Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Back to forum list |
Back to The Lounge |
Jump to newest |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"First up, welcome back from hibernation I'm completely open about my sexuality and there's not any side of it which I wouldn't openly discuss either on the forums or in messages etc - it's part of who I am and what makes me tick after all. I actually enjoy having the freedom to discuss it too. That said, there are some elements of it which aren't necessarily detailed on my profile (althiugh the clues are there if you look), but that's not because I am hiding it for any reason of fear of judgement, more because it's not the primary thing I am looking for from the site, and I don't want people to think it is by including it - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to exploring it with the right person if it came up in conversation." Cheers G! Not sure it's a complete awakening from hibernation or a brief foray for mental sustenance before stumbling back to my lair just yet... It is only February You're one of the most open people I know on here, so your reply holds no surprises, and I completely understand reasons for not including things on profiles because of assumptions that a particular interest is all you want, or that it is an experience you will share with everyone you meet. I removed all my interests from my profile for that very reason... Too many mails offering to call over and perform specific acts as if I was ordering off a menu lol. No context. So in a way I suppose that too is a form of reticence | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgement on fab is very real. If you express a kink that people don't understand or that doesn't fit with the fab acceptable criteria you will be judged. I'm not surprised people fear it. " This. I hide stuff. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I only do certain things in limited situations, and they tend to attract particularly weird or vile messages. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"First up, welcome back from hibernation I'm completely open about my sexuality and there's not any side of it which I wouldn't openly discuss either on the forums or in messages etc - it's part of who I am and what makes me tick after all. I actually enjoy having the freedom to discuss it too. That said, there are some elements of it which aren't necessarily detailed on my profile (althiugh the clues are there if you look), but that's not because I am hiding it for any reason of fear of judgement, more because it's not the primary thing I am looking for from the site, and I don't want people to think it is by including it - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to exploring it with the right person if it came up in conversation. Cheers G! Not sure it's a complete awakening from hibernation or a brief foray for mental sustenance before stumbling back to my lair just yet... It is only February You're one of the most open people I know on here, so your reply holds no surprises, and I completely understand reasons for not including things on profiles because of assumptions that a particular interest is all you want, or that it is an experience you will share with everyone you meet. I removed all my interests from my profile for that very reason... Too many mails offering to call over and perform specific acts as if I was ordering off a menu lol. No context. So in a way I suppose that too is a form of reticence " I think that is a problem a lot of (mainly) women face, there are *some* who see the "Interests" list, as you say, as a menu they can order from, or expect to happen during a meet without realising they are purely interests, that sometimes you may be in the mood for, sometimes you might not. I've even heard tell of guys saying after a meet "but we didn't do..." which is ridiculous when you think about it. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I don’t like to put everything out there but not for fear of judgement, it’s just a privacy thing. I don’t want to share my personal stuff with the world. If I was meeting someone then I’ll happily discuss though. " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"First up, welcome back from hibernation I'm completely open about my sexuality and there's not any side of it which I wouldn't openly discuss either on the forums or in messages etc - it's part of who I am and what makes me tick after all. I actually enjoy having the freedom to discuss it too. That said, there are some elements of it which aren't necessarily detailed on my profile (althiugh the clues are there if you look), but that's not because I am hiding it for any reason of fear of judgement, more because it's not the primary thing I am looking for from the site, and I don't want people to think it is by including it - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to exploring it with the right person if it came up in conversation. Cheers G! Not sure it's a complete awakening from hibernation or a brief foray for mental sustenance before stumbling back to my lair just yet... It is only February You're one of the most open people I know on here, so your reply holds no surprises, and I completely understand reasons for not including things on profiles because of assumptions that a particular interest is all you want, or that it is an experience you will share with everyone you meet. I removed all my interests from my profile for that very reason... Too many mails offering to call over and perform specific acts as if I was ordering off a menu lol. No context. So in a way I suppose that too is a form of reticence I think that is a problem a lot of (mainly) women face, there are *some* who see the "Interests" list, as you say, as a menu they can order from, or expect to happen during a meet without realising they are purely interests, that sometimes you may be in the mood for, sometimes you might not. I've even heard tell of guys saying after a meet "but we didn't do..." which is ridiculous when you think about it." I don't tick interests because some people expect it. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I don’t like to put everything out there but not for fear of judgement, it’s just a privacy thing. I don’t want to share my personal stuff with the world. If I was meeting someone then I’ll happily discuss though. Lovely to see you Play " Lovely to see you too Babs xx Yup, sharing publicly was what I meant. I find people in general are quite open privately, in fact I'm often quite surprised by how much people will open up privately, whether in person or online. It's the 'but I couldn't say that on the Forums' bit that makes me a little sad when we are supposed to be such an open-minded and non-judgmental bunch. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I admit I struggle to understand why some people hide their sexuality etc on here. "Like minded" people are just that, so why care if your kink differs, you can't please everybody so why not just please yourself. At what point do you realise you're an adult and can do what the fuck you want with your body? " I completely agree, and what better way to find someone who shares your kinks and desires than expressing them... But it can leave you open to judgement and opinion from those who don't share your preferences. Whether it's wearing women's knickers, having a bareback gangbang 6 nights a week, calling a sexual partner Daddy, being spanked with the Woman's Weekly or shooting Kinder eggs from your foof, or (if you've the energy) indulging in the whole lot at once.. People will express their opinions and may make you feel bad for enjoying whatever it is you enjoy... Kink-shaming is just as prolific as body-shaming. Ps... No kinder eggs were harmed in the making of this post | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Not anymore. I used to feel this way though. Attitudes, isms and open hostility on this Forum has prevented me from joining in fully and transparently, till now. It can be quite a vile place at times. Only.. it's also a great place to meet likeminded people, so I'm forced to dance the dance along with everyone else. It's a shame really. " I've been known to go into hibernation when the negativity here starts to affect my mood. As with anything in life... If you don't like it, don't eat it... Its a long time since Mum was forcing any of us to eat our greens | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Please strangers i beg you dont judge me i like robinsons black currant juice poured on my left bum cheek " Why the left one? Is it more sensitive? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgement on fab is very real. If you express a kink that people don't understand or that doesn't fit with the fab acceptable criteria you will be judged. I'm not surprised people fear it. " It's so true. It must be such a shock to newbies who think they have joined this wonderfully open bohemian swinging lifestyle to stumble across the forums and chatrooms (on any of these type sites. Its not restricted to Fab) and see judgement everywhere. I wonder how many leave shortly after joining for that very reason? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Are there things about your sexuality you'd like to explore but don't because of fear of judgement? Or are there things you do explore but wouldn't admit to for fear of judgement. For example would you hide a verification that mentioned something you may be judged for, or refrain from commenting on certain threads in case people judge you. Over the years people have often privately 'confessed' to wanting or doing various things, but almost always with the addendum 'I couldn't say that on the Forum though'. Do forum opinions and judgements affect your Fab experience to the point where you become reticent about expressing your own desires? At some point do all threads, no matter the topic, essentially boil down to snog, fuck, avoid, and you don't comment for fear of the avoid? Whatever your opinion... Happy hump day f*ckers!! " Lovely to read you again Op. I'm not too sure it's fear of judgement, I keep certain things private because I prefer it that way. Also, a few things are things I so rarely do there's little to no point of me disclaiming it as an interest - it's not an interest as such, more something that I very rarely enjoy. I don't tick my profile interests because it's not so much about having a fuckit list, it's the person/people I'm with that interests me in different things. And the assumptions I've had before. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sites like this are for one exploring ones sexuality, I think it's pointless hiding it. Just be proud of who and what you are. You should feel free to post what you want without riduclue and if judged then who made them the god given right to judge anyone x" We all judge. Just by posting this thread I'm judging those who judge.. Its a paradox. But yes, ridicule and humiliation on public fora are unnecessary. I sometimes wonder if someone posted a thread asking who likes marmalade, would those who judge have equally strong views on opinions who differ and get as much satisfaction out of ridiculing or humiliating differing opinions when the topic doesn't have a sexual component. Is the sexual component the thing that brings out the textual Torquemadas? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgement on fab is very real. If you express a kink that people don't understand or that doesn't fit with the fab acceptable criteria you will be judged. I'm not surprised people fear it. This. I hide stuff. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I only do certain things in limited situations, and they tend to attract particularly weird or vile messages. " Surely if the messages are vile it's because you've been judged? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not necessarily all about fearing judgement, but wanting to be seen (speaking personally that is) as an individual first and foremost rather than a purveyor of particular kinks! I'm quite a private person anyway and prefer to keep the ins and outs (no pun intended) of my sexuality to the people I've chosen to share them with, after sussing out that a) they can be trusted and b) would be open to exploring that way. For example, I used to display a list of interests on my profile but found quite a number of people saw that as a menu they could pick from regardless of any other considerations and it didn't make me feel good about myself so I scrapped it. I can however see why some people are reluctant to join threads about certain practices which invariably attract a raft of 'revolting' type comments and/or negative remarks that are terribly misinformed. Aside from the need for a thick skin on those occasions, drawing attention to yourself on such a thread often invariably leads to messages of the sort I mentioned above. Great if you're purely looking to scratch an itch but annoying if you take a more holistic approach." Agree with you 100% you've pretty much hit the nail on the head | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"First up, welcome back from hibernation I'm completely open about my sexuality and there's not any side of it which I wouldn't openly discuss either on the forums or in messages etc - it's part of who I am and what makes me tick after all. I actually enjoy having the freedom to discuss it too. That said, there are some elements of it which aren't necessarily detailed on my profile (althiugh the clues are there if you look), but that's not because I am hiding it for any reason of fear of judgement, more because it's not the primary thing I am looking for from the site, and I don't want people to think it is by including it - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to exploring it with the right person if it came up in conversation. Cheers G! Not sure it's a complete awakening from hibernation or a brief foray for mental sustenance before stumbling back to my lair just yet... It is only February You're one of the most open people I know on here, so your reply holds no surprises, and I completely understand reasons for not including things on profiles because of assumptions that a particular interest is all you want, or that it is an experience you will share with everyone you meet. I removed all my interests from my profile for that very reason... Too many mails offering to call over and perform specific acts as if I was ordering off a menu lol. No context. So in a way I suppose that too is a form of reticence I think that is a problem a lot of (mainly) women face, there are *some* who see the "Interests" list, as you say, as a menu they can order from, or expect to happen during a meet without realising they are purely interests, that sometimes you may be in the mood for, sometimes you might not. I've even heard tell of guys saying after a meet "but we didn't do..." which is ridiculous when you think about it." Better yet.. The 'but you did 'xyz' with that guy on your verifications... Why don't I get to do it?' BTW... There's no good answer to that question, because no matter how you phrase it, they've already taken insult, no matter your reason. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"We don’t put everything on our profile, as somethings we like to do together but wouldn’t do them with a random meet. Trust has to be built. When I’ve mentioned certain things on the forums I get messages offering to do that. So keep it to ourselves x " Seems to be a common habit xx | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgement on fab is very real. If you express a kink that people don't understand or that doesn't fit with the fab acceptable criteria you will be judged. I'm not surprised people fear it. This. I hide stuff. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I only do certain things in limited situations, and they tend to attract particularly weird or vile messages. Surely if the messages are vile it's because you've been judged? " No. It's people wanting to do things in ways that are outside my comfort zone, or who mistake (consensual sexual thing) with (get to treat woman as sub human). Some things are great when everyone is on the same page. Those same things are awful, abusive, even criminal, when people misunderstand that kink is about the enjoyment of everyone. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"First up, welcome back from hibernation I'm completely open about my sexuality and there's not any side of it which I wouldn't openly discuss either on the forums or in messages etc - it's part of who I am and what makes me tick after all. I actually enjoy having the freedom to discuss it too. That said, there are some elements of it which aren't necessarily detailed on my profile (althiugh the clues are there if you look), but that's not because I am hiding it for any reason of fear of judgement, more because it's not the primary thing I am looking for from the site, and I don't want people to think it is by including it - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to exploring it with the right person if it came up in conversation. Cheers G! Not sure it's a complete awakening from hibernation or a brief foray for mental sustenance before stumbling back to my lair just yet... It is only February You're one of the most open people I know on here, so your reply