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How do you stop a family taking sides in a split?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Have an old vanilla friend I bumped into yesterday, she explained how her and her husband of 10 years had split 6 weeks ago due to her finding pictures he’d sent to a girl who used to work with them both. Full naked pics, penis, and full nudes of the female reciprocating. Dates were over a 6 month period with more recent ones suggesting meeting up.

Now my friend explained how a similar thing happened with a random different girl a year before their son was born so 4 years ago but my friend forgave it as she was pregnant.

This time she can’t, said trust has gone and also the dates some of this happened was when she was in hospital having lumber punctures done.

Anyway it’s done she doesn’t want him but his family have all rallied around him, saying things like she has split the family up and the kid is going to be from a broken home because of her.

She’s told them that he broke the family up when he sent naked pictures of himself to another woman. Other woman even had the cheek to give my friend a happy anniversary card whilst she was messaging the husband.

I understand family loyalty but in this circumstance is there anything that can be done so they stop blaming the wrong person? Ex husband is back living with his parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In reality, I’m sure they know who’s wrong. As the saying goes blood is thicker than water. In most splits I’ve witnessed or been part of, families stick to their own. It’s early days and as long as her ex’s parents and family are there for the child, that’s the main thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have an old vanilla friend I bumped into yesterday, she explained how her and her husband of 10 years had split 6 weeks ago due to her finding pictures he’d sent to a girl who used to work with them both. Full naked pics, penis, and full nudes of the female reciprocating. Dates were over a 6 month period with more recent ones suggesting meeting up.

Now my friend explained how a similar thing happened with a random different girl a year before their son was born so 4 years ago but my friend forgave it as she was pregnant.

This time she can’t, said trust has gone and also the dates some of this happened was when she was in hospital having lumber punctures done.

Anyway it’s done she doesn’t want him but his family have all rallied around him, saying things like she has split the family up and the kid is going to be from a broken home because of her.

She’s told them that he broke the family up when he sent naked pictures of himself to another woman. Other woman even had the cheek to give my friend a happy anniversary card whilst she was messaging the husband.

I understand family loyalty but in this circumstance is there anything that can be done so they stop blaming the wrong person? Ex husband is back living with his parents. "

Thats all it is ..family loyalty..

If they think the sun shines out of their sons arse then they won't be changing their minds anytime soon

It happened to me, even though he was the abuser (in my case) it was me they blamed

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

People take sides with the person they have an affinity with. It always happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family always stick with family.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

There is no wrong person.

The families should keep the fuck out of it and just be there to offer support.

Their ill informed opinions don't do anything to help.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

QUOTE is there anything that can be done so they stop blaming the wrong person? UNQUOTE..

What you are asking isn't simple. You are asking for people to have a huge philosophical and moral shift.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"There is no wrong person.

The families should keep the fuck out of it and just be there to offer support.

Their ill informed opinions don't do anything to help.

"

This.

That said, my in-laws still talk to me and not my ex-husband, and I left him!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Simple answer; you can't, people are judgemental and families often stick together.

However I will also say that (as unpopular as this opinion may be) marriages very rarely fail on the fault of one person. We don't know the full story of the relationship and although he cheated, or was looking to, infidelity is the end result of a breakdown in the relationship on a basic level.

The family siding with him may be based around her actions in the breakdown rather than just his blood ties.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Simple answer; you can't, people are judgemental and families often stick together.

However I will also say that (as unpopular as this opinion may be) marriages very rarely fail on the fault of one person. We don't know the full story of the relationship and although he cheated, or was looking to, infidelity is the end result of a breakdown in the relationship on a basic level.

The family siding with him may be based around her actions in the breakdown rather than just his blood ties. "

Yep.

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

These things generally settle down in time. Providing the child is kept far away from any adult sniping, it doesn’t really matter if they gain some cathartic relief from a few catty comments, as has she by the sounds of things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't. You be there for your friend, or whoever your loyalty lies with and support them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op,

You appear to side with your friend based on her side of the story only so you should understand that his family sides with him based on his side of the story.

You are doing the same thing than his family.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"In reality, I’m sure they know who’s wrong. As the saying goes blood is thicker than water. In most splits I’ve witnessed or been part of, families stick to their own. It’s early days and as long as her ex’s parents and family are there for the child, that’s the main thing.

"

This really. In my experience anyway. They will know what he’s like and in time will be more relaxed with her, at the moment they’d be worrying about the grandchild - contact etc.

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

Am sorry to say blood thicker than water should not be but that's the way it is normally

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I know both parties equally, shocked at his behaviour to be honest but know all too well that these things happen.

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