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when a father isnt the father

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

you may have read this maybe not.

but one of the founders of moneysupermarket has discovered the family he thought he had was in fact not his.

he was told in 2016 he had cystic fibrosis and it was impossible for him to fathered the three sons he thought were his.

he had been infertile since birth.

his wife had tricked him into believing the children were his and they divorced in 2007.

she only admitted ten years on from the divorce that the children were not his.

his ex wife received over 4 million in the divorce settlement and she even employed agents to try and get more money out of him.

one of the children has broken off all contact with him as he is seeking to recover the money he has paid out through on going maintenance and he is taking her to court in a first 'paternity fraud' case.

he was paying nearly £3000 a month in the early years following the divorce which also had private school fees in advance for the sons (which are now not his) and the £4 million she got.

what are your thoughts on this. how would you feel finding out your family wasnt yours and someone you once loved had deliberately lied to you for over 20 years and still went after you for money knowing you were not the father of the children.

be interested in what you think

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

I think she's a money grabbing cheating cunt.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

My first thought is how awful for the sons and Dad. How awful to find that out. And how must they feel towards the snake of a mum.

If he hammers her financially then it may impact on them.

Awful situation.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

I think throw the book at her ... fraud is fraud regardless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm awkward one, he might not be their father but he has been their dad since birth. It’s got to have hurt him and I can understand him going after her but he’s also got to think of the effects it’s going to have on his relationship with the kids. Not an easy answer as after all them years emotionally he’s invested a lot x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so anyone can father a child but it takes a real man to be a dad who is around and plays the part of their dad like this guy did. He was emotionally invested in these kids he did his best for them for years and to have the rug pulled under his feet like that has got to suck. The kids are probably as damaged as he is. He has every right to get his money back but that won’t fix things and repair the hurt. What he needs is therapy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a lying bitch

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

While biologically he isn't their father, he raised them as his own albeit unbeknownst to him that they aren't.

I don't think he should sue for mis paid maintenence. The children were raised by him and it is not their fault their mother duped him.

He should for sure seek recompense for the lies she told him.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

How incredibly awful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did she trick him or was she just slagging about and got pregnant?

She should repay all the child support. Disgusting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She's a lying bitch and sadly for him it seems all she is doing is giving him money back from the divorce settlement, so I think she should get prosecuted and have a few months inside

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering."

Men and women are naturally devious?

Good grief!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering.

Men and women are naturally devious?

Good grief!

"

Is that incorrect? Most lie, cheat and steal daily. God knows what would happen if there were no consequences for our actions in society.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Paying towards the children's upbringing and ongoing living is one thing, he may not be their father by blood but he is their father in every real, emotional and meaningful sense.

The divorce settlement however is a completely different thing and she should be held accountable for the emotional trauma to the children and to him. It's not just about the money however clearly to her that was her motivation and so it's where it will hurt her most

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering."

Think the figure I recall on a debate on woman's hour about ten years ago was around 12 to possibly 15%..

the latest dna kit trend to do with genealogical research has and is opening some very big cans of worms in some of the relationships where people have found out similar to this thread..

He was their Dad, he bathed them, cuddled them and read bed time stories, picked them up when they fell off their bike and he probably loves them as his own..

The deceit he has endured is horrid but the relationship with the kids is something he can if he wants to hold on to..

Difficult place to be..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for the three sons. They thought he was their Dad and a Dad doesn’t have to be biological.

I know of slightly different situations, where the father was not who everything thought it was, but the Dad (not biological) treated all the kids as his (he knew 2 out of 5 weren’t.)

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering.

Men and women are naturally devious?

Good grief!

Is that incorrect? Most lie, cheat and steal daily. God knows what would happen if there were no consequences for our actions in society."

You really do have a very bleak view of people. Some many lie, some may cheat, but there are some wonderful people out there too.

Just an observation, and I don't mean to be critical, but your posts are very often bleak and nihilistic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think she's a money grabbing cheating cunt."

C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very sad he must of been devastated. A sick trick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering.

Men and women are naturally devious?

Good grief!

Is that incorrect? Most lie, cheat and steal daily. God knows what would happen if there were no consequences for our actions in society.

