FabSwingers.com forum: The difficulty of emotions

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Iv been in a similar place all week but friends have helped talk me thru it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

Take this from someone studying her masters and works in a mental hospital. Do not use a place like this for that type of advice. Plenty of sites with people who know what there talking about. More chance doing more harm listening to some of the advice you see and you'll get on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Music.

I choose stuff to magnify my emotions and cry my way through it then I give myself a metaphoric head shake and switch music style to something to take me to a better mood.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

It’s quite easy for the majority of my lad friends you just go “pint”.

In the rare occasion that doesn’t work I just let them I’m there. Whether that’s to take the bike out on the country lanes for a chat or even pop out for lunch.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Iv been in a similar place all week but friends have helped talk me thru it"

Yes, I've read some of it. Friends can be bloody fantastic, can't they?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Take this from someone studying her masters and works in a mental hospital. Do not use a place like this for that type of advice. Plenty of sites with people who know what there talking about. More chance doing more harm listening to some of the advice you see and you'll get on here"

I do genuinely appreciate your advice, thank you. I chose here knowing full well other sites etc. A part of me is curious about other people and how they manage - shared experiences etc. I'll take some advice with a pinch of salt if it's given.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope you're ok op?

It can be hard when you are going through crap, fear of not being understood and fear of upsetting people.

I'm going through transition, I've changed, as a person physically and mentally. Still confused and don't really have anyone to talk things through with who understand.

Booking an appointment with my GP this week get some answers and clarification.

Just be kind to yourself x

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

I get and understand your point, however there is a huge amount to be said for the comfort and help from strangers. Many people have been through similar experiences (myself included) and can offer support and comfort.

Whilst there is a time and a place for formalised assistance or alternative sites to assist, sometimes a friendly face (or assorted body part) can help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry to hear your feeling a bit low, friends are the most fantastic and fabulous things in the world.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hope you're ok op?

It can be hard when you are going through crap, fear of not being understood and fear of upsetting people.

I'm going through transition, I've changed, as a person physically and mentally. Still confused and don't really have anyone to talk things through with who understand.

Booking an appointment with my GP this week get some answers and clarification.

Just be kind to yourself x"

Give me a shout if I can offer any answers on this. Xx

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I give a lot more support than I ever get from my friends or family - too many narcissistic men I guess lol! Friends do treat me to gigs and take me dancing though, that does the trick usually.

Otherwise, I tend to have to wallow in misery then claw my own way out again - sometimes random men on fab are surprisingly empathetic though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

Whilst there is a time and a place for formalised assistance or alternative sites to assist, sometimes a friendly face (or assorted body part) can help. "

Agreed, and obviously Meli feels comfortable sharing her issues here with (dare I say) familiar faces. Internet groups can be daunting.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Hopefully a real friend knows that you need help / listening to / just to be there, and it's not just being a drama queen. That's where friends score, plus they generally know what will work to help best.

Hope things are on the up for you soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell friends how I'm feeling so it's not all inside, find a way to regain some control of it, then park it and do stuff that makes me happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hope you're ok op?

It can be hard when you are going through crap, fear of not being understood and fear of upsetting people.

I'm going through transition, I've changed, as a person physically and mentally. Still confused and don't really have anyone to talk things through with who understand.

Booking an appointment with my GP this week get some answers and clarification.

Just be kind to yourself x

Give me a shout if I can offer any answers on this. Xx"

Thanks hon, appreciate that. Just minor health issues, but got me thinking long term. Sometimes test results can throw up more questions than clarity xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a friend who isn't doing very well. We make sure she eats and gets some time to relax. We're keeping an eye on her and trying to keep her positive.

The forums are great for 'anonymous problem solving'. People can give advice without knowing the back story and it can help to see things from another angle.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Hi Meli

Perhaps not your thing but I go the the gym and I have a totally different set of friends who know when I’m in ‘kick ass’ workout mode and with that they tend to check if I’m ok. It’s usually work stress....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never talk to close family and friends in a desperate attempt to keep my 'all is fine' illusion going. Some wonderful people on here that seem to cope amazingly well if I dump a few things on them. I dont expect answers or any pats on the head from them, just to get it all out is good.

Hope you feel a bit better now. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have very low dips in my mood-i've had clinical depression for 19 years. When my mood dips I have learnt to think through it; ignore it, if you will.

I know it will pass so I don't dwell on it and am now able to float along on top of the black cloud, instead of becoming immersed in it.

I don't tell anyone how I'm feeling and cry in private, if I need to.

My depression is part of my life now-as is my anxiety and panic.

No one knows about it or gets sucked into it because I can function thought it. I can go into autonomy mode when I need to and take my mind away from my brain.

The only time I can't control it is during a panic attack, because I have to concentrate on getting over that, and that can't be hidden.

If anyone I know is having a low moment I listen to whatever they have to say, and tell them they will get through it and there's happier times on the other side.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Music.

I choose stuff to magnify my emotions and cry my way through it then I give myself a metaphoric head shake and switch music style to something to take me to a better mood. "

Ah like a cathartic sob? Yes, I need to craft a Spotify playlist and fill it with all the feels songs. That's a really good suggestion, thank you.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I write things down and once it's ' out' I tend to start feeling better.

I talk to the dog and play with him, he can't answer me back just listen.

'getting it off your chest ' is a good start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Music.

I choose stuff to magnify my emotions and cry my way through it then I give myself a metaphoric head shake and switch music style to something to take me to a better mood.

Ah like a cathartic sob? Yes, I need to craft a Spotify playlist and fill it with all the feels songs. That's a really good suggestion, thank you."

You’re welcome. I love a bloody good cry but sometimes it takes an extra ‘push’ to get it out.

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

You deal with a situation by finding out facts

1. What is the problem? bad/headspace - Why, which lead to the follow up question?

2. What is the cause of the problem?

3. What are all possible solutions?

4. What is the best solution right now or accessible?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its good that you feel you can ask for advice on here as you would likely get a wide range of opinions and views from a very broad cross section of people with varied experiences and backgrounds. There is of course ways and means (as you know I'm sure) of getting more professional advice.

Back to the original question - when I'm down I hibernate and eat chocolate when I should be exercising! I'm very good at being reflective so work things out, which I'm pretty good at (thanks to my job) I also am less reactive and like to sleep on things more.

Friends and company help but I tend to be more the helper.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I'm not terribly efficient at dealing with my emotions. I tend to box it all up and crack on until it all falls out.

When I'm having a bad day I try and do something for me. It might be something small but in that moment it is for me and what I need.

Try to do that. X

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By *sh6866Man
over a year ago

halifax

Watching and taking notes...been so down lately i'm just about at my whits end. People say 'don't do anything stupid' but they aren't in my position

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Watching and taking notes...been so down lately i'm just about at my whits end. People say 'don't do anything stupid' but they aren't in my position"

Good group in Halifax "Andy's Man Club" have a google mate, non judgemental listening ear

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Darling Meli, sometimes it really is ok to give in to feeling needy - you need something. You might not be able to pin down exactly what it is yet but you can try letting it play out and see what happens.

I have clinical depression, it is part of me, and it has tested my relationships with family, friends and even Fab folk at times. I often keep it to myself but those that care sometimes spot it before I do. As with all relationships it's give and take. Sometimes I can give sometimes I only have capacity to take. I hope it all balances, in the end.

What I know is that for some issues I will get the response I want from some people and not others. Sometimes the response I want is not the response I need and I need to pull up my big knickers and talk to the people who will challenge me and give me hard time. Maybe not immediately but at some point.

Let's get that drink and just call, if you want to and if you need to.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I try to be there to listen to my friends if that’s what they need. Some friends prefer a distraction rather than to talk. Some like food. Whatever they need is fine and a good friend will get it.

If I’m struggling with something I tend to keep it to myself for far too long before I share. It’s not healthy.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I also used to keep a journal. That helped for about 25 years.

Buying stationery always helps me so get yourself a gorgeous journal, a new pen and just let the words flow.

Or, colouring in. I started doing it long before it was trendy, way back in the '80s, to help me get to what is now called mindfulness.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Sometimes I play emotive songs just so I can have a good old cry.

May look awful the next day but feel so much better for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Iv been in a similar place all week but friends have helped talk me thru it

Yes, I've read some of it. Friends can be bloody fantastic, can't they? "
sure can be they have been a great sorce of comfort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

I just get out and go for long walks to nice places in order to clear my head. Go alone would be my advise x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had a lot of issues. Would love to give advice, but I don't have the answers.

What I will say is that there has been so many lovely messages from people trying to help you, whether or not they help doesn't matter. The fact that so many people care is what you need to see and take from this thread. Best wishes to you, and anybody else who is struggling.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It’s quite easy for the majority of my lad friends you just go “pint”.

In the rare occasion that doesn’t work I just let them I’m there. Whether that’s to take the bike out on the country lanes for a chat or even pop out for lunch. "

Pint. Ha! Yes, I think knowing people are there is a great comfort. You feel a bit less alone and it helps a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have as few friends as possible then you don't have to listen to them or inflict yourself on them.

Whatever you do, locking it all away is not the answer. It takes a lot of unlocking when you finally do

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Hope you're ok op?

It can be hard when you are going through crap, fear of not being understood and fear of upsetting people.

I'm going through transition, I've changed, as a person physically and mentally. Still confused and don't really have anyone to talk things through with who understand.

Booking an appointment with my GP this week get some answers and clarification.

Just be kind to yourself x"

I will be ok. Sometimes it's kind of difficult to see that isn't it? That fear of upsetting people is shite. I hate feeling like I could/do.

I really hope you do find someone to talk to who understands what you're going through. And the GP gives you the answers you seek, x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all honesty, I'm really quite shit at talking to people when I'm not mentally well. I've had the feeling quite a lot recently, of that I could stand in the middle of a crowded room of people I know and scream my head off and no one would look up. I did the thing on Facebook of talking about stuff on my statuses, dropping hints that I might need support, even if someone would just ask if I was okay... absolutely nothing. Even from my best friend. Which in turn made me feel needy as fuck and even worse.

Thankfully I have a top fab friend who is always always there and an absolute darling, and two guys at work who get it too, but they have different approaches to helping me.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Hi Meli

Oh I need to make it my thing! I tried a spin class and felt like my thighs were dying. Maybe sweating out the negative will do me a world of good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

kill them,dispose of the bodies(sneakily, and cleverly),,then grow a beard

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

My Male best friend has been in a down mood all week. I've just been there, talking to him, knowing when not to talk, doing stuff, knowing when to just leave him be.

I think it depends on how well you know them. I know my friends triggers and can read him well, so that helps. Also his wife comes home around 5pm, so we tag team. That helps too, neither of us could do it all day and night, it would hurt us mentally, and you have to look after yourself too.

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By *mber GamblerCouple
over a year ago

rugby

I haven't got any friends really. But when people I know are down I just listen. I ask questions and try to be honest. Tell them I'm there if they need me and try not to chat about anything depressing.

When I'm down I play music. Very loud.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

I say to them- if someone came to You with these thoughts/feelings/emotions, how would you treat them?

Probably a darn sight more kindly than you treat yourself?

So be kind to yourself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kill them,dispose of the bodies(sneakily, and cleverly),,then grow a beard

Wow! Come with me we can set them on fire and push them off a cliff!

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Darling Meli, sometimes it really is ok to give in to feeling needy - you need something. You might not be able to pin down exactly what it is yet but you can try letting it play out and see what happens.

Let's get that drink and just call, if you want to and if you need to.

Thank you Lickety. You always put things so beautifully and well. That drink will be wonderful x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never put my occasional angst on others, I just have my own coping strategies. Exercise, music, long walks..distraction basically to give me time to resolve them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kill them,dispose of the bodies(sneakily, and cleverly),,then grow a beard

Wow! Come with me we can set them on fire and push them off a cliff! "

yesh,,,can we go to the pub after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kill them,dispose of the bodies(sneakily, and cleverly),,then grow a beard

Wow! Come with me we can set them on fire and push them off a cliff! "

fuck that turns me on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m just a bloke.

