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Comical insults

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Iv just been howelling at a comment on another thread of someone the know whos known as butterface

Fire out some more pls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shagnasty

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

“I don’t care what everyone say’s about you... you’re actually alright”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cockwomble still makes me giggle stupidly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cockwomble still makes me giggle stupidly. "

You beat me to it, my fave as well!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hedgehog cock

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Turd burglar

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Hedgehog cock "

This will forever be the cream of the crop

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cock juggler

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hedgehog cock

This will forever be the cream of the crop"

100%

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

‘They’ve got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.’ - now that’s a class insult right there

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I dont know any as I never swear

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Of course you wouldnt know, you are a BMW/Audi/Mercedes/4x4/white van (delete where applicable) driver.

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By *egularLegsMan
over a year ago

Erdington

Spunk Trumpet.

As in "he's a right spunk trumpet".

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Did you get a birth certificate or a written apology from durex?

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Another one - ‘If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave it’s arse and teach it to walk backwards.’

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Your parents would have been better off raising the placenta..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx

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By *iamond coupleCouple
over a year ago

leeds

You are too ugly for one person you must have been born twins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx"

Know now! Thank you!

Totally offensive and not as innocent an insult as it implies- yuck! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another one - ‘If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave it’s arse and teach it to walk backwards.’ "

A fave of mine

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By *asterslittlewhoreCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

SkipRat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx

Know now! Thank you!

Totally offensive and not as innocent an insult as it implies- yuck! x"

As expected.. the irony of the thread is not lost..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx

Know now! Thank you!

Totally offensive and not as innocent an insult as it implies- yuck! x

As expected.. the irony of the thread is not lost.. "

Imma google it

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx"

Does it mean irritating -as in what it is when you get sand up your foo?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx

Does it mean irritating -as in what it is when you get sand up your foo?"

Apparently it does, it means so dry it’s a desert. Charming insult xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx

Does it mean irritating -as in what it is when you get sand up your foo?

Apparently it does, it means so dry it’s a desert. Charming insult xx"

It actually means when a woman gets irritable or angry.

When women collectively get irritated by something/someone, I say they have sand in their vaginas.

There’s actual a fanny sand crew on here, they go round with the bus pass boys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will someone please explain what a sandy vagina is? xx

Does it mean irritating -as in what it is when you get sand up your foo?

Apparently it does, it means so dry it’s a desert. Charming insult xx

It actually means when a woman gets irritable or angry.

When women collectively get irritated by something/someone, I say they have sand in their vaginas.

There’s actual a fanny sand crew on here, they go round with the bus pass boys. "

Or when people say something you don't like? it's not you it's everyone else...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Come on i said comical not lets get upset

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nob jockey

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

“you look like a before picture”

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By *hilhendersonMan
over a year ago

aberdeen

he's got a face like a dropped pie...

she's as rough as a £3 hand job

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By *eviant KnightMan
over a year ago

Norton

'I bet you've got a wizards sleeve'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your face could scare the shit out of a toilet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone willing to fuck you is just too lazy to masterbate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass xx

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I got called Angelina Rollie on another thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone willing to fuck you is just too lazy to masterbate."

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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

You could not empty a cup even if the instructions were stuck on the bottom.

When I saw you walking in the room I thought to myself "either this person has redefined the word 'idiot' or else the new vacuum cleaner has arrived".

Shakespeare had some of the best. Googled because I can't remember them verbatim.

"Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows"

Troilus and Cressida.

Shakespeare fat insult

"She is no longer from head to foot than from hip to hip. She is spherical like a globe. I could find countries in her"

Comedy of errors

Shakey "shagged your mum" insult

"Villain I have done thy mother"

Titus Andronicus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could agree with you,but then we'd both be wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately your penis can’t deliver what your ego promises... xx

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By *c1989Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

Dave dutton is an author localish to me who produced a couple of books translating local lanky lingo into plain English there is an insult section

One that comes to mind is... thow weren't born, someone spat on the wall and the sun hatched thee out.

And

If thy wit were shit, tha would be constipated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are so ugly they could use their face to haunt a house

He was that ugly when he was born that the doctor slapped his ass twice and punched his mother in the face

Somebody tell Rocky Dennis his understudy is here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have neither the time or crayons to explain it to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips xx

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth

had a face like a clumsy beekeeper

Or face like a dropped pie!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips xx"
i like that one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

All time classic quote

You look like the kind of guy who would fuck a man in the ass and have the god damn common courtesy to give him a reach around

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth

A mate of mine describing a girl whos bed he regretted waking up in after a heavy night on the sauce..

" im not saying she was ugly per sé ...but she looked like she could eat an apple through a letterbox "

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By *eviant KnightMan
over a year ago

Norton

She has a face that only a mother could love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nob jockey "

I know most of these

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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"A mate of mine describing a girl whos bed he regretted waking up in after a heavy night on the sauce..

" im not saying she was ugly per sé ...but she looked like she could eat an apple through a letterbox " "

I know this as "she was so bucktoothed that she could eat an apple through a letterbox"

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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

He/she is "gorilla biscuits".

A face so ugly that you could push it into dough and make gorilla biscuits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best thing about you is the back of your head

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

Best one I've heard this week

"Your mum's got a chin like buzz lightyear"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Him to her “you have a fanny like a dropped kebab”

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By *ream3.14159Man
over a year ago

Here & there

Your face can scare the shit out of a toilet

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Not quite an insult but a mate of mine once woke up with an absolute horror of a lady, and was half way down the drainpipe outside the window before he realised it was his house

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By *wosmilersCouple
over a year ago

Heathrowish

.....one wheel short of a unicycle

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth


"Not quite an insult but a mate of mine once woke up with an absolute horror of a lady, and was half way down the drainpipe outside the window before he realised it was his house "

Now that was funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not quite an insult but a mate of mine once woke up with an absolute horror of a lady, and was half way down the drainpipe outside the window before he realised it was his house "

That's nothing. A mate of mine was shagging his wife when her boyfriend came home and he had to jump out of the window...

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By *rivingmanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

When you were born, they threw the wrong bit away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.

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By *rivingmanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool


"Not quite an insult but a mate of mine once woke up with an absolute horror of a lady, and was half way down the drainpipe outside the window before he realised it was his house "
brilliant

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

You have a face for radio.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never see anything new or funny.. . Always the generic stuff like "you fat c***" "go hang yourself no one wants a fatty" "just leave no one wants a fat guy"

"You should give up fatty'..... ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not quite an insult but a mate of mine once woke up with an absolute horror of a lady, and was half way down the drainpipe outside the window before he realised it was his house "
i think we have the same mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you were born, they slapped your mother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dickwaffle

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When you were born, they slapped your mother "

And all the midwifes in the room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When you were born, they slapped your mother

And all the midwifes in the room "

Last time I saw a pair of legs like yours, was hanging out a birds nest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don’t you go and take your face for a shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Salad Dodger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Salad Dodger "

Radishes are a nightmare to dodge in a food fight let me tell you.

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By *estivalMan
over a year ago

borehamwood

my fave

did you hit every branch when you fell out of the ugly tree

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

[Removed by poster at 25/02/19 17:07:28]

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

Fart cannon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I picked up a few sayings living in Australia.

Bush pig - ugly girl

Cracked a fat - hard on

Half a mongrel - semi hard on

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Salad Dodger "
i resemble that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pavement face. A pal fell off his bike and scraped his face right along the pavement, he was picking bits out for months.

Raggy baws. Another pal jumped a ramp on a bike with no saddle, when he landed he ripped his bawsack open

Car crash face. A mates ex looked like she put her make up on during a car crash

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t ride her into batte

You’re that ugly...a sniper wouldnt even take you out

Cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun

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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed"

I would like to have a battle of wits with you but you are only half qualified.

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth

Im not saying she was a big girl but it was like opening the window and fucking the night

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

That's like a homeless man taking the piss out my curtains.

