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Do women put up with inappropriate touches?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn’t overly bother me, if it’s say someone you chat too on a daily basis but it’s it’s a stranger then I get uncomfortable, I probably wouldn’t say anything and I haven’t in the past when it has happened as I don’t want to make a scene.

Danish x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't like it, tell the person, they might not realise they're upsetting you. As long as it's said tactfully then it's all good and nobody need be offended xx

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By *oneDoeWoman
over a year ago

socially distanced

This depends totally on the situation and the person. Some people can make me feel more uncomfortable than others. Definitely wouldn’t accept this from a stranger and would speak up about it. I also wouldn’t accept it from someone I know and again would speak up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done in the past when I was younger and less confident. But also some people are more tactile and do it to everyone. Now I wouldn’t put up with it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is touching ever appropriate in the workplace?

Beyond a handshake, I do not like to encroach on personal space and do not encourage others to encroach on mine.

There is a strict heirarchical structure within my team and whilst I encourage interaction and team cohesion, there is never a reason to touch another person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened to me on a few occasions, and I've always very deliberately removed the offending hands while making eye contact with the guys, no words needed. None of them ever did it again. But I would have had no worries about making a fuss - innocent or not, it's unacceptable.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

It’s an awkward situation , as saying something directly will probably offend the guy and put him on the defensive making it an issue.But it’s not fair that you are being made uncomfortable.

Do you have a superior that could pop a general memo about personal space to all the people in the office, thereby not singleing anyone out ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve also had men do it too - grab my waist to get past me. No. Don’t do that. Don’t just bloody grab me. I wouldn’t do it to someone so why should they do it to me?

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By *mber DextrousWoman
over a year ago

Devon

I think for me it depends who it comes from. I know an older guy who's very tactile, patting knees, arm round women, that kind of thing and for some reason he never gets called out on it. From someone I knew less well or in a work situation I'd be removing the hand and saying Excuse me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarked to read later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry "

My daughter had a similar issue. Because cleaning services were contracted out and the janitor wasn't a direct employee, the company were reluctant to deal with him.

She moved jobs eventually, which misses the point entirely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? "

Why do you need to touch people at work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thankfully that doesn't happen in my work place at all, all our boys are very respectful. Occasionally one of us ladies might go to one of the men for a cute hug but nothing inappropriate.

One of my managers (also a bit of a crush tbh) told me that he feels like men do have to be more careful nowadays. Which is kinda sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. This is why we had/have #MeToo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work? "

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark.....

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? "

If someome is in distress.

Offering a hug isn't touching un-invited though is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... "

Well I'm out of this thread then before i get pussed upon by the well meaning.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

If someome is in distress.

Offering a hug isn't touching un-invited though is it?"

That's what I was saying!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... "

Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine.

There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that.

There’s boundaries for everyone in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark.....

Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine.

There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that.

There’s boundaries for everyone in life. "

I agree

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I've had men and women do it, I've either removed their hand or asked nicely not to do it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark.....

Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine.

There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that.

There’s boundaries for everyone in life.

I agree "

If unsure, define them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark.....

Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine.

There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that.

There’s boundaries for everyone in life.

I agree "

I wasn’t meaning to disagree or challenge you or imply you condone it btw

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

I call it out every time. I don't like to be touched by strangers or acquaintances. Close friends, family ECT is fine. But acquaintances at work? Nope. Strangers at a bus stop? Nope. People on a night out? Nope. And I tell them. And they stop. If they didn't then I wouldn't think twice about kicking up a fuss. I might sound like a bitch at the time, but I like to have a say over who touches me. If someone is crying I will say would you like a hug? But I won't hug them without their say so. I expect the same treatment. If someone touches me by accident then it's an accident fair enough. But if someone is being overly friendly when it isn't warranted I will shut it down immediately

Gem

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By *sm81Couple
over a year ago

warwickshire

Don't really see a problem with it but if you're not comfortable with it then best to say something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a very tactile person but only with people I know and ones that are similar, I certainly wouldn’t put up with it from a stranger!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I call it out every time. I don't like to be touched by strangers or acquaintances. Close friends, family ECT is fine. But acquaintances at work? Nope. Strangers at a bus stop? Nope. People on a night out? Nope. And I tell them. And they stop. If they didn't then I wouldn't think twice about kicking up a fuss. I might sound like a bitch at the time, but I like to have a say over who touches me. If someone is crying I will say would you like a hug? But I won't hug them without their say so. I expect the same treatment. If someone touches me by accident then it's an accident fair enough. But if someone is being overly friendly when it isn't warranted I will shut it down immediately

Gem"

The amount of people who have told me to calm down on a night out when a man has randomly touched/grabbed me and it isn’t an accident...I don’t enjoy being groped and I’m not even sorry about that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry "

Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher?

When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? "

A colleague and a close friend can be comforted without physical contact.

I would ask you why would you need to touch someone as part of your daily routine? I am not saying that touching someone has to have sexual connotations. I just don't see:

a. Why touching is neccesary.

b. Why someone should tolerate uninvited physical contact.

c. If contact is invited, how to you ensure it remains appropriate.

d. If you are trying to ensure that there is professionalism and equality in the workplace, how do you ensure that touching (if allowed) doesn't just happen to occur to the young and percieved attractive members of staff and the less attractive one's don't feel alienated as they aren't being touched?

Don't touch. Problem solved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark.....

Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine.

There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that.

There’s boundaries for everyone in life.

I agree

I wasn’t meaning to disagree or challenge you or imply you condone it btw"

It's cool my friend, it was just that someone said they had a strict no touching rule at work, that's all I was questioning, just seemed a bit odd, ott and open to abuse.

I'm massively big on personal space and I hate ppl getting too close unless they're well "close" to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry

Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher?

When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing "

We have. Unfortunately I’ve learnt the hard way someone really needs to fuck up before anything can be done, or they can claim unfair dismissal. It sucks - he was off for a week sick and it was amazing.

The old janitor we had was brilliant and such a lovely man, he’s at another school I work at very rarely and whenever I see him he asks what’s going on because he’s heard stories from other staff about everything. So many people have put complaints in :-/

He knows I hate hugs and I will be sat in a chair and he will hug me anyway. I tell him to get off and he says ‘oh lighten up!’

Or I’ll be standing and I will just stand, won’t hug him back or anything and again tell him to get off. He just doesn’t *do* boundaries

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

[Removed by poster at 14/03/19 12:43:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

A colleague and a close friend can be comforted without physical contact.

I would ask you why would you need to touch someone as part of your daily routine? I am not saying that touching someone has to have sexual connotations. I just don't see:

a. Why touching is neccesary.

b. Why someone should tolerate uninvited physical contact.

c. If contact is invited, how to you ensure it remains appropriate.

d. If you are trying to ensure that there is professionalism and equality in the workplace, how do you ensure that touching (if allowed) doesn't just happen to occur to the young and percieved attractive members of staff and the less attractive one's don't feel alienated as they aren't being touched?

Don't touch. Problem solved.

"

For some ppl it appears that a brain isn't necessary.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And it isn't for the person being touched to define their boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me.

He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing.

Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me.

It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature.

Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

A colleague and a close friend can be comforted without physical contact.

I would ask you why would you need to touch someone as part of your daily routine? I am not saying that touching someone has to have sexual connotations. I just don't see:

a. Why touching is neccesary.

b. Why someone should tolerate uninvited physical contact.

c. If contact is invited, how to you ensure it remains appropriate.

d. If you are trying to ensure that there is professionalism and equality in the workplace, how do you ensure that touching (if allowed) doesn't just happen to occur to the young and percieved attractive members of staff and the less attractive one's don't feel alienated as they aren't being touched?

Don't touch. Problem solved.

For some ppl it appears that a brain isn't necessary..... "

For some people it appears that boundaries are to be pushed until someone complains "because I didn't see any harm in it, it was innocent enough".

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By *od ThrusterMan
over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

No one should have to put up with inappropriate touching.

I guess there could be occasions where the toucher is genuinely innocent with no ulterior motive (perhaps just brough up in a very tactile family). I have never been subjected to it but I would guess that the touchee could usually tell if it was innocent or not. If so a polite request should do the trick. If not then give them both barrels!

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

[Removed by poster at 14/03/19 12:48:09]

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

"I call it out every time. I don't like to be touched by strangers or acquaintances. Close friends, family ECT is fine. But acquaintances at work? Nope. Strangers at a bus stop? Nope. People on a night out? Nope. And I tell them. And they stop. If they didn't then I wouldn't think twice about kicking up a fuss. I might sound like a bitch at the time, but I like to have a say over who touches me. If someone is crying I will say would you like a hug? But I won't hug them without their say so. I expect the same treatment. If someone touches me by accident then it's an accident fair enough. But if someone is being overly friendly when it isn't warranted I will shut it down immediately

Gem"

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By *od ThrusterMan
over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

Isn't there a "grey" area between accident and overly friendly though?

Not saying you shouldn't put a stop to it, just that maybe it isn't so black and white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry

Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher?

When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing

We have. Unfortunately I’ve learnt the hard way someone really needs to fuck up before anything can be done, or they can claim unfair dismissal. It sucks - he was off for a week sick and it was amazing.

The old janitor we had was brilliant and such a lovely man, he’s at another school I work at very rarely and whenever I see him he asks what’s going on because he’s heard stories from other staff about everything. So many people have put complaints in :-/

He knows I hate hugs and I will be sat in a chair and he will hug me anyway. I tell him to get off and he says ‘oh lighten up!’

Or I’ll be standing and I will just stand, won’t hug him back or anything and again tell him to get off. He just doesn’t *do* boundaries "

Maybe try loudly warning him (in front of witnesses) that you find his behaviour inappropriate and distressing, you consider it harassment and physical assault, and if he touches you again in a way you feel is inappropriate you will retaliate, forcefully if necessary. Then if there is a next time, slap his face or shove him hard away from you. Then action will have to be taken against him by his employers.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

Maybe next time he does it , over react in a shocked way and explain you don’t like being touched and it shocked you, whilst still having eye contact and smiling. That would be a pretty clear indication to anyone not to do it again without having to be confrontational.

He is overstepping boundaries and have no doubt he’s aware of it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me.

He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing.

Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me.

It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature.

Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence. "

He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation.

No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me.

He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing.

Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me.

It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature.

Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence.

He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation.

No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in."

That’s what I do now to be honest if he’s gonna pass me I’m almost trying to tuck my arse in or place my back against a wall or other surface and I kind of like dart past him. Today though they were having a new bed and I was helping him get the mattress on (cos he asked me to help and it was a heavy ass mattress) but instead of saying move out the way a minute he kid of moved me by my hips and if it was innocent it wouldn’t feel wrong when he did it, I can’t explain it properly.

It’s not like if my grandpa pushed me out the way to get in a drawer I was standing in front of or something like that, it’s just different.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me.

He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing.

Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me.

It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature.

Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence.

He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation.

No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in.

That’s what I do now to be honest if he’s gonna pass me I’m almost trying to tuck my arse in or place my back against a wall or other surface and I kind of like dart past him. Today though they were having a new bed and I was helping him get the mattress on (cos he asked me to help and it was a heavy ass mattress) but instead of saying move out the way a minute he kid of moved me by my hips and if it was innocent it wouldn’t feel wrong when he did it, I can’t explain it properly.

It’s not like if my grandpa pushed me out the way to get in a drawer I was standing in front of or something like that, it’s just different. "

I know exactly what you mean. Holding a woman by her hips or waist isn't an innocent touch that's why you feel its wrong. I know you said he's a lovely person but even lovely people have bad traits. This is one of those situations where you're going to have to shut up and put up or say something.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It’s a put up and shut up thing and just carry on doing what I do if he’s there and that’s try and keep out of his way. Like I clean her house once a week too and if he’s there I’ll hold the mop in front of me or to the side of me if he’s passing.

Like it’s his home, saying something would be too much, I love the woman I look after and she’s been good to me too.

It’s just mad what things we put up with, men too probably, does this happen to guys as well?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s a put up and shut up thing and just carry on doing what I do if he’s there and that’s try and keep out of his way. Like I clean her house once a week too and if he’s there I’ll hold the mop in front of me or to the side of me if he’s passing.

Like it’s his home, saying something would be too much, I love the woman I look after and she’s been good to me too.

It’s just mad what things we put up with, men too probably, does this happen to guys as well?"

But you don’t have to put up with it.

In all honesty because he’s old id probably say ‘watch your hands!’ in a jokey way but be sure he heard it. I’d keep saying it a few more times if he continued and if he kept going I’d say something seriously

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Kitana, I can see why it’s a difficult situation for you as the boundary between work and friend is blurred. I don’t know what to suggest other than speak to him honestly, tell him how you feel and say that you’re sure he doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable so the only way is to stop.

For the others that put up with this from colleagues (and friends / family) it’s a horrible thing and it shouldn’t be for you to say it’s wrong. Plenty don’t feel confident enough to speak up and they suffer the most.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

"

That's inappropriate for different reasons and you're party to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself "

No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.

Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself "

I hate my personal space invaded. I work with someone who stands so close I have to move my chair back to talk to them. I think you’re allowed your own perception of what’s acceptable to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see the scenario you are in OP is a tricky one, you like them and they employ youz

When I was younger I put up with a lot of inappropriate touching & suggestions from men because I didn’t want to lose my job or be seen to cause trouble.

It’s not like that now, or at least it’s slowing changing for the better, so I would say to you find the courage to say something. You can make it lighthearted and jokey but you need to speak up...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd probably try to make it lighthearted considering you like them, I'd maybe say "do you have a needle and cotton?" Then when he asks what for I'd say something like "to stitch your hands in your bloody pockets"

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel embarrassed reading this because I know I have probably invaded others personal space and touched others in way that would be considered inappropriate in my past. I think gently confronting the behaviour is wholly appropriate as he is way over the mark of what might be passed off as just being tactile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel embarrassed reading this because I know I have probably invaded others personal space and touched others in way that would be considered inappropriate in my past. I think gently confronting the behaviour is wholly appropriate as he is way over the mark of what might be passed off as just being tactile."

I'm guilty of things like this too, I'm extremely tactile, I'm an arm linker, a hand holder, and a cuddler, fuck, I'm even a lap sitter too. Never with those I don't know well enough to believe they'd tell me to fuck off if it wasn't ok. My colleagues are more like friends/family than workmates.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't control my mouth in those situations. If something makes me feel uncomfortable my brain takes over and I say something.

I'll laugh one incident off maybe, if I'm caught unawares, but they will get short shrift from me if they kept doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would definitely feel a little bit uncomfortable but it would depend on the context and who it was.

If it was in the workplace and happened regularly I would feel very uncomfortable but if it was just someone that was clearly just trying to offer reassurance or somebody that was quite tactile but I didn't feel like they were after anything else will being sleazy then I guess I would be ok with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I’m overly touchy if I’m honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have a manager that used to stand too close to me when he was telling me off!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

An ex boss used to put his hand on the small of my back everytime we left the same room, really annoyed me. I told him I didn't like it and he said he didn't realise it would be an issue!

You should always say something if you're not happy.

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By *onnie And Clyde9070Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

Isn't unwanted non sexual physical touching classed as common assault these days?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends how unacceptable it is I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a touchy-feely kinda person. Anyone in my personal space makes me uncomfortable even if they're not directly touching me. Unfortunately I'm also quite shy so instead of saying something I tend to move around awkwardly and try to move out of their reach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve complained in work about some one who keeps calling me a pet name and she runs her index finger over me when she talks to me.

It actually makes me die inside, it makes my skin crawl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel embarrassed reading this because I know I have probably invaded others personal space and touched others in way that would be considered inappropriate in my past. I think gently confronting the behaviour is wholly appropriate as he is way over the mark of what might be passed off as just being tactile.

I'm guilty of things like this too, I'm extremely tactile, I'm an arm linker, a hand holder, and a cuddler, fuck, I'm even a lap sitter too. Never with those I don't know well enough to believe they'd tell me to fuck off if it wasn't ok. My colleagues are more like friends/family than workmates.

P"

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?"

If it happening to you go to HR and make a complaint about sexual harassment.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

No, I would not tolerate any touch I found uncomfortable, and I am quite a touchy feely person.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Fucking hell.. I can't believe some of these stories.

I wouldn't dream of getting handsie with women at work. Not only is it completely disrespectful but I'd rather like to keep my job.

I'm amazed this still goes on.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? "

Not allowed, unless the said person has asked to be hugged or comforted.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Not allowed, unless the said person has asked to be hugged or comforted."

Why's this so difficult?

Isn't it bleeding obvious to know the difference between hugging someone you know well when they are sad and randomly groping women at work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven’t read the other replies, but this has happened to me with and old colleague he used to do it to everyone though not just girls so think it was harmless, but when he did it I just put my hands up infront of me infront of him and stepped back, few times I said whoaaa at the same time and eventually he stopped. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, just tell them nicely, can you please not touch me it makes me feel uncomfortable.as simple as that but smile as you say it. Some people are just touchy it’s not always sexy, it’s just the way they are but you can usually get the vibe from them if they are so if you call them up on it they’ll be embarrassed and stop

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I can top trump you all and it didnt involve physical contact. When i was 24 and noticably pregnant an old guy at work took it upon himself to hide down a disused corrider and start wanking when i came along. Lets just say he picked on the wrong personp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Not allowed, unless the said person has asked to be hugged or comforted.

Why's this so difficult?

Isn't it bleeding obvious to know the difference between hugging someone you know well when they are sad and randomly groping women at work? "

It is seen as inappropriate touching and the said person(female) has not asked you or hinted at you to touch her. I agree with you but I don't make the rules.

It the exactly the same with a lost child you stop to help you will be charged with abduction.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

"

So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. "

I dont know where they work, but if two people were grinding together in the staff room at my work they'd both be sacked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. "

My Draconian no touching rule would prevent others feeling uncomfortable if they happen to stumble into the staff room whilst the grinding goes on.

As I alluded to earlier (although clearly I'm brainless) we can't have 2 sets of rules, one for hotties, another for mingers.

There will always be some who see it as harmless because it is what they do. But again, you shouldn't need to ask what someone finds appropriate or not.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved.

I dont know where they work, but if two people were grinding together in the staff room at my work they'd both be sacked. "

Yup any behaviour like that is not appropriate at work whether you fancy someone or not.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved.

My Draconian no touching rule would prevent others feeling uncomfortable if they happen to stumble into the staff room whilst the grinding goes on.

As I alluded to earlier (although clearly I'm brainless) we can't have 2 sets of rules, one for hotties, another for mingers.

There will always be some who see it as harmless because it is what they do. But again, you shouldn't need to ask what someone finds appropriate or not. "

Don't do sex stuff at work (unless you work in a brothel).

Easy.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands


"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin!

He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching.

"

This isn't appropriate behaviour for a married couple in a work place, let alone random workers. If you worked for me you'd both be on warnings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to work in a Care Home. It happened to me, older nurses and younger carers making body contact with me when it wasn't needed.

I didn't want it anymore than most women who receive unwanted attention.

I also find a lot of gay/bi men (who've no idea about my sexuality) and just colleagues or friends of friends will do it on purpose to watch my reaction. It's unwanted attention.

Had it from two guys recently after I made it clear I wasn't interested. I only want body contact from my loved ones, closest friends or sexual partners. There's no need for anyone else to touch me. GTFO of my space.

If I were a woman, I'd probably be a MILLIE TANT from VIZ comics by now

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?"

If I don't like the person, I tell them I'd prefer no contact and I will react if they ignore it.

Life is too fucking short for me to put up with "overly friendly" people at work or in public.

I always have good manners but this is nothing to do with manners.

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

Nope. Overly friendly agency bloke at work is now banned from the building.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself

No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.

Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it. "

My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?

My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?

Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual.

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon


"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself

No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.

Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.

My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?

My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?

Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual."

Its still inappropriate. The agency bloke at work I'd only met once prior, we were working, and I dont appreciate him being practically in my pocket and keep touching me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself

No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.

Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.

My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?

My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?

Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual."

If you feel it inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable yes report it.

She only needs to say good job well done not touch you.

was the bump accident or did she do it on purpose for her own sexual gratification eg Frottage ...then report her.

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By *iker boy 69Man
over a year ago

midlands

What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate being touched people who are not either family or friends. There is a certain level of familiarity and trust that needs to be reached before I'm comfortable with it. I'm also very good at sensing who else is uncomfortable with touch and would never invade their space, it's just not polite.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I can't think of any reason why to touch someone unless your in the medical or caring profession, there probably are reasons though.

I'm a sports coach with mostly girls or women so it might be a celebratory High 5 and that's it.

Even when I go over technical aspects I still don't need to touch them. I can show them by doing a demo myself.

To.me it's common sense and not something from a course I have attended.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

I was touched inappropriately this week. A man I didn’t know, haven’t ever spoken to.

People think it’s innocent enough but I think you know when it’s not. I had a very sense sense of ‘this is not right’. No it wasn’t anything major and men have touched me before when I’ve been at work but this was different, I felt differently about it. I was uncomfortable. Uncomfortably enough to hide elsewhere until he left.

Just because you may want to touch a person, it doesn’t mean it’s wanted or is welcome. It’s not your call to make. People need to think about the person on the receiving end, not their own wants and needs.

Not good at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate"

No, that's appropriate in that particular circumstance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

"

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

"

Well you want try it and see how it feels when someone does something you’re not comfortable with. You may have a different perception then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate"

It will be if she reports it as such.

It will be Office a strange man in a bar touch me with his finger on the shoulder

Office ...Did you ask to be touched?

Lady....No

and you will be cuffed up and charged with inappropriate contact.

Don't believe me just google the law on this stuff.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate

No, that's appropriate in that particular circumstance. "

I've touched someone lightly on the shoulder whilst saying excuse me in a crowded, noisy bar, I wouldn't be offended if someone did the same to me. Like the previous poster said, it's dependant on the circumstances. Rubbing up against them or touching their bum would be inappropriate however.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

If someome is in distress.

Offering a hug isn't touching un-invited though is it?"

yep that person has NOT giving you permission to touch them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate"

If she has her back to you she will be facing someone else and you get that person attention without touching the said person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me.

He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing.

Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me.

It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature.

Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence.

He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation.

No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in.

That’s what I do now to be honest if he’s gonna pass me I’m almost trying to tuck my arse in or place my back against a wall or other surface and I kind of like dart past him. Today though they were having a new bed and I was helping him get the mattress on (cos he asked me to help and it was a heavy ass mattress) but instead of saying move out the way a minute he kid of moved me by my hips and if it was innocent it wouldn’t feel wrong when he did it, I can’t explain it properly.

It’s not like if my grandpa pushed me out the way to get in a drawer I was standing in front of or something like that, it’s just different. "

If it feels wrong you need to report it.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

Well you want try it and see how it feels when someone does something you’re not comfortable with. You may have a different perception then. "

Exactly this.

I find it hard to get my head around the fact that you're effectively trying to overrule whether someone is touched on their own body or not.

It's hardly draconian, there's no need to touch anyone in the workplace or day to day life unless it's a medical emergency or they expressly permit it.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?"

Yes! I'd still have to trust him!

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry

Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher?

When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing

We have. Unfortunately I’ve learnt the hard way someone really needs to fuck up before anything can be done, or they can claim unfair dismissal. It sucks - he was off for a week sick and it was amazing.

The old janitor we had was brilliant and such a lovely man, he’s at another school I work at very rarely and whenever I see him he asks what’s going on because he’s heard stories from other staff about everything. So many people have put complaints in :-/

He knows I hate hugs and I will be sat in a chair and he will hug me anyway. I tell him to get off and he says ‘oh lighten up!’

Or I’ll be standing and I will just stand, won’t hug him back or anything and again tell him to get off. He just doesn’t *do* boundaries

Maybe try loudly warning him (in front of witnesses) that you find his behaviour inappropriate and distressing, you consider it harassment and physical assault, and if he touches you again in a way you feel is inappropriate you will retaliate, forcefully if necessary. Then if there is a next time, slap his face or shove him hard away from you. Then action will have to be taken against him by his employers. "

If no action is being taken by management, worth checking whistleblowing procedure for your employer (or if you’re unionised losing with them). Do remember that you can independently call the police and make a complaint, or inform management that this would be your next step.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Liaising* (not losing!)

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?"

When this happens to me and it’s unwelcome behaviour, I won’t presume malintent from the other party, so simply inform them I didnt enjoy that touch, and would rather that didn’t happen again.

“Gosh, I’d rather you don’t touch me like that - is that something we can be clear on? Thank you” said with a surprised flinch and pause, and a smile on the question and presumptive agreement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forgot to say what I do in response when it does happen.

*Cold (wtf are you doing) face*

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"It’s a put up and shut up thing and just carry on doing what I do if he’s there and that’s try and keep out of his way. Like I clean her house once a week too and if he’s there I’ll hold the mop in front of me or to the side of me if he’s passing.