You really do have a very bleak view of people. Some many lie, some may cheat, but there are some wonderful people out there too.

Just an observation, and I don't mean to be critical, but your posts are very often bleak and nihilistic. "

The world is a bleak as fuck place for around 90%+ people my friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering.

Think the figure I recall on a debate on woman's hour about ten years ago was around 12 to possibly 15%..

the latest dna kit trend to do with genealogical research has and is opening some very big cans of worms in some of the relationships where people have found out similar to this thread..

He was their Dad, he bathed them, cuddled them and read bed time stories, picked them up when they fell off their bike and he probably loves them as his own..

The deceit he has endured is horrid but the relationship with the kids is something he can if he wants to hold on to..

Difficult place to be.. "

Bloody hell 15%...

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Dial 999, ask for an ambulance to deliver a DNA test.

As some numpty did recently.

I think the father in the original post should sue bio-dad(s) for the money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Money. The root of all evil.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Damn right he should claim the money back, and more on top for the deception, lies & emotional stress.

Yes, he loved & raised those children as his own.

And that is the argument.

Had he known they weren't his, would he?

I don't know the full story. Do all 3 children have the same biological father or different.

Either way, she was cheating on him, she knew they weren't his.

She spent a lifetime deceiving him, lived a very good life, on his earnings, all false.

I feel for those children but I have no sympathy for the wife whatsoever.

She brought this on herself & deserves to pay the price now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh god what an awful story that’s so sad

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

[Removed by poster at 06/01/19 20:24:31]

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

There's a huge difference between the words 'dad' and 'father'.

A

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

she has paid around £250,000 to keep the name of the real father out of court and looking at it thats the case closed

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I reckon this is probably a lot more common than people think. Men and women are naturally devious, greedy and unfaithful. So you'd have to think the amount of fathers who have fathered children who aren't biologically their own must be staggering.

Men and women are naturally devious?

Good grief!

Is that incorrect? Most lie, cheat and steal daily. God knows what would happen if there were no consequences for our actions in society.

You really do have a very bleak view of people. Some many lie, some may cheat, but there are some wonderful people out there too.

Just an observation, and I don't mean to be critical, but your posts are very often bleak and nihilistic.

The world is a bleak as fuck place for around 90%+ people my friend.

"

Self defeating rhetoric is a very insidious thing.

I'm fairly certain that your 90% figure is somewhat inflated and again rather bleak. Don't believe every bad thing that you tell yourself, there are some good things out there

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I’ve never heard of anyone being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as an adult, I’m going to have to have a read...

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"There's a huge difference between the words 'dad' and 'father'.

A"

Very true, being a parent is more than just genetics

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/01/06/father-learnt-three-sons-not-biologically-20-years-calls-mystery/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an awful situation for the children particularly.

Not only did they find out the man they thought was there father wasn't but also that their mother has lied to them their whole life. That's got to mess with the head a bit.

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"Money. The root of all evil. "

The love of money is the root of all evil.

1 Timothy 6:10

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By *parkyWheelzWoman
over a year ago

Sebring


"I’ve never heard of anyone being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as an adult, I’m going to have to have a read..."

It's possible to have the genes but not be symptomatic. There weren't the standard diagnostic genetic tests that there are now. He may simply have had it genetically, but not symptomatically until a complicating factor(ie pneumonia, bronchitis,copd,etc) showed up acutely.

That, or he again, had a mild case as a child & his parents never told him.

That said...idr one of the complications of CF to be infertility... I'm gonna have to research this..

All that said, none of that takes away the shock & hurt he must've felt. He knew, loved & raised the kids as his own... in that respect, he was their father & it sounds like he provided for them quite well. He(&the kids, for that matter) is owed restitution for the emotional trauma she has caused. It is up to him and the kids to decide whether they continue to have a father/son relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

in the report 2 of the kids no longer talk to him and one of them made it clear he wouldnt if he sued their mum

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I’ve never heard of anyone being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as an adult, I’m going to have to have a read...

It's possible to have the genes but not be symptomatic. There weren't the standard diagnostic genetic tests that there are now. He may simply have had it genetically, but not symptomatically until a complicating factor(ie pneumonia, bronchitis,copd,etc) showed up acutely.

