FabSwingers.com forum: So when do you decide to meet

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the chatting aspect to get to know the person and stimulated the greatest sex organ we have, which is our brain.

I do find that a number on here don’t have the capacity to do so and return very short chats.

When I look at a profile I message the person or couple if I like the pics and their write up. Obviously I want to meet them but I do need to know their personality first.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

No meet up for a coffee

No copping offy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lsieWoman
over a year ago

where ever

"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?"

Morning . Yes I like to know a guy before I meet . But most men off here just want to send a couple of messages and meet for a fuck.I like to have a social .

You use this site as you want too. It's your choice . I think he said what he said because he was not getting his way .

The guy lost out not you .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I love the chatting aspect to get to know the person and stimulated the greatest sex organ we have, which is our brain.

I do find that a number on here don’t have the capacity to do so and return very short chats.

When I look at a profile I message the person or couple if I like the pics and their write up. Obviously I want to meet them but I do need to know their personality first. "

I quite agree with stimulating the mind, the sex can far hotter

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

I usually chat for about 6 months to a year before meeting a single guy on here, maybe excessive I know lol but if there’s no connection and banter forget it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Morning . Yes I like to know a guy before I meet . But most men off here just want to send a couple of messages and meet for a fuck.I like to have a social .

You use this site as you want too. It's your choice . I think he said what he said because he was not getting his way .

The guy lost out not you .

Morning

Yes I get this alot, afew messages at best then wanting a meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all a bit rant today...

What happened to waking up with a smile on our faces....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Morning . Yes I like to know a guy before I meet . But most men off here just want to send a couple of messages and meet for a fuck.I like to have a social .

You use this site as you want too. It's your choice . I think he said what he said because he was not getting his way .

The guy lost out not you .

Morning

Yes I get this alot, afew messages at best then wanting a meet"

Try KIK cam chat, and see if the man could hold any conversation better face to face .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would chat for as long as I felt necessary and I'd say it would be a different length of time for each person. Like yourself OP, I would want to make sure the girl I'm thinking about meeting doesn't have a rabbit boiling in a pot or isn't skinning 101 Dalmatian's to make herself a coat lol once I'm sure she's sane and that we have a bit of a chemistry then I would start to move the chat towards a potential meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Lol agreed. I would chat for a little bit to get a sense if we’d get on. Then meet for a coffee only. You know within 20 mins if you’ll meet again. I would never play on first meet. You need to feel safe and comfortable. Same applies to our couples profile now. I still won’t play on first meet! Think men are just different.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all a bit rant today...

What happened to waking up with a smile on our faces...."

It’s the winter woes I think. Roll on spring.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

A combination of wanting to know them a little first and also not having much time mean that's it's generally at least a week, sometimes more like a month.

It does out the men who wanted to get their dick wet after a message or two - so, frustrating as it can be to see someone I like and have them stop chatting because I'm not free right now, it does save me some bad socials!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all a bit rant today...

What happened to waking up with a smile on our faces....

It’s the winter woes I think. Roll on spring. "

Snowdrops are out daffs are poking through the ground birds are feeding its not raining... but I'm not convinced that spring will change many entrenched attitudes on here...

Lifes good. The alternative isn't.

Seems like today so many just want to share their misery....

Think I might just go back to the cave. Evolution can wait

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all a bit rant today...

What happened to waking up with a smile on our faces....

It’s the winter woes I think. Roll on spring.

Snowdrops are out daffs are poking through the ground birds are feeding its not raining... but I'm not convinced that spring will change many entrenched attitudes on here...

Lifes good. The alternative isn't.

Seems like today so many just want to share their misery....

Think I might just go back to the cave. Evolution can wait

There’s no internet there so it would be a better place!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had countless conversations die on me because they get bored or I'm not putting out quickly enough.

I won't meet until I'm sure I want to, and that might take weeks.

I don't have much free time for travelling to them and I want plenty of time with them, so that might mean they have to wait.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r Mahogany70Man
over a year ago

Leicester

"A combination of wanting to know them a little first and also not having much time mean that's it's generally at least a week, sometimes more like a month.

I know I'm not an abusive, axe-wielding, stalking nut-job. The woman I'm messaging does not. However, I'm not prepared to wait months before the penny drops for her.

Now, if that correspondence is intermittent over time and it's just logistics that prevents us meeting up, then fair enough. But if she wants continual contact over a long period of time until she feels safe or trusts me then I'm not prepared to put the time or effort in.

I'm looking for someone to bump uglies with, not a lifelong partner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inn2000Woman
over a year ago

belfast

I always wake up with a smile on my face these days but that's because I have a super duper new coffee machine that has that first cup of life saving nectar waiting for me.

I would have an even bigger smile, of course, if I had a sexy friend to bring the coffee to me but that's a whole other fantasy

Oh wait - how long do I message for? Until that connection is forged, which can vary, but certainly takes a lot more than a few messages.

I just love verbal foreplay

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I much prefer to chat in person so if I like the profile/photos & they're what I'm looking for I suggest a social usually that day, I see no point in knowing everything about someone, then meeting & there's no chemistry.

I've tried the messaging for days, weeks & even months but when it comes to trying to arrange a meet it becomes apparent they aren't interested in actually meeting anyone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Way i see it im a sales man so i see it as a sale

Pitch handle the odd objection create banter make friends wait for a buying signal and close

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

I do like to chat for a while and I’m not talking just a couple of hours. For me it’s about building up sexual tension in those weeks you’re getting to know someone and a social may be involved at some point then too, but strictly social.

Slow and sensual, that’s the way I like to go. Fuck anyone who doesn’t want to play my game, or rather I don’t fuck them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally like the social side chatting etc as you say you get to know the person

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Way i see it im a sales man so i see it as a sale

Pitch handle the odd objection create banter make friends wait for a buying signal and close

"
same here...bosh job done

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Each to their own and all that but some of the replies on this thread beggars belief !

Six months to a year of chat ?

I really do feel for the single guys on here sometimes !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I can’t bear endless chat anywhere online so I go straight to social and never get naked with anyone before that.

Face to face chat means they can’t hide behind lies and old photos.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in the chat for months /years camp.

A long time ago I wanted quick results. Now, I just chat and if I find myself in someone's bed, all the better. But we will be friends by that point.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"A combination of wanting to know them a little first and also not having much time mean that's it's generally at least a week, sometimes more like a month.

I know I'm not an abusive, axe-wielding, stalking nut-job. The woman I'm messaging does not. However, I'm not prepared to wait months before the penny drops for her.

I'm looking for someone to bump uglies with, not a lifelong partner."

I don’t think I said anything about months? I’ve often put myself out a little to get in a quick social so that we’re not waiting more than a couple of weeks then someone can come over in the week when I feel comfortable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chatting on here for a few weeks seems reasonable,or on kik etc...at the end of the day it's a total stranger you are meeting so caution is always advised,same goes for men not just women

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In reality i want to see how we get on to say how conversation flows how easy it is cannot do with turning up and were unable to talk about awt but it normally just heads to the meet stage naturally if im in that area at the time il ask if there free for a brew but il have been chatting to most for weeks or months

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on when and if you feel ready to meet. Sometimes I get a good vibe and meet for a brew within a few weeks, other times it's months. I'm very clear about how I work in messages and on my profile so if they don't like it the choice is theirs.

I'd never feel pressured into meeting fast just to please someone else. It's as much about my experience as anyone else's and the cards are clearly laid out before it gets to that stage.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Chatting on here for a few weeks seems reasonable,or on kik etc...at the end of the day it's a total stranger you are meeting so caution is always advised,same goes for men not just women

Exactly, this guy basically wanted to meet for sex today and is rather annoyed lots of woman want to chat first. I think I'd go to the safety a club if I wanted to fuck a complete stranger

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I much prefer to chat in person so if I like the profile/photos & they're what I'm looking for I suggest a social usually that day, I see no point in knowing everything about someone, then meeting & there's no chemistry.

I've tried the messaging for days, weeks & even months but when it comes to trying to arrange a meet it becomes apparent they aren't interested in actually meeting anyone. "

I play it by ear. I certainly need a connection but that can be apparent quite quickly. Then I'm up for a meet, and might suggest one. I don't push though. It's important to me that the lady feels comfortable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Considering I don't like random meaningless sex just for the sake of a bit of fun.

I'd happily wait years if need be so long as the connection is there. Though fuck knows I'm not interesting enough to get by on just that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I'm definitely in the 'chat a while' group.

I like to get to know someone first, not every aspect & detail of their life, but personality, humour, likes, dislikes.

And it's always a social meet first, I make that very clear.

I have a very busy life. My free time is planned weeks, even months ahead so instant/quick meets are never going to happen, even if I actually wanted to.

The amount of people that aren't prepared to chat, it doesn't have to be constant flow but enough to show they are actually intrested in me, and not just another fuck is pretty high.

I got told recently by 1 person I should lower my expectations. People are here for sex not chitchat.

Well yes, I am here for sex. Great sex that for me will only be possible with soneone I feel I have a connection with. So, no I won't lower my expectations.

I may not meet very often, but when I do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You learn more about whether there is a mutual attraction by having a face to face social for an hour or two than you do from weeks of online messaging.

Sorry but the message for weeks approach seems pointless to me and that equally applies whether you are looking for NSA, FWB or LTR.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"You learn more about whether there is a mutual attraction by having a face to face social for an hour or two than you do from weeks of online messaging.

Sorry but the message for weeks approach seems pointless to me and that equally applies whether you are looking for NSA, FWB or LTR."

I agree with your viewpoint.

The chats I’ve had online hardly ever represent the connection (or not) once face to face. I have many examples of fantastic connection with men I’d dismissed for sex but met for a quick veri cuppa/in a club and vice versa. Now that may be my selection process but when cracking, sparky online chat leads to real life ‘meh’ I stand by my stance of meeting for a social as quickly as logistics will allow. It also s out the ones that can’t be bothered to put a bit of effort in to get great sex.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm like you OP. I prefer to get a sense of what people are like before I meet them. If they aren't willing to put the effort in beforehand, it's unlikely they'll be willing to put it in during the meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I state in my profile that I meet when i am ready and stick to that.

It seems the people who just want a quick shag no effort,won't have a social or message for long.

I think some get confused that wanting to be safe and have a connection,isn't wanting to date.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like chatting a bit first and knowing there's at least potential there before arranging to meet.

That said one of the best meets I've had was with someone I spoke to for an hour before we discovered we were literally next door to each other and just decided to go grab a cuppa.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rs Myvanwy Scarlet-BlackTV/TS
over a year ago

Darlaston

It's my body so it's when I'm free to meet and my locations if they don't like it then they don't get me x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

People do use the site in different ways, they approach their interactions from alternate sides, if two different ways meet then there has to be compromise. That's just how life works, there's no good in getting aggressive or rude about the differences!

Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.

Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's my body so it's when I'm free to meet and my locations if they don't like it then they don't get me x"

I like this attitude

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't decide much unless or until I'm asked....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *od ThrusterMan
over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

Ball is very much in the other party's court. Who am I to turn down someone willing to throw off their clothes and meet me today? (It hasn't happened yet)!

Chatting will either confirm the desire of everyone to meet, or put someone off, and is therefore a good thing. How long for depends on mutual attraction.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the unwritten question burning off the screen is 'we neeeed to fuck' Or he asks first

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It very much varies and comes down to when you both feel comfortable to take that step - that said I do look for a connection and chemistry before agreeing to meet, with one exception (that was a very specific dynamic that happened to the in nicely with a club event night) think the fastest I've met someone has been after about two months of chatting.

If it felt right and circumstances allowed it to be sooner then I wouldn't be averse.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

When I decide to meet they crawl back under their stones lol. Either that or I get stupid o'clock messages asking if I'm "still up for it?" Erm, no I really don't want coffee at 11pm thanks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People do use the site in different ways, they approach their interactions from alternate sides, if two different ways meet then there has to be compromise. That's just how life works, there's no good in getting aggressive or rude about the differences!

Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.

Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet! "

There are women and couples and men and tv's who want fuck n go.

If I don't want that we're just not compatible.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Messaging - one of fabs best filter, you can tell a lot from the written word. In this case you didn’t like his tone and he’s filtered out of your search process.

Don’t ever feel that you’re ‘doing this wrong’ or should be on another site and never be pressurised into changing your process.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.

Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet!

There are women and couples and men and tv's who want fuck n go.

If I don't want that we're just not compatible. "

I agree with you, that was implied by my post, I just didn't make it explicit enough. Its just another way of filtering out who you're compatible with

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.

Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet!

There are women and couples and men and tv's who want fuck n go.

If I don't want that we're just not compatible.

I agree with you, that was implied by my post, I just didn't make it explicit enough. Its just another way of filtering out who you're compatible with"

Yep sorry, I was just clarifying my thoughts. I wasn't disagreeing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always meet up at Costa coffee first. It is a very secured place

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Chat and then if you’re clicking and interested Costa coffee and then you can see where you are standing and take it from there. More coffee meetings or night out or bye

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to have plenty of chat to see if we actually get on.

It builds up a good rapport and trust between us.

We usually go to Kik or WhatsApp and eventually a few phonecalls.

If they won’t take a call they are unlikely to meet imo.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Today just got let down

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Today just got let down "

They stopped talking or didn't turn up?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilkenWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

I've seen a few profiles like that and think "angry" possibly aggressive so give them a wide birth I presume most do the same.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t people want to meet after their opening gambit of fancy a fuck love

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

I'd say you chat on here until you both feel comfortable about meeting in person and that takes as long as it takes. Have to think about your comfort zone and your safety aswell.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually chat for about 6 months to a year before meeting a single guy on here, maybe excessive I know lol but if there’s no connection and banter forget it"

Bingo! Not excessive at all. Some of my happiest memories from the past were from getting to know people over a long period of time before we met. There is no time limit though because you just know when the time is right.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd say you chat on here until you both feel comfortable about meeting in person and that takes as long as it takes. Have to think about your comfort zone and your safety aswell."

^ Agreed ^

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ir Phineas Lucius AshbyMan
over a year ago

nr Chester NW

I agree you should get to know the other person and your safety is paramount

When you feel safe you can get on with enjoying yourself and hopefully a pleasurable evening for both

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread