FabSwingers.com forum: Just take it out the packaging and put it up your arse

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The last thing you had to uwrap/open is going up your arse.

What was it?

Brake pads for a Mini Cooper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My new gin glasses!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A croissant.

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

A Soreen Fruit Malt Loaf

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Four pint milk carton (semi skimmed)

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Baby spinach. I’ve had a whole lot worse

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Steak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve just been shopping, I’m not putting all that up there...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leather trousers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bowler hat

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

A box of Turkish Delight.

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By *andtsurreyCouple
over a year ago

Torbay

A large ceramic plant pot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The last thing you had to uwrap/open is going up your arse.

What was it?

Brake pads for a Mini Cooper

Speeding ticket

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

2.5kg of dry cat food. At least I can go for it kibble by kibble, I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chocolate buttons!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A pair of 4" stilettos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A pack of laminate flooring

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"The last thing you had to uwrap/open is going up your arse.

What was it?

Brake pads for a Mini Cooper

Speeding ticket

...a VW GOLF driver by any chance??

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

Passport

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Butt plugs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Butt plugs!"

Winner winner

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

A box of bran flakes

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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Kilo tub of peanut butter, ouch!

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

A whole chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A walnut whip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A light bulb, at least I can see what I'm doing

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"A walnut whip "

You still haven't paid me for it yet Ness - and for the carpet burns cream.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A walnut whip

You still haven't paid me for it yet Ness - and for the carpet burns cream."
Cheque is in the post xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A large pillar candle

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"A walnut whip

You still haven't paid me for it yet Ness - and for the carpet burns cream.Cheque is in the post xx"

Is it a cheque that your arse can't cash?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Steak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A walnut whip

You still haven't paid me for it yet Ness - and for the carpet burns cream.Cheque is in the post xx

Is it a cheque that your arse can't cash?

x"
Probably one of those bouncy ones xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last thing I opened was my front door. Can I use lube

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"A walnut whip

You still haven't paid me for it yet Ness - and for the carpet burns cream.Cheque is in the post xx

Is it a cheque that your arse can't cash?

xProbably one of those bouncy ones xx"

No worries, maybe it'll have a different kind of value such as filter overriding?

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Greggs sausage roll

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A walnut whip

You still haven't paid me for it yet Ness - and for the carpet burns cream.Cheque is in the post xx

Is it a cheque that your arse can't cash?

xProbably one of those bouncy ones xx

No worries, maybe it'll have a different kind of value such as filter overriding?

x"
Your wish is my command x

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"Greggs sausage roll"

...of the vegan variety?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just unpacked a weeks' shopping..!

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"Greggs sausage roll

...of the vegan variety?

God no, proper sausage, I still don't want it up my arse though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope someone has the emergency services on stand by

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of those little biscuits that you get with a cup of coffee

Crumbs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A very tall fridge/freezer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

49” tv

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jenga!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cornflakes box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BT Homehub

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

large celariac

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A cucumber. Ow hang on. Most have on that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Frozen thick richmond sausages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A new doll for my collection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New kitchen knives... Ouch. Still new definition of "sword swallower"

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By *callycatMan
over a year ago

Mid Wales

A hot cross bun

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

Birthday cake from the other day

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By *lterego78Man
over a year ago

Here, There, Everywhere...

A Tunnocks tea cake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mini Eggs

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By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds

Ant Man and the Wasp DVD

Yes I'm still watching films on DVD!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This thread is making me laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"New kitchen knives... Ouch. Still new definition of "sword swallower" "

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Strength three ground coffee...ooo messy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

4 litre bottle of Collegon

Very messy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just took a piss does seem complicated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am fucked the fridge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bottle of isopropyl alcohol. I'm gonna be squeaky clean

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

The last thing I unwrapped, was amusingly a roll of wrapping paper.

Presents all done for sons 16th birthday tomorrow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A cookie dough pudding....its not going up my arse

Peach x

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

O fuck no new sprockets and chain for my bike thats going to hurt

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By *ayMyName2018Man
over a year ago

Where the Wild Things Are

A pair of Adidas Sambas....... one at a time right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last thing I opened was my front door. Can I use lube

Puts a whole new meaning to ‘put wood in’th hole’. (Lancashire phrase I think)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bathroom mirror

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last thing I opened was my front door. Can I use lube

Puts a whole new meaning to ‘put wood in’th hole’. (Lancashire phrase I think)

You are correct Sir.

If anyone needs me, I'm in A&E explaining how I was busy sorting my bathroom out and inadvertently stood on a tube of ky.

Then the postman rang the doorbell and in my haste to get to him before he left a parcel with a neighbour, I ran down the stairs, tripped over the dog and all my clothes fell off. In my horror I covered my now naked arse with my hand that happened to be covered in KY (following the attempted clean up).

As I got to the door and opened it, the dog tried to escape. He ran through my legs and I was bowled over, impaling myself on the corner of the door...

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By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds

"Last thing I opened was my front door. Can I use lube

Puts a whole new meaning to ‘put wood in’th hole’. (Lancashire phrase I think)

You are correct Sir.

If anyone needs me, I'm in A&E explaining how I was busy sorting my bathroom out and inadvertently stood on a tube of ky.

As I got to the door and opened it, the dog tried to escape. He ran through my legs and I was bowled over, impaling myself on the corner of the door..."

That's funny. You must work in A&E....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A family bag of prawn cocktail flavoured shells

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dvd

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A joint of beef

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pork chops

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By *aughtyandhandsomeMan
over a year ago

button moon

45 gallon drum of truck hydraulic oil.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A crunchie

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By *21012101210Man
over a year ago

oldham

A microwave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chicken breasts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chips

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last thing I opened was my front door. Can I use lube

Puts a whole new meaning to ‘put wood in’th hole’. (Lancashire phrase I think)

You are correct Sir.

If anyone needs me, I'm in A&E explaining how I was busy sorting my bathroom out and inadvertently stood on a tube of ky.

As I got to the door and opened it, the dog tried to escape. He ran through my legs and I was bowled over, impaling myself on the corner of the door..."

Haha.

.... but how does that explain the vibrating cock ring?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Box of 12 chilled beers. Eek!

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum

"The last thing you had to uwrap/open is going up your arse.

What was it?

Brake pads for a Mini Cooper

Steak and Kidney pie! Tasty!

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

No not my arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A frozen corpse from the downstairs freezer...

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By *m A FuckerMan
over a year ago

kingswood,surrey/leysdown kent

kebab n chips

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A pokemon character!

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By *ade and VanessaCouple
over a year ago

Central Scotland

Pack of nappies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My new lingerie D bought me, oh actually I just had a Yum yum does that count?

Jo.Xx

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By *orthantsblueeyesMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Lightbulb... Doesn't work

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

Stuffing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1m flue extension for a ideal combi boiler

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Last thing I opened was my front door. Can I use lube

Puts a whole new meaning to ‘put wood in’th hole’. (Lancashire phrase I think)

You are correct Sir.

If anyone needs me, I'm in A&E explaining how I was busy sorting my bathroom out and inadvertently stood on a tube of ky.

As I got to the door and opened it, the dog tried to escape. He ran through my legs and I was bowled over, impaling myself on the corner of the door..."

Ouch! Bloody ouch!,

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

A set of bathroom digital scales (that pair with my phone app)

Kind of appropriate right?

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