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Hysterical Love Honey review

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Came across this review whilst browsing Douces....

That could have gone better

Reviewed: 18 January 2019 by Abbey's Husband , a Straight Married Male

My wife and I have been together for a year now and we have some pretty kinky sex, and we seem to be pushing the boundaries more often than not. We already indulge in anal play, but as things move on so does our sex life. We already have a healthy selection of toys, but after a weird discussion talking about strap ons I just decided to buy some new gear and go for it. I'll save that for another review.

This review is the douche.

So I thought I'd get cleared out internally before hand as we've had a few incidents in the past and I didn't want to put her off being dirty. Sticking a couple of fingers up there covered in Lynx Africa wasn't going to cut it this time. I opened the box and like any good bloke totally ignored the instructions. I got a jug out of the kitchen cupboard and headed up to the bathroom armed and ready. Clothes off and into the shower. Filled the jug with warm water, at which point the wife decided I wouldn't be able to do it myself and offered to help.

First mistake!

She sucked up the water and then proceeded to stick the nozzle up my poop chute and squeezed. The sensation was pretty nice but my initial thought was that it shouldn't sound like it was gurgling. So lesson one is to make sure that all of the air is expelled before insertion commences.

I stood there for about 30 seconds, at which point it started raining out of my arse. The water ran clean but I wasn't convinced, so I suggested we go again. Bent over again, nozzle inserted, lots of gurgling. And laughter. I stood up with an anal cavity full of water and air and squeezed as hard as I could. And shit myself.

Now the wife is a pretty tough cookie but even she was on the verge of gagging. So with nuggets of poop running down the bath towards the plug I insisted we go again. More warm water and much gurgling again I clenched my butt cheeks determined to let it work loose any other clunkers that may be lurking. By this time the pair of us were in hysterics and holding back the tide and tears wasn't going to happen. So I loosed my bowels and dumped more mini poops into the bath. At least the shower was washing them away.

About this time the added air started to make it's presence felt so not only was I shitting in the bath but farting the tune of the national anthem.

Decided to go all out and have one last go and by now the wife was managing to fill me up with warm water and not air.

I was running clean and decided I was done.

Did the whole strap on thing with no nasty surprises but that's another story.

So... Does it work? Yes, marvellously. Did it get me clean? Yes totally. Would I recommend? Yes!

A word of warning however... If you let your wife do it to you make sure she expels all the air from the bulb first. I'm lying in bed about 3 hours later and I keep blowing the duvet off! But I don't think I'll need to crap for at least a couple of days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask pooh

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By *eorge n DragonCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Pmsl my eyes are watering

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I'll try this later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love honey reviews are a great comedy platform.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Best review I've ever seen 10/10 for me

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Guess you had to be there.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

.

Douche

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

How sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg that is hilarious!...although perhaps not the best image in my head whilst I'm having brekkie!!

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By *onygirlieWoman
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the best reviews I have read in a long time..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

In the bath!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the bath! "

I almost posted why didn’t he use the toilet. But posted douche instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No fucker would shit in my bath husband or not .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No fucker would shit in my bath husband or not . "

Kitchen sink then

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

At least she didn’t douche too far. I learned that lesson quick.

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By *e_jpMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I’m actually crying with laughter at this. Tried to read it out to my mate and was doubled over unable to speak several times.

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By *inn2000Woman
over a year ago

belfast


"I’m actually crying with laughter at this. Tried to read it out to my mate and was doubled over unable to speak several times. "

Yep me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you!

I haven’t laughed this hard since I came across the “Veet hair removal for men” review involving satan’s spunk and frozen veg on Amazon

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Oh dear - that has brightened my Saturday afternoon!

Full marks for honesty for the reviewer, though not that would quite set the mood for me...!

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

My god that was sooo funny!! Seriously LMAO (no nuggests tho). Feel sorry for those poor souls without a sense of humour.

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By *.gerri.xTV/TS
over a year ago

North west

So realistic lmao

though perhaps clenching an transferring to toilet before evacuation may be a skill; he develops

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hilarious

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Brilliant thanks for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good example of a man deciding he doesn't need to read the instructions before using a new tool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lynx Africa !?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lynx Africa !?!"

It’s a shower gel (I think)

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