FabSwingers.com forum: Feel Stuck!

By *teve373737 OP Man
over a year ago

Dublin

I probably shouldn't be here and it's been a while since I posted. Does anyone relate to loosing themselves....I mean truly loosing the person they once were??? I'm on here cause I'm stuck in a sexless relationship, that has me bound by the love I have for my kid. I'm soooooo tired, so bored, so frustrated and I feel that I'm loosing who I once was. I used to be an outgoing, charasmatic type of character, who made friends easily and wanted to go out and see the world. Lately I find more comfort sitting by myself, knocking back an aul whiskey on the rocks, contemplating where things went wrong. I used to be sooooo confident and now I feel I'm loosing that. This probably isn't the right place or forum for this...but I miss the warmth of a person who cares. I feel my partner can be soooooo cold sometimes and bordering on narcissistic. I would love to meet a regular lover who would be open minded when it comes to my situation. I'm not looking for little miss fabbed a thousand times...but someone who understands what I'm going through and is open to getting to know me. This is probably the wrong site for that abd this could be just a waste of time...but maybe, just maybe someone out there may read this and go, you know what, this bloke seems alright. I may give him a go....but then again...it's probably just a waste of time. Either way...thanks for taking the time to read my sob story. ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I probably shouldn't be here and it's been a while since I posted. Does anyone relate to loosing themselves....I mean truly loosing the person they once were??? I'm on here cause I'm stuck in a sexless relationship, that has me bound by the love I have for my kid. I'm soooooo tired, so bored, so frustrated and I feel that I'm loosing who I once was. I used to be an outgoing, charasmatic type of character, who made friends easily and wanted to go out and see the world. Lately I find more comfort sitting by myself, knocking back an aul whiskey on the rocks, contemplating where things went wrong. I used to be sooooo confident and now I feel I'm loosing that. This probably isn't the right place or forum for this...but I miss the warmth of a person who cares. I feel my partner can be soooooo cold sometimes and bordering on narcissistic. I would love to meet a regular lover who would be open minded when it comes to my situation. I'm not looking for little miss fabbed a thousand times...but someone who understands what I'm going through and is open to getting to know me. This is probably the wrong site for that abd this could be just a waste of time...but maybe, just maybe someone out there may read this and go, you know what, this bloke seems alright. I may give him a go....but then again...it's probably just a waste of time. Either way...thanks for taking the time to read my sob story. .."

I know exactly what you mean

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Hello OP, and firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling rubbish. It's a horrid place to be.

Just a couple of random thoughts here..

Whiskey is never going to help you. You already know this, from your own comments. Be careful that it doesn't end up being the only thing that gets you through the day.

Have you considered the possibility that you may have depression? Perhaps you might see your GP?

Whatever the root cause of your problems are, is Fab the best place to be right now? Maybe hide your profile for a while, until yoy feel a little stronger.

Best wishes.

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By *uck427Man
over a year ago

wales

I can relate to what you are going through I'm the same but I don't have any children but I lost everything I owned job cars money house family so I live in my little bedroom watching tv and thinking why me ha ha hopefully it will pass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Alcohol never changes a mood, it simply enhances the mood you’re in”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with Lisa alcohol is a slippery slope and it only goes downhill, I felt I was in the same boat twelve years ago (I’m also not assuming my situation is the same as yours) but I got out, I’ve been single ever since and I feel a better person as I’m I’m not lost, I feel I’ve grown, I’ve learned about the world and myself, I’ve done a degree, something my narcissistic ex would have given me grief about ever day, yeah I’ve slept alone mostly for all that time too but the kids, well one of them is nextdoor sleeping and I spend as much time as possible with them, so get out, it’s a massive step, but in my case a positive one, or take up a hobby :D what drives you ...

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By *teve373737 OP Man
over a year ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 17/02/19 16:26:19]

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By *teve373737 OP Man
over a year ago

Dublin

I know exactly what you mean "

Thanks for your reply, glad someone can relate!

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By *teve373737 OP Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Hello OP, and firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling rubbish. It's a horrid place to be.

Just a couple of random thoughts here..

Whiskey is never going to help you. You already know this, from your own comments. Be careful that it doesn't end up being the only thing that gets you through the day.

Have you considered the possibility that you may have depression? Perhaps you might see your GP?

Whatever the root cause of your problems are, is Fab the best place to be right now? Maybe hide your profile for a while, until yoy feel a little stronger.

Best wishes."

Hi Lisa,

I don't think I'm that bad yet? The whiskey can be soothing and helps relax me...but I haven't got too heavy with it yet, I don't think?? I am having one every night of late for the last 2 months...but haven't yet polished off a bottle in a night.

