FabSwingers.com forum: Death Anniversaries

By *arlo82 OP Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

Today marks 1 year without mum, the first full year. Over the past few days I've been very emotional and cried at drop of a hat, wanted held so very much. This morning I feel numb.

Is this normal? I know there's no "normal" as such but I just don't know how I should be feeling?

Apologies for the morbid post.... and on a Monday

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending you virtual hugs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I’m sorry for your loss Darlo.

It’s hard isn’t it? I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I think you need to ‘allow’ the grief to come. Forcing it away probably won’t do you any good. An anniversary is a good time to remember the good times and celebrate the life of your Mum.

There is no right or wrong or ‘normal’. You need to do what gives you comfort today. There’s no quick fix to grief but time does help x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I believe in the year and one day theory. It takes a year and a day before we begin to realise that some one we love has gone.

A year to go through all the major things without them, Christmas, anniversaries, birthdays. Then on the last day, we begin the healing process.

Be kind to yourself. Take time to cry, to do things that make you feel a little better, things that make you sad, but remind you of your mum. Just be kind to yourself.

And hugs from me too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Darlo I am sorry for your loss... grief is such a personal thing . Everyone deals with it in their own way.

The saying of time is a great healer is so wrong.

The sadness the pain never goes away... but in time you learn how to cope.

My way is fairly simple to cope. On an anniversary I do two things.

I do one to remember, I visit the cemetery and pay respects.

The second I do something that was special just for us.

Hugs help lots to... so sending you a big rugby hug! X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlo82 OP Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

"Sending you virtual hugs "

Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlo82 OP Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

"I believe in the year and one day theory. It takes a year and a day before we begin to realise that some one we love has gone.

A year to go through all the major things without them, Christmas, anniversaries, birthdays. Then on the last day, we begin the healing process.

Be kind to yourself. Take time to cry, to do things that make you feel a little better, things that make you sad, but remind you of your mum. Just be kind to yourself.

And hugs from me too."

I never thought of that.... celebrating in a way her birthday just passed was incredibly hard. She had been planning her 60th for so very long and then to never see it crushed me. Xmas was hard but always is as I lost my Grandad xmas day a few yrs ago.

I shall try, I'll keep busy at work and hopefully that stops the constant flow of feeling crap x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it's perfectly normal.

Any Anniversary of the death of someone you love is always tricky.

13 years coming up since I lost my mum and two for my dad.

I promise it gets easier and I now look on it as a time of reflection (good and bad) is still sad but it's easier.

Just hope you get through the day as best you can there's no right or wrong way to deal with grief.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Heaps of love Darlo. There’s nothing like an anniversary to stop you in your tracks. If you have time, try to spend an hour somewhere you feel close to mum and have a good old reflect on the great times. Be kind to yourself x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's completely normal. It's so hard losing a parent. All mine are gone now. For my mums first year i got together with my family. We did a balloon release and went for a meal at her fave restaurant. Try to do something to celebrate her life if you can

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very normal...I am like this around my son's and my dad's and still get this way even tho it's been 18 years.

First year is the hardest tho so big hugs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Today marks 1 year without mum, the first full year. Over the past few days I've been very emotional and cried at drop of a hat, wanted held so very much. This morning I feel numb.

Is this normal? I know there's no "normal" as such but I just don't know how I should be feeling?

Apologies for the morbid post.... and on a Monday "

If that’s how you feel then it’s absolutely normal. Embrace it. Is there anyone you would like to give you a hug? Not the same as your mum but if there is someone, ask them. A big hug and a good sob.

I think it’s tragic that these days, we are not allowed to have emotions and when we do they are somehow labelled and attempt made to ‘cure’ or hide them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s very normal. The morning of an anniversary is the worst time, I’ve always found it eases as the day progresses.

Time does help, but I don’t think it’s something you ever forget. You just learn to live with it a little easier.

Be kind to yourself. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today marks 1 year without mum, the first full year. Over the past few days I've been very emotional and cried at drop of a hat, wanted held so very much. This morning I feel numb.

Is this normal? I know there's no "normal" as such but I just don't know how I should be feeling?

Apologies for the morbid post.... and on a Monday "

After you lose them, you get a new "normal". It's never the same again.

You should be "feeling" however You feel. It's true that everyone deals with it differently. I lost my father a little over a year ago and I am finding the second year without him, harder than the first. I'm not sure exactly why.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today marks 1 year without mum, the first full year. Over the past few days I've been very emotional and cried at drop of a hat, wanted held so very much. This morning I feel numb.

