FabSwingers.com forum: 50s breakups. Fashionable

By *ix-foot-two-stu OP Man
over a year ago

Coventry

When I hit 53, I realised I had fallen out of romantic love with my wife and no longer found her physically attractive. Couldn’t help feeling that way and I didn’t want to hurt her, but wanted more from life, so we split up.

My sister is 5 years younger but is also divorcing.

I also have several friends around the same age who have split up, and I just heard that my best mate and his Mrs have split up as well.

Bloody hell, this is so common, it must be a thing.

Often seems to be that kids are older, there’s less time ahead than behind and people want to be happy in what life they have left.

Is this something you are seeing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents were in their 40s but myself and my sister were old enough to fend for ourselves kinda thing.

They slept in separate bedrooms for years (I say bedrooms, that's not quite true- my dad slept downstairs for years)

Me and my sister used to hear them talking and it was clear from a pretty young age they weren't as you'd expect from 2 people in love. They put up with each other, they tolerated each other. It was habit.

Having spoken to my dad about it all after the inevitable split, he admitted they stayed in the same house as long as they did for "stability" for me and my sister. He was really quite shocked when I revealed the convos me and her had, and that we knew for a very long time they were unhappy, and that actually we wanted nothing more than 2 happy parents, even if they lived apart. He was genuinely gutted. He thought they were doing what was best, when all they did was prolong the inevitable with no benefit to anyone in the happiness scale. Obviously many extra years had been paid off the mortgage so it meant my mum could afford to keep the home on after he left, as he let her have it for the original cost way back when they bought it in 1977 (£12,000) with the condition that he and my sister always had somewhere to live, regardless of our ages.

I did try to move back to the home, but my mum refused to let me back, as it would mean a higher electric bill. Such a wonderful, caring woman.

I've always felt so sorry for my dad, he was a hard working man who sacrificed so much for the happiness of others and even then, he got bitten in the arse trying to do "the right thing"

I wished he had left years earlier and had many extra years of his own happiness, he deserved them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've only seen it once.

I think a marriage reaches a point where it's clear to at least one partner that you either have that deep regard for each other that is love or you don't. This possibly happens around the time of life changes e.g. children leave, retirement looms, watersheds are reached and you think "yeah, I want the next stage to be with this person" or you don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for the warning. I’ll look out for it...

Jeez, what more depressing way to look forward to 50yrs. Get to that age and you’ve no chance of getting anyone else ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suddenly found myself single again at 52, after spending half my life with the same person.

Starting again from scratch when you are 50+, can be a sobering experience - especially on Fab.

Thankfully, things aren't quite so grim, outside in Vanilla world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am seeing a lot more in 50s these days are single.

Also see more flats being built so maybe that points to a change in things. Maybe more are happy single.

Sad isn't it.

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Divorce happens with people of any age - it's not just a thing for the older generation.

In the same vein marriage happens for all ages too. My sister married her long term partner of over 25 years about 18 months ago. She is in her late 40's and he is over 50.

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By *ix-foot-two-stu OP Man
over a year ago

Coventry

"Having spoken to my dad about it all after the inevitable split, he admitted they stayed in the same house as long as they did for "stability" for me and my sister. He was really quite shocked when I revealed the convos me and her had, and that we knew for a very long time they were unhappy, and that actually we wanted nothing more than 2 happy parents, even if they lived apart. He was genuinely gutted. He thought they were doing what was best, when all they did was prolong the inevitable with no benefit to anyone in the happiness scale.

Sorry to hear that, P, your Dad sounds like a fantastic bloke.

Your example highlights that parents staying together is not always going to be the best option if the environment at home is worse. A friend of mine who recently moved in to her own house heard from her 11 year old daughter that the atmosphere in the family home is way calmer. It was toxic before.

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By *ix-foot-two-stu OP Man
over a year ago

Coventry

"Divorce happens with people of any age - it's not just a thing for the older generation.

In the same vein marriage happens for all ages too. My sister married her long term partner of over 25 years about 18 months ago. She is in her late 40's and he is over 50."

Never too late to find love. It might eventually be too late to have bendy sex, though, so I'm keen to get on with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think when you get to your 50's you realize over half your life has gone by and think to yourself are you happy with your life as it is, also does the person you are with have the same future goals as you and if they don't you still have enough time to move on and have some happy years ahead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that, P, your Dad sounds like a fantastic bloke.

He really is a great guy.

Things weren't toxic at home but there was definite tension. My dad worked odd timed shifts and he wasn't at home that much really when we were awake.

I'd go round mates houses for dinner or to hang out and the difference between the 2 households was clear. Other kids parents were laughing, showing each other affection and you could FEEL they genuinely enjoyed being in each others company.

So as a kid that grew up in a home that pretended to be happy but wasn't...kids can feel it.

You might not realise it, but kids do want to see their parents happy, coz they can feel that too.

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By *ere2pleasureUMan
over a year ago

Kington

I had similar to the OP at 48, now 53. I think the time when marriage was meant to last till 'death do us part', average life expectancy was about 40 years.

With life now being both longer and more actively lived, we discover that the person we want to be with in or 20's isn't necessarily the person we desire and want in or 50's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think when you get to your 50's you realize over half your life has gone by and think to yourself are you happy with your life as it is, also does the person you are with have the same future goals as you and if they don't you still have enough time to move on and have some happy years ahead. "

No point staying with someone that bores you. People change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Def don’t have this problem met when we were both 15 now well into our 50s still very happy. Both our daughters grown up so now we got time for each other again our sex life is great we enjoy each other’s company feel like newly weds again. So it’s not all 50 something having problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you OP!

I'm not in my 50's but not far off

I know a lot of people of my age and older that are so miserable in their relationships or just really bored.

They don't have the courage to leave because they're scared of being alone.

Scared of financial worries etc...

What a horrible place to be in!

They're on here cheating on their partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Def don’t have this problem met when we were both 15 now well into our 50s still very happy. Both our daughters grown up so now we got time for each other again our sex life is great we enjoy each other’s company feel like newly weds again. So it’s not all 50 something having problems "

That's lovely!

Wish I had something like that x

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I had this the year of my 40th birthday, I had been married 20 years to my childhood sweetheart but we weren’t the same people 20 years on, I wanted him to be a husband and father and he wanted to drink and be with friends, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It really is toxic to be living with someone you can’t get along with anymore, I would rather be on my own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had this the year of my 40th birthday, I had been married 20 years to my childhood sweetheart but we weren’t the same people 20 years on, I wanted him to be a husband and father and he wanted to drink and be with friends, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It really is toxic to be living with someone you can’t get along with anymore, I would rather be on my own.

Me too.

So many people are scared of being alone even though the relationship they're in is toxic!

Maybe they enjoy the drama?

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By *ix-foot-two-stu OP Man
over a year ago

Coventry

Happy for everyone in a relationship with sustained fireworks.

Me and my female friend (actually we were our first loves in our mid teens) have compared notes on our almost simultaneous separations. I moved in to a rented flat first. Really started to appreciate the freedom. Told her what to expect and she’s loving it too. My situation wasn’t great but hers was awful.

So while splitting up is a huge deal and everyone has to weigh up the pros and cons, it’s better to be alone than together and unhappy. And this might apply to the kids too.

6 months after moving out, I don’t regret it.

Just got to find some fabbers to spend my forthcoming birthday with

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