FabSwingers.com forum: Tell me a joke

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sounds daft but just please make me laugh, thats all I m asking.. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do spiders play football?

Webley...

I bet that made your eyes roll

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what’s orange and amounts like parrot?

Carrot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What bees make milk

Boooo bees

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 dogs in a bar

Dog 1: "I heard a great joke today"

Dog 2: "Let's hear it then"

Dog1: "Knock kno..."

Dog2: goes fucking mental

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all, keep em coming please, you ll never know how much I need em

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Where do spiders play football?

Webley...

I bet that made your eyes roll

You always get a good reaction outta me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know that it is illegal to watch The Flintstones in Dubai?

It is in Abu Dhabi though

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By *ingle Dad SeekingMan
over a year ago

Northern England

I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank a lot, and his wife said "if you ever come home d*unk again, I'm going to leave you".

He went out to a pub and drank a lot and vomited all over his shirt, and said to his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me". His friend said "I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill.".

He goes home and his wife is angry at the state of him, and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill".

His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank a lot, and his wife said "if you ever come home d*unk again, I'm going to leave you".

His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I phoned the tinnitus helpline but it just keeps ringing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was offered a part in a movie called 'cocaine'

but it only had one line

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I phoned the tinnitus helpline but it just keeps ringing"

Hell yeah.. Know that one.. lolol thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i was offered a part in a movie called 'cocaine'

but it only had one line

Laughing yup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy is sitting in a bar having a drink and sees a beautiful blonde haired girl across the way making eyes at him. He goes over and says, "Excuse me, miss, may I buy you a drink?" "Sure," she says, "have a seat." The man sits down and they get to talking. "You know," the man says, "This is kind of a funny subject, but my wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed." "REALLY?!?!" the girl says, "My boyfriend just left me because I was too kinky. Do you want to go back to my placae and get a little kinky?" So they finish their drinks and leave. When they get to the girls house, she says, "Wait here I'm going to slip into something a little more kinky." She comes out from her room wearing a leather teddy, with a whip in one hand and handcuffs in the other, but the guy is grabbing his coat and heading for the door. She says, "Wait a minute, I thought you wanted to do something kinky!" He says, "Aye, while you were getting dressed I shit in your purse."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

marriage is like a pack of cards

it starts with hearts,then diamonds,

then clubs then spades

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals?

Filipe Ferlop

*extends arm, hand out, palm up* what do call one of them?

*arm extended, hand/palm down*

Dead one of them!

Never fails to make me lol!

Sorry!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my mother-in-law turned 65 she started to walk 5 miles a day. Fuck knows where she is now!!

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close By

My son just told me this one

How do you make a toilet roll?

Throw it down a hill..... Actually had me in stitches because he was giggling away

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By *ream3.14159Man
over a year ago

Here & there

"2 dogs in a bar

Dog 1: "I heard a great joke today"

Dog 2: "Let's hear it then"

Dog1: "Knock kno..."

Dog2: goes fucking mental"

When people try to tell me knock knock joke, I just sit there quiet pretending I'm not there hoping they'll go away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you move to Newquay, you dont have to pay inland revenue.

(its not inland)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saw a man yesterday running down the road with a cape on.

‘Are you a superhero?’

‘No mate; I have just run out of the barbers without paying!!!!’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do call a Irish double Glazing salesman

Paddy o'doors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/03/19 11:40:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the loo roll roll down the hill........?

.......to get to the bottom......

(blame it on my girl)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A hard brexit will give you a soft cock lol.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or head?

Matt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur

Lickalotapuss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do we want-

hearing aids",

"When do we want 'em"?

"Hearing aids" !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put my wedding video on the other day but not too reminisce......

I put it on rewind to see myself walk out of the church....

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

An elderly man and woman lived in the nursing home together. The elderly man liked the elderly woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside at the benches. They sat there every day for about 3 weeks.Finally, the elderly man builds up enough nerve to ask the woman if she would hold his penis. "All you have to do is hold it, thats all." he said in his old crackling voice. The woman agrees to it. They sat at the benches every day for about 2 more weeks with her holding his penis every time. Finally, one day the elderly woman walks outside and he not at the benches. She gets curious and goes to look for him. She finds him at another bench with another woman.She waits until she sees him later and asks him, "What does she have that I dont?" The elderly man smiles and says, "Parkinsons".

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By *ean Claude Van ManMan
over a year ago

Wolvey

Two parrots stood on a perch.

One says to the other 'can you smell fish?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

bank asked for a 8 character password,

so I put"Snow white and the seven dwarves"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I popped into my bank the other day and said I'd like to open a joint account

The teller asked me who with

So I said someone who's loaded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the caretaker say when he jumped out of a cupboard....

SUPPLIES!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in the bank with the wife when a robber burst in and said give me all your money

So I said to the wife have you got that tenner you owe me love ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my girlfriend is annoying.

she keeps texting

"are you in yet"?

while we're having sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just seen a man in an RAC van crying.

I think he was heading for a breakdown

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

What runs down your nose at 200mph?.

A lambogreenie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do an elephant and a grape have in common?

Neither of them are vegetables.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey, to each and every one of you THANK YOU SO MUCH. They re great and have helped put my shit back in its box... It bites me in ass sometimes.. Ptsd is a bitch

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

How will Christmas be after brexit ?

No brussels

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By *arpePinguisWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or head?

Matt. "

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or balls? Still no fucking idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock...

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

Stevenage

I was in the kitchen and there was a tap on the window..

I thought, strange place for a tap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oldie but Goldie

3 men are walking down the road 1 called shit 1 called fuckoff and 1 called manners, shit falls over and manners starts to pick him up fuckoff just carries on walking and bumps into a police officer, the police officer says "whats your name boy" and fuckoff replies with "FuckOff" the police man says "wheres your manners boy"

so fuckoff says "round the corner picking up shit."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man who has been stood on the moors for ten years?

Pete

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Taxi drivers

always go the extra mile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you get charged with flashing,

don't take it out on me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One from Jo Brand

What's your favourite machine at the gym?

"The vending machine"!

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By *he SurveyorMan
over a year ago

Bury

....

TWO PRAWNS

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea,

two prawns were swimming around.

One called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed

and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian,

'I'm fed up with being a prawn;

I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't

have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said,

'Your wish is granted'

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away,

afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found

life as a shark boring and lonely.

All his old mates simply swam away

whenever he came close to them.

Justin began to realise that his new menacing

appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the

mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps

the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back,

and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam

back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he

couldn't see his old pal.'Where's Christian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed

sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the

mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin,

your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me.

You're now a shark, the enemy,

and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not.

That was the old me. I've changed.'.........

(You're going to love this................................)

'I've found Cod.

I'm a Prawn again Christian'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....

TWO PRAWNS

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea,

two prawns were swimming around.

One called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed

and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian,

'I'm fed up with being a prawn;

I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't

have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said,

'Your wish is granted'

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away,

afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found

life as a shark boring and lonely.

All his old mates simply swam away

whenever he came close to them.

Justin began to realise that his new menacing

appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the

mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps

the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back,

and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam

back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he

couldn't see his old pal.'Where's Christian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed

sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the

mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin,

your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me.

You're now a shark, the enemy,

and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not.

That was the old me. I've changed.'.........

(You're going to love this................................)

'I've found Cod.

I'm a Prawn again Christian'"

very good!

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Two nuns are in the bath.

Nun1: Where's the soap?

Nun2: Yes, it does rather.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man is shipwrecked on an island and he wants sex.. But all he can find on the island are wild goats, so eventually he gets so desperate he tries catching one to shag it.. But it keeps getting away from him and he eventually lays down on the beach exhausted and a beautiful woman swims over from another island and she says "omg a man.. I haven't seen a man for years.. I will do anything for you sir"

And he says okay will you help me catch this goat

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By *anejohnkent6263Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

How do you get a fat bird into bed ....a piece of cake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theresa may?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes.

I told him, it can't be my dogs, they've never owned bikes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sent my FB a Get Better Soon card.

He's not ill, he's just not very good at sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mints-

why aren't after eights called 9's

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"....

TWO PRAWNS

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea,

two prawns were swimming around.

One called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed

and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian,

'I'm fed up with being a prawn;

I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't

have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said,

'Your wish is granted'

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away,

afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found

life as a shark boring and lonely.

All his old mates simply swam away

whenever he came close to them.

Justin began to realise that his new menacing

appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the

mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps

the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back,

and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam

back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he

couldn't see his old pal.'Where's Christian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed

sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the

mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin,

your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me.

You're now a shark, the enemy,

and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not.

That was the old me. I've changed.'.........

(You're going to love this................................)

'I've found Cod.

I'm a Prawn again Christian'

very good! "

Thats brilliant

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not a joke just a lot of thanks to a lot of great people.. Funny, knew I could count on people here to put up a joke without asking the issue.... I stand humbled and fighting back thanks to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dai was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff.

In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him.

“Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind.

“I got the ticket for my wife,” said Dai. “But she died in an accident.”

"So you’re keeping the seat vacant as a mark of respect?”

“No,” said the fan, “I offered it to all of my friends.”

“So why didn’t they take it?”

“They’ve all gone to the funeral.”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So a guy walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder and a 3ft dwarf, approaches bar and asks for a pint for himself and the lil fella.... Well the dwarf goes nuts and tears place apart, smashing tables and chairs.. Barman goes nuts, but the guy asks cost of damages.. Bleddy thousands. Next thing, guys paid him and goes onto ask for another pint for the two of em.. Barmans naturally apprehensive but agrees.. Same happens and as before the guy pays up and a lil extra.. This happens one more time and buy now the pub is wrecked but the guy keeps overpaying the barman so he runs with it.. When the guy starts to leave, the barman says I gotta ask, whats with you? Ah says the guy, found an old lamp see, gives it a rub and fk me if a genie springs up and grants three wishes... As you can see I got never ending supply of money ok but he fkd reet up when I asked for a three foot prick and good looking bird.. Bum bum

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Why do cows have hooves

Because they lactose.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

What do you do if a epileptic has a fit in the bath...

Throw your washing in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you weren't meant to eat at night...

why do fridges have lights

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Why do elephants have big ears?..

... because Noddy won't pay the ransom.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Ask Siri

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks into a bar and says ouch!

After that he asks the landlord what kind of bird he has in the cage.. And the landlord replies its a cockatoo.

He then waits all night for a woman to walk in, but none enter the pub.. When leaving he asks the landlord again, what kind of bird is that and the landlord replies.. It's a cockatoo.

D*unk and annoyed he says isn't it about time you had a cunt or two in here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/03/19 21:04:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lifeguard " Get that St.Bernard out of the swimming pool".

kid " Where does it say I cant bring it in "?

lifeguard points to sign

'No heavy petting'

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

1. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

2. How is a woman like a road?

They both have manholes.

3. Why are men like diapers?

They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

4. What type of bird gives the best head?

A swallow.

5. What’s better than a cold Bud?

A warm bush.

6. How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

7. What should you do if you come across an elephant?

Apologize and wipe it off.

8. What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

9. How are gay people like mice?

They both hate pussies.

10. What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together, we can stop this shit.

11. What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

Your job still sucks.

12. What do you call a cheap circumcision

A rip-off.

13. What do priests and McDonald’s have in common?

They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

14. How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

15. What did one of the prostitute’s knees say to the other?

How come we spend so little time together?

16. What do you call two men fighting over a slut?

Tug-of-whore.

17. Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

18. Why don’t little girls fart?

They don’t get assholes til they’re married.

19. What do you call an in*****s nephew?

An aunt-eater.

20. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms?

Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.

21. What do you call a nanny with breast implants?

A faux-pair.

22. How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

23. What do women and noodles have in common?

Both wiggle when you eat them.

24. What do you get when you jingle a man’s balls?

A white Christmas.

25. What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A rabbi cuts them off. A priest sucks them off.

26. What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?

A tearjerker.

27. What did one broke hooker say to the other?

Can you lend me ten bucks ‘til I’m on my back again?

28. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

29. What’s the real definition of a male chauvinist pig?

A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body—except his.

30. What does a slut say when her daughter asks how to spell “penis”?

“I wish you’d asked me last night, when it was on the tip of my tongue.”

31. How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

32. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

33. What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?

A head hunter.

34. Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

35. Why did the semen cross the road?

Because you wore the wrong socks today.

36. Why did the snowman suddenly smile?

He could see the snowblower coming.

37. What’s the difference between a clitoris and a cell phone?

Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.

38. When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he’s standing next you girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

39. What does a dumb slut say when you ask if she’s ever tried 69?

“Thirty dudes is the most I can screw in one night.”