Is this normal? I know there's no "normal" as such but I just don't know how I should be feeling?

Apologies for the morbid post.... and on a Monday "

I still get them feels and its 7 years now since i lost my mum. Greiving can last for infinity or a matter of weeks, its individual to each person and you shouldnt be made to feel in any "normal" way. I personally listen to a few of her songs, and where the pink shirt that i wore at her funeral. This helps me and i make sure i have a little cry at somepoint, bottling it up isnt healthy. Over time you will discover what works for you. Gook luck and im sorry for your loss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today marks 1 year without mum, the first full year. Over the past few days I've been very emotional and cried at drop of a hat, wanted held so very much. This morning I feel numb.

Is this normal? I know there's no "normal" as such but I just don't know how I should be feeling?

Apologies for the morbid post.... and on a Monday "

Grief is normal and its understandable to feel this way. I think at times like this, its better to celebrate. Think of all the great things about your mum and the great moments. Why? So you cry tears of happiness instead of tears of sadness. Oh and as for knowing how you should feel. You feel how you feel. If you are honest about your feelings, your feelings will look after you and your heart xx

Big high five for you and your mum

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's perfectly normal. Every year around the time my best friend killed himself is usually a time of guilt and sadness, it does get easier as years go by but then you feel guilty for letting it make you feel less pain so it's a no win situation really.

Big hugs from us and hugs when we meet you for the first time at the social x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not morbid at all.

I totally sympathize with you as for many mum is the rock of most families.

I have over the years put my mother through hell. Not knowing where I was or what I was doing, going completely off the rails to such an extent that she got the police to capture me just before I was about to commit a serious crime.

Then with all the motorbike crashes etc she has been put through the mill.

Now she is weak, old and doesn't have many more years left due to her failing health.

The time will come when I say goodbye to my mum, not looking forward to it, nothing I can do about it that's how life is.

Just trying to do the best I can while she is still here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Sending you a huge hug Darlo x

I've lost family & friends, several of which have been under tragic circumstances, those dates & the days around them are always hard for me.

My dad died 2wks before my birthday, his funeral was the day after my birthday & his birthday would have been 6 days later. April is a horrible month for me.

We all deal with our grief in different ways xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlo82 OP Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

Thank you all!

I will be having cuddles with my mini me this evening. Feel quite bad as I shouted this morning... wasn't really coping too well with things.

Work is an irritation today. Just want bed and a cuddle. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all!

I will be having cuddles with my mini me this evening. Feel quite bad as I shouted this morning... wasn't really coping too well with things.

Work is an irritation today. Just want bed and a cuddle. Xx"

Shouting is never good but I understand why.

Take a minute and think of a good moment.

Take care now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have said its totally normal to feel not normal on these dates, its coming up to 11 years at the end of this month since I lost my mum, each year I tell myself it wont hit me as hard as the last but it still does. I cant even really explain why, I think and talk about her often, without getting upset, but her anniversary is still a day that floors me and takes me back to that moment as I sat with her as she passed.

Be kind to yourself. Dont worry about what feelings you should or shouldnt have, just feel them. Sending you hugs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r_FaustusMan
over a year ago

Northampton

"Today marks 1 year without mum, the first full year. Over the past few days I've been very emotional and cried at drop of a hat, wanted held so very much. This morning I feel numb.

Is this normal? I know there's no "normal" as such but I just don't know how I should be feeling?

Apologies for the morbid post.... and on a Monday "

Sending ((hugs))

Not morbid, Darlo - and absolutely, completely, perfectly normal. Horrible, but entirely normal and to be expected.

Grief is a strange thing and it can take us unawares, particularly around anniversaries of the death; but also birthdays, (their) wedding anniversaries, or other events that had significance to you or to them (sports, perhaps most obviously).

Yes, be held by someone who cares about you. And be kind to yourself, today and the next few days x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlo82 OP Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

Thank you all! Been a massive help/support!

Hard sometimes to reach out so doing so even online helps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

April will be three years since my dad died, some days I'm ok and other days I miss him terribly, especially if I'm already feeling down about something else. It still doesn't seem real that he's gone and life hasn't been right since, regardless of distractions and putting a smile on. Sorry for your loss OP, there's no "right" way to deal with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread