FabSwingers.com forum: Bullies

By *urls and Dresses OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

For once, in an hour I’m going to attempt to stand up to a bully. Since a teen I’ve been brought down by them, changed career partly because of them, affected my mental health because of them.

How do you hold your head high and don’t let them get to you?

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

Well I just fight back to them yeah it might be childish but stand your ground or just ignore then they will eventually go away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go get a bigger stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For once, in an hour I’m going to attempt to stand up to a bully. Since a teen I’ve been brought down by them, changed career partly because of them, affected my mental health because of them.

How do you hold your head high and don’t let them get to you?"

Just stand up to them... bullies are cowards! They target the weak and easy targets. Stand up to them and make them feel small. Go on youtube and watch aome insult comedy and get a few lines under your belt...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or spend a year spying and collecting info on them and sell it to a Nigerian prince

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By *urls and Dresses OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fight back, always fight back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "
industrial espionage and set them up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was bullied at school the early years then I took Judo classes and learnt to stand up for myself it does have big affect on your mental health I understand what your going thru but after you fight back the first time it feels so good

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I learned at an early age that standing up to bullies and refusing to let them get to you was the best way to halt them in their tracks - it's meant I've come off worse on a couple of occasions but mostly they didn't trouble me again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "

Doesn't matter what position they're in. If they're your boss then report them or quit. Slash their tyres and get payback.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "

It's very difficult in that situation. Be strong and know you're in the right. Good luck

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By *urls and Dresses OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

"I was bullied at school the early years then I took Judo classes and learnt to stand up for myself it does have big affect on your mental health I understand what your going thru but after you fight back the first time it feels so good "

I’m hoping today will be that day. It’s a horrible thing to experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck, it'll be hard but hold your nerve and don't let them win anymore x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate bullies in any shape or form. Always have done. I always used to stick up for the bullied kids at school. When I worked in a school for years I got called up a few times on it for getting too involved. I can’t tolerate it at all. Stand up to them or if you can’t, report them. Nobody should put up with bullying.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Refuse to let them get to you. That may be an internal process. You do what you need to do to damage yourself least in the situation, even if externally that looks like giving in. But hold true to yourself, believe in yourself, and build yourself up where you can.

Sometimes all we can hope for is minimal damage against those stronger than us, because it'll hurt more to fight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Record all instances and report them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "

Make sure you have someone with you to witness the situation. I don’t know the details but maybe address it by opening with “i feel like there may be some sort of issue between us and I’d really like your opinion on the situation so we can resolve this professionally and move forward” see what they say and stay calm and professional, if it doesn’t work keep a diary of events, liaise with HR and/or your union if you have one. Good luck, keep your cool, you’re the better person for wanting to sort this out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just make it hard for people to bullie me... you need a 'fuck off' face. If someone even tries to raise their voice to me I'll look at them with my fuck off face and say don't even think about shouting at me!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m hoping today will be that day. It’s a horrible thing to experience "

Let us know how you get on I told my boss not that long ago if I’m no good at my job fire me if that’s not the case leave me alone. It worked I’m still employed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me”

It's very difficult in that situation. Be strong and know you're in the right. Good luck"

if it is work there should be lots you can do but there is no place for bullying whatever context it is in - it sort of gives me the same feelings as international womens day was being discussed here earlier we have come a long way but still lots more to do i am lucky (in my opinion) i am in a good union at work and get respect but still remember when bullies were in my job back in the day dont mean to be patronising good luck to you stand up to your bully

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By *cgkcCouple
over a year ago

Hitchin

Do you have any professional support, such as you union rep or a lawyer?

Either way, try to keep on an even keel and stick to evidence based facts.

Don't let yourself be goaded into outbursts or unsubstantiated personal attacks.

Good luck. I know how it feels.

P xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For once, in an hour I’m going to attempt to stand up to a bully. Since a teen I’ve been brought down by them, changed career partly because of them, affected my mental health because of them.

How do you hold your head high and don’t let them get to you?"

By standing up to them. Bullies don't like to be challenged.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Realise that you have something that they envy and resent you for whether thats an ability, good looks, intelligence etc.

Bullies are weak as fuck in reality, they need to validate their narcissism and self criticism by faulting others, this inflates their ego and gives them a false sense of self worth or of strength when i reality it is the victim of the bully that holds the strength, the true grit to not lower themselves to their level or retaliate out of sheer morality!

In order to ignore and switch off from bullies you have to resist the urge to defend yourself verbally or even acknowledge that sort of behaviour with a reaction as thats what their goal is, and and recognise they should be pitied for being so weak then choose not to let their bile and vile words enter your mind as a creeping thought of truth.

