FabSwingers.com forum: Cheating

By *elma and Shaggy OP Couple
over a year ago

Bedworth

We often see posts by men using Fab from single male profiles who are cheating or attempting to meet people to cheat. These guys always get short shrift and sometimes it can go too far and you see them ripped a new one!

However, when it’s single ladies who are posting here cheating the whole vibe and attitude changes, from members all the way through to mods. Sympathy seems to be the order of the day. People who are anti cheating by all genders seem to have their thoughts and opinions shot down on these posts.

Is this right and fair? Is it ok for ladies who cheat to be given sympathy for their home situation when men in a similar situation are often berated and sometimes abused?

Whatever your thoughts ladies and gents, please keep this post polite and civil, we don’t want to give our mods extra work! Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When ladies do it they’re being naughty, when a bloke does it he’s an awful shit.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I think it depends on attitude, not gender. The lady who has been posting lately sounded really sad and wanting things to work and I was empathetic. Another lady a while back used to brag about her deception, and she got really short shrift from me.

But yes, there will always be men kissing ass hoping to get laid far moreso than women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Double standards exist when men post regardless of the subject, it’s called supply and demand.

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By *elma and Shaggy OP Couple
over a year ago

Bedworth

"I think it depends on attitude, not gender. The lady who has been posting lately sounded really sad and wanting things to work and I was empathetic. Another lady a while back used to brag about her deception, and she got really short shrift from me.

But yes, there will always be men kissing ass hoping to get laid far moreso than women. "

Fair point about attitude, I think it can make a difference in how people are perceived. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But yes, there will always be men kissing ass hoping to get laid far moreso than women. "

I agree. But again I think this applies to the majority of “emotive” subjects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every damn person on Fab is a cheater....

I know you all don’t pay your licensing fees ....

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By *elma and Shaggy OP Couple
over a year ago

Bedworth

"Every damn person on Fab is a cheater....

I know you all don’t pay your licensing fees ...."

I may be a little too tired to not get it but I’m afraid I don’t understand your point. What do you mean by licensing fees? And how does it make someone a cheater?

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By *erfumedpornovampireWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

"Every damn person on Fab is a cheater....

I know you all don’t pay your licensing fees ...."

It ain’t cheating if you don’t watch live TV

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's a little unbalanced but not clear cut. O think some men tend to speak differently about it and if women do the same, they get a similar response.

The forum also has a lot of men who don't really criticise women much, so it can seem a cringe-fest sometimes.

Same behaviour gets the same thoughts from me and I'd hope people would be honest with me if I ever cheated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But yes, there will always be men kissing ass hoping to get laid far moreso than women. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every damn person on Fab is a cheater....

I know you all don’t pay your licensing fees ....

It ain’t cheating if you don’t watch live TV

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think there is often a dual standard on here. People cheat for many reasons. Sometimes just because of their moral fabric. Sometimes its to do with a lack of communication, failing/poor matched relationships or people simply trying to fit into a life/lifestyle that they don't fit into. Sometimes people don't really know them self till their older and the life they have is not them. Sometimes its about following personal desire but trying to protect a family. Sometimes some people are just looking for something in the wrong place. There are many reasons.

But on the whole I get the sense that if it's a man he's cheating because he's an immoral dick. If it's a woman the poor lady is in a bad way and there are many underlying reasons for her to do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The men that get a hard time are usually the ones that slag off their partners, attempt to justify their cheating and/or complain that they can't get an easy shah on here.

In the main women don't come on the forums and do that. And not all men do that either and over the years there have been some very prominent 'single' men posting on the forums who have had the sense not to be a dick and have never been taken to task about their cheating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's life men are often portrayed as the bad egg and women the ones who have been wronged.

In my world I see both equally. If you have a high sex drive but your partner does not or your fetishism is different can cause both sexes to seek alternative partners it's been going on since man and woman arrived in this mad world. So have judgemental people it's human nature. My thoughts is if it does not involve children or vulnerable people and is consensual who are we to judge. Casual sex must never be seen as a way of replacing love and romance

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By *uniperjuiceMan
over a year ago

East Midlands

I think culpability for extramural liaisons is on a continuum, depending on lots of factors. Hopefully not gender though. But blame might be dished out unfairly in some contexts.

I know a woman (online friend only, and not on Fab AFAIK) whose husband gradually became alcoholic, and rather anti-social to live with (though never physically abusive) and went on to contract other medical consequences including early-onset dementia and sexual incapacity. She still loves him and is his carer nearly full time. She also has a couple of lovers (one M, one F) who she sees occasionally for erotic encounters and respite. Her case seems to me to be at the extreme end of non-culpability.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends who you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s a number of good points already made above, the female cheaters tend not to come on to the forums banging a drum and cymbals about it, so keep their heads down on the whole.

But there is definitely an air of ‘male cheaters are all dirty skanks’ and ‘female cheaters probably have legitimate underlying reasons to stray’ on here.

And there IS double standards. I know of many instances where vocal ‘anti cheaters’ are happy to meet marrieds in private, particularly cheating women.

And those cheating on boyfriends / girlfriends or fiancés / fiancées seem to get away unscathed albeit I appreciate there’s not been that “vow” of monogamy yet with them.

But it is what it is. My view is that anyone in a relationship on here should disclose it to potential meets so they can make an informed choice about wanting to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own, but if I find out they're liars then that's the end of it for me...I prefer to know the truth and make my own decisions.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

The forums are full of double standards not just on the subject of cheating. I like to think that our view don't change regardless of gender.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"The men that get a hard time are usually the ones that slag off their partners, attempt to justify their cheating and/or complain that they can't get an easy shah on here.

true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every damn person on Fab is a cheater....

I know you all don’t pay your licensing fees ...."

I don't have a television!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it a difference between sex and emotion?

The guy just wants sex, the woman that emotional attachment? I'm generalising I know.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"We often see posts by men using Fab from single male profiles who are cheating or attempting to meet people to cheat. These guys always get short shrift and sometimes it can go too far and you see them ripped a new one!

However, when it’s single ladies who are posting here cheating the whole vibe and attitude changes, from members all the way through to mods.

Thanks

That isn't true at all. As I was the only mod on the thread...show me a thread were I have had a different attitude to men or women or have been nasty on a post to a male married man.

To your OP, all sex's should be able to ask for advice without the attacking that goes on. Sadly instead of advice being given people pick on the married bit and the thread goes a different way.

There is no excuse from anyone to " see them ripped a new one"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However, when it’s single ladies who are posting here cheating the whole vibe and attitude changes, from members all the way through to mods.

Thanks

That isn't true at all. As I was the only mod on the thread...show me a thread were I have had a different attitude to men or women or have been nasty on a post to a male married man.

To your OP, all sex's should be able to ask for advice without the attacking that goes on. Sadly instead of advice being given people pick on the married bit and the thread goes a different way.

There is no excuse from anyone to " see them ripped a new one""

I don't think it's a personal attack on you and how you have treated them. I suspect it's more a case of those threads being left open longer than they should, and the guy gets unduly shredded.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

This thread was opened because people on another thread had been asked to start a thread about cheating rather than derail an advice thread ( this included the OP )

If a thread needs looking at people should report it rather than lie about what mods post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Double standards exist when men post regardless of the subject, it’s called supply and demand."

It's more than supply and demand but you're absolutely right, it's a factor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had unsolicited messages from couples who are vociferous in their condemnation of me and people like me.

I did not approach them as I do not actively seek couples. They were perfectly entitled to their opinions and did not hold back in expressing their distaste for people like me.

And therein lies the dilemma.

If I say I'm married, I will be condemned for being a cheat.

If I don't say I'm married, I will be found out, condemned for being a cheat and a liar.

However.... How much of the condemnation being vocalised in the forum is virtue signalling rather than debate? I can't answer that.

There are 30,000 ish profiles active on fab at any one time. An undisclosed proportion are married, cheating and open, compared to married, cheating and hiding it. A proportion of that are on the forum.

As with bareback, the more people condemn and villify, the more people are inclined to hide it.

If someone has gone to all the effort to register an account, set up a secret email and all that entails to enable them to cheat, a kicking in the forum won't make them see the error of their ways.

I won't get into the debate about "honest on fab but dishonest at home". But if you have tits, you have a better chance of staying under the radar.

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

Married or single, it’s no concern of ours.

We treat everyone the same,

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

In all fairness to Rugby I've always found them to be very balanced regardless of gender, even if I don't always agree with them/their decisions and think the same can be said for the other mods I'm aware of.

I read the other thread and whilst I agree that it was asking for advice, I do think there was a level of relevance to *some* of the points being made on it with regards to the OPs presence here - I actually avoided commenting on the thread as I have reason to doubt how genuine it actually was but I'll say no more than that.

With regards to the wider subject being discussed here I think there *can* be a difference in attitude to the way men and women are treated here on a wide range of topics but that comes down to a number of things already mentioned like attitude of the poster and "currying favour" with women.

Personally I'll always try to give a balanced view regardless of gender and take my lead from the way a situation is presented.

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By *elma and Shaggy OP Couple
over a year ago

Bedworth

"This thread was opened because people on another thread had been asked to start a thread about cheating rather than derail an advice thread ( this included the OP )

If a thread needs looking at people should report it rather than lie about what mods post."

I’m sorry you feel that this was an attack on you and/or any other mods, or related to a particular thread, it wasn’t.

My op was based on what I have seen in the many years I have been a member here and the also the years of being a member of other similar sites.

No one can deny that there does appear to be double standards, however there have been some excellent points made by contributors to this thread, particularly points regarding attitude and content of some posts by “cheaters”. Thank you for all your contributions, it has been very interesting to read your thoughts

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

With regards to the wider subject being discussed here I think there *can* be a difference in attitude to the way men and women are treated here on a wide range of topics

I think " is " is a better word than " can" It does happen and I and other mods have mentioned it on threads many a time whether the OP was male or female.

However, there is a difference with a person asking for advice about a problem they are having to someone asking what do people think of cheaters.

Yes, cheating may be a part of the problem of someone asking for advice, but turning a thread into why we don't like cheaters/ a discussion on cheating or attacking the OP won't get an OP the advice they are seeking.

From the sites point of view , tearing a new one is not allowed whatever question is being asked so people shouldn't think they can do that.

If they do, report it so it can be looked at

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Temptation is the most addictive drug of all, mixed with emotions and a what could happen mentality it's a dangerous cauldron of stress effort pain and please and the human race falls for it everytime

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I'm not a fan of cheats. But try not to be vehemently anti-cheat - apart from the guys who message me trying to use their cheating to get off. They get it both barrels.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Humans interact/react according to their life experience, moral compass and how the person they're talking/typing to presents themselves. Most people on here are consistent in their views.

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

[Removed by poster at 02/02/19 12:26:55]

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

I think it's coz there's so many men looking for NSA sex with women then the more chance they see of getting a fuck the better as far as they're concerned. Bonus is she is cheating and won't be looking for a relationship with him.

I think also women tend to be able to elaborate better than men and so when they cheat they can explain better their predicament with feelings, whereas men just go on about wanting a fuck.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Double standards exist when men post regardless of the subject, it’s called supply and demand."

I’ve seen this first hand recently. Women get hugs and glitter reply’s. Men are demonised. Same subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally i don't care it's your life not mine and for those who think I am because I don't accommodate try reading the profile as it's the stick u use to beat us up wirh when u get a message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never seen any particular person change their opinion depending on whether male or female so no double standards.

Much bigger crowd on here looking for a married women (the perfect partner for all the attached guys looking for NSA?) than a married man so the overall tone of the responses will appear different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn’t matter what sex you are, if you cheat you cheat. End of!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this right and fair? Is it ok for ladies who cheat to be given sympathy for their home situation when men in a similar situation are often berated and sometimes abused?

Whatever your thoughts ladies and gents, please keep this post polite and civil, we don’t want to give our mods extra work! Thanks"

The overwhelming majority of people on this site, men women and couples are looking for a single lady to fuck.

They are therefore much nice to the single ladies in the vain and misguided hope that it will get them sex.

Youll notice the more even handed people tend to be the ones who arent looking to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Double standards exist when men post regardless of the subject, it’s called supply and demand.

I’ve seen this first hand recently. Women get hugs and glitter reply’s. Men are demonised. Same subject. "

What thread was that

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"This thread was opened because people on another thread had been asked to start a thread about cheating rather than derail an advice thread ( this included the OP )

If a thread needs looking at people should report it rather than lie about what mods post.

I’m sorry you feel that this was an attack on you and/or any other mods, or related to a particular thread, it wasn’t.

That is one hell of a coincidence if that's the case

I didn't take your comments as a personal attack but felt the need to comment as what you did say wasn't the truth.

Maybe in future if you want to call people out for their posts be that singly or mods that you make sure what you are saying is truthful as people can check what you say by reading previous threads and will be able to tell whether it is the truth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Double standards exist when men post regardless of the subject, it’s called supply and demand.

I’ve seen this first hand recently. Women get hugs and glitter reply’s. Men are demonised. Same subject.

What thread was that"

A thread where the man OP got slated for asking advice about a planned meet who hadn't replied when he asked if the meet was still on. He was called a stalker just for checking if she'd been online and got his message. Something that anyone would do out of common sense, not stalking.

If a woman had posted the same thread she would have been given virtual hugs.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Is this right and fair? Is it ok for ladies who cheat to be given sympathy for their home situation when men in a similar situation are often berated and sometimes abused?

Whatever your thoughts ladies and gents, please keep this post polite and civil, we don’t want to give our mods extra work! Thanks"

not from me.... if someone is cheating they get the same answer from me regardless of whether they are male or female....

my principles are not negoiatable... i don't think with my cock!

I am proud to be equal-ops.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Double standards exist when men post regardless of the subject, it’s called supply and demand.

I’ve seen this first hand recently. Women get hugs and glitter reply’s. Men are demonised. Same subject.

What thread was that

If a woman had posted the same thread she would have been given virtual hugs. "

Along with the “his loss babes” & “block & move on babes” lines.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When ladies do it they’re being naughty, when a bloke does it he’s an awful shit. "

It's pretty shitty who ever does it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When ladies do it they’re being naughty, when a bloke does it he’s an awful shit.

It's pretty shitty who ever does it..."

Nobody wants to be cheated on,male or female.

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Cheating - Double standards