FabSwingers.com forum: Is having children important to you?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We had an intetesting discussion about it yesterday of how some want it and some not as they rather focus on their career or hobbies instead. I dont want any cos I am too busy with training, what about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We had an intetesting discussion about it yesterday of how some want it and some not as they rather focus on their career or hobbies instead. I dont want any cos I am too busy with training, what about you?"

LMFAO!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they’re not the be all and end all of life but they do make christmas a bit special for the first few years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did not want kids when I was younger too focused on my hobby which was also my career. But then I did have a son with my x wife who I now could not imagine being without.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to be clear Op, you don’t want children cause you want to go to the gym ?

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I don't want any. I'm not maternal enough. My sister got all of that gene. I used to get people saying 'you'll change your mind when you get older.' Now They are mostly saying 'do you think you'll regret your decision?'

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

What are you training for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to be clear Op, you don’t want children cause you want to go to the gym ?"

My thoughts exactly!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I can't imagine it, and the idea doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. (which is not saying anything about anyone or their children, just me, my body, my life)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are you training for "

no best dad obviously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have two, so yes it is

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

And oh yes, the pressure I sometimes get is utterly absurd. My womb is not a democracy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't see why people are so obsessed with this? It's all about life choices. If you don't want kids don't have them. This is classic society saying you should.

You don't have kids at your age? Why on Earth not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And oh yes, the pressure I sometimes get is utterly absurd. My womb is not a democracy! "

That sounds like an album title.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time. "

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no desire to ever have children. Quite why this is a controversial statement is beyond me. I think it's just herd mentality and the fact that for a lot of people, being a parent is such a part of their identity that they take other people not wanting to be one as a personal insult.

Also, the smugness of the 'You don't want children? You *will*' crowd irritates the hell out of me. Some people want children, some don't. Get over it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve 4 so it’s important to me but it’s not for everyone and society should respect that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ? "

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are you all taking the mick out of the original poster for saying he would rather train than have children? Is that any more ludicrous to you than me saying I'd rather have cats then kids or I'd rather concentrate on my career. If he has a passion to go to the gym and lift and get gains then that's his right and that's no more unusual a hobby than any other. Being a dad is not an easy job and maybe he will decide when he is ready and able to look for now if he wants to spend most of his waking hours in the gym why are you all judging him for? No wonder people don't want to post on here full of fucking clicky twatts who launch on somebody for sometimes just asking a simple question or stating a fact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son is the best thing to ever happen to me. Sadly I only have him but yes having children was important to me but I respect those people who don't want them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've got some compelling personal reasons why I think me having kids is a bad idea. I'm not sharing, but some of them are quite firmly in the "it would not be in a child's interest" category.

I get told I'm being selfish/ hateful and should give it a go anyway.

Yes, let's be reckless with the welfare of children. I can't see anything going wrong there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to be clear Op, you don’t want children cause you want to go to the gym ?"

And someone else because they're nice to have at Christmas lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"they’re not the be all and end all of life but they do make christmas a bit special for the first few years."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ? "

I don't want kids because ai like my freedom too much. Go where I want when I want. Is that selfish?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Why are you all taking the mick out of the original poster for saying he would rather train than have children? Is that any more ludicrous to you than me saying I'd rather have cats then kids or I'd rather concentrate on my career. If he has a passion to go to the gym and lift and get gains then that's his right and that's no more unusual a hobby than any other. Being a dad is not an easy job and maybe he will decide when he is ready and able to look for now if he wants to spend most of his waking hours in the gym why are you all judging him for? No wonder people don't want to post on here full of fucking clicky twatts who launch on somebody for sometimes just asking a simple question or stating a fact."

