FabSwingers.com forum: Eating disorders

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have a friend that has told me that if she eats she makes herself vomit, however she doesn’t think she has an issue and is refusing to see her GP.

She’s told me that she uses it as a way of dealing with her emotions.

What can I do to help her other than just being there if she’s refusing to admit that she has an issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There isn’t much you can do, bulemia is a problem that many people don’t talk about because people don’t like to think of someone making themselves vomit. I suffered from it for years and didn’t see it as a problem neither.

All you can do is be there and talk about the issues that make her do it. Hopefully one day by confronting those she will realise it’s not a healthy way to live, and warn her of the effects it’s having on her teeth and gums. Damaged mine a lot x

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By *olfAndKittenCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

You can give them a friendly ear when they need to vent.

Offer a "safe space" to them when the are feeling overwhelmed

With any type of eating disorder they need to recognise they need help before seeking it.

If they do not want to go see their g.p there are other ways they can seek help whether it's through things like CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) or counselling.

But the treatment depends on the person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She acknowledges that it’s a problem but she’s adamant that she is able to control it.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

I got the Chrissie Wellington autobiography for Christmas (she's a four time Ironman World Champion) and she discusses having bulimia in it. What brought it home for her was getting sent some articles about the damage she was doing to her body.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/18 17:41:00]

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"She acknowledges that it’s a problem but she’s adamant that she is able to control it.

When the health issues kick in she will realise she does not have control of it.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"could she get a job in pizza hut ,save wasting it.

Don't be a dick.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

NLP, I have helped a few, including someone very close to me after she had been r*ped.

Find a very good master practitioner, and I mean very good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"could she get a job in pizza hut ,save wasting it.

Don't be a dick."

Who made that comment as I can't see it?

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"could she get a job in pizza hut ,save wasting it.

Don't be a dick.

Who made that comment as I can't see it?"

The person who has deleted his message. He posted just after me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"could she get a job in pizza hut ,save wasting it.

Don't be a dick.

Who made that comment as I can't see it?"

It was citygames comment

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By *olfAndKittenCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"She acknowledges that it’s a problem but she’s adamant that she is able to control it.

Denial is a huge part of it all though. Then it's followed by transferance.

"I have it under control, its not my fault"

Until it gets to a critical stage there is very little you can do beside offer a safety net

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"could she get a job in pizza hut ,save wasting it.

Don't be a dick.

Who made that comment as I can't see it?"

He's removed it now. Rightly so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

feel for you OP.

a real nasty one this and sometimes you are stuck knowing what to do.

if you help, that can hurt and hurt you because you care.

you can lead but they may not follow and distance themselves.

the lady i have been visiting for a long time her health has been declining and because of operations her confidence is shot to pieces.

she will shout angrily at me to the point of screaming because she is in pain and just needs to lash out.

ive been hit by plates and other items and i cannot hold her strongly because i could injure her.

she asks me why i keep coming back when she is like this. says stuff like i could be spending my time with more attractive women.

its because we care isnt it. thats human nature. we are what we are.

hope your friend does come through this.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

We don’t always see what is obvious to others. I’ve learned to be there and to not lose my shit when they seem to be losing theirs. Being a friend is hella difficult but tremendously important. Food as a means of control is a very compelling reason for an eating disorder sufferer to continue. I feel professional help is the route to take to recovery. Lots of love SB I hope you can gently persuade whilst being present x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"could she get a job in pizza hut ,save wasting it.

Don't be a dick.

Who made that comment as I can't see it?

It was citygames comment"

God what an ignorant and unfeeling twat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sent a message to City games voicing my disgust that he would find it funny to joke about an eating disorder. He replied with something abusive and then blocked me oh how mature of him.

Don't joke about eating disorders it makes you a cunt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a friend that has told me that if she eats she makes herself vomit, however she doesn’t think she has an issue and is refusing to see her GP.

She’s told me that she uses it as a way of dealing with her emotions.

What can I do to help her other than just being there if she’s refusing to admit that she has an issue? "

I think being there for her will mean a lot. Maybe you could be the friend she talks to about it and confides in? If it's an emotion thing she needs a friend.

It's not 'just' being there for her. I really think that would mean a lot more to me than any other kind of help. x

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By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough

Everyone is different so it's not a one size fits all solution. The best thing though is to be there, through it all. Whatever other advice you give her, your physical and emotional support is what will get her through it.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she hasn't got any control in her life, this form of self harm will be the only form of control she has.

As well as the health implications bulimia suffers tend to end up in debt.... Binge eating and then purging it and the cycle again costs money.

It is a weight issue that is one of the driving forces? The stats show most bulimia suffers are overweight and that's because they are still using 40% of the calories of the food they consume then purge.

She needa to look at the underlying issue. Ashe her to read alittle on cognitive behaviour therapy techniques

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bulimia, as others have said is complex. It's a form of control, which is why so many people claim it isn't a problem and that they are in control of it. And that paradox is what makes it so complex to deal with. Your friend needs to work out why she needs that control and how to remove that need which is far easier said than done

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By *hedevilwearspradaWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere nearby

As others have said, the best thing you can do is be there, and listen. Be her safety net when the time comes that she realises she’s not in control, the bulimia is.

There are some excellent books that you and she might find helpful - by Dr Christopher G Fairburn, and Ulrike Schmidt. These were recommended to me and used as part of treatment by the eating disorders service when I was getting intensive treatment for the same issue.

As a way of coping it’s a very hard thing to give up, you can’t go cold turkey or use alternatives in the same way as you can with other addictions, and unless you want to be a hermit it’s very difficult to avoid the places you go that help fuel your addiction.

She’s really lucky to have you in her corner.

Feel free to PM if you want any more info x

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

If she has confided in you then it's the opening of a door.... but she clearly doesn't feel the need to or doesn't know how/want to get help

Just be there for her and try to help her see the long term damage it will cause if it's not addressed soon... maybe offer to go with her to see someone

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You are a lovely lady SB

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It’s not necessary bulimia that she has as she does not binge eat at anytime. Just any meal (a regular size meal) she will make herself vomit. Or she just won’t eat or she will snack on things like pickled onions/pickled beetroot.

Think I just need her to go see her GP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s not necessary bulimia that she has as she does not binge eat at anytime. Just any meal (a regular size meal) she will make herself vomit. Or she just won’t eat or she will snack on things like pickled onions/pickled beetroot.

Think I just need her to go see her GP. "

yes do that, good luck i hope she can get help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a friend that has told me that if she eats she makes herself vomit, however she doesn’t think she has an issue and is refusing to see her GP.

She’s told me that she uses it as a way of dealing with her emotions.

What can I do to help her other than just being there if she’s refusing to admit that she has an issue? "

She has taken the first and very brave step of mentioning it.

It's a start, leave that light on for her.

She is very lucky to have you fighting her corner, and your strength will be hers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If she has confided in you then it's the opening of a door.... but she clearly doesn't feel the need to or doesn't know how/want to get help

Just be there for her and try to help her see the long term damage it will cause if it's not addressed soon... maybe offer to go with her to see someone "

It’s so difficult as I can see there’s a problem however she will not admit that it’s an issue. Her words are I’m fine.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"I have a friend that has told me that if she eats she makes herself vomit, however she doesn’t think she has an issue and is refusing to see her GP.

She’s told me that she uses it as a way of dealing with her emotions.

What can I do to help her other than just being there if she’s refusing to admit that she has an issue? "

Is it weight related (in her mind)where she makes herself sick because she doesn't like the way she looks even though she's perfectly normal(a friends daughter did this and she was about 7 stone in weight when soaking wet)

They gave her coping strategies and all is good now but it took 18 months ish

All you can do is talk to her and try to persuade her that it's not normal behaviour in anyway and you'll go to the doctors with her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a friend that has told me that if she eats she makes herself vomit, however she doesn’t think she has an issue and is refusing to see her GP.

She’s told me that she uses it as a way of dealing with her emotions.

What can I do to help her other than just being there if she’s refusing to admit that she has an issue?

They gave her coping strategies and all is good now but it took 18 months ish

All you can do is talk to her and try to persuade her that it's not normal behaviour in anyway and you'll go to the doctors with her."

It’s not a weight thing, it’s just a control

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I had a friend like this,awful to watch.

She would say the bare minimum and then go to be sick. If we went out for food she would just have a drink and say she doesn't like to eat in front of people whereas I knew it was down to not being able to have control over the menu. She would often eat the same things.

And like your friend would say she was fine. That she didn't like the feel of food inside her and such.

Eventually she admitted that in fact she did have a problem though it was deep rooted and she required help from counsellors and psychologists.

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