FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Being a Dom

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What advice can you give for me to become an effective male dom??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

read up on the net x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do you ask?

Personally I believe that sub and dom tendancies are ingrained in us in a similar way to sexuality. You can;t learn to be a dom, you either are or you aren't.

If you think you are but have never explored it then there are probably more informed sites than this where to be honest some can be quite critical/cynical of those in to kink.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you need to ask, it's not in you. That's the long and short of it, I'm afraid.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *istress ValeporcaCouple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

My words exactly! There's nomagic 'tricks' to being Dom or Domme, you just are.


"If you need to ask, it's not in you. That's the long and short of it, I'm afraid."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words exactly! There's nomagic 'tricks' to being Dom or Domme, you just are.

If you need to ask, it's not in you. That's the long and short of it, I'm afraid."

Agree totally, and you'd have known long before now

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ineffective it is then!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"My words exactly! There's nomagic 'tricks' to being Dom or Domme, you just are.

If you need to ask, it's not in you. That's the long and short of it, I'm afraid.

Agree totally, and you'd have known long before now"

agreed

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

I disagree totally with the advice you have been given above.

It is not too late for you to explore and enjoy your dom side.

To state that people are born dom like some kind of Jesus Christ is laughable.

I note you asked not how to dom but how to be an effective dom. That in itself shows insight.

I suggest getting involved with patient experienced people who will answer questions for you AND reading 'good' info. I'm wary of the net because so much is bullshit written by non experts and published as gospel.

I guess a good starting place would be to envisiage exactly what you want from the experience. What you want to do and do to others and create it. It's going to be quite a hard search to find someone who wants the same.

On the other hand if you mean you just want to know how to stop your missus sticking your head in the sink when your doing the washing up ....... my mistake. xx xx

Good luck x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

well ........ i never.

My mornings reading has taught me the different melting point of candles and where to thwack and not to thwack ...amongst other things.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Nothing about dish kissing tho .... sos

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with Granny in that with most things sexual it's something that developes over time.

I wasn't born a Domme, until the age of 44 I'd only ever slept with one man, yet now I'm on a site seeking male playmates to dress up to please me and do unspeakable things to their bodies - who would have guessed!

For me, to be effective it's finding out what makes my subs tick and using that to my advantage and as treat/punishment for them. Sometimes I come across subs that have "kinks" that don't interest me ie scat, so it would be pointless for either of us.

My regular playmates HATE dressing in lingerie. Their blushing and discomfort is a major turn on for me, so I'll dress them accordingly. I have one that loves dressing in lingerie - so I seldom let him dress up, only for a treat.

This works for me - it won't necessarily have the same effect OP, but it could be a way to start.

Good luck.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should love to find a Dom man to play games with .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think that some of the advice given has been meant how they are..

I think that while you have to actually be naturally one or the other..( or okay you have some that are switches) I think that if you naturally have a dominant side, you may not realise that you are wanting to be a dom or domme till much later in life..

I would say to the OP to read.. perhaps find an experienced Dominant to talk to... You can never ask enough questions.. and to be honest at least your not just saying. "I am a dominant, who wants to be my Slave"

I have recently realised that I am dominant (apart from with my Master) and am happily now evolving that side of my nature.. and finding that it has actually increased my submission too.

Cali x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

I'm such a Dom I tell K what she can tell me what to do, well in my dreams anyway lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"What advice can you give for me to become an effective male dom??"

You may hate this answer, but defining 'effective' would be a good start.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

has an effect

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"has an effect"

Successful in producing the desired result is another definition - whcih only has meaning if you identify the desired effect....

So, to the OP, what is the desired effect?

In my experience, it is probably better if you find you are doing things that most people would identify as being things a dom would do, than if you decide you want to be a dom and go looking for the the right things to do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Define tautological

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"I dont think that some of the advice given has been meant how they are..

I think that while you have to actually be naturally one or the other..( or okay you have some that are switches) I think that if you naturally have a dominant side, you may not realise that you are wanting to be a dom or domme till much later in life..

I would say to the OP to read.. perhaps find an experienced Dominant to talk to... You can never ask enough questions.. and to be honest at least your not just saying. "I am a dominant, who wants to be my Slave"

I have recently realised that I am dominant (apart from with my Master) and am happily now evolving that side of my nature.. and finding that it has actually increased my submission too.

Cali x"

i have to agree, i am submissive, only through training with Sir am i becoming a good sub, to him.

Which to me is the element that matters, you cannoy be a Dom imo, without reference to the people /person you are dominating.Which i think may have been awymans point. What works in one relationship will not work in another.

Assuming as the others are said you are naturally Dominant, because i am afraid i must disagree with Granny,her research was about topping not Domming. Also if you are faking it , it doesn't work, you are Dom/,e or you are not.

i would say you need to first be aware of what you want to get out of D/s then what your submissive desires, then try to work out how that point is reached .

This means listen, watch, learn ,not technique, that is important but nothing to be with being Dom, one of my best friends regularly trains others in caning, i can give a damn good flogging, but learn the points where you can push, where limits are , which limits are softer than others.

A dom is someone with whom the sub can explore the boundaries of their sexuality, the Dom in taking control gives permission for the sub ,it is a position of power and responsibility.

An effective Dom is one who turns the no into a begging yes.How do you do this, only you know, but wanting to is an effective first step.

*Disclaimer, all advice given bt jem on D/s is opinion and must not be construed as the one twue way

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Actually Jemima Puddlefuck.....

You said the same thing as me. EXACTLY the same.

Hold on while I quote both ....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

ME.....

I guess a good starting place would be to envisiage exactly what you want from the experience. What you want to do and do to others and create it. It's going to be quite a hard search to find someone who wants the same.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"ME.....

I guess a good starting place would be to envisiage exactly what you want from the experience. What you want to do and do to others and create it. It's going to be quite a hard search to find someone who wants the same."

Your right i misread

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

You

i would say you need to first be aware of what you want to get out of D/s then what your submissive desires, then try to work out how that point is reached .

This means listen, watch, learn ,not technique, that is important but nothing to be............

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"ME.....

I guess a good starting place would be to envisiage exactly what you want from the experience. What you want to do and do to others and create it. It's going to be quite a hard search to find someone who wants the same.

Your right i misread

"

Then we agree again ..happy days xxx

I enjoy you either way xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"ME.....

I guess a good starting place would be to envisiage exactly what you want from the experience. What you want to do and do to others and create it. It's going to be quite a hard search to find someone who wants the same.

Your right i misread

Then we agree again ..happy days xxx

I enjoy you either way xxx "

im being spoilt with breakfast in bed, i think its confuddled me...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks


"What advice can you give for me to become an effective male dom??"

if yr not one now then why do you want to be one?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

I bet you can't reccomend a good opitician with those roly eyes.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with other posts.

That while you are more naturally dom/domme in the bedroom it does take experience to become a good dom/domme. I don't think I'm nearly there yet, but have only in these last 6 months decided i want to take my need to domme to anther level and actually look for subs.

There are sites (which I can't mention here) that have loads of experienced doms helping us freshers, there's seminars on the subject too. And even experienced doms talk to other experienced doms for hints and tips. And they have helped me make my mind up about which direction to take my dommeness.

It has to be down on personal preference and finding subs that match your preference.

If you look you will find =) xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What advice can you give for me to become an effective male dom??"

having only "dabbled" I would still proffer that you need to be well prepared for the responsiblity you undertake, to have inititiative in copious amounts, to be creative and to be driven. Otherwise is is gonna seem like very hard work.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"Define tautological "

Why? Would it make you feel better?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What advice can you give for me to become an effective male dom??"

Find a woman who's willing to submit to you would be an effective start. Steer clear of dominant women. Specially ones with legal training.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"What advice can you give for me to become an effective male dom??

Find a woman who's willing to submit to you would be an effective start. Steer clear of dominant women. Specially ones with legal training. "

Ha.. A Sheldon laugh ....that was funny Wishy xxxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top