FabSwingers.com forum: Families

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Maybe I should've asked about wind chimes instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I hope you’re okay

My husbands family favour his brother, treat my husband like shit and have always disliked me. We had to cut them off for over a year and are only slowly talking to them again, but they’ve never apologised, never shown that they felt bad etc. Their behaviour has toned down a lot....but it’ll never be amazing :-/

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

I am a family man never take sides

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have issues with my family.... Put up with nonsense for over 20 years, only now am I emotionally strong and we'll supported by my partner to be able to just cut them out.

If I'm getting phone calls that upset me because of various bullshit reasons... I'm out.

Can't be arsed, don't need it, don't want it.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I have issues with my family.... Put up with nonsense for over 20 years, only now am I emotionally strong and we'll supported by my partner to be able to just cut them out.

If I'm getting phone calls that upset me because of various bullshit reasons... I'm out.

Can't be arsed, don't need it, don't want it. "

I totally understand you, family or not, there's no room for that level of negativity in your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty. "

The only reason we did was because his grandad died. His gran moved in with his parents and on the one year anniversary of his death, we took his gran flowers. We had no choice if we wanted to see his gran, and she hadn’t done anything wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh good god. I could tell you tales of treachery and deceipt that could sound like storylines from a BBC drama.

My dad is irrelevant to my life....I do t talk to a sibling and haven’t for ten years, so just my immediate family have and would continue to cause me issues if I don’t banish them to a memory.

My cuisine/uncles and aunts are completely bonkers and we would not go to a wedding if ‘he’ or ‘she is there etc. (We all check a guest list before a gathering, there’s rifts all over, and my family is huge.)

It’s sad, but sometimes family’s are not perfect and you have to realise your life journey with them has ended.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty. "

Question is why did they favour his brother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother"

His brother is very much like his mum. My husband could never win with them...his dad is impartial, but it didn’t matter. The only people I’ve met that don’t like my husband, are his own family. It breaks my heart

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I’m sorry to hear that OP. It must be a difficult situation for you.

I have a small close family. I had a fantastic upbringing but have lost both of my parents now. I miss them everyday in all sorts of ways. If I could rewind and do it all again I would.

I hope you find a way forward whether that is with or without them in your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother

Ah fair enough.

I come from a very normal.and boring family, im probbaly the black sheep if anything.

Never really had any family drama so I think i always tend to look for a hard "reason" foe things like with your husband. Simply because im seeing it as "well the only reason my.parents would ever take a side is if something very serious happend"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God my family is a bit split, my parents always favoured my younger brother and sister and so much pressure was put on me to be the one who did well at everything. I think my dad was disappointed when I got married and had my children, especially when we realised the extent of their disabilities in the fact that my life would be devoted to their care and I wouldn’t be able to live the life he wanted. My in laws are a whole bunch of dysfunctional people. Selfish, narcissistic, manipulative. I don’t have much contact with any of them. I try hard to be a good parent and better role model for my children x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother

Ah fair enough.

I come from a very normal.and boring family, im probbaly the black sheep if anything.

I’m best friends with my brother in law’s ex (we were friends before they got together) and he used to always go on about how he was the favourite, he could get away with anything (which he did, he did awful awful things to both me and his ex, which his family know) and my husband couldn’t do anything.

My family is pretty disfunctional but never to that degree....

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother

Ah fair enough.

I come from a very normal.and boring family, im probbaly the black sheep if anything.

I do understand that reasoning, it makes sense from an external point of view, especially if your experience is from a healthy functional unit.

In my experience my brother is the one that has done wrong, very very wrong, yet elicits the support and love of the family. As the only one who doesn't agree I'm the one in the wrong (I'm massively oversimplifying here), it's that which has eventually led me to cut them off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother

My sister in laws family are like this, though not quite as bad.

Her older and younger brother, and her younger sister are spoiled and get away with all sorts of shit.

They will never go out of their way, only if it suits them to help out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear you OP. My family consists of me and my boys. I have relatives very close by who for whatever reason have never been interested. Yesterday i ran into one and the usual polite chat was made but then she asked if i was working. (I've never not worked and actually have a good careeer) however as the single teenage mother its assumed I'll never do anything worth while and they look down their nose at me. It's infuriating that it upsets me, but it does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother

Ah fair enough.

