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Anti jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What has 9 legs, 4 feet and is orange?

Nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What has 9 legs, 4 feet and is orange?

Nothing."

Stop stealing my orange jokes!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What did a Hungarian say before he went to bed?

I'm going to bed, but he said it in Hungarian.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What did a Hungarian say before he went to bed?

I'm going to bed, but he said it in Hungarian."

that made me lol,lol,lol its so shit its art

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What has 9 legs, 4 feet and is orange?

Nothing."

I prefer your mum jokes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What has 9 legs, 4 feet and is orange?

Nothing.

I prefer your mum jokes."

my mum prefers his mums jokes too

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the orange say to the apple? Nothing, oranges can't talk.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.

But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.

So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.

Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.

He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.

He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.

He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.

And guess what it has in its mouth?

A brick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.

But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.

So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.

Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.

He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.

He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.

He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.

And guess what it has in its mouth?

A brick."

how ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.

But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.

So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.

Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.

He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.

He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.

He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.

And guess what it has in its mouth?

A brick.

how ? "

The third guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.

But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.

So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.

Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.

He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.

He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.

He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.

And guess what it has in its mouth?

A brick.

how ?

The third guy."

yea the guy with the parrot

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.

But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.

So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.

Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.

He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.

He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.

He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.

And guess what it has in its mouth?

A brick.

how ?

The third guy.

yea the guy with the parrot "

The parrot has the brick the third guy threw in the air, it never came down.

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By *niffs VerbottenMan
over a year ago

Blue Town by the Rolling Breakers

brick joke.

well done that fella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.

But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.

So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.

Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.

He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.

He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.

He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.

And guess what it has in its mouth?

A brick.

how ?

The third guy.

yea the guy with the parrot

The parrot has the brick the third guy threw in the air, it never came down."

so who's jumper was it?

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Haha... OP... You regret this now?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Haha... OP... You regret this now? "

I got 99 problems...and one of them is counting my problems not solving them.

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Statistically, 72/80 people don't simplify fractions.

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

I for one, but that's Roman numerals for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do funeral directors wear black suits?

Because it's a very serious business and a black suit projects gravitas.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What did little Timmy want for Christmas?

Parents.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Don't you just hate it when a sentence doesn't end the way you existential.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock

Who's there?

Anne Frank

GOT YOU!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i once did a jigsaw puzzle, and was really pleased as i did it in 2hrs , on the box it said 3-5 years !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you do for a living?

I work at a sewage plant.

Oh really, what's it like?

It's ok, it's a job.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's brown and sticky?

A stick."

What's not brown and not sticky.

An orange.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At school we had a teacher with no arms no legs and no body.

We called him the Head.

We had another teacher that also had no arms, legs or body, but he wore a pork pie hat.

We called him Mr Williams.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Where do sick ducks go?

Prison.

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

One day an unusual customer walks into a pub. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limited edition Ferrari parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.

The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone in the pub a drink. He pays for it from a roll of £50 notes and manages to get the attention of all the ladies in the pub, despite having an orange for a head. The barman was curious and he feels compelled to ask about this man's life. "Excuse me," says the barman, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistible to women, but you have an orange for a head. How on earth did that happen?" So the man told his story.

"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would grant me three wishes. For my first wish I asked for unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there. For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted". The barman, amazed at the story, couldn't hold in his excitement any longer "And the last wish?" he asked.

The man took a swig of his drink, and then said "I asked to have an orange for a head."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

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