40. How are women like linoleum floors?

If you lay ’em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the next 20 years or so.

41. What’s the square root of 69?

Ate something.

42. What do you do when your cat’s dead?

Play with the neighbour’s pussy instead.

43. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

44. What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.

45. What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?

A dictator.

46. Why did Jesus die a virgin?

Every single “wound” he touched closed up.

47. How is life like toilet paper?

You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

48. What’s the best way to respond when a girls asks “what’s up”?

“If I tell you, will you sit on it?”

49. What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date?

She’s got small tits.

50. Wanna hear a joke about my dick?

Nevermind. It’s too long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont go on a virgin train

they dont go all the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man heads into his local town to get himself a prostitue. He see's a long legged blonde that he thinks is hot so he approaches the woman. The Pro says to the man as he approaches "Do you like what you see?" to which the man replies "Very much. How much for a bit of fanny?". The pro gives him a price which the man is happy with and they head to a place the pro has close by to seal the deal. They enter an apartment and head for the bedroom and the pro tells the man to strip, as he does so she begins to remove her clothes as well. The man watches the pro undressing intently eagerly awaiting his fun, but when she got down to her underwear she then unbuckled a clasp at her thigh and removed one of her legs. The man is a little shocked and looks at the pro who says, "Do not worry, I lost my leg as a child but I do not need both my legs to do the things I'm about to do to you". Any doubt the man had disappears will the woman's promise and he tells her to carry on. Once she has set her leg to the side she then reaches for a clasp at her shoulder and removes one of her arms. This is too much for the man and he grabs his clothes and runs out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the door. As he gets to the door the pro hops onto the landing and shouts down "I thought you wanted a bit of fanny?" and the man says "I did, sure throw it down and I'll take it with me."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

venisons dear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,

with smart wit,

using a knife,

he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,

strong and bold,

with a hammer and chisel,

he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,

tall and thin,

by using red velvet,

he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,

short and stout,

with a piece of fox fur,

he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,

nasty as hell,

threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,

whose name was McGee,

he touched it and blessed it,

and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,

dirty little runt,

he sucked it and fucked it,

and called it a cunt.

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By *iss behaving2019Woman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Little boy asks his mum why her tummy was so big?

She answered " because your Daddy gave me a baby"!

Little boy runs to his Daddy in the living room and asks, " Daddy, did you give my Mummy a baby"?

He replied " yes I did"!

Little boy says " well don't give her any more! She has eaten it"!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why wasn't Jesus born in Yorkshire?

They couldn't find three wise men & a virgin!

(Yorkie-allowed)

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By *ingle Dad SeekingMan
over a year ago

Northern England

It's funny that every time you look at an ant under a magnifying glass on a sunny day, they mysteriously burst into flames!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does the cheese say to itself in the mirror? Halloumi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why do we teach children to walk and to talk and as soon as they can we tell them to sit down and shut up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting on a plane now, I'll tell you the best riddle ever later, promise x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the most impossible thing in the world??? An elephant wiping his arse with piece of confetti

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Getting on a plane now, I'll tell you the best riddle ever later, promise x"

sit at the back of the plane,they never reverse into mountains

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or head?

Matt. "

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs and no dick?

Still no fucking idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Cos if they lived by the bay they'd be bagels

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get pikachu on a bus?

...pokemon

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By *rbubbleMan
over a year ago

wild west sligo mayo roscommon

Where would you find a dog with no legs??

Where ever you left him

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By *oyle_45Man
over a year ago

Worthing

A man says to his wife “I’m going down the pub but when I get home I want you naked, facing the mirror, doing a handstand”. she looks at him quizzically but eventually goes along with it and off he goes to the pub. At closing time, she gets undressed, grabs the full length mirror and turns it slightly so that she’s got space for her gymnastics and when she hears the front door open, she proceeds to do a handstand in front of the mirror. She hears footsteps coming up the stairs and the bedroom door open, someone walks up behind her and opens her legs, they put their face between them and she hears her husband’s voice say..………

“so that’s what I look like with a beard”

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By *oyle_45Man
over a year ago

Worthing

"Did you know that it is illegal to watch The Flintstones in Dubai?

It is in Abu Dhabi though"

I think you mean they don’t have the flintstones on tv in Dubai but Abu Dhabi do.

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