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"As a regular on the forums I do see certain trends and differences in the responses given to newbies and regulars and sometimes wonder whether these forums are welcoming to newcomers or do we enjoy shooting them down in flames. I hold my hands up and say that I enjoy a contentious thread and I'm not on my own, those threads usually get over 100 replies. In my opinion they are more entertaining than the 'love In' type threads, which are very insular and very often leave the majority of posters unable to join in because the threads are so cryptic. But sometimes I look at my own responses and the responses of others and its clear its unfair at times. Threads are often closed because someones become abusive, but is that a reaction to a regulars 'harsh and to the point' reply. Can we really lay the blame entirely on the newbie. As regulars we see the same subjects brought up time and time again, so there's little wonder that our responses lack empathy all the time. And there are newbies who clearly do not understand the swinging scene and will make rude and offensive presumptions about what we are. Many people have stated they felt the forums were problematic at first, were ridiculed in almost an initiation kind of way. I felt that when I first posted. There's the lurkers that wouldn't dare to post because they've seen how certain people are dealt with. But they clearly enjoy the banter and contention. There's the 'thank you admin' threads, thanking admin for closing offensive threads. Why feel the need to thank admin for this, its hardly a life and death matter. Its basically a way to continue a contentious thread after its been closed. Are we sad the threads been removed because we are enjoying it, or could it be seen loosely as bullying, if the OPs have received a ban and can't respond. If its all stopped though, if we all behave and are nicey nicey all the time, well that would be so boring wouldn't it. I do feel disappointed at times that threads are closed. A huge majority of threads are started with the words 'be gentle with me' or 'don't shout me down', are we regulars giving off the vibe that we are going to be nasty, the OP clearly anticipates that. Are we failing the site by not welcoming new members, or is it not us at all, are there a large amount of people out there solely posting to do battle with us. And can we admit our mistakes or it is just an opinion, is it ok to be 'to the point' when we know it will offend someone. Is it always someone elses fault. " I completely agree with this and try to reassure newbies who run into agro when first posting. I had the same when first posting. You assume that you can just speak your mind as you would with friends, argue a point and still have the good natured attitude and banter you have with them. You can't. Its all pc. You are not really allowed to disagree without people accusing you of all sorts. Once you bear in mind that its just a forum on a swinging site, not really important other than for entertainment its fine. Some get things blown out of prroportion. I have noticed a big push towards harshness if someone feels judged for their sexual behaviour. Apparently this isn't allowed. Most adults judge others every day in one way or another, not necessarily as bad people but not maybe the kind of people you feel comfortable meeting. I live and let live but don't want to join in necessarily. I too think the contentious threads are more entertaining but maybe not for new posters, bless them. Regs maybe think of this as their msn and dont like seeing the same questions asked. To them I say... tough! | |||
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"depends on what they've got to say for themselves when they arrive. that, above everything, i believe will have a direct effect on how they are treated by existing users. for me, the scenarios given below are just some that affect how a new user might be treated neagtively : a lack of social skills in general an inability to control or direct their temper an inability to recognise what is acceptable and isn't in general conversation the inability not to personalise feedback that doesn't match their own ideas focussed negativity exhibiting insulting / distasteful behaviour towards other users posting the same thread in different guises over a short period assuming the forums are an automatic springboard to extra shags I would recommend that new forum users, sit back, watch and work out some of the dynamics before making an initial post. Forge relationships / friendships with existing users either publically or in private. Once people get to know you a little better, you will get away with more than you would as a newbie poster - as people 'know' you that little bit better." So in essence, if people don't type the way you want them to you won't welcome them? I think thats where lies the problem on here at times I think telling people what they should be doing so it suits a certain few is a big no no too....if I was a new user I would be telling people where to get off. I didn't forge friendships with exsisting users before joining the forums, I didn't need to to be able to add to posts. As another user said up there....being new and having a whinge isn't a bad thing, it just gets treated differently than if it is a regular poster doing it....and when the new user sees the nasty/ condesending/ patronising comments turn up ( which most of the time they do )I can't say I am surprised that they react. Obviously some new posters post insulting new threads, which are normally dealt with if a mod is on....but most of the time the rot starts because the regulars have seen it before, get pissed off of seeing it but comment anyway. they then give advice and get more pissed off that the new poster doesn't want to take that advice....it is their right not to if they don't want to. What would be good is if ALL new posters where welcomed whatever the subject is about....and if people don't like the subject as it winds you all up so much then ignore it....it really is that simple. | |||
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"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget." Sadly....that isn't always the case. | |||
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"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget. Sadly....that isn't always the case." true, but it depends on the thread. There was one the other day where i blocked the guy immediatly, but then sometimes the person generally is unaware that they are about to cause world war three lol | |||
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"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget. Sadly....that isn't always the case. true, but it depends on the thread. There was one the other day where i blocked the guy immediatly, but then sometimes the person generally is unaware that they are about to cause world war three lol" I suppose you could say does that tell you more about the reaction to the post than the OP? | |||
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"As a regular on the forums I do see certain trends and differences in the responses given to newbies and regulars and sometimes wonder whether these forums are welcoming to newcomers or do we enjoy shooting them down in flames. I hold my hands up and say that I enjoy a contentious thread and I'm not on my own, those threads usually get over 100 replies. In my opinion they are more entertaining than the 'love In' type threads, which are very insular and very often leave the majority of posters unable to join in because the threads are so cryptic. But sometimes I look at my own responses and the responses of others and its clear its unfair at times. Threads are often closed because someones become abusive, but is that a reaction to a regulars 'harsh and to the point' reply. Can we really lay the blame entirely on the newbie. As regulars we see the same subjects brought up time and time again, so there's little wonder that our responses lack empathy all the time. And there are newbies who clearly do not understand the swinging scene and will make rude and offensive presumptions about what we are. Many people have stated they felt the forums were problematic at first, were ridiculed in almost an initiation kind of way. I felt that when I first posted. There's the lurkers that wouldn't dare to post because they've seen how certain people are dealt with. But they clearly enjoy the banter and contention. There's the 'thank you admin' threads, thanking admin for closing offensive threads. Why feel the need to thank admin for this, its hardly a life and death matter. Its basically a way to continue a contentious thread after its been closed. Are we sad the threads been removed because we are enjoying it, or could it be seen loosely as bullying, if the OPs have received a ban and can't respond. If its all stopped though, if we all behave and are nicey nicey all the time, well that would be so boring wouldn't it. I do feel disappointed at times that threads are closed. A huge majority of threads are started with the words 'be gentle with me' or 'don't shout me down', are we regulars giving off the vibe that we are going to be nasty, the OP clearly anticipates that. Are we failing the site by not welcoming new members, or is it not us at all, are there a large amount of people out there solely posting to do battle with us. And can we admit our mistakes or it is just an opinion, is it ok to be 'to the point' when we know it will offend someone. Is it always someone elses fault. " ok post on forum and i am quite new to the forums but i don't get shot down in flames often so not sure but i have seen threads that i feel r a little harsh but hey we r all different so some can take a joke and some can't | |||
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"I have in the past messaged guys who have put a first thread on that hasnt gone down well and adviced them to ignore that thread and start again as people soon forget. Sadly....that isn't always the case. true, but it depends on the thread. There was one the other day where i blocked the guy immediatly, but then sometimes the person generally is unaware that they are about to cause world war three lol I suppose you could say does that tell you more about the reaction to the post than the OP? " It could do, also the op knows what they want to say, but its the way it comes out. I have sat here and seen a thread started and thought oh no here we go lol. But that doesnt just happen to newbies. The thing about the forums is, no matter what you post you never know how its going to be taken. Some go how you would like them to and some go quite a different way. The thing is when you are a regular you know this is going to happen | |||
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"There are a variety of issues here. The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there. If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it! Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world. Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post. Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted. Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment. lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules." I disagree about newbies knowing about the forum search. When i very first went on to a site forum, i wasnt aware of all the funtions that you could use and if some newbies have never been on a site before i dont think they can be expected to know these things exist. | |||
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"There are a variety of issues here. The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there. If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it! Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world. Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post. Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted. Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment. lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules. I disagree about newbies knowing about the forum search. When i very first went on to a site forum, i wasnt aware of all the funtions that you could use and if some newbies have never been on a site before i dont think they can be expected to know these things exist. " it is a very rare website that doesnt have a search facility, if they are more computer illiterate than me then im amazed they are on the site at all | |||
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"There are a variety of issues here. The rolling of eyes at the same question being asked again and again, is justified i think, forum search is right there. If you genuinely want to know what women think of cock size, rather than just trying to highlight the fact you think you are vwe then use it! Secondly there is often a lack of understanding of how forums work, i used to be on a rants one on acertain fet site, god forbid anyone actually try to have a rant But even more generally they re pretty rough places.i know i have been upset when i have felt under personal attack,however, the cut and thrust of the debate is a feature of the online world. Thirdly, and perhaps harder to quantify isthe fact this is a sex/swinging site.Whilst some post without caring if it gets them a shag it is worth being aware of the fact it is in some peoples minds, and therefore affects how they post. Which brings me to my fourth point...group think, swinging forums seem to particually suffer from this, if one or two forumites post ,there will be a tranche of people agreeing with them, not a clique, but perhaps intimidating for newbies.i was greatly amused by 2 recent threads on poppers,which took opposing lines, because, i believe of who first posted. Regarding lurkers,surely if they read frequently they will be aware of the attitude of the forumites, and not surprised by any attitudes/behaviour/treatment. lastly i think this is a particually friendly welcoming forum, but ppl reap what they sow. Once you post in an open forum you nave to accept that anyone can reply in any way so long as they do not break forum rules. I disagree about newbies knowing about the forum search. When i very first went on to a site forum, i wasnt aware of all the funtions that you could use and if some newbies have never been on a site before i dont think they can be expected to know these things exist. it is a very rare website that doesnt have a search facility, if they are more computer illiterate than me then im amazed they are on the site at all " well the very first time i went on a website i found it hard enough to locate the forums let alone anything else, i learnt over a period of time about different things. As you say it is a rare site that doesnt have the facility but if youve never been on a site before how are you supposed to know the set up of them | |||
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"depends on what they've got to say for themselves when they arrive. that, above everything, i believe will have a direct effect on how they are treated by existing users. for me, the scenarios given below are just some that affect how a new user might be treated neagtively : a lack of social skills in general an inability to control or direct their temper an inability to recognise what is acceptable and isn't in general conversation the inability not to personalise feedback that doesn't match their own ideas focussed negativity exhibiting insulting / distasteful behaviour towards other users posting the same thread in different guises over a short period assuming the forums are an automatic springboard to extra shags I would recommend that new forum users, sit back, watch and work out some of the dynamics before making an initial post. Forge relationships / friendships with existing users either publically or in private. Once people get to know you a little better, you will get away with more than you would as a newbie poster - as people 'know' you that little bit better. So in essence, if people don't type the way you want them to you won't welcome them? I think thats where lies the problem on here at times I think telling people what they should be doing so it suits a certain few is a big no no too....if I was a new user I would be telling people where to get off. I didn't forge friendships with exsisting users before joining the forums, I didn't need to to be able to add to posts. As another user said up there....being new and having a whinge isn't a bad thing, it just gets treated differently than if it is a regular poster doing it....and when the new user sees the nasty/ condesending/ patronising comments turn up ( which most of the time they do )I can't say I am surprised that they react. Obviously some new posters post insulting new threads, which are normally dealt with if a mod is on....but most of the time the rot starts because the regulars have seen it before, get pissed off of seeing it but comment anyway. they then give advice and get more pissed off that the new poster doesn't want to take that advice....it is their right not to if they don't want to. What would be good is if ALL new posters where welcomed whatever the subject is about....and if people don't like the subject as it winds you all up so much then ignore it....it really is that simple." Well said Ruggers and the post you quote goes some way towards explaining why these forums are as stale as they are. Observe how we post, make friends with us before posting. WHY?? What happened to vibrant conversations where many _iews can be aired? Seems like the clique just want a load of "mini me's" to perpetuate the way things are on here. Stale. | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts." You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. | |||
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"I rarely post on these forums, but i do use them alot for finding things out, party game ideas, knowledge about the scene etc. When I do post, sometimes I get ignored, other times I get a response. I think it's like a lot of other forums in that respect. As for this forum/site specifically, I think there are far too many newbies who assume fab is a fuck and go site, rather than an online portal for swingers and the lifestyle so there should be more stringent rules for newbies posting, maybe even supporters only, but that is not my call. I see the site having 4 types of users. timewasters, messagers, forum users, and chat users. Now I know people do mix it up a bit but as a general rule of thumb it's something that I see regularly, same people in chat, same posters in the forum etc. And while some newbies complain about not getting anywhere or being accepted, I see it, (being a realtive newbie myself)as a kind of social club different rooms (areas of the site) where different people feel more at ease. As to there being a clique, so what if there is, you wouldn't just walk into a social club and expect everyone to want you to sit at their table. just my penny. " Crickey...what could I get for a quid? | |||
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"Well said Ruggers and the post you quote goes some way towards explaining why these forums are as stale as they are. Observe how we post, make friends with us before posting. WHY?? What happened to vibrant conversations where many _iews can be aired? Seems like the clique just want a load of "mini me's" to perpetuate the way things are on here. Stale." I fear my initial comments may have been taken a little out of context here. The essence of what I was trying to get across is that there are ways and means of conducting yourself in life and I don't feel that these forums should be any different. As for 'vibrant discussion' I'm all for that, just not deliberate attempts to rattle cages for the sake of it. | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic." Sorry, did someone post something? | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. Sorry, did someone post something? " | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. Sorry, did someone post something? " xxx | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. Sorry, did someone post something? xxx" Hmph! | |||
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"Ive been swinging 10 years, been on this site aprox 6 years and have just started using the forums. I read threads, i hate using the word " cliques' but people need to be aware alot of people using forums have met each other in real life maybe threw swinging with them or at a social, or both? Therefore the banter is better, they will reply to each others posts etc. And why not? I dont feel outcasted because of it, i enjoy the reading. I have my say on some threads and never had no trouble had abit of banter along the way and i see it all as fun. We have to remember everyone is different. Some observe, some meet n greet, others snipe and bitch at every oppertunity, but thats life? I take everything i read lighthearted, and id not worry too much about it, i myself is here to have a good time and enjoy myself and im hoping everyone else will be doing the same xx " Nicely summed up .... could have waited 5 minutes and saved myself a post ...not that im lazy | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. Sorry, did someone post something? xxx Hmph?" Yes please, if you're offering. | |||
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"Everyone was new once.... so it is at least survivable." | |||
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"As a sexual predator I am always welcoming toward new comers. It's better to strike early before they read my posts. You blimmin' ignored my posts! Obviously I need to get a more tantalising userpic. Sorry, did someone post something? xxx Hmph? Yes please, if you're offering." LOL cheeky. | |||
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"I knew you was joking haha" Phew ! | |||
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"I knew you was joking haha Phew ! " Lifes not fun if you take things seriously | |||
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"Crickey...what could I get for a quid? " looking at your profile, I wish you could get to newcastle for a quid | |||
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"I rarely post on these forums, but i do use them alot for finding things out, party game ideas, knowledge about the scene etc. When I do post, sometimes I get ignored, other times I get a response. I think it's like a lot of other forums in that respect. As for this forum/site specifically, I think there are far too many newbies who assume fab is a fuck and go site, rather than an online portal for swingers and the lifestyle so there should be more stringent rules for newbies posting, maybe even supporters only, but that is not my call. I see the site having 4 types of users. timewasters, messagers, forum users, and chat users. Now I know people do mix it up a bit but as a general rule of thumb it's something that I see regularly, same people in chat, same posters in the forum etc. And while some newbies complain about not getting anywhere or being accepted, I see it, (being a realtive newbie myself)as a kind of social club different rooms (areas of the site) where different people feel more at ease. As to there being a clique, so what if there is, you wouldn't just walk into a social club and expect everyone to want you to sit at their table. just my penny. " i think the pub analogy works well for chat and the forums, and like your added idea of the areas of the site being analogous to different rooms... there is an element of what type of pub is this but i would be stealing someone elses idea if i went more into that | |||
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"While im letting my scouse cool ...... Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down. Try this for a change.... Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod / meeter /fake ) starts a thread. FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees. SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P. THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P. FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again. FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P. And so on and so forth .... It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line. There is no 'clique' " mmm with red cabbage? | |||
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"Oh Yessssssssss....... red n pickled. " it is the only way.. | |||
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"Generally not overly friendly, No." Agreed...a lot of newbies dont seem to hang around for long. | |||
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"While im letting my scouse cool ...... Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down. Try this for a change.... Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod / meeter /fake ) starts a thread. FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees. SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P. THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P. FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again. FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P. And so on and so forth .... It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line. There is no 'clique' " I don't write swear words very often Granny... but that's fucking perfect! | |||
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"Generally not overly friendly, No. Agreed...a lot of newbies dont seem to hang around for long." thats true of any forum | |||
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"I think it is like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. I remember when I 1st started posting, I noticed a lot of the posters where from the mainland and very few and far between from Northern Ireland. I plodded on and I think one of the very 1st Post I created was "does my bum look big" and had avatar pic of my bum up. It was a piss take of myself but it got me noticed (slightly) The more you post the more people can see your personality and the way you think. Yes there was times when I thought I was a thread killer, but in honesty that was my take on it. All in all the more you post the more you will get noticed. Yes it can be daunting the 1st few times but persistance does pay off in the end. " I remember that bum thread.... I was a newbie at the time too lol. ....it's funny because I didn't realise you were new too! It's a funny thing 'perception'. xx | |||
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"I think it is like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. I remember when I 1st started posting, I noticed a lot of the posters where from the mainland and very few and far between from Northern Ireland. I plodded on and I think one of the very 1st Post I created was "does my bum look big" and had avatar pic of my bum up. It was a piss take of myself but it got me noticed (slightly) The more you post the more people can see your personality and the way you think. Yes there was times when I thought I was a thread killer, but in honesty that was my take on it. All in all the more you post the more you will get noticed. Yes it can be daunting the 1st few times but persistance does pay off in the end. I remember that bum thread.... I was a newbie at the time too lol. ....it's funny because I didn't realise you were new too! It's a funny thing 'perception'. xx" Thats it, everyones perception on things will vary to a degree. P.S. I didn't realise you where a newbie then either | |||
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"While im letting my scouse cool ...... Why do people always cite this scenario .. e.g. A newbie posts then ten of the clique/regulars shoot them down. Try this for a change.... Someone ( regardless of membership status/ length / forum newbie /lurker/regular / chat bod / meeter /fake ) starts a thread. FIRST to answer is MrX of Bristol. He disagrees. SECOND to post is MrsDD of Swansea. She has NO fucking idea that MrX is posting at the same time. She's never met him. She doesn't know his politics. She's only posting what she's posting. She too disagrees with the O.P. THIRD to post is MsLuvsItUpMe of Fife. She is totally unaware of MrX and MrsDD. Never met them. Never read them. Won't even read them now as she's about to have what she loves n logs off. She too disagrees with the O.P. FOURTH is me. I've read the O.P and the following threads. I too disagree with the O.P and put my alternative _iew. I've still never heard of MrX. MrsDD . MsLuvitUpMe. I just consider them hightly intelligent for some unknown reason and hope they'll post again. FIFTH , SIXTH , SEVENTH are forumites i've heard of but who for geographical reasons I am never likely to meet. I've read their posts before but we are NOT bussom buddies NOR blood relations. In fact one of them only joined last week. Two disagree with the O.P and one agrees with the O.P. And so on and so forth .... It does not follow logically that just because a string of people disagree with the O.P that they are a clique. Most of the time they are unaware that each other is posting and all probably believe they are the first respondant unless they came in later down the line. There is no 'clique' " The fourm has waited so long for that answer pure class Granny well put xxx | |||
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"Do i think the forum is newbie friendly? No i dont think it is....new guys generally get less favourable responses than new gals...but on the whole no i dont think its over friendly...." Again, it's a perception thing... You could start a post in the next 60 seconds saying... "I'm so effin' effed off my fella has bought me effin' jeffin' flip flops.... that's FLIP FLOPS ....he's such an effin' waste of space " Us 'regulars' will see you are taking the piss because we know what's what when it comes to you and your shoes (nowt wrong with that). A 'newbie' most probably won't have read your previous posts that have made it clear you don't find flip flops a complete waste of space and money and most probably taken your post completely out of your intended context and assumed you were being ungrateful about a gift (quite normal reaction). I love seeing newbies join in, I've started threads inviting lurkers to start posting xx | |||
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"How many places/community will welcome a complete stranger without any reservations? People may say hi and bye to break the ice, however, they would largely keep themselves to themselves at the onset, until the so-called newbies become familiar faces. FAB forums are no different. I honestly cannot remember any hostilities directed at me when I was a newbie in the forums. " Another cracking post! | |||
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"Do i think the forum is newbie friendly? No i dont think it is....new guys generally get less favourable responses than new gals...but on the whole no i dont think its over friendly.... Again, it's a perception thing... You could start a post in the next 60 seconds saying... "I'm so effin' effed off my fella has bought me effin' jeffin' flip flops.... that's FLIP FLOPS ....he's such an effin' waste of space " Us 'regulars' will see you are taking the piss because we know what's what when it comes to you and your shoes (nowt wrong with that). A 'newbie' most probably won't have read your previous posts that have made it clear you don't find flip flops a complete waste of space and money and most probably taken your post completely out of your intended context and assumed you were being ungrateful about a gift (quite normal reaction). I love seeing newbies join in, I've started threads inviting lurkers to start posting xx" The OP asked if we thought it was newbie friendly, i stated i dont think it is...i still dont think it is....on the whole it isnt....i will stick with my opinion....now gimme a flip flop...ten of the best? | |||
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. " witches | |||
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. witches " Thats right witches why pick up on it does the hat fit or summat? | |||
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. witches " I have a witches hat. | |||
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. witches I have a witches hat. " Cool, mind never seen you stirring the big cooking pot with a victim in. | |||
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"Is it Newbie friendly, I would say overall no. The newbies who persevere and have a thick skin make it through. But having been on this site for 3 years I have seen alot on the forums and overall it isn't. Which is a shame really because we were all new once. This thread is good as it is making us all aware for the future newbies that come on." | |||
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"Is it Newbie friendly, I would say overall no. The newbies who persevere and have a thick skin make it through. But having been on this site for 3 years I have seen alot on the forums and overall it isn't. Which is a shame really because we were all new once. This thread is good as it is making us all aware for the future newbies that come on." I'm guessing i've missed something in the last few days from some of the comments there are a lot of good comment above for me i just persevere and try to have a thick skin. I don't understand some of forum, but find them useful to learn from. I do feel some of the long time people get fed up with the same subjects coming up and forget people/newbies haven't read/seen or looked at the older posts. | |||
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" I do feel some of the long time people get fed up with the same subjects coming up and forget people/newbies haven't read/seen or looked at the older posts." Lol that's the beauty of my goldfish memory everything is new ta me I often look at back posts and think did I write that? And that's the ones I wrote 20 mins ago lol xx | |||
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"Nope, not newbie friendly at all. It's very insular. I've been posting for over a year now and more often than not, my posts are overlooked and ignored. There are also a handful of people who never do anything but try and pick an argument or belittle what someone else has said and almost try and antagonise them into responding. Not some of the time, but ALL of the time. Those who say 'persevere and you'll be accepted' are wrong. I however, do not give a shit so I carry on posting anyway. *Her*" I am quite surprised by your perspective. | |||
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"We would say in all honesty, no. The forums are not at all newbie friendly. But to be fair that goes for nearly all internet forums of any sort." Yep, there are a lot worse forums than this one.... even if you have tits you get ripped to bits. Then there is the ol' matter of expectations. If you expect to be hugged for an hour by a queue of strangers you're not gonna think it is a nice place when it doesn't happen. If folk come along and expect nothing other than the same functions to express their own personal _iews ... then at the very least their expectations will be met. There are many pub analogies used when talking about forums, but forums are really very much like city centre pubs. Even when people look familiar, not everyone knows everyone else. People don't rush up to welcome you.... unless it is their job. And most of all, if a half a dozen friends are making a night of it to destress and catch up on who is doing what, they are unlikely to stop their conversations to make you feel special and wanted when they don't have a scooby doo who you are. You need to be prepared for the fact that you may end up standing at the bar on your own all night. | |||
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"Friendly? Lmfao NO most of the time. If someone says something that is against the witches or someone looks like a victim the long knifes come out. witches I have a witches hat. " . Is. It all glittery and sparkly? | |||
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars. But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it. See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies! " Aye good point never thought a that xx | |||
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars. But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it. See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies! " do u think we`ll ever be friends | |||
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars. But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it. See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies! do u think we`ll ever be friends " May be........ if I am ever lobotomised | |||