holds no surprises, and I completely understand reasons for not including things on profiles because of assumptions that a particular interest is all you want, or that it is an experience you will share with everyone you meet. I removed all my interests from my profile for that very reason... Too many mails offering to call over and perform specific acts as if I was ordering off a menu lol. No context. So in a way I suppose that too is a form of reticence I think that is a problem a lot of (mainly) women face, there are *some* who see the "Interests" list, as you say, as a menu they can order from, or expect to happen during a meet without realising they are purely interests, that sometimes you may be in the mood for, sometimes you might not. I've even heard tell of guys saying after a meet "but we didn't do..." which is ridiculous when you think about it. I don't tick interests because some people expect it. " And yet on your previous comment you said you do as you please... But this too is reticence formed out of expectation, you list a preference and so are judged to be up for it with anyone who expects it, so you decide not to tick your interests after all | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm pretty open about my kinks and what I want out of fab. I'm not bothered what other people think. It's who I am and have always been. I keep details private because I know the kind of person who gets it. There's simply no point discussing certain areas with people who have zero knowledge and experience. With someone on the same page I'm an open book." What she said! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I don't avoid through fear of judgment, random strangers online are really not people whose opinion matters. I have mailed people regarding specific things rather than say it on a thread though, just because usually if you say you're into something all the forum lurkers come out and mail you. " No, their opinion shouldn't matter. In fact if they don't share your preferences regarding sex it's puzzling why they bother taking the time to tell you rather than use that time to interact with others who share their own preferences. But it doesn't seem to work that way. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Please strangers i beg you dont judge me i like robinsons black currant juice poured on my left bum cheek Why the left one? Is it more sensitive? " i like to lay on my right side for stability | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lovely to read you again Op. I'm not too sure it's fear of judgement, I keep certain things private because I prefer it that way. Also, a few things are things I so rarely do there's little to no point of me disclaiming it as an interest - it's not an interest as such, more something that I very rarely enjoy. I don't tick my profile interests because it's not so much about having a fuckit list, it's the person/people I'm with that interests me in different things. And the assumptions I've had before. " Thanks Meli Like yourself, I dispensed with my interest lists. I'm more about the person than ticking a list. There are things I'd like to experience, but if my partner isn't into it, it's not a dealbreaker and I won't die regretting having never tried it lol. Also if I try something and find I don't actually like it, I don't want to feel obliged because the other person expects it. I want to enjoy myself, that's why I do this after all | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I have several kinks that I have explored and would want to try again, but Fab is a journey of discovery. Rather than trying to find someone who matches my kinks then determine if we are compatible, I'd rather find someone I am compatible with and then discover their kinks. I won't meet someone just on the basis of getting a kink fulfilled. And who knows, someone I get on with may introduce me to something new I haven't considered. " Could you be put off someone by their stated kinks though? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Ah shoot I forgot to delete all your text! I was trying to stay on topic and not waffle on. Sorry for clogging up the thread. " Waffle away lady! The topic will wander whatever way it will anyway. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judge away There's stuff I'll do with B that I won't do with anyone else. Let him piss over me and inside my vageeeeen, eat me out if I'm on the blob to name 2 stand out ones. People may think that's dirty or disgusting, meh, we love every inch of each other and celebrate it so fuck what they may think. Doesn't mean we'll do it with other people, in front of other people or even want to. P" Loves the bones of you girl... Be as duuuuurty and disgusting as you please | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judge away There's stuff I'll do with B that I won't do with anyone else. Let him piss over me and inside my vageeeeen, eat me out if I'm on the blob to name 2 stand out ones. People may think that's dirty or disgusting, meh, we love every inch of each other and celebrate it so fuck what they may think. Doesn't mean we'll do it with other people, in front of other people or even want to. P Loves the bones of you girl... Be as duuuuurty and disgusting as you please " Why thank you lovely lady Oh.... I intend to Xx | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I don't avoid through fear of judgment, random strangers online are really not people whose opinion matters. I have mailed people regarding specific things rather than say it on a thread though, just because usually if you say you're into something all the forum lurkers come out and mail you. " Posts about pegging gets the mail rolling in! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Post new Message to Thread |
back to top |