FabSwingers.com forum: Becoming the needle in the haystack

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, as many will know being a single guy on this site is like being a bit of hay in a haystack. We’re all the same and have the same basic use.

However what about those that want to become the needle? The thing that you’re looking for? That tiny little needle with so much potential to be more if it doesn’t get lost in the haystack.

I want to become that needle!

Everyone has their own preferences and I totally get that as I have my own! But what I want to know is how can I stand out for those that fit in my ‘criteria’ and I fit in theirs?

Is it a case of having a better body, a better read profile or simply because I am like every other Tom, Dick & Harry on here?

I have had some luck. But I put that simply down to being in the right place at the right time. How can I change dumb luck/ game of chance into something with more substance?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im no needle im the damn fire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you get out of FAB what you put in. Clubs and socials can kickstart your Fabulous journey.

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By *MP3Man
over a year ago

Between Scylla and Charybdis

Rip a t shirt or two, that works for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think you get out of FAB what you put in. Clubs and socials can kickstart your Fabulous journey."

Yeah I totally agree with that as when I have attended socials and clubs it has opened up a lot more avenues so to speak. The only thing with the socials near me are I’ve noticed quite a few of them are single women and couples only. They seem to be very against any single man unless they already have a ‘playmate’ to bring along

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Get a female partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer something more girthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you get out of FAB what you put in. Clubs and socials can kickstart your Fabulous journey.

I agree.

I wonder if a tide is changing though: from talking to other single females they prefer mixed nights and some avoid couple nights. Quest in Leeds now has some Saturday nights for males too. I believe there’s a north east club that doesn’t stop single men too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes better nights can be midweek too to find your feet. Or someone elses

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

This is something I wrote before. Hope it's useful.

ADVICE FOR SINGLE MEN:

Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

1. Verification - Get verified and display those veris. Cam verified is a start before you’ve met anyone. This will make you seem more trust-worthy and will mean your profile is visible to people who have blocked unverified men. Women are constantly managing the risk of meeting internet strangers so veris help us to assess whether you’re likely to be safe or not.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Many men are not gym fit but have lovely pics. Black and white and arty. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

3. Forum - a bit of a presence in the forum will put your profile “out there” (be only ever positive, chatty, literate and kind. But women who are active on the forum (the really pretty ones who post a lot) get MASSIVE amounts of mail so don’t be disheartened if they aren’t interested. Lots of other women read the forum without posting. Never EVER moan or be critical. You search for a person’s posts using this link (replacing my username with theirs and using underscores for spaces): https://m.fabswingers.com/forum-poster/_rstrellis

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

d. Have something to hang a conversation on. “My favourite place in the world is x” or “I love Game of Thrones and Countdown”. “If I could be anyone it would be Kermit the Frog”. Anything.

e. Weave a fantasy: “I like hard, passionate sex, pulling at each other’s clothes and kissing to the floor. Sex that leaves us both panting, with a wild look in our eyes” or “I love sensual touching, stroking and massage. I love to see goose pimples appear as my fingers flow over you”. They’re really different in tone but it helps the reader understand you.

5. Get out there – go to Fab socials and to clubs. Be chatty, smiley and don’t cling to anyone. Make yourself go six times before you give up. Always smiling, always chatty. Make contacts, get more veris.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

f. don’t pull women up on being slow to respond or for disappearing. It can be a full time job to deal with messages so some get a bit “direct” or overwhelmed. If she’s talking to you at all, she probably likes you, so don’t mess it up by getting grumpy with her.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

b. use your status update every day. Something chatty, funny, always positive. Never ever “why don’t women reply”. The reason for doing it is that it puts you onto people’s local updates, and, if relevant, onto their friend updates and hotlist updates too. “I’m going to the ice cream van. Who fancies a 99?” or whatever.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

8. Learn from guys who are doing well. Consider “hotlisting” some successful men to watch how they manage their profiles. It’ll drop them into your “updates” section so you can see what they’re doing. Hotlisting is private so they won’t know they’re hotlisted but you’ll see how they do status updates and things.

9. Some people are nuts. Prepare yourself for the odd one to turn bunny-boiler on you. It’s usually rooted in vulnerability but played out as aggression or passive aggression. Try to respond with kindness but don’t let anyone take the piss. Kindly distance yourself.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex.

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

I'd suggest you lose the 94 in your name. I assumed it meant born-in-94 making you about 25 (which is younger than I'd want).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can admin not sort the age discrepancy? Would at least put you in the appropriate age for searches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be nice, even if you get rejected, a nice person will get the lady in the end x and good luck to you

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"This is something I wrote before. Hope it's useful.

ADVICE FOR SINGLE MEN:

Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Many men are not gym fit but have lovely pics. Black and white and arty. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex."

Best. Advice. Ever.

*doffs bowler

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is something I wrote before. Hope it's useful.

ADVICE FOR SINGLE MEN:

Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Many men are not gym fit but have lovely pics. Black and white and arty. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex."

Wow, this is by far the most useful thing I have seen with regards to advice on here.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"This is something I wrote before. Hope it's useful.

ADVICE FOR SINGLE MEN:

Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Many men are not gym fit but have lovely pics. Black and white and arty. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex."

What a spot on post!!!!! Though I tend to be more active leading up to a social or club night!!!!

I would also learn not to look at your sent messages some women or couples will read then delete. So it’s looks like it’s just deleted.

Another bit of advice would be if messaging someone asking for a meet give it maybe 2 days then follow up just to check if interested. I know women where they genuinely have missed the mail and apologised.

Some times real life gets in the way, people sometimes anticipate replying then either don’t then it’s to late. Don’t take it to heart

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By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago

A Galaxy far far away

"This is something I wrote before. Hope it's useful.

ADVICE FOR SINGLE MEN:

Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Many men are not gym fit but have lovely pics. Black and white and arty. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex."

This is great advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly haven't worked it out yet. I'm a piece of damp hay i've realised.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That is somewhat easier said than done when you’re competing with 95% of a websites users

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wow, I thought I’d actually done most of the things to increase the possibilities of success but a few of these I hadn’t thought of but now actually seem so obvious! Thanks for that!

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