FabSwingers.com forum: I met my girlfriend’s parents – and realised I once slept with her father

By *ophieslut OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Pamela Stephenson Connolly's problem of the day © The Guardian:

'Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?'

Her answer:

'I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.'

What should he do?

(This is not a predicament that I am in btw)

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I have to concur with our Pamela.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't sit right with me that the innocent one has to walk away hurting. Leaving the love of his life in pain too.

Whereas the dad, the guilty one who actually cheated, gets to keep everything and carry on being happy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a troll post, the same was submitted to the guardian years ago, search for jamesrbuk Twitter and see his post from about 12hrs ago, he has a snap of them side by side. Someone is getting their kicks from submitting lurid dilemmas.

Nevertheless, PS advice is shocking, the fictional father is a sociopath who needs to be called out. The advice in the original is better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a car crash waiting to happen. I agree with the advice given. Unless deceit, resentment and drama are your thing what good could come of it in the long term?

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

I was married to the sister of my ex-boyfriend of 8 years (in secrecy of course) back in 1999. He was totally supportive, trying to help me to become a 'normal' heterosexual man.

We got divorced a year later but not because of my past relationship.

I think the difference in the above case is that the father of that guy is not supportive of the relationship.

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By *ophieslut OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd want to be honest with my partner that I loved, including wanting to marry - but accept that some things may need some sensitivity. I'd also want to talk with her father and try to gain an understanding of why he doesn't want his daughter to be happy, even if he hasn't been in his marriage. Of course, I don't know at this point if he'd had sex with me from within an open relationship, or when they weren't together etc.

I see Mariella Frostrup encouraged honesty - thanks for the headsup on it being a re-post of an older problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd want to be honest with my partner that I loved, including wanting to marry - but accept that some things may need some sensitivity. I'd also want to talk with her father and try to gain an understanding of why he doesn't want his daughter to be happy, even if he hasn't been in his marriage. Of course, I don't know at this point if he'd had sex with me from within an open relationship, or when they weren't together etc.

I see Mariella Frostrup encouraged honesty - thanks for the headsup on it being a re-post of an older problem. "

Nps. It's an interesting moral question regardless.

I certainly think, in this fictional tale, that the wife would also have a right to know her husband was cheating; I'd assume if it was an open situation the father wouldn't have tried to force the bf away but instead would have had a quiet word.

I'd also think any father who would try to force his daughter's future happiness away to save his own skin would also do anything to preserve himself; I'd be worried about the lengths he'd go to to silence the bf. Again, sociopath.

But, it's all fiction so doesn't matter

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