If they do however try to physically harm you thats when you open a can of psychotic whoop ass on them as is your right to defend yourself.

These fuckers certainly can’t do your dying for you so they have no right to tell you how to do your living!

Hate bullies especially passive agressive cunts

I become nicam digital stereo with verbal abuse it goes in one ear and straight out the other, unless of course it is constructive and of value to me.

Sending a wee hug to you pal for all those years you allowed these horrible cunts to affect your life choices and path.

And sending a dose of Karma to the abusers that affected you, do hope their next shite is a flaming white hot metal hedgehog

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "

You should know that you are a fantastic woman. Know your worth. Keep your head high. I would have my phone on recording as a proof and I would put official written complain to the person bosses. Above that in a public when person is bullying you say very loud Stop bullying me. Would be worth to read your company policies and procedures about bullying at work and say to that person exact paragraph and what is says in a public so you have witnesses.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Do you have any professional support, such as you union rep or a lawyer?

Either way, try to keep on an even keel and stick to evidence based facts.

Don't let yourself be goaded into outbursts or unsubstantiated personal attacks.

Good luck. I know how it feels.

P xxx "

Yes. I was sort of getting at this too, although you've said it better. Keep calm, keep your dignity, behave impeccably. It's the best way to guard against someone far stronger, unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no advice that hasn't already been said.

I can't stand bullies - stand up to them or make distance if you can.

Hugs to you OP x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve found a bully will only bully an easy easy target

Become unpredictable to them by standing up for yourself etc

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Good luck, sometimes it’s a matter of who blinks first with bullies. Stand up to them for long enough in a confrontation and they often cave in.

Stay strong for as long as you can, hope it goes well

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

"For once, in an hour I’m going to attempt to stand up to a bully. Since a teen I’ve been brought down by them, changed career partly because of them, affected my mental health because of them.

How do you hold your head high and don’t let them get to you?"

I’m not the most assertive in work, but I’d say stand back, take a few deep breaths, get your line of reasoning clear and anticipate what counter-arguments may come your way.

Good luck, you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope it goes well for you.

I stood up to a bully at work, but as he was also "far above me", it didn't end well.

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By *urls and Dresses OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. There is no one available at the moment to support me with today’s meeting, I’ve emailed, messaged and rang. I’ve just got to suck it up, keep my cool and not let anxiety get to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There will be people reading this thread who are bullies. What do you gain from it? I’d your life that pathetic your only solace is to pick on somebody weaker than you? Does that really make you feel better? REALLY?

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "

Without understanding the organisation you work for its hard to say how best to approach this. In a large organisation there will be a bullying pocilicy and quite possibly a help line and support team. In smaller companies this level of support may not exist; if this is the case then, I'm the first instance, you should arrange an official meeting with the bully, put it in their's and your calendar and invite an independant witness to take the minutes - maybe entitle the meeting 'Work Place Behaviour'. This could act as a wake up call for the bully as they may not realise that the are bullying you, just that they are being "robust" - be honest with them, tell them how their behaviour effects your life. At the meeting agree on review periods; if things don't improve then go outside of your organisation... citizen advice? Your doctor?

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

Hold your head high, answer with confidence and don't let your voice waver.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"I should add this is in a professional situation, someone “far above me” "

Go through HR, these days companies have to deal with complaints of bullying.

Put everything in writing and keep copies

If they don't deal with it you've got a claim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a doormat and ignore them. They thrive on reaction.

No reaction - they get bored and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. There is no one available at the moment to support me with today’s meeting, I’ve emailed, messaged and rang. I’ve just got to suck it up, keep my cool and not let anxiety get to me."

Sending virtual hugs xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a doormat and ignore them. They thrive on reaction.

No reaction - they get bored and move on."

That’s what I tell my son ignore them and they will get bored quickly

Mrscxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For once, in an hour I’m going to attempt to stand up to a bully. Since a teen I’ve been brought down by them, changed career partly because of them, affected my mental health because of them.

How do you hold your head high and don’t let them get to you?"
huni don't ket anyone bully you there probably jelous of your life and what you have achieved and got just tell them to jog on an laugh at them once you put them in there place they won't bully you again xx

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

You shouldn’t have to go into a meeting alone, if it’s an official meet HR should be in there taking notes, if it’s is informal you should be allowed a companion, either way keep your cool, know exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it, good luck

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By *urls and Dresses OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

I’ve been, I’ve spoke and my mind went completely blank over all the incidents that have happened.

However things have changed, I no longer work beneath her at least for the next months.

I’m annoyed at myself, yet again c

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Taking notes in is allowed, you can do that next time.

But well done for going through with it! That’s very brave so that’s now the person you know you can be

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

OP, firstly I hope it all goes (or went) smoothly.

I was on a similar predicament a few years ago, up against a member of senior management who, although misinformed ultimately held most of the cards. Aware of the situation, I asked myself with all the facts and went down in a blaze of glory. Either way my career would be set back by a couple of years. Told him to shove his job, got moved the next day but had my dignity and a fresh start.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"I’ve been, I’ve spoke and my mind went completely blank over all the incidents that have happened.

However things have changed, I no longer work beneath her at least for the next months.

I’m annoyed at myself, yet again c"

Don't be annoyed with yourself, it was a very brave thing you did so be proud of yourself. The fact that you want blank doesn't mean that there haven't been incidents, it just shows how much the bully effects you.

When you've had time to relax and gather your thoughts, list the incidents and present them to who ever asked for them and copy them into HR, you like manager or another appropriate person.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Work related I'd seek advice from a union and/or human resources.

In personal life I find smiling works, makes people think about why your smiling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignoring them with bouts of sarcasm works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope it is not too late and that you have not gone in alone. A bully wont listen, or will listen but take no notice. Please take someone in with you, HR or a colleague. Anyone who can witness the conversation, take notes, anything but doing it alone.

Please come back to us and let us know how you get on x

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I can only add document all that happens op and maybe speak to a union rep if you have one or HR.

Hope all improves and hugs xx

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

"I'm a doormat and ignore them. They thrive on reaction.

No reaction - they get bored and move on."

People wants attention.

Bullying is a tricky issue. Sometimes it is not as it seems. The movie Monster Calls depict it nicely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been, I’ve spoke and my mind went completely blank over all the incidents that have happened.

However things have changed, I no longer work beneath her at least for the next months.

I’m annoyed at myself, yet again c"

Well done. No need to be annoyed; you've taken a strong move and got a positive outcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This situation is happening at my workplace too. There has only been the odd thing with me but I've witnessed her bullying others but they won't report the person in question so she gets away with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been, I’ve spoke and my mind went completely blank over all the incidents that have happened.

However things have changed, I no longer work beneath her at least for the next months.

I’m annoyed at myself, yet again c"

We'll done. You don't need to be annoyed with yourself, you got a positive outcome.

I'd suggest to start keeping a log of incidents with time, date, details and witnesses. If you have to go in again at least it's in front of you in case your mind goes blank again.

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

"I’ve been, I’ve spoke and my mind went completely blank over all the incidents that have happened.

However things have changed, I no longer work beneath her at least for the next months.

I’m annoyed at myself, yet again c"

Your brain probably was too stressed to remember anything, don't blame yourself as trauma does this to people.

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By *etite HandfulWoman
over a year ago

Chester

You have to stand up to them at sometime and if you can't do it yesterday do it now bullies usually back down as they struggle to deal with people who stand up to them. Take control of your like and stand up to them and you will feel better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done to you! You can always follow up the meeting with an email of things you forgot to say and say you didn’t feel comfortable saying out loud to them . Chin up and remember you are worth 100 of any arsehole bully!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This scenario happens every day up and down the country in all sorts of places, work, schools, neighbourhoods. It's a sad reflection on society.

The people who perpetrate this are pitiful and get away with it because not enough people stamp it out.

Good for you OP, stay positive and remember it's not you it's definitely them.

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By *urls and Dresses OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

Thank you everyone, I’ve had a moment of reflection and feeling better. It was a small step to better things. I know others have had trouble with said person and I hope I’ve made it easier for them to come forward.

Unfortunately bullying is huge in what I do, there’s conferences and research on it, it is reported that out of all jobs, mine is worse for bullying. A horrible culture

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For once, in an hour I’m going to attempt to stand up to a bully. Since a teen I’ve been brought down by them, changed career partly because of them, affected my mental health because of them.

How do you hold your head high and don’t let them get to you?"

My bully is in a in muay thai.

I just keep going and training and dealing with his trash.

He knows I have a mini panic attack and get overwhelmed/don't learn lesson via getting injured.

It's not as bad as the shit I've delt with in staff rooms.

I'm autistic so will inevitably get treated like a "wierdo" or "spastic" on first impression.

Any career apart from cleaning I don't really fit into the team.

They like picking on you because they know it makes you crumble and they enjoy feeding off any weakness you might show.

Especially in my case where I don't really talk alot socially with unfamiliar people.

None of it will "make you stronger"...

If it's any consolation there are people in much more shitty circumstances who can deal with things better than the rest of us...

It's just life... some people are narcasists/sociopaths/ASPD. I began to understand people picking on me as a kid who had a "freeze" reaction to hostility.

As I got older people who were once mean to me became different people and you can later forgive them. Others you can't.

As I got older I became more confident and mentally conditioned/better able to read other people's symptoms.

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