That, or he again, had a mild case as a child & his parents never told him.

That said...idr one of the complications of CF to be infertility... I'm gonna have to research this..

All that said, none of that takes away the shock & hurt he must've felt. He knew, loved & raised the kids as his own... in that respect, he was their father & it sounds like he provided for them quite well. He(&the kids, for that matter) is owed restitution for the emotional trauma she has caused. It is up to him and the kids to decide whether they continue to have a father/son relationship. "

This..

Had they been poor as church mice they the Dad and the kids would still have shared the moments that make up a life together albeit not with the finery but the memories of the good times will be something to cherish and not discard in the turmoil of the pain of the present anguish and hurt..

Some of our most treasured memories need no money to make them..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its an easy fix legally to undo what has been done financially throughout the divorce and seek damages for money paid previously.

What is irreversible is the mental damage caused to the chap and the kids.

I am also quite impressed my the evil calculating bitch!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you may have read this maybe not.

but one of the founders of moneysupermarket has discovered the family he thought he had was in fact not his.

he was told in 2016 he had cystic fibrosis and it was impossible for him to fathered the three sons he thought were his.

he had been infertile since birth.

his wife had tricked him into believing the children were his and they divorced in 2007.

she only admitted ten years on from the divorce that the children were not his.

his ex wife received over 4 million in the divorce settlement and she even employed agents to try and get more money out of him.

one of the children has broken off all contact with him as he is seeking to recover the money he has paid out through on going maintenance and he is taking her to court in a first 'paternity fraud' case.

he was paying nearly £3000 a month in the early years following the divorce which also had private school fees in advance for the sons (which are now not his) and the £4 million she got.

what are your thoughts on this. how would you feel finding out your family wasnt yours and someone you once loved had deliberately lied to you for over 20 years and still went after you for money knowing you were not the father of the children.

be interested in what you think"

I think it only takes Sperm to be a father, it takes real balls to be a dad.

She did the wrong thing, but it's about motives rather than the rights and wrongs at the beginning.

I wonder how many men are unknowingly bringing up a cuckoo in their nest. I wonder how many of them wonder too? I wonder how many of them know, but have loved their children since birth and don't care about the genetics, as much as they care about their children.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

it reminds me of that scene in me, myself and irene when the babies are being born and the doctor looks strangely at him and hands over the baby.

jim carrey's face at that moment is priceless.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Its an easy fix legally to undo what has been done financially throughout the divorce and seek damages for money paid previously.

What is irreversible is the mental damage caused to the chap and the kids.

I am also quite impressed my the evil calculating bitch!

"

I doubt he needs the money.

Personally I'd not seek financial recompense in his situation. I'd just hope to keep contact with the kids.

Them siding with her says way more about them than him.

A

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I would feel devastated but it isn't the kids fault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'd have to be some kind of low life to do that to someone in the first place, then to take money is just unbelievable!

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"You'd have to be some kind of low life to do that to someone in the first place, then to take money is just unbelievable! "

Greed is a corrupter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'd have to be some kind of low life to do that to someone in the first place, then to take money is just unbelievable!

Greed is a corrupter"

Very true! I find it hard enough getting money for my kids, wish I could tell my ex to stick it up his arse but it's for the kids. Some people just don't care who they hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh damn! Just read this thread


"Damn right he should claim the money back, and more on top for the deception, lies & emotional stress.

Yes, he loved & raised those children as his own.

And that is the argument.

Had he known they weren't his, would he?

I don't know the full story. Do all 3 children have the same biological father or different.

Either way, she was cheating on him, she knew they weren't his.

She spent a lifetime deceiving him, lived a very good life, on his earnings, all false.

I feel for those children but I have no sympathy for the wife whatsoever.

She brought this on herself & deserves to pay the price now

"

I agree!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a difficult one. She's clearly a deceptive and very sly human being. The kids and him are the victims. Of course it's not the childrens fault, but he was paying maintenance to children that were not his. They were not his responsibility to support. In that regard, he has every right to get reimbursed for that. Though, his 'children' will likely be very hurt by that, because I'm guessing he kept contact with them, after the divorce?

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