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"An additional point...... there is nothing to stop the newbies who want it to be more friendly from making it more friendly by being friendly to other newbies... ffs, I bet you out number the long service regulars. But instead what usually happens... it's easier to moan about being excluded by a handful of people, make 'some people' comments, throw in the 'C' word and contribute to making this place look even more unfriendly to other newbies who read it. See....... if you feel it's not a friendly place, blame the newbies! do u think we`ll ever be friends May be........ if I am ever lobotomised " | |||
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"As a newbie couple, we have found it difficult on here. I wouldn't say it's the regular peoples fault for this, from some of the idiotic messages we get (now blocked) from 'single' blokes on here it is no wonder people are the way we are. However after a couple of bad experiences for me and my wife, one good thing this site could use is a 'timewaster' button you can put against people......? Yes this has probably been discussed before, but as a new couple to this we feel it would be something good to have" so after all that do you think the forums are friendly then? | |||
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"Think they are friendly enough.... IF you got the skin of a feckin rhino " i got nice soft skin.....no rhino here...but i get the horn if that counts? | |||
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"Think they are friendly enough.... IF you got the skin of a feckin rhino i got nice soft skin.....no rhino here...but i get the horn if that counts?" | |||
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"Ive been swinging 10 years, been on this site aprox 6 years and have just started using the forums. I read threads, i hate using the word " cliques' but people need to be aware alot of people using forums have met each other in real life maybe threw swinging with them or at a social, or both? Therefore the banter is better, they will reply to each others posts etc. And why not? I dont feel outcasted because of it, i enjoy the reading. I have my say on some threads and never had no trouble had abit of banter along the way and i see it all as fun. We have to remember everyone is different. Some observe, some meet n greet, others snipe and bitch at every oppertunity, but thats life? I take everything i read lighthearted, and id not worry too much about it, i myself is here to have a good time and enjoy myself and im hoping everyone else will be doing the same xx Nicely summed up .... could have waited 5 minutes and saved myself a post ...not that im lazy " | |||
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"Insular? I really don't think so I post if someone answers then good if they don't I hardly ever notice to be honest There is always a lot if talk about cliques on here I really don't see that What I do see us people ( a lot who gave actually met socially) talking to eachother If a post interests me enough ta reply I will be it a newbie or a regular poster I really don't take much notice anyway here ta piss about and relax I rarely post owt serious unless it grabs me My advice to anyone who feels they are being ignored is ta jump in smile be lighthearted and fook what anyone else thinks lol xx" | |||
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"personally i think some of the people on here are really rude and like to talk down to people, ive seen it first hand and it is not nice to see. A simple innocent question can get torn apart and the OP ripped to shreds at others enjoyment.!!! not good!!! and then you get the trolls who jump on the bandwagon and rip it to shreds further. Humanity, civility and politeness come free so there is no need for it! And its a shame as its only a few who do this, the main percentage are lovely lovely people, but the trolls who spend hours reading all the forums looking to put people down really do ruin it for others." Yeahhhh I know what you mean.... and those who come on to post about people they have met before to say what a sad fruitloop they are and write "IN YOUR FACE" type messages to them.... why do they do it hey | |||
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"FFs will try again...my typing sucks today ! Ok posts have been removed....don't pick out certain posters when replying please. Don't forget, people are allowed their opinion on this thread, wether you like it or not. As someone said up there, if there are some honest answers, maybe the rest of us will listen to what newbies are seeing. " Hahahahaha you're crap ruggers | |||
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"FFs will try again...my typing sucks today ! Ok posts have been removed....don't pick out certain posters when replying please. Don't forget, people are allowed their opinion on this thread, wether you like it or not. As someone said up there, if there are some honest answers, maybe the rest of us will listen to what newbies are seeing. Hahahahaha you're crap ruggers " I know It is the fat fingers that does it Hello puss btw | |||
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"Being a newbie i can def say that the forum is not newbie friendly and if you use it do you get a shag.....def not.....now will just wait to be shot down in flames once again " I think the shag comment was tongue in cheek Welcome to the forums btw | |||
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"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!!" Excuse me??????? Naming people on a forum in a derogatry way is against rules. If a person named you in the same way the post would be pulled too. Have your say by all means, without names. | |||
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"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!!" Smile and it may just make others want to smile back | |||
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"I did have my say, and i didnt name any names, i simply said i agreed with the poster up above, and then next minute his post was removed as well as mine, i thought this forum was about opinions!! i gave mine but it was not accepted and therefor removed. No names were mentioned by myself." Yours was removed as you quoted his....nothing to do with your post at all. | |||
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"Rugby..You changed your name? " Not for about two years no...give us a clue as to who you think we were | |||
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"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!! Excuse me??????? Naming people on a forum in a derogatry way is against rules. If a person named you in the same way the post would be pulled too. Have your say by all means, without names." so how come one of the book club name me on forum and when I reported it nothing happened?? Rules for one and rules for others?? | |||
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"Rugby..You changed your name? Not for about two years no...give us a clue as to who you think we were" Not a complete change...But I always read your name as Ruby...Just noticed today it says Rugby lol | |||