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By *rand GestureMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes/London

"I thought I could smell cabbage".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seen more cock ends than weekends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Face like a welders bench

Has more chins than a Chinese phonebook(that one's quite racist, my apologies if any people were hurt in the making of this insult)

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth


"Face like a welders bench

Has more chins than a Chinese phonebook(that one's quite racist, my apologies if any people were hurt in the making of this insult) "

the yellow pages??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Face like a welders bench

Has more chins than a Chinese phonebook(that one's quite racist, my apologies if any people were hurt in the making of this insult)

the yellow pages?? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t be getting any ideas!!

You already have a kid in every other house on the estate!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to call a work colleague 'thrush' because she was an irritating cunt.....

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

You're mum should have swallowed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/02/19 19:11:21]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Best part of you was left as a stain on the mattress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You fat doughnut eating cunt.

Oh how I laughed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ears like 2 wind socks and a face that looks like it's been arranged by Stevie Wonder

Fanny like a plasterers bucket

She could suck start a leaf blower - I'm not sure I find this one insulting

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Can you come back when you've got less time?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m fond of bawbag and fannybaws (not literally though) .

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

Face like a robbers dog.

I'll call you Thrush cause you're an irritable cunt!

Were you force fed with a catapult as a child?

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Why am I even talking to you, you are a Neanderthal!

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By *heekyweebissimWoman
over a year ago

fife,

The best part of you ran down your maw’s arse cheeks!

You should have ended up in yir dads wanking sock!

Iv met many a prick, but you are a fucking cactus

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

Should have been a curtain wipe

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

You'd give an aspirin a headache.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friend... See you later

Me... No you wont!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolute Mugglesworth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fanny like a punched lasagne

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They're so stupid they could locked in a cubicle and still piss themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Astupidmansayswhat?

Don't really work by text?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fanny like a punched lasagne"

Any sort of lasagne sounds good to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Proper Div

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hoofwankingbunglecunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hoofwankingbunglecunt "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hoofwankingbunglecunt

"

Is that a Northern thing?

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

Oxygen theif

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

If you were chocolate you'd eat yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your family's history in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O'Leg McNolegs' personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oi Silly Bollocks

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth

WASTEGASH

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck face (said with affection to someone you love)

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth

Face like a bag of slapped twats..

B.O.B.F.O.C. - (body of baywatch, face off crimewatch)

and for anyone that ever has to go through one of those tedious team building exercise days at work and the trainer says that classic line "theres no 'I' in 'TEAM'" ...

come back at them with "yeah but theres a 'U' in 'CUNT'"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s dryer than a nuns vagina in here today.

Geeky x

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"

and for anyone that ever has to go through one of those tedious team building exercise days at work and the trainer says that classic line "theres no 'I' in 'TEAM'" ...

"

.......but there is a ‘ME’......

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk


"I have neither the time or crayons to explain it to you"
lol

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

If lard were brains you wouldn’t have enough to grease a pan...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab my pic or the Dragon gets it!!... who am I kidding I'd never hurt a defenseless cuddly toy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fab my pic or the Dragon gets it!!... who am I kidding I'd never hurt a defenseless cuddly toy. "
no i dont follow orders ever

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Butterface

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth


"

and for anyone that ever has to go through one of those tedious team building exercise days at work and the trainer says that classic line "theres no 'I' in 'TEAM'" ...

Nice!

.......but there is a ‘ME’...... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't know they could stack shit that high..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has anyone heard of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?

I'm kidding I'm kidding.

https://youtu.be/7i3spujOt8Q

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By *rtraymondo76Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Arse the size of a small family car x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sucks cock like a Dyson

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

S/he has calves only a cow could love.

If sex appeal was tnt, they wouldn’t have enough to blow their own nose

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By *readzyMan
over a year ago

lutterworth

That rough even cillit wouldnt bang it

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By *eo_72Man
over a year ago

Mansfield

Your so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You look like 2lb of shite in a 1lb bag.

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By *arahBaby123Woman
over a year ago

WORCESTER

You've got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and the depth.

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

One from our school days

What are you going to do for a face when King Kong wants his arse back?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I would call you a twat, but some twats are useful.

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