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

"

Whilst I understand what you're saying regarding the TV show I think that you're failing to contextualise the programme in itself and how and why it came about.

The simple fact is that more people are meeting online and developing feelings, the show came about because of this.

I think that modern communication methods mean that we can effectively spend the majority of our days with people hundreds of miles away. If you do that with someone that you have an affinity with, then feelings will develop in the usual way.

The programme in itself may focus on the extreme cases but it's not hard to extrapolate that by virtue of its existence, other healthy relationships do grow from the same source.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx "

Fancy a threesome?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

"

Could....but not always

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx

Fancy a threesome?"

Totally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

Could....but not always"

Tru dat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

Could....but not always

Tru dat"

Obvs.... I'm always right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

Could....but not always

Tru dat

Obvs.... I'm always right "

I found through personal experience, women usually are.....

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I do think that with regards to the topic and the people being asked, I'm not really surprised by the majority of the responses.

The folks on fab are generally some of the most guarded regarding online interactions. Obviously it's completely understandable given the manner of how often fakes and time wasters are uncovered. Also given how few people on here are actually looking for a connection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

Could....but not always

Tru dat

Obvs.... I'm always right

I found through personal experience, women usually are..... "

Correct response

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook. "

I concur with this, but also think it’s important to remember that this is still an issue on having met someone, albeit you have considerably more information to help assess and analyse someone you’ve met than someone you haven’t. But it’s never foolproof.

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull


"Quite a few on that tv show Catfish.

Have you seen the original film?"

I have

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook.

I concur with this, but also think it’s important to remember that this is still an issue on having met someone, albeit you have considerably more information to help assess and analyse someone you’ve met than someone you haven’t. But it’s never foolproof."

I suppose the natural and rather bleak extrapolation from that is that we can never truly know someone...

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

Whilst I understand what you're saying regarding the TV show I think that you're failing to contextualise the programme in itself and how and why it came about.

The simple fact is that more people are meeting online and developing feelings, the show came about because of this.

I think that modern communication methods mean that we can effectively spend the majority of our days with people hundreds of miles away. If you do that with someone that you have an affinity with, then feelings will develop in the usual way.

The programme in itself may focus on the extreme cases but it's not hard to extrapolate that by virtue of its existence, other healthy relationships do grow from the same source. "

If people are honest in the first place then I totally agree with you . The issues arise when people fall for the persona that the other person portrays online , and that’s not always the reality .

Anyone would advise against allowing words and pictures on a screen to be a reality , particularly if you’re vulnerable enough to be sucked in by someone well versed in the art of online seduction .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda can fall for someone through chat..... ....but its just that, its chat love, it could all change when you meet....

Could....but not always

Tru dat

Obvs.... I'm always right

I found through personal experience, women usually are.....

Correct response "

Was I correct or were you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook.

I concur with this, but also think it’s important to remember that this is still an issue on having met someone, albeit you have considerably more information to help assess and analyse someone you’ve met than someone you haven’t. But it’s never foolproof."

I agree. One of my exes was a Walter Mitty and I didn't find out for two years We were living together by that point. The person I fell in love with was a fictional version of him with enough of the real him thrown in to be convincing. And it's not that I'd have cared about his work history anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's quite easy to carry off a persona on a forum basis but on a one-to-one chat? Naah, in think most people would see through it.

I reckon you can gauge people quite closely by chatting to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook.

I concur with this, but also think it’s important to remember that this is still an issue on having met someone, albeit you have considerably more information to help assess and analyse someone you’ve met than someone you haven’t. But it’s never foolproof.

I suppose the natural and rather bleak extrapolation from that is that we can never truly know someone... "

We never truly know ourselves never mind anyone else. All we can do is continue to be open to learning about each other if we want a relationship to flourish. Especially as we are changing continually too, some more than others.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook.

I concur with this, but also think it’s important to remember that this is still an issue on having met someone, albeit you have considerably more information to help assess and analyse someone you’ve met than someone you haven’t. But it’s never foolproof.

I suppose the natural and rather bleak extrapolation from that is that we can never truly know someone... "

I don’t think that’s a bleak concept though, I think it’s rather amazing that we are so multifaceted that we are never fully known - we can be known really well within the dynamic of close relationships but still we are these unique individual creative beings that there are still aspects of us yet to be discovered. And as much to self-discover as to be discovered by others. I find it rather a wonderful joy.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"A guy that I got chatting too on here (he left a while back but we have each other on snapchat and kik) claimed he had feelings for me for a while. We had never met, had only video chatted twice and he had the tendency to ghost me for months then pop back up with an apology. Nope. Blamed the fact he had feelings....unsure how much I believe "

I had one of those as well...disappear for ages then pop up and say hi, or sorry my phone fell into a chasm or he'd explain he got "the fear" eventually I blocked him as I realised all interactions were on his terms.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said. "

But the stigmatising slurs are my speciality .

My posts would be dull , boring and unimaginative without a bit of a stigmatising slur slipped in here and there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No yet but can understand how this can happen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can fall in love, or become infatuated, for sure. But not with the actual person, only the version of them that you have been allowed to see. Our brains are very good at filling in the gaps so we can convince ourselves that we have developed feelings for a fully 3 dimensional human being, when in fact we've only seen a scribble drawing of them in a notebook.

I concur with this, but also think it’s important to remember that this is still an issue on having met someone, albeit you have considerably more information to help assess and analyse someone you’ve met than someone you haven’t. But it’s never foolproof.

I suppose the natural and rather bleak extrapolation from that is that we can never truly know someone...

I don’t think that’s a bleak concept though, I think it’s rather amazing that we are so multifaceted that we are never fully known - we can be known really well within the dynamic of close relationships but still we are these unique individual creative beings that there are still aspects of us yet to be discovered. And as much to self-discover as to be discovered by others. I find it rather a wonderful joy. "

Much more eloquently put than what I said but I agree

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"It's quite easy to carry off a persona on a forum basis but on a one-to-one chat? Naah, in think most people would see through it.

I reckon you can gauge people quite closely by chatting to them."

I disagree, you only ever get to see what they are willing to show you (and a little around the edges that they may not consciously show you) but you still never fully know what is or isn’t going on for them. Not saying it’s something bad, but whilst I get what you mean in terms of seeing a level of consistency through one to one chat versus forum musings, it’s still just a snapshot of the dynamic those two have when chatting and unlikely to be an entire picture of someone’s reality.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

Whilst I understand what you're saying regarding the TV show I think that you're failing to contextualise the programme in itself and how and why it came about.

The simple fact is that more people are meeting online and developing feelings, the show came about because of this.

I think that modern communication methods mean that we can effectively spend the majority of our days with people hundreds of miles away. If you do that with someone that you have an affinity with, then feelings will develop in the usual way.

The programme in itself may focus on the extreme cases but it's not hard to extrapolate that by virtue of its existence, other healthy relationships do grow from the same source.

If people are honest in the first place then I totally agree with you . The issues arise when people fall for the persona that the other person portrays online , and that’s not always the reality .

Anyone would advise against allowing words and pictures on a screen to be a reality , particularly if you’re vulnerable enough to be sucked in by someone well versed in the art of online seduction ."

True, but it's no different really from dating someone. When people first meet it's often the case that they 'portray' a person until you get to know them better.

Whilst I understand your points, I also think that with video chatting, phone calls and modern messaging, it's just as possible to get as full a view of a person digitally as it is personally.

A manipulator and a practiced liar is just as adept in person as online.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said.

But the stigmatising slurs are my speciality .

My posts would be dull , boring and unimaginative without a bit of a stigmatising slur slipped in here and there "

Or show compassion, empathy and acquired learning.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

Whilst I understand what you're saying regarding the TV show I think that you're failing to contextualise the programme in itself and how and why it came about.

The simple fact is that more people are meeting online and developing feelings, the show came about because of this.

I think that modern communication methods mean that we can effectively spend the majority of our days with people hundreds of miles away. If you do that with someone that you have an affinity with, then feelings will develop in the usual way.

The programme in itself may focus on the extreme cases but it's not hard to extrapolate that by virtue of its existence, other healthy relationships do grow from the same source.

If people are honest in the first place then I totally agree with you . The issues arise when people fall for the persona that the other person portrays online , and that’s not always the reality .

Anyone would advise against allowing words and pictures on a screen to be a reality , particularly if you’re vulnerable enough to be sucked in by someone well versed in the art of online seduction .

True, but it's no different really from dating someone. When people first meet it's often the case that they 'portray' a person until you get to know them better.

