FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Slimming Clubs

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

As new year comes round many decide to sign up. I seen this today and thought it might be relatable and amusing!

Things only people who've joined slimming clubs will know.

1. You will wear exactly the same thing to get weighed each week. Even if it's -2 degrees outside you'll be wearing a floaty summer dress and freezing your tits off.

2. You've considered weighing in wearing just a swimming costume.

3. There's always a Janet in the group who takes 42 cruises a year.

4. You'll save all your Syns/Points up in the week so you can neck a bottle of vodka on Friday night.

5. There's always a Pauline in group who ate 8 sausage rolls at her cousin's funeral and put on 5 pounds in a week.

6. You will not eat a thing before weigh in. Even if weigh in is at 8pm.

7. You'll praise a Susan who maintained.

8. Food on the diet a bit dry? Quark. Need a creamy hit in your pasta? Quark. Broken leg? Quark. End world poverty? Quark.

9. Group leader: "You can eat a whole bag of pasta if you need to.....but you won't be able to"

You: "I beg to fucking differ Linda".

11. There will always be one lone man called Peter in group who loses 9 pounds each week. He seems like a lovely chap but you'll all secretly hate the bastard.

12. You will be unable to poo before you get weighed. As soon as you get home....massive shit.

13. The group leader will try to tell you that potatoes cut into strips and sprayed in Fry Light are "better than chip shop chips". This is bullshit Linda. Bullshit.

14. A new flavour of Müller Light is announced and it creates a frenzy of riot proportions.

15. Linda is no skinny cow herself and doesn't follow the plan.

16. Syns/Points don't count if it's to help cure a hangover. They also don't count if you're eating them off another person's plate.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

17) you’ll put it all back on when you quit.

18) the first huge weight lose is due to water but this will be denied.

19) there’s a guaranteed five pounds lose a week (but that’s cash).

20) it’s never a healthy long term solution to weight loss.

Can you tell I’m a big believer in this global market maker

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As new year comes round many decide to sign up. I seen this today and thought it might be relatable and amusing!

Things only people who've joined slimming clubs will know.

1. You will wear exactly the same thing to get weighed each week. Even if it's -2 degrees outside you'll be wearing a floaty summer dress and freezing your tits off.

2. You've considered weighing in wearing just a swimming costume.

3. There's always a Janet in the group who takes 42 cruises a year.

4. You'll save all your Syns/Points up in the week so you can neck a bottle of vodka on Friday night.

5. There's always a Pauline in group who ate 8 sausage rolls at her cousin's funeral and put on 5 pounds in a week.

6. You will not eat a thing before weigh in. Even if weigh in is at 8pm.

7. You'll praise a Susan who maintained.

8. Food on the diet a bit dry? Quark. Need a creamy hit in your pasta? Quark. Broken leg? Quark. End world poverty? Quark.

9. Group leader: "You can eat a whole bag of pasta if you need to.....but you won't be able to"

You: "I beg to fucking differ Linda".

11. There will always be one lone man called Peter in group who loses 9 pounds each week. He seems like a lovely chap but you'll all secretly hate the bastard.

12. You will be unable to poo before you get weighed. As soon as you get home....massive shit.

13. The group leader will try to tell you that potatoes cut into strips and sprayed in Fry Light are "better than chip shop chips". This is bullshit Linda. Bullshit.

14. A new flavour of Müller Light is announced and it creates a frenzy of riot proportions.

15. Linda is no skinny cow herself and doesn't follow the plan.

16. Syns/Points don't count if it's to help cure a hangover. They also don't count if you're eating them off another person's plate."

No 13.... my mum’s weekly comment

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can associate with so many things on this post

I once sat and listened to a woman explain a 5lb gain away with 'cough medicine'

It never answered why she smelled more of fish & chips than she did of buttercup syrup, but it was, nonetheless, a good watch

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know a Susan who has maintained the same weight in the two years she has been going.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife has lost a lot of weight with the help of Slimming World. It takes hard work,determination & dedication. Once you reach your target weight if you want to stay there then you've got to stick to that dietry regime or it'll pile back on again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dust.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awesome OP! I wish laughing counted as exercise. x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth


"Dust."

omg I forgot how funny that little britain sketch is

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is brilliant!

After reading this I won't be rejoining SW!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done, OP. Brilliant post .

I'll add one more thing- the scales at the meeting never show the same weight as your scales at home (even if you splashed on getting exactly the same scales).

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had one who walked to group in the rain and gained 5lb (from getting wet) the week after it was dry and she gained a further 2lb

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So true!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top