We mostly handle bad head space by ignoring it.

I try not to think too much unless it’s about my body position into the next ruck.

Having said that I do try hard to be there for the people I care for, especially if any of them ask for help.

I’m sure if I asked any of them for help that they’ll be there for me too.

Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m pretty good at talking things through. I have friends and family willing to listen and understand. I’m also pretty good at releasing negative emotions.

I try to be there for anyone who needs to talk things through. I’m a decent listener.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m pretty good at talking things through. I have friends and family willing to listen and understand. I’m also pretty good at releasing negative emotions.

I try to be there for anyone who needs to talk things through. I’m a decent listener."

your the dude

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

Hey Meli, hope you can nip this one in the bud before it starts to spiral.

Men deal with this stuff so differently. We just box it up in our brains until it's either gone or it spills out. However we are usually better than we think at dealing with it in others. When offering help it's normally in the style of a distraction exercise, either pub/sport/hobby. If you are lucky you might get a couple of sentences about whatever is on their mind. Unless an obvious solution can be reached (see point below) then usually vague but heartfelt assurances are given. Sometimes for a man just knowing someone else knows and has your back is enough.

Sometimes one of the biggest problems with seeing a (non qualified) male with a personal issue is that we are logical problem solving creatures. It often happens (I am guilty of this) that the response is a set of instructions on how to fix whatever the problem is. And this can be worse. Many males cannot understand that a problem may not be fixable.

And as a side note I was very disturbed at my last counselling session when I was told that cheesy garlic bread wasn't an emotion..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you're feeling rubbish. I have periods of feeling the same way and I've learned to accept it and now know it's OK to need comfort and reassurance at tough times. I know it is a temporary state and will pass, and talking about it may help, or distraction may be what I need. The main thing is to acknowledge your feelings in a non-judgemental.

If friends want to talk to me I'm a good listener. I might not have any advice but I've found that acknowledging and validating another's feelings seems to be enough a lot of the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kill them,dispose of the bodies(sneakily, and cleverly),,then grow a beard

Wow! Come with me we can set them on fire and push them off a cliff!

fuck that turns me on

Adrenaline rush! Gets me everytime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After some bloody difficult few days, today I found myself being uncharacteristically needy and drama-ey and hoping for support and reassurance and time and patience from friends.

When your close friends are in a bad space, how do you respond/handle them?

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

Hey Meli, hope you can nip this one in the bud before it starts to spiral.

And as a side note I was very disturbed at my last counselling session when I was told that cheesy garlic bread wasn't an emotion..

Good post that, fella.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And if you've been there - how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

Golf, drink (sensibly unless stronger dose is required) and walk the dog.

Oh...and wind car windows down in my living room.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"how do you get out of that bad headspace and not fuck off friends and family?

I always think it is a huge honour when someone opens up to me and chooses me to help when they are feeling vulnerable. It's not a burden.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Ermmm, thank you everyone who has posted on the thread and sent me lovely messages.

I'm not really one for displays of emotions like this on the forum but your words have been wonderful and encouraging. And a bit odd at times but I'm going with it. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meli, any chance you could read out the odd ones please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kill them,dispose of the bodies(sneakily, and cleverly),,then grow a beard

Wow! Come with me we can set them on fire and push them off a cliff!

fuck that turns me on

Adrenaline rush! Gets me everytime."

and plenty lube

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ermmm, thank you everyone who has posted on the thread and sent me lovely messages.

I'm not really one for displays of emotions like this on the forum but your words have been wonderful and encouraging. And a bit odd at times but I'm going with it. x"

Sometimes it works finding solace outside your usual circle of support.

Be well my friend and let others in xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow this is Spoks nightmare thread innit

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Meli, any chance you could read out the odd ones please?"

For you? Anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where's the "not worthy" emoji?

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Meli, any chance you could read out the odd ones please?

For you? Anything.

Jackanory style please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally depends on the situation.

If my close friends keep complaining about being single despite meeting a lot of women, I gently remind them that it may be due the fact that they first love with their dicks instead of their heads and totally ignore the rest of their moans.

Now if they are struggling for something else, I will be there for them.

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