Whilst I understand your points, I also think that with video chatting, phone calls and modern messaging, it's just as possible to get as full a view of a person digitally as it is personally.

A manipulator and a practiced liar is just as adept in person as online. "

If I say I am a 6 foot 2 athletic 32 year old , with blonde hair and I live in my own country house , I’m a non smoker and put pics up of someone that depict how I describe myself , I’m lying .

If I turn up to meet someone after saying I’m as I described myself online ( as above ) , and I’m actually a balding 57 year old retired twat , married and I smoke twenty a day , I would expect to be told to sling my hook .

And that’s exactly why meeting in person is essential before falling for someone .

Despite the fact that they may still be able to manipulate you in person , at least you can actually see that they are who they say they are . And that they are clean , take care of themselves and are what you expected , not reeking of cigarettes .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes i think it is

I need to meet first tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I can't imagine falling for someone without meeting in person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No not me but then I am a little cynical about what people claim they are on lone.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"No because that’s just lust

"

Not at all, sometimes it's the very opposite of lust - I have made friends with people of whom I had said 'Not in a month of Sundays.....' and ended up lusting after them because of the emotional connection, largely made through wit and shared values. Not everything is shallow.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

Whilst I understand what you're saying regarding the TV show I think that you're failing to contextualise the programme in itself and how and why it came about.

The simple fact is that more people are meeting online and developing feelings, the show came about because of this.

I think that modern communication methods mean that we can effectively spend the majority of our days with people hundreds of miles away. If you do that with someone that you have an affinity with, then feelings will develop in the usual way.

The programme in itself may focus on the extreme cases but it's not hard to extrapolate that by virtue of its existence, other healthy relationships do grow from the same source.

If people are honest in the first place then I totally agree with you . The issues arise when people fall for the persona that the other person portrays online , and that’s not always the reality .

Anyone would advise against allowing words and pictures on a screen to be a reality , particularly if you’re vulnerable enough to be sucked in by someone well versed in the art of online seduction .

True, but it's no different really from dating someone. When people first meet it's often the case that they 'portray' a person until you get to know them better.

Whilst I understand your points, I also think that with video chatting, phone calls and modern messaging, it's just as possible to get as full a view of a person digitally as it is personally.

A manipulator and a practiced liar is just as adept in person as online.

If I say I am a 6 foot 2 athletic 32 year old , with blonde hair and I live in my own country house , I’m a non smoker and put pics up of someone that depict how I describe myself , I’m lying .

If I turn up to meet someone after saying I’m as I described myself online ( as above ) , and I’m actually a balding 57 year old retired twat , married and I smoke twenty a day , I would expect to be told to sling my hook .

And that’s exactly why meeting in person is essential before falling for someone .

Despite the fact that they may still be able to manipulate you in person , at least you can actually see that they are who they say they are . And that they are clean , take care of themselves and are what you expected , not reeking of cigarettes ."

You’re arguing a point noone is contesting. We’re talking about the fact that a connection/feelings can develop through virtual communication, how one then polices that (by remaining guarded or not) is on a spectrum that’s individual with those saying they wouldn’t allow it to happen (you) and others saying they might. The OP asks if anyone ever has, some have said yes. We understand you haven’t and you think those have are @£&@@&:!?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"So watching the tv show Catfish helped me understand how this might happen . I’m glad I did because I would think someone has to be batshit crazy to fall for someone they’ve never met .

Actually , having watched the show a few times , I now know that the people this happens to actually are batshit crazy ! I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way , but falling for someone you’ve never actually seen in real life is the very epitome of a disjointed perspective of reality isn’t it ? The person could be any age , any sex , and not look anything like the pics they may have provided you with . They could be sitting in a prison cell , locked up for sexual assault or any other crime . How and why people fall for this is beyond me , but there’s nowt so strange as folk I guess .

Whilst I understand what you're saying regarding the TV show I think that you're failing to contextualise the programme in itself and how and why it came about.

The simple fact is that more people are meeting online and developing feelings, the show came about because of this.

I think that modern communication methods mean that we can effectively spend the majority of our days with people hundreds of miles away. If you do that with someone that you have an affinity with, then feelings will develop in the usual way.

The programme in itself may focus on the extreme cases but it's not hard to extrapolate that by virtue of its existence, other healthy relationships do grow from the same source.

If people are honest in the first place then I totally agree with you . The issues arise when people fall for the persona that the other person portrays online , and that’s not always the reality .