Am I depressed? Not sure! I was years ago...but not sure if I'm heading down that route again? I don't think I am...I hear what you're saying about coming off here, it may not be the best place to sort out these issues...just would like to have some human interaction. I miss it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there, done that. It took the explosive end of that particular relationship to set me back on the right path.

I feel your pain. You need to talk and decide what you want from life. Cheating is only going to make things worse for everyone.

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By *teve373737 OP Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"I can relate to what you are going through I'm the same but I don't have any children but I lost everything I owned job cars money house family so I live in my little bedroom watching tv and thinking why me ha ha hopefully it will pass "

Yeah it may not be the right place for us man...especially if we want to pull through what we going through. I know it's slightly different for you, but we will pull through this I'm sure. We just need to get out and about, keeping busy and meeting new people and making new contacts. We need to get back to where we were, but not exactly, a fresh start with new beginnings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you discussed your feelings with your partner? Is she aware of how you feel?

It's understandable to feel loss of self in a relationship, since the idea is that you work as a single unit, especially where raising children is concerned.

I had similar feelings to you but felt the loss of self more acutely after the divorce.

I really don't think you'll resolve this if you don't talk to your other half. Looking to start a relationship on here, especially since you seem to be seeking more than just sex, might make things a whole lot worse.

Good luck

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By *ifferent69Man
over a year ago

BRIGHTON, UK

The very fact you did suggest your on the path to resolving it, you identified something isn,t right.

Don,t fall into the mindset of it just " me" and no one else seems to have issues.

Keep strong , you,ll get there..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with what everyone is saying tbh ... It does sound like depression, alcohol and cheating will make it worse and you need a leap in faith to change things!

Wishing you all the best!

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By *teve373737 OP Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"“Alcohol never changes a mood, it simply enhances the mood you’re in” "

Very wise words, you look like a beautiful couple by the way. Thank you for your kindness in taking the time to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel you, after my first marriage ended it took me a long time and still sometimes now after four years and in a new marriage (it’s ok Ads know I feel this way) I still don’t feel like me, sometimes I feel like I’m sitting on the sidelines looking at this person who I think I know but her life is very different, I guess after being with someone so long it’s hard to adapt but at the same time it’s freeing because I didn’t know how much my ex husband brought me down mentally.

I don’t live with my kids (two are on the autism spectrum and their dad was a stay at home dad and made sense for them to stay where they had routine) I don’t see any of my friends as much as I used to and my life has changed so much but it’s all for the better, Ads would never put me down and he makes me feel good about myself and the most important thing is I know I love him unconditionally, I’m completely different around him, I’m rarely moody (when I’m hungry that’s different lol) and my love shines through.

I’m getting there though but I would never change my life as I know this is my best life right here right now, I’ve hopefully still got many years left in me to keep on going and seeing where life takes me and us.

Stay strong

Geeky x

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By *onygirlieWoman
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I’m sorry you are feeling so bad about things and this is as good a place as any to at least get things off your chest. If you feel that there is no way to save the relationship then you need to be strong and get out. Delaying it will only mean you are miserable for longer. Perhaps it would help you to get some professional advice and talk over your feelings and make a plan of action. Your children will adapt, I’m speaking from experience as I’m from a broken home.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While it's admirable that you say you are stuck in your relationship out of love to your child I think you probably already know that staying for their sake is doing you no good at all. And probably damaging your relationship with your kid who us probably aware that their father is deeply unhappy. Seriously is it worth it?

I'd echo others comments about depression and if the route cause is your relationship you need to get out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"While it's admirable that you say you are stuck in your relationship out of love to your child I think you probably already know that staying for their sake is doing you no good at all. And probably damaging your relationship with your kid who us probably aware that their father is deeply unhappy. Seriously is it worth it?

I'd echo others comments about depression and if the route cause is your relationship you need to get out. "

I agree with you, when I was with the ex, we made a pact from when we first had kids that if ever anything went wrong in our relationship we would never stay together just for the kids sake and we didn’t but a really odd thing happened after we split, we actually started getting on better as friends and the kids don’t appear affected by our split because they are both parents happy around each other now, instead of bickering etc. Doesn’t work for all of course but for us it did.

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does it have to be a lover you find first. Find the person you were that did other things and hobbies that can lift your spirits.

Take yourself away from the shitty home situation that way to rebuild some confidence, before the daunting task of sorting out the relationship one way or another.

It just keeps following you otherwise and spoils anything new you might find.

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