Like it’s his home, saying something would be too much, I love the woman I look after and she’s been good to me too.

It’s just mad what things we put up with, men too probably, does this happen to guys as well?"

One way of addressing it beyond what you’ve done so far, might be to flinch and jokingly but clearly say “Blimey, I thought you touching me just then was you hitting on me, then I’d have to quit and so on - careful eh?!” and deliver it as a joke that can be laughed off but planting the clear what the consequence of hitting on you would be, alongside the what it possibly had made you think. It allows him and you to save face and laugh because it couldn’t possibly have been this intent and yet it’s now out there so if it’s done again, a more serious conversation could be had.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?"

But isn’t that the difference of welcome and unwelcome touching - the OP is talking about unwelcome situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate.

I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning.

Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me.

The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect.

It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy.

I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same.

He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him.

I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him.

Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school.

Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him.

But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much.

He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope.

He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything.

He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have.

So no - I don’t put up with it.

There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy.

Ugh I’m now angry "

If you have been to your line managers and nothing has been done go to the area manager and ask them to meet with you and your union rep.Totally unacceptable.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

"

And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself

No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.

Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.

My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?

My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?

Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual."

What is it you don’t understand about the fact that individuals have different tolerances?

No one here is telling you how to feel about your body when it’s touched by someone. What a ridiculous notion, and totally missing the point.

The point is to think about the fact you’ve got no idea what the person *you* touch might feel about it hence not to do so without consent. It’s about being responsible if *you* are touching and presuming it’s ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?"

Yes that is the difference if he was a ugly fuck it sexual harassment if he handsome and worth fucking then it just office flirting. One rule for one one rule for the other.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Ladies can be just as bad.

The stroke of a cheek, hand on shoulder, nails on the back of the hand, with a friendly scratch.

It’s the mixed signals, not the need for kinesitetic touches.

And the mixed signals are in the recipients head a lot of the time.

A projection from their experience.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?

Yes that is the difference if he was a ugly fuck it sexual harassment if he handsome and worth fucking then it just office flirting. One rule for one one rule for the other."

So you're saying that because a lady let the hot guy that she fancies touch her hand, you should get a go too?

How is someone having complete autonomy over their body even remotely hypocritical?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?"

Yes. If a guy that looked good and I was sexually attracted to then displayed the behaviour of a creep he'd no longer be fanciable...... end of.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?

Yes that is the difference if he was a ugly fuck it sexual harassment if he handsome and worth fucking then it just office flirting. One rule for one one rule for the other."

Absolute bollocks. It’s up to the person being touched if the touch is welcome or not. If they fancy the person and welcome the touch then fine.

It makes not one jot of difference that the guy who chose to touch without knowing consent did so without knowing - that’s the issue - they have no right to do that. They may touch one person who welcomes it with no negative repercussions and then another person who doesn’t welcome it with repercussions. They are in the wrong for not gaining consent both times - it just had no negative repercussions on one occasion. Can people stop removing accountability from the do-er and blaming the receiver? It’s irrelevant if the receiver is going to respond positively or negatively - it’s the assumption and lack of consent by the doer. It’s really incredibly simple. And very telling when people don’t get it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy. "

Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?

Yes. If a guy that looked good and I was sexually attracted to then displayed the behaviour of a creep he'd no longer be fanciable...... end of. "

Boom.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.

Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.

"

Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?

I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.

Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.

Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?

I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important."

I admit that being touched below the waist or inappropriately is wrong but there is a difference.

You start saying all kind of touching is wrong, next thing it's the law and your friend just got prosecuted for sexual harassment because he stopped a woman or a man walking in front of the bus by pulling him back on the shoulder.

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By *iker boy 69Man
over a year ago

midlands


"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate

If she has her back to you she will be facing someone else and you get that person attention without touching the said person "

You must lead such a slow paced perfect life, if thats how your nights out play out everytime you want to walk out a pub

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.

Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.

Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?

I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important.

I admit that being touched below the waist or inappropriately is wrong but there is a difference.

You start saying all kind of touching is wrong, next thing it's the law and your friend just got prosecuted for sexual harassment because he stopped a woman or a man walking in front of the bus by pulling him back on the shoulder."

Again, you’re extrapolating and making a moot point. No single person is saying they would be more concerned about the lack of consent for touching than being saved from a road accident. Please don’t undermine an important point about consent and autonomy of a person’s own body and right to not expect touching even above the waist with disproportionate scenarios.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.

And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.

Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.

Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?

I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important.

I admit that being touched below the waist or inappropriately is wrong but there is a difference.

You start saying all kind of touching is wrong, next thing it's the law and your friend just got prosecuted for sexual harassment because he stopped a woman or a man walking in front of the bus by pulling him back on the shoulder.

Again, you’re extrapolating and making a moot point. No single person is saying they would be more concerned about the lack of consent for touching than being saved from a road accident. Please don’t undermine an important point about consent and autonomy of a person’s own body and right to not expect touching even above the waist with disproportionate scenarios."

Oh believe me, there would 100% be scenarios where people would see you got to jail after you just saved their life.