I come from a very normal.and boring family, im probbaly the black sheep if anything.

My family is pretty disfunctional but never to that degree...."

I think im the favourite cause im the youngest but all that means is mum likes to give me a cuddle mlre often lol.

Me and my brother get exactly the same from my parents so favoriate is more of a silly family joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have mostly a great family.

My brother took me and my sister and his wife away for a long weekend, after our mum died in the summer.

He's very thoughtful.

We don't rely on each other for anything, but we will help each other out in a heartbeat.

We had great parents.

I have never had a time where I wasn't talking to my mum or dad, or any of my siblings or children, or even my in laws- even after my divorce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I hope you’re okay

I don't think I could reconcile without recognition of wrong doing, perhaps I'm just a bit petty.

Question is why did they favour his brother

Ah fair enough.

I come from a very normal.and boring family, im probbaly the black sheep if anything.

I do understand that reasoning, it makes sense from an external point of view, especially if your experience is from a healthy functional unit.

Ah sorry to hear that i can't even imagine what that would be like.

Makr sure you dont isolate yourself and try to open up with trusted irl friends.

From this thread it seems your experience is much more common than mine so hopefuly theres lots of people with simmilar situations for support.

I remember going back to college as an adult and i was possibly one of only 2 or 3 people on the course whos parents were still together.

I'd say something should be done about this but i have no clue what could even be attempted

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't really want to post details here, but... My god I understand dysfunction. I'll never be good enough, and I've finally stopped caring.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Families eh.

My parents did the best they could and I am a secure, confident person with no self esteem issues in part due to them but also due to Mr N and my nature. Mr N often gets angry about the way my mother treats and has treated me on my behalf but although I recognise how she is I don't hold a grudge because some of it was due to mental health issues. The same goes for my father who stood by while she behaved that way. My siblings have issues resolved by self medication or moving away. This leaves me in the caring role for our now very elderly parents which I don't begrudge for one second.

Mr N's family has been split beyond repair unfortunately and he is only in touch with one of his siblings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope you have good friends. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome. "

For what? I don't get the purpose of the post OP.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Sending Hugs to those in need x

I have an amazing family.

I'm adopted, and was raised by the most wonderful parents.

My dad died almost 3yrs ago, I miss him so much, he was an incredible man.

I visit my mum back in the Midlands every week, even if it is just for a few hours on my day off.

I have always known I was adopted, and have always been told all my birth details were available for me to see

I have never wanted to know.

The only thing I ever asked about was family medical history, due to one of my sons issues.

I consider myself very lucky to have the family I do

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome.

For what? I don't get the purpose of the post OP. "

Understanding how other families work can be an important part of healing when yours doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome.

For what? I don't get the purpose of the post OP.

Understanding how other families work can be an important part of healing when yours doesn't. "

My advice is this. If people are having a continued negative effect on you. You remove those people from your life. Family or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah i understand every comment here...i know cause ive lost my family we dint talk for years..brought them all to here uk. And help them finalcial and mentally but all i got was be put on thr side like a plastic bag..but it seem happens alwais after i meet my partner and did the same for her family tbey did do the exacly the same..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sympathise. They don't call it the nuclear family for nothing

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome. "

I’m sorry you’re family isn’t all it should be op!

I’m very lucky - mine is amazing - both my immediate and extended family (cousins etc). We’re absolutely there for each other when needed and see each other/stay in touch regularly! I’d trust them with my life and love them all dearly!

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

[Removed by poster at 26/01/19 17:15:40]

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome.

For what? I don't get the purpose of the post OP.

Understanding how other families work can be an important part of healing when yours doesn't.

My advice is this. If people are having a continued negative effect on you. You remove those people from your life. Family or not. "

Which is exactly what I've done, as I stated in my posts on this thread.

As the other poster said; reading about others experiences can be cathartic and therapeutic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome. .

For what? I don't get the purpose of the post OP.