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"Oh look another cover up by ADMIN - obviously part of the 'group' like we were saying if your face fits!!!! Excuse me??????? Naming people on a forum in a derogatry way is against rules. If a person named you in the same way the post would be pulled too. Have your say by all means, without names. so how come one of the book club name me on forum and when I reported it nothing happened?? Rules for one and rules for others??" Not a clue. But rather than turn this thread into " the big bad mod is biased to me but lets everyone post what they like"....maybe report it again or mail a mod with the link to the thread they can check it out again. | |||
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"Rugby..You changed your name? Not for about two years no...give us a clue as to who you think we were Not a complete change...But I always read your name as Ruby...Just noticed today it says Rugby lol" ah loads call us Ruby , you are not the only one to read it different | |||
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"I happen to agree 110% with her soapy, x" Im actually aware many do agree with it im just saying sorry that people feel like that I kinda felt the same when i first posted and i was extremely tentative But posting regularly i actually realised that the scary ones wernt that bad and actually made scence And believe you me there were some scary ones when i started lol xx | |||
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" And yes you may all have met at clubs etc but some of us are all over the country and cant get to clubs, so we dont have the advantage of knowing you in person (and im sure you are lovely !!) but many of the clique post a scathing reply and then disapear, they light the touchfire and watch!!!!!!!! probably getting off on the fact that they have caused world war three and that some poor newbie is taking the flack while they sit there smiling. ITS WRONG AND NOT NICE " just wanted to cut this bit and comment on it... because 10 minutes after this poster posted this... they "left the site" irony being... they did exactly the same thing they accused others of doing... " a scathing reply and then disapear, they light the touchfire and watch!!!!!!!! probably getting off on the fact that they have caused world war three " yes people have met each other, yes people are stuck in parts of the country (its not exactly "swinging central" in the north east) I think that the pub analogy is a good one.... and yet you never hear people come back as to why isn't.... home many times do people truely accept others without getting a feel for them first... it doesn't happen in the real world, so why would it happen on ANY forum..... | |||
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" home many times do people truely accept others without getting a feel for them first... it doesn't happen in the real world, so why would it happen on ANY forum..... " But there's a difference between being 'accepted' and being friendly. If you walked into a pub and everyone had a go because you ordered a pint of bitter instead of lager, would you go back into that pub the following day? If you walked in and you were given a warmish welcome, you would surely go back? I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. | |||
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"i know the girl who posted and she has had enough, and to be honest i cant blame her! So fair play to her for having her say before leaving, as no doubt she would have recieved another ban on the forums for speaking out, like many of us have had, for reasons that others clearly get away with!! Yep double standards" but how do you know that others haven't been banned..... for example... how many people notice that others haven't written a reply in lets say 24...48... or 72 hrs???? probably more than you realise..... | |||
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" I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. " how was i treated... probably like most new people... but i have an extremely thick skin, a "water off a ducks back" attitute" and I lurked for a couple a weeks to get a feel for the place before i even set a toe in.... but I perservered with it.... so maybe i went about things "differently" than others..... half of the reason any forum that works does is because people are attracted into joining, either by seeing the content or seeing how lively it is..... without a core group of people no forum would work... as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? people complain about the core of people... but without them this place wouldn't be half the place it was... I can show you a great example not too far for here in swinging circles... website got bought out buy a business, they made changes... and people voted with their feet..... not a shell of what it once was.... | |||
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"Do you know what _abio, its attitudes ( yes argumentative ones) like you seem to enjoy that make these forums non enjoyable to the ones like me who wish to have a laugh and certainly not at others expenses, so as far as im concerned you can keep your forums, your little cliques and you can ask for this to be removed ( no doubt i will get a ban or a warning - im expecting it - after all im not in the clique) then you can run off and do your thank you admin arselick that normally happens. Im sticking to swinging its what i do best!!!! Enjoy your forums - Im outta here!!!!!!! " so by disagreeing with what you said.. i am being arguementative.... i thought this was a conversation where all sides were put across! you may like some sides..... you may not like others.... I am never going to agree with people on all topics, and i wouldn't expect the same... so just who am i suppose to have "flamed" now... because i pointed out the irony of what someone said.... as i said... sometimes, you can't do right for doing wrong in some peoples eyes..... | |||
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" home many times do people truely accept others without getting a feel for them first... it doesn't happen in the real world, so why would it happen on ANY forum..... But there's a difference between being 'accepted' and being friendly. If you walked into a pub and everyone had a go because you ordered a pint of bitter instead of lager, would you go back into that pub the following day? If you walked in and you were given a warmish welcome, you would surely go back? I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. " Good post. I dont buy the 'acceptance' argument that gets rolled out, people don't need to be 'accepted' in this context as if to reinforce some type of inner 'clique' scenario, but they should be respected and offered a friendly environment, just like if you walked into a pub. Common courtesy should be a common denominator. I agree with some posters who have made the point that this isn't always the case. | |||
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" as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? ...." Just to comment on this, as an example, when the big pussy party goes on on a Sunday ( I am using this as an example as it happens through the day) a lot of the regular posters seem to go....the forums ticked along the same way, a bit quiter than normal with less posts but not a huge amount. This might not go down well and but I am being honest....it was the quietist Sunday that was on here in a long time ( Sunday has taken over Thursdays ) and it flowed along nicely...in fact a few new people turned up too so I think even if the regulars don't post, the forums won't dry up. | |||
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" as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? " Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum. | |||
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" as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? .... Just to comment on this, as an example, when the big pussy party goes on on a Sunday ( I am using this as an example as it happens through the day) a lot of the regular posters seem to go....the forums ticked along the same way, a bit quiter than normal with less posts but not a huge amount. This might not go down well and but I am being honest....it was the quietist Sunday that was on here in a long time ( Sunday has taken over Thursdays ) and it flowed along nicely...in fact a few new people turned up too so I think even if the regulars don't post, the forums won't dry up. " Nope ya right rugby the forums won't dry up Since I've been posting a lot if the original regulars have actually left and others have taken their place Life's like that lol The point is though where do these new regulars come from? Oh yes they were newbies that just bit the bullet and persevered instead of whinging about unaceptance If some actually put as much effort into getting on with it as opposed to dissing it then I'm pretty sure fab would need bigger servers xx | |||
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"Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains. The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular. Coincidence? I expect so." Not really...what it means is this mod can't read every thread at the same time so I am reading one at a time and dealing with one at a time if it needs it. Of course it could also mean that two threads with the same subject has different answers to the other on. Read up on my post about reporting things a mod might have missed rather than have digs. | |||
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" as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum. " you ever saw the Introduction forums, newbies say hi and no one says hi back | |||
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" I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. how was i treated... probably like most new people... but i have an extremely thick skin, a "water off a ducks back" attitute" and I lurked for a couple a weeks to get a feel for the place before i even set a toe in.... but I perservered with it.... ...." Fabio, is that not the point that some of the posters on here are trying to make? Maybe you shouldn't need as thick a skin or to persevere with it. A welcoming environment could probably in some part be defined as not requiring those two characteristics. I think what frustrates some posters is that certain people doggedly defend the status quo even when there is clearly an issue, or the topic would not raise it's head as often as it does. It wouldn't hurt to acknowledge there is sometimes harsh treatment, it may even encourage other members to condemn it more readily. The forums are not perfect, thank god, perfect is not possible and would be boring, but that doesn't mean it should not aspire. Just because you needed a thick skin or may have endured a tough time doesn't mean others should have to aswell. | |||
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"Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains. The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular. Coincidence? I expect so." Doesn't some of it it depend on what was being posted in each of the two threads? What a lot of 'newbies' don't seem to see (or haven't been around long enough to see) is just how many of the 'regulars' have been banned from posting, have had posts removed, threads closed, only had two replies and dropped off the page... and so on. | |||
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" as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum. you ever saw the Introduction forums, newbies say hi and no one says hi back " Doesn't that show how unfriendly the other newbies are? | |||
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" as an experiment, i would love the regular posters not to post for 48 hrs... just to see what would happen.... 48 hours.. have two forums... one regulars, one for newbies... people couldn't post in both.... which would be busier??? Don't we sort of have that already with the 'Introductions' forum. you ever saw the Introduction forums, newbies say hi and no one says hi back Doesn't that show how unfriendly the other newbies are?" Maybe it shows that nobody can be arsed to say hello and people really are just a pack of whinging unfriendly feckers after all | |||
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"Going off-topic for a second. One gypsy thread has just been deleted whilst another, older one remains. The deleted thread is started by a forum "newbie" the surviving thread is started by a forum regular. Coincidence? I expect so. Doesn't some of it it depend on what was being posted in each of the two threads? What a lot of 'newbies' don't seem to see (or haven't been around long enough to see) is just how many of the 'regulars' have been banned from posting, have had posts removed, threads closed, only had two replies and dropped off the page... and so on." I'm sure we have all had or will have time outs from the forums at some point because of a difference of opinion from either newbies or old hands posting in the forums with their _iews. The reason for a forum is to discuss, agree, disagree and have light hearted banter. Unfortunately, we all have our own ideas of what is right and wrong, how things should be done and so on, its all part of being involved in the site forum. Take the posts with a pinch of salt and treat it as banter, taking them too serious can only lead to upset. | |||
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" I dont expect people to accept me on here, but think back to how you were treated when you first started on forums. how was i treated... probably like most new people... but i have an extremely thick skin, a "water off a ducks back" attitute" and I lurked for a couple a weeks to get a feel for the place before i even set a toe in.... but I perservered with it.... .... Fabio, is that not the point that some of the posters on here are trying to make? Maybe you shouldn't need as thick a skin or to persevere with it. A welcoming environment could probably in some part be defined as not requiring those two characteristics. I think what frustrates some posters is that certain people doggedly defend the status quo even when there is clearly an issue, or the topic would not raise it's head as often as it does. It wouldn't hurt to acknowledge there is sometimes harsh treatment, it may even encourage other members to condemn it more readily. The forums are not perfect, thank god, perfect is not possible and would be boring, but that doesn't mean it should not aspire. Just because you needed a thick skin or may have endured a tough time doesn't mean others should have to aswell. " Thats what I was trying to say using the pub analogy. Thanks for explaining it better than me | |||
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