Tbh it barely registered for me. Most people want three or four iron clad reasons for you not having kids (that they'll argue against anyway). If I dared say that I didn't want kids because of my hobbies, I'd be all but hounded out of town! I get enough stick for my several solid arguments from the "what about the children" angle, let alone my apparently selfish reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them? "

No, I just found the reason funny. How long do you need to spend at the gym, 1-2 hours a day maybe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've got some compelling personal reasons why I think me having kids is a bad idea. I'm not sharing, but some of them are quite firmly in the "it would not be in a child's interest" category.

I get told I'm being selfish/ hateful and should give it a go anyway.

Yes, let's be reckless with the welfare of children. I can't see anything going wrong there

give it a go? bloody hell who would say that to some one, you need the patience of a saint when going in to parenthood and prepare to put your own life on hold for a fair number of years, we have two children with a 10 year gap between them, both amazing in their own ways, i have friends in their mid 40s who don’t have children, their life seems pretty amazing without them, they’re not trying for kids but they’re not trying to prevent it from happening either, it just hasn’t happened for them yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You do what you want to do OP

Life is about living.

Go live it! Children or not... do what makes you happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't want any. I'm not maternal enough. My sister got all of that gene. I used to get people saying 'you'll change your mind when you get older.' Now They are mostly saying 'do you think you'll regret your decision?'

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male."

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them? "

I think his point is that it's a rather strange order of priorities. There might be many good reasons for not having children but, on the face of it, wanting to spend more time in the gym doesn't seem one of them.

Obviously we're all free to have our own order of priorities, but equally the rest of us are free to comment about them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I've got some compelling personal reasons why I think me having kids is a bad idea. I'm not sharing, but some of them are quite firmly in the "it would not be in a child's interest" category.

I get told I'm being selfish/ hateful and should give it a go anyway.

Yes, let's be reckless with the welfare of children. I can't see anything going wrong there

Yeah, apparently it'll all be fine. Possibly, but it might not be, it might not be worth it, etc. I don't think parenthood is something you should enter into lightly, particularly when you have good reasons not to.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?" "

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is entirely personal choice. Full stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't seen any abuse apart from this post ...

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I love my sons very much but if I were to live my life again I certainly wouldn’t be bringing children into this world, it is so hard for them to make a life for themselves, I don’t really have a selfish reason, I don’t go to the gym

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them?

Obviously we're all free to have our own order of priorities, but equally the rest of us are free to comment about them. "

Fair point about being free to comment on things.

I think being selfish is a great reason for not wanting kids. Whether it's because the person has hobbies like gyms or swinging or just chilling out. Kids need time and attention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's always threads around school holiday time where people are whining that their sex life is on hold for a while.

I feel bad for their kids that their parents care more about sex with strangers than about looking after their own children.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them?

Obviously we're all free to have our own order of priorities, but equally the rest of us are free to comment about them. "

It’s Shags priority so that makes it valid

My son and daughter in law don’t want children, she loves her cats and children annoy my son, that’s their choice plus I don’t particularly want to be a grandma.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about choices. It's neither right or wrong not to want children. If you do, you need full commitment.

However, it's a false choice to say children or hobby. You can do both and, depending on your hobby, the kids can join in too which can be great fun.

And I still think kids aren't just for Christmas!!

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

At one point in my life, having children became my sole focus in life, an obsession if you like. I spent nearly 10 years going through recurrent miscarriage, cervical cancer, secondary infertility and being rejected for adoption.

I became pregnant by my ex husband when we had been dating 4 months, it was not planned. I never knew how much I wanted to have children until I miscarried that pregnancy.

The trauma that we went through left me with PTSD and depression. Ultimately, it destroyed my first marriage.

It wasn’t until I met Shaggy that I started to heal and accept that having children was unlikely to ever happen

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Ooh don't get me started on the grandparent thing. No, I don't owe my parents grandchildren. I'm not a freaking handmaid.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"At one point in my life, having children became my sole focus in life, an obsession if you like. I spent nearly 10 years going through recurrent miscarriage, cervical cancer, secondary infertility and being rejected for adoption.

I became pregnant by my ex husband when we had been dating 4 