Understanding how other families work can be an important part of healing when yours doesn't.

My advice is this. If people are having a continued negative effect on you. You remove those people from your life. Family or not. "

I wish it was that simple, I have a very small family but a big problem with my daughter.

Remove her (and consequently my grandson) from my life?? Never ever!!

Sadly she knows that

I hope things work out for you OP. It hurts doesn’t it xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see my blood family, I know they are there if needed.

My sister in law has always caused issues for me, shit stirrer and trouble maker, I was hoping losing my Mum would make me and my brothers close again, but alas, issues with the sis in law continued, so now it's easier to keep a distance.

I suppose sad fact is I don't need them, been through so much without their support, still going through shit without their support, I will get through it. I just don't need them

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

If youre family make you that unhappy then stay away from them, go no contact. Just because youre related doesnt mean you have to tolerate them. You can choose your friends but not your relatives.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"If youre family make you that unhappy then stay away from them, go no contact. Just because youre related doesnt mean you have to tolerate them. You can choose your friends but not your relatives."

Have to agree. Jeez, mine (he) are like leeches. Had to keep them at arms length (many arms). Proper sponges. Keep yourself happy op, you cannot determine the family you're born into. Hope things go well for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is split.

There's my mum and my sister on one side, myself and my dad on the other.

I don't speak to my sister and rarely communicate with my mum. My sister is bad news and I have to admit the stress levels are much lower as far as family is concerned since cutting her out of my life. It's been 10 years and I'm not sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear.

I have a handful of family in the UK. So my support network is small. Recently divorced and could've really done with the family support.

Have not spoken to my mum in months, had a chat with her last week about trying to rebuild our r/ship, I'd asked her to seek help and stop drinking. I turn up at her house this afternoon and she's off her face.... I give up! Constant disappointment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I walked away from mine over a decade ago. The final argument was barely even that, but highlighted just how fucking selfish they are and how much of an inconvenience/embaressment/annoyance they view me.

Still makes me sad but no regrets as they'd had a lifetime of chances prior to that. I envy anyone with a happy and loving family environment

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Mrs comes from a large, caring family who all look out for each other, always support one another and provide help and support to us even though we live a couple of hundred miles away.

I (Mr) come from a slightly smaller family but are similar with regards to caring and helping one another out. Just as our son said, dad's family is mad as a box of frogs. Apparently both our kids think I might have been adopted because I am "normal"

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

I (LB) haven't seen the woman who gave birth to me (bit of a clue there) or my brother and sister for 35 years. After my dad died when I was six, I was treated differently to my siblings (quite badly too) and to this day I still have no idea why

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By *iss Penny TrationWoman
over a year ago

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome. "

I’d be here for hours trying to explain how much of a disgrace my family are given my circumstances but I won’t bore you with the details. Just know that you’re not alone and I know how much it hurts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a wicked step mum, who has refused to give my dad's ashes to me and my brother, so she scattered half of his ashes on dartmoor and kept the rest, it truly breaks my heart

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm not normally one for emotional posts but after the events of yesterday I kind of need to vent and shout into the void.

My family is a massive issue for me, all they do is cause me emotional stress and anguish.

I realise that I'm not alone in this, I also realise that other have wonderful supportive families who enrich each others lives.

Any examples of either are very welcome. .

For what? I don't get the purpose of the post OP.

Understanding how other families work can be an important part of healing when yours doesn't.

My advice is this. If people are having a continued negative effect on you. You remove those people from your life. Family or not.

I wish it was that simple, I have a very small family but a big problem with my daughter.

Remove her (and consequently my grandson) from my life?? Never ever!!

Sadly she knows that

I hope things work out for you OP. It hurts doesn’t it xxx

Sometimes you have to make do with what you've got. Doesn't mean take it, doesn't mean in large doses. But to see person X you have to see person Y.

Learning that person Y's treatment of you (or others) is unacceptable, even if you've put up with it all your life, can give you the power and permission you need to protect yourself. And from there healing can begin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family is overated. I come from a large family 9 of us all together and I don't speak to any of them. Some of them disowned me others I disowned them I hate negativity Nd there all very negative

Mrscxxx

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