I understand what your point is but to effectively have it as an automatic stance not to touch anyone ever at all unless its emergency or given verbal consent (which in itself would be very difficult to define) it's ridiculous to me.

Go too far to the right or left and you'll cause chaos.

P.S. I'm not saying it's ok to touch someone inappropriately, but to not ever touch anyone without verbal consent is also not good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank fuck I work in a place where colleagues know how to behave themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's different if it's a man doing the touching tbf.

As an example in general, if a group of ladies out on a hen night or such like grabbed hold of a guy then he'd be expected to laugh it off really as they're hardly physically threatening.

The same at work, my workplace is practically exclusively male, but I've worked in mixed workplaces before, but it was always ok for a woman of any age to manhandle men, because well, they're women. I had it happen to me all the time even with inappropriate sexual comments in every workplace back to when I was about 18, sometimes by women older than my mother who I didn't feel attracted to in the slightest, but it's just banter really and I didn't feel threatened at all.

If it was a man inappropriately touching a woman though, that's different. Partly I imagine because women feel more threatened by a man who's usually stronger and partly because women are usually touchy feely with everyone, woman or man. Whereas men in their behaviour with each other aren't, so for a man to act that way is rightfully seen as out of character and therefore it is assumed that he must have ulterior motives, which indeed they sometimes will have. The only time I've actually made contact of such a nature with a woman was when they were openly flirting with me and kidding about, or on one other occasion when a close female friend was bawling her eyes out so I gave her a hug. Both of these situations I knew in advance were acceptable for this so it wasn't a problem being exceptions to the rule.

The only "all the time" exception to this different Male/female rule in most workplaces I've been at is gay men. Gay men are usually seen by women as an extension of the sisterhood mentality as well as being normally flamboyant, so as such them being touchy feely is considered normal?

B

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable.

I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable.

I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also I don’t want to quote my big paragraph again but thank you for the replies - he came in this afternoon while I was grumpy and felt sick, he touched my face and said ‘give us a smile before I go home’

It was a light touch with one finger but I moved out the way of him and said ‘touch me again and you’ll have no fingers left’.

Went to the bathroom and had a good cry (hormones!). Phoned my manager who came in and wrote everything down, put it into an email and sent it to his manager. So hopefully something will be done.

I’ll see him tomorrow morning but I’ll ignore him as always. He comes in now and turns my radio off because I ignore him and he thinks I can’t hear him - so I just continue to ignore him.

Might get KingC4611 to come into work with me until someone else comes in (I get there really early so I have time to set everything up before the kids come in - we don’t start till 7.45am but that’s also when the kids come in!) but also, despite KingC4611 not being big, intimidating etc he seems to respect men more and won’t say anything with him there. Yet why should I need my husband to come into my place of work?!

Ugh I dunno. I’ll figure it out in the morning. I could maybe not go in early but it’s my routine and when I don’t stick to it I get anxious and panicky ugh.

But hopefully something will be done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?"

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I'm generally quite comfortable with casual physical contact, as long as it is non sexual.

I seem to have much less of an issue with personal space, than most people.

If I felt uncomfortable, I would say so, and have done.

A security guard where I worked many years ago, got one very pointed warning to behave or be formally reported, I had no further problems.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

"

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?"

I don't think it's just women... I know people that are just tactile in everything and everyone but no harm meant ... if it was creeping me out I'd say something.... but I don't find touch's like that an issue but my late father was one of those people. So used to it X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in"

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms."

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then?

What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch?

Why do you need to touch people at work?

Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then?

One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday....

I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark.....

Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine.

There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that.

There’s boundaries for everyone in life.

I agree

I wasn’t meaning to disagree or challenge you or imply you condone it btw

It's cool my friend, it was just that someone said they had a strict no touching rule at work, that's all I was questioning, just seemed a bit odd, ott and open to abuse.

I'm massively big on personal space and I hate ppl getting too close unless they're well "close" to me "

What happens when someone thinks they are close to you and you don't feel the same about them? This is often the case with inappropriate touching.

It's a very delicate line when you are seen to be touchy feely with some and not others. Not everyone is adept at reading the cues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology "

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

"

That was a dumb response

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response "

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb."

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself "

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable.

I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant."

Id say that either way it's not acceptable. I've been touched like that and I don't and didn't appreciate it. I'm actually a very tactile person with people that I know and I'm friendly with, but outside of that it's not something I'm comfortable with.

I think people consider it acceptable because a guy would 'welcome' it simply because he's a guy. By extention of that, at clubs too.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks "

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable.

I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant.

Id say that either way it's not acceptable. I've been touched like that and I don't and didn't appreciate it. I'm actually a very tactile person with people that I know and I'm friendly with, but outside of that it's not something I'm comfortable with.

I think people consider it acceptable because a guy would 'welcome' it simply because he's a guy. By extention of that, at clubs too. "

I stopped going to 'ordinary' night clubs because of the level of unwanted, uninvited and inappropriate touching. Just because I have my cleavage on show that does not equate to an invitation to put hands or faces on it.

It's equally wrong for women to grope men in the (d runk en) belief that men will be grateful for a woman showing them interest.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... "

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok there’s a massive difference in my two examples of inappropriate touching. My one job where I’m employed privately and have for been 4 years as a personal assistant to this lady with multiple sclerosis, the last year her husband has been retired, he’s a couple of years younger than my grandfather. Every time I’ve been in their house when he’s there if he passes me in the house he always puts his hand on my lower back and I can’t explain why it makes me feel uncomfortable but it just does. It’s different to if my grandfather put his hands on me like if I’m standing in front of a drawer he’ll push me out the way or just open the drawer onto me or a cupboard door whilst saying move out the bloody way will you. It’s just different there’s no talking when this guy does it and today done my head in when he put both hands on my hips to move me aside, plus we were in their bedroom helping him out a mattress on the bed. It’s a weird feeling, it makes me flinch and shudder cos the hand touching lingers as well it’s jusy indescribably weird. It’s like you don’t need to put your hand on me to pass me in a hallway that’s extra wife anyway to accommodate wheelchair, it’s like no need, even an open space like a large kitchen, I don’t touch the people in my home to pass them.

What I do with gym guy is inappropriate because we’re in work but take into account it’s a huge gym and leisure complex which is quite a laid back place to work. All the times he asked me to scratch his back it was when there were no members of the public anywhere, no other staff and it would be down the corridor off sight of the camera, I would ask him if he wanted the scratch over or under his t shirt and he always said under plus I fancy the fuck out of him so I want to touch his body and he liked my scratching cos of my nails. The big staff room is a room way at the back of the building that nobody really uses as it’s too far away but I’d go there for my food and he would follow, that’s a recent thing as well, where he would tap his thigh and gesture for me to sit on his lap, yeah it’s bad but again the touching of each other is welcomed. He is absolutely clear that I’m attracted to him.

They are two different scenarios, one is a 66 year old man and hia hands are not welcomed and makes me feel creeped out, the other is a 33 year old man who I’ve flirted with for over a year who asks me to touch him and I oblige because I want to.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?"

I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?

I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x

"

I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me.

I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?

I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x

I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me.

I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. "

You do realise you are well winin your rights to refuse to go in and provide care? Go to the social services dept. and speak to them, get some proper advice instead of potentially breaking confidentiality by talking about them on a swingers site forum.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are close knit team at work, and we are all pretty tactile. A touch on the arm, shoulder a hug, we all do it.

As for comforting someone if they are upset, my auto reaction is to give them a hug, I'd be so sad if I was told it inappropriate.

Also in my area at work I am a manager of 7, 20 somethings, it is no mean feat. They are young, need a nurturer, if they get upset they will reach for a hug, I would not dream of pulling them away!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

*Within

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"We are close knit team at work, and we are all pretty tactile. A touch on the arm, shoulder a hug, we all do it.

As for comforting someone if they are upset, my auto reaction is to give them a hug, I'd be so sad if I was told it inappropriate.

Also in my area at work I am a manager of 7, 20 somethings, it is no mean feat. They are young, need a nurturer, if they get upset they will reach for a hug, I would not dream of pulling them away! "

Someone reaching for a hug you are happy to give is different to you giving a hug that they don't want but feel they can't pull away from because you are their manager.

Personal interaction is never straightforward but that's why (some) workplaces have rules about this. It's also a very blatant way of showing who is favoured and in the 'in group' and who isn't.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation."

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable "

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?

I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x

I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me.

I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. "

So it's ok for you to be upset and offended?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *unningFoxWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I had horrible experience with one of my staff members. He is very creepy and slimy to start with and I’m not a fan. He is waisting companies time constantly flirting with girls while his wife works not far from him to be honest. I’m treating him like I would treat the rest of them but he is really trying to be flirty and close to me and once he ended up hugging me and kissing my head I didn’t know what to do after and how weirded out and strange I felt and really hopped I won’t see him for next few days!!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you."

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing.

Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same.

Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?

I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x

I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me.

I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. "

Tell him not to touch you like that and that you find it uncomfortable, or just move away from him straight away and give him a evil look to show him you don’t like it.

Sound like a right dick,

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I despise being touched by people not in my close circle of family / friends.

Mostly I tell people not to keep touching me or I will touch them back with force

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? "

No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist.

If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it?

No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist.

If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything."

Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it?

No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist.

If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything.

Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it "

No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it?

No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist.

If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything.

Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it

No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different."

But no one has ever said anyone has to sign consent forms.

That's something you made up.

 (thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it?

No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist.

If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything.

Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it

No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different.

But no one has ever said anyone has to sign consent forms.

That's something you made up. "

Back to square one

 (thread closed by moderator)

Reply privately
 
 

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?

There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes.

And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case.

God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on...

Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in

Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one.

Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms.

Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology

Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form.

That was a dumb response

No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb.

You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself

You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine.

Thanks

It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others...

I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again

What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation.

Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable

Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles.

And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block.

Thank you.

Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it?

No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist.

If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything.

Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it

No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different.

But no one has ever said anyone has to sign consent forms.

That's something you made up.

Back to square one "

Could you point to anyone, on this thread, apart from you, who has mentioned consent forms?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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