Anyone would advise against allowing words and pictures on a screen to be a reality , particularly if you’re vulnerable enough to be sucked in by someone well versed in the art of online seduction .

True, but it's no different really from dating someone. When people first meet it's often the case that they 'portray' a person until you get to know them better.

Whilst I understand your points, I also think that with video chatting, phone calls and modern messaging, it's just as possible to get as full a view of a person digitally as it is personally.

A manipulator and a practiced liar is just as adept in person as online.

If I say I am a 6 foot 2 athletic 32 year old , with blonde hair and I live in my own country house , I’m a non smoker and put pics up of someone that depict how I describe myself , I’m lying .

If I turn up to meet someone after saying I’m as I described myself online ( as above ) , and I’m actually a balding 57 year old retired twat , married and I smoke twenty a day , I would expect to be told to sling my hook .

And that’s exactly why meeting in person is essential before falling for someone .

Despite the fact that they may still be able to manipulate you in person , at least you can actually see that they are who they say they are . And that they are clean , take care of themselves and are what you expected , not reeking of cigarettes ."

I think you're taking things to the extreme in order to prove your point!

Yes, these things can be proven in person. They can also be proven via phone calls and through other means. I think we're kind of getting off topic here though, you don't agree that love is possible without meeting in person and think that people should exercise caution. I disagree that its necessary but agree that diligence is necessary.

I don't think that anyone sets out to fall for someone else online, however it does happen, far more often than people realise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've a very strong connection with someone who lives too far away for me to meet right now.

We've messaged, voice called, sent photos and video called.

I've got a bit of a thing for her..

If she wasn't married and lived closer.. I would..

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx "

Yup, I think the ne'ersayers forget that sometimes people can be entirely honest in their online persona, and unafraid of true self-disclosure, and this can lead to a true connection developing which is only enchanced by meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not fallen for exactly, but there was one who I chatted to constantly we had so much in common that eventually I travelled 3 hours to meet him. And feelings came about pretty quickly after meeting him. We are now just really good friends.

I've had someone tell me they had fallen for me prior to meeting, I was fond of him but feelings were not mutual. We didn't end up meeting after I found out he was a pathological lier.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx

Yup, I think the ne'ersayers forget that sometimes people can be entirely honest in their online persona, and unafraid of true self-disclosure, and this can lead to a true connection developing which is only enchanced by meeting."

Absolutely - well said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx

Yup, I think the ne'ersayers forget that sometimes people can be entirely honest in their online persona, and unafraid of true self-disclosure, and this can lead to a true connection developing which is only enchanced by meeting."

Absolutely. Not everyone is trying to fool everyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I haven't. I know how to separate the nature of how this site works from my day to day life with my partner. I introduced a friend to this site though and kind of having second thoughts because she the kind of person who pretty much falls in love with whoever she sleeps with. She hasn't met anyone yet but I keep telling her it's all NSA and not to get disheartened if someone she has sex with, meets and has sex with someone else another time.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"100% yes. I first started chatting to my OH online, not fab. It was just a random meeting in a chat room. It then progressed to msn messenger (back in the day) which then progressed to swapping numbers and chatting on the phone, swapping face pics and chatting on cam.

This carried on for about 6 weeks before we actually met in person, but in those 6 weeks I spent more time talking and getting to know him and a deep emotional connection developed. I knew I'd fallen for him but was wary that I wouldn't feel the same if a physical connection wasn't there. I needn't have worried though, we were both honest with the pictures we had exchanged and we had seen each other on cam. I found my best friend and my soul mate all rolled into one. Within 8 weeks I'd moved over 100 miles to live with him leaving behind my home, job, friends and family.

And we've been happily married for over 10 years

So yes, it's entirely possible. But like someone else has already stated,the key is having your guard up initially and also trusting your instincts xx

Yup, I think the ne'ersayers forget that sometimes people can be entirely honest in their online persona, and unafraid of true self-disclosure, and this can lead to a true connection developing which is only enchanced by meeting."

Well said

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I think you can fall for your image of a person. But even if someone is being honest with you, they're selecting the reactions they show you, even subconsciously. You're not there to see the way they handle situations and respond to things. You get the sanitised version they're happy for you to see.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said.

But the stigmatising slurs are my speciality .

My posts would be dull , boring and unimaginative without a bit of a stigmatising slur slipped in here and there

Or show compassion, empathy and acquired learning. "

There’s enough people on here doing that already , so I’m happy to offer an alternative

You’re not the first person to suggest I show empathy and compassion , but if that’s not something I am familiar in doing , then I’m surely showing myself in a false light aren’t I ?

And the reality is that I may well be a very compassionate and empathetic person in the real world . You just don’t know , because this is just an online forum , and the only information you have is the words on a screen .

I figure it’s easy to adopt a compassionate and liberal view on every topic on here . We can all agree that it’s nice to be nice to everyone , and join in on having a go at every capitalist and right wing Sun reading rotter out there . But the reality is that these people , and people like me exist , and we are equally as entitled to have our views , (however uncompassionate or lacking in empathy you think they are ) , as you and and the others who spend your lives defending every downtrodden and minority group that exists are .

I don’t really want to go further but someone said on another thread that I dislike the status quo to be altered , and he may have been right . Some things are fine as they are in my opinion . Modern thinking sometimes does my head in , so many genders , what they teach kids these days , people falling in love with people they’ve never actually met etc..... I’m way too old fashioned to understand so much of what’s going on . And I have always seen thing as very much black and white . It helps me go make sense of so much that just doesn’t make sense in this crazy world .

If that means I come across as lacking compassion and empathy then I’ll accept that , but as I said , I’m far from being alone with my way of seeing things . And debates would be bloody boring , uninspiring and pretty pointless if we all see things the same way wouldn’t they ?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Its a no from me. Form great friendships yes build great connections yes. Fall in love then no. Im able to compartmentalize my emotions not sure id have been a swinger if i couldnt. Im also very weary of guys i meet i need to know they can compartmentalize theres thats why i prefer to meet married guys. I would imagine those that fall in love that way are potentialy opening themselves up for pain and heartache. One if in person they are different or two they dont feel the same way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did. She captivated me made me laugh, smile, think, she challenged me, enthralled me, I spent hours every day talking with her. We talked about everything, life, families, dreams, hope's, fears, and much more.

She made me more confident open and prepared to share stuff I had never spoken about before. I adore her. She was everything I could ever wish for in a friend or maybe even a lover, or more.

Then we met, just once

I still love her, we still talk every day, and every day I wish I was what she is looking for....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I did. She captivated me made me laugh, smile, think, she challenged me, enthralled me, I spent hours every day talking with her. We talked about everything, life, families, dreams, hope's, fears, and much more.

She made me more confident open and prepared to share stuff I had never spoken about before. I adore her. She was everything I could ever wish for in a friend or maybe even a lover, or more.

Then we met, just once

I still love her, we still talk every day, and every day I wish I was what she is looking for....

"

Unrequited love is a bitch - I feel for you x

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said.

But the stigmatising slurs are my speciality .

My posts would be dull , boring and unimaginative without a bit of a stigmatising slur slipped in here and there

Or show compassion, empathy and acquired learning.

There’s enough people on here doing that already , so I’m happy to offer an alternative

You’re not the first person to suggest I show empathy and compassion , but if that’s not something I am familiar in doing , then I’m surely showing myself in a false light aren’t I ?

And the reality is that I may well be a very compassionate and empathetic person in the real world . You just don’t know , because this is just an online forum , and the only information you have is the words on a screen .

I figure it’s easy to adopt a compassionate and liberal view on every topic on here . We can all agree that it’s nice to be nice to everyone , and join in on having a go at every capitalist and right wing Sun reading rotter out there . But the reality is that these people , and people like me exist , and we are equally as entitled to have our views , (however uncompassionate or lacking in empathy you think they are ) , as you and and the others who spend your lives defending every downtrodden and minority group that exists are .

I don’t really want to go further but someone said on another thread that I dislike the status quo to be altered , and he may have been right . Some things are fine as they are in my opinion . Modern thinking sometimes does my head in , so many genders , what they teach kids these days , people falling in love with people they’ve never actually met etc..... I’m way too old fashioned to understand so much of what’s going on . And I have always seen thing as very much black and white . It helps me go make sense of so much that just doesn’t make sense in this crazy world .

If that means I come across as lacking compassion and empathy then I’ll accept that , but as I said , I’m far from being alone with my way of seeing things . And debates would be bloody boring , uninspiring and pretty pointless if we all see things the same way wouldn’t they ? "

I fully respect your right to your opinion. There does seem to sometimes (absolutely not always) be a propensity to immediately accuse others of being unfair (my words, not yours) if they challenge your language or opinion or explain why. You talk of having a debate but that involves letting people challenge views or “jokes”. I think it’s perfectly possible to have a differing opinion without resorting to stigmatising slurs, and forgive me for not thinking it makes debates less boring and for expanding on what it demonstrates lack of, when you suggest that I’m inhibiting debate by not being comfortable with language that stigmatises health conditions being used as a means to label behaviour you don’t agree with.

I think a quickness to taking offence is the last label you would want to have levelled at you and yet, you seem quick to assume others are trying to clip your free speech by disagreeing and explaining why. I have no ill wishes towards you and have enjoyed conversation with you, I don’t mean to upset by clarifying when I have differing views. I simply countered your summary of your posts with an opposing one. Such is the joy of differing opinions. You’ll note it was your comments I described not you as a person, don’t take it so personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have defintely bonded with a couple of special ones on here. Not fallen for, but felt a mutual connection with x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Quite a few on that tv show Catfish.

Have you seen the original film?"

It was a TV series on MTV for years before the film!

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Quite a few on that tv show Catfish.

Have you seen the original film?

It was a TV series on MTV for years before the film!"

Incorrect. The show was based on the film.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said.

But the stigmatising slurs are my speciality .

My posts would be dull , boring and unimaginative without a bit of a stigmatising slur slipped in here and there

Or show compassion, empathy and acquired learning.

There’s enough people on here doing that already , so I’m happy to offer an alternative

You’re not the first person to suggest I show empathy and compassion , but if that’s not something I am familiar in doing , then I’m surely showing myself in a false light aren’t I ?

And the reality is that I may well be a very compassionate and empathetic person in the real world . You just don’t know , because this is just an online forum , and the only information you have is the words on a screen .

I figure it’s easy to adopt a compassionate and liberal view on every topic on here . We can all agree that it’s nice to be nice to everyone , and join in on having a go at every capitalist and right wing Sun reading rotter out there . But the reality is that these people , and people like me exist , and we are equally as entitled to have our views , (however uncompassionate or lacking in empathy you think they are ) , as you and and the others who spend your lives defending every downtrodden and minority group that exists are .

I don’t really want to go further but someone said on another thread that I dislike the status quo to be altered , and he may have been right . Some things are fine as they are in my opinion . Modern thinking sometimes does my head in , so many genders , what they teach kids these days , people falling in love with people they’ve never actually met etc..... I’m way too old fashioned to understand so much of what’s going on . And I have always seen thing as very much black and white . It helps me go make sense of so much that just doesn’t make sense in this crazy world .

If that means I come across as lacking compassion and empathy then I’ll accept that , but as I said , I’m far from being alone with my way of seeing things . And debates would be bloody boring , uninspiring and pretty pointless if we all see things the same way wouldn’t they ?

I fully respect your right to your opinion. There does seem to sometimes (absolutely not always) be a propensity to immediately accuse others of being unfair (my words, not yours) if they challenge your language or opinion or explain why. You talk of having a debate but that involves letting people challenge views or “jokes”. I think it’s perfectly possible to have a differing opinion without resorting to stigmatising slurs, and forgive me for not thinking it makes debates less boring and for expanding on what it demonstrates lack of, when you suggest that I’m inhibiting debate by not being comfortable with language that stigmatises health conditions being used as a means to label behaviour you don’t agree with.

I think a quickness to taking offence is the last label you would want to have levelled at you and yet, you seem quick to assume others are trying to clip your free speech by disagreeing and explaining why. I have no ill wishes towards you and have enjoyed conversation with you, I don’t mean to upset by clarifying when I have differing views. I simply countered your summary of your posts with an opposing one. Such is the joy of differing opinions. You’ll note it was your comments I described not you as a person, don’t take it so personally. "

I’m not in the slightest bit offended by anything you’ve said or implied . You and I are polar opposites , we both know that . I’m your worst nightmare as you are mine when it comes to politics , and many other subjects . Yet strangely I think we would probably get on if we were having a coffee and a natter !

I still maintain on this subject that until you meet someone face to face you just can’t be sure , so exercising caution is sensible before letting your guard down . But I’m sure it works out when both parties are honest from the off , exchanging pics that depict themselves realistically and being totally open in conversations .

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro


"I did. She captivated me made me laugh, smile, think, she challenged me, enthralled me, I spent hours every day talking with her. We talked about everything, life, families, dreams, hope's, fears, and much more.

She made me more confident open and prepared to share stuff I had never spoken about before. I adore her. She was everything I could ever wish for in a friend or maybe even a lover, or more.

Then we met, just once

I still love her, we still talk every day, and every day I wish I was what she is looking for....

"

Yep crash and burn. That's the problem until you've actually met. It's always better in your head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"I think it's entirely feasible to build a strong connection (call it love, lust, feelings, infatuation, whatever) with someone through messaging alone - when thoughts and words align closely and you realise that someone is completely on your wavelength - messages flow effortlessly and you almost sense what they are going to say before their next message arrives.

Of course there's a danger that it may not translate to in person, and it may be more of a cerebral connection than a physical one, or the ravages of time and circumstance may see it fizzle out before it's been given a chance to be put to the test, but it can still be a *real* thing - just the same as having friends on here can be a real thing.

I guess the key is having your guard up to it before you let it spiral out of control if you're not in a position to allow it to, and also against it not coming tumbling down if you do meet in person and it not being the same.

Exactly. And no need to cast stigmatising slurs around for anyone that does develop connections in this way. Well said.

But the stigmatising slurs are my speciality .

My posts would be dull , boring and unimaginative without a bit of a stigmatising slur slipped in here and there

Or show compassion, empathy and acquired learning.

There’s enough people on here doing that already , so I’m happy to offer an alternative

You’re not the first person to suggest I show empathy and compassion , but if that’s not something I am familiar in doing , then I’m surely showing myself in a false light aren’t I ?

And the reality is that I may well be a very compassionate and empathetic person in the real world . You just don’t know , because this is just an online forum , and the only information you have is the words on a screen .

I figure it’s easy to adopt a compassionate and liberal view on every topic on here . We can all agree that it’s nice to be nice to everyone , and join in on having a go at every capitalist and right wing Sun reading rotter out there . But the reality is that these people , and people like me exist , and we are equally as entitled to have our views , (however uncompassionate or lacking in empathy you think they are ) , as you and and the others who spend your lives defending every downtrodden and minority group that exists are .

I don’t really want to go further but someone said on another thread that I dislike the status quo to be altered , and he may have been right . Some things are fine as they are in my opinion . Modern thinking sometimes does my head in , so many genders , what they teach kids these days , people falling in love with people they’ve never actually met etc..... I’m way too old fashioned to understand so much of what’s going on . And I have always seen thing as very much black and white . It helps me go make sense of so much that just doesn’t make sense in this crazy world .

If that means I come across as lacking compassion and empathy then I’ll accept that , but as I said , I’m far from being alone with my way of seeing things . And debates would be bloody boring , uninspiring and pretty pointless if we all see things the same way wouldn’t they ?

I fully respect your right to your opinion. There does seem to sometimes (absolutely not always) be a propensity to immediately accuse others of being unfair (my words, not yours) if they challenge your language or opinion or explain why. You talk of having a debate but that involves letting people challenge views or “jokes”. I think it’s perfectly possible to have a differing opinion without resorting to stigmatising slurs, and forgive me for not thinking it makes debates less boring and for expanding on what it demonstrates lack of, when you suggest that I’m inhibiting debate by not being comfortable with language that stigmatises health conditions being used as a means to label behaviour you don’t agree with.

I think a quickness to taking offence is the last label you would want to have levelled at you and yet, you seem quick to assume others are trying to clip your free speech by disagreeing and explaining why. I have no ill wishes towards you and have enjoyed conversation with you, I don’t mean to upset by clarifying when I have differing views. I simply countered your summary of your posts with an opposing one. Such is the joy of differing opinions. You’ll note it was your comments I described not you as a person, don’t take it so personally.

I’m not in the slightest bit offended by anything you’ve said or implied . You and I are polar opposites , we both know that . I’m your worst nightmare as you are mine when it comes to politics , and many other subjects . Yet strangely I think we would probably get on if we were having a coffee and a natter !

I still maintain on this subject that until you meet someone face to face you just can’t be sure , so exercising caution is sensible before letting your guard down . But I’m sure it works out when both parties are honest from the off , exchanging pics that depict themselves realistically and being totally open in conversations ."

And I still agree that you can’t be sure till you meet too. That’s not the point I was discussing. I may well be your worst nightmare, you aren’t mine - I just think you read me wrong (which is as much my fault as yours) and maybe I do the same with you. I have no doubt that we would get on over a drink and actually as much as you may not believe this, I don’t think people are only the composite of their political views, and I think a real life conversation would probably be a better medium for us to understand each other’s better. I’m glad there’s no offence taken (on either side). x

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

Days before the internet people fell in love or thought they fell in love with the idea of the person writing them a letter with minimum to no initial contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Days before the internet people fell in love or thought they fell in love with the idea of the person writing them a letter with minimum to no initial contact."

Nah I don’t get it. You can care about someone but how can you fall in love without meeting someone?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Days before the internet people fell in love or thought they fell in love with the idea of the person writing them a letter with minimum to no initial contact.

Nah I don’t get it. You can care about someone but how can you fall in love without meeting someone? "

People can and do.

"There are more things in heaven and earth than are drempt of in your philosophy, Horatio."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Days before the internet people fell in love or thought they fell in love with the idea of the person writing them a letter with minimum to no initial contact.

Nah I don’t get it. You can care about someone but how can you fall in love without meeting someone?

People can and do.

"There are more things in heaven and earth than are drempt of in your philosophy, Horatio." "

Ok maybe so. I don’t think I could

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*"

Oh ok I’ll get me coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*"

They've all since met up, fallen more in love and left fab.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*

Oh ok I’ll get me coat "

I’ll join you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd have said categorically definitely no chance until it happened. Totally wasn't expecting it but his messages were magical, and when we met, we both just knew it was something special.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recieved an accidental email from someone and when I mailed back to say that obviously the email wasnt meant for me. He relloed a few days later to apologise. We then sent several messages back and fourth. We chatted on cam a few times through Skype. He declared his love for me about a year after we started chatting. He was convinced he was in love with me.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*

Oh ok I’ll get me coat

I’ll join you "

TM, it is interesting. I thought at first it might just have been the tone of the first few posters because that can sometimes set the tone of a thread but it wasn't really. Not sure why it has changed.

Also at that thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*

Oh ok I’ll get me coat

I’ll join you

TM, it is interesting. I thought at first it might just have been the tone of the first few posters because that can sometimes set the tone of a thread but it wasn't really. Not sure why it has changed.

Also at that thread."

Tbh I didn’t read the whole thread . I rarely do lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No but I started to after seeing someone very regularly over about a year. "

I was the same a year ago...was seeing someone regularly for nsa then boom l catch feelings. .....the feeling of knowing smeone can't give you more than u want.. that shit was painful. ..never again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*

Oh ok I’ll get me coat

I’ll join you

TM, it is interesting. I thought at first it might just have been the tone of the first few posters because that can sometimes set the tone of a thread but it wasn't really. Not sure why it has changed.

Also at that thread.

Tbh I didn’t read the whole thread . I rarely do lol "

I hate when threads get long and complicated and I don't have time..... ....im sure its marvelous....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sort of, but not on here. But, then not technically 'never met' because we knew each other as teenagers years ago. Hadn't seen her in nearly 20 years though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it interesting how I started a thread a couple of months ago asking pretty much exactly the same thing and the answers were almost universally for it being possible and likely.

*gallic shrug*

They've all since met up, fallen more in love and left fab. "

Not all.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone fallen for someone through just chatting , without actually meeting "

I’ve had very strong connections with men purely through chatting, when we’ve met it’s generally reinforced the feelings which is great.

I don’t really want to catch those feels, that’s not what I’m looking for, however I do believe it’s possible place to start a relationship from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep it can happen. Providing the person is being true to themselves and honest.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No but I started to after seeing someone very regularly over about a year.

I was the same a year ago...was seeing someone regularly for nsa then boom l catch feelings. .....the feeling of knowing smeone can't give you more than u want.. that shit was painful. ..never again"

Yeah but does it matter if you do? I can’t have sex with someone if I don’t have some sort of feelings anyway. Depends what you want. I had a FWB for 5 years and I loved him to bits and vice versa but that’s still all it was because I know what I want and I’m happy with my life as it is so I know I’ll never want anything more. I suppose it depends on the type of person someone is i guess. If you’re open to finding a relationship then I’m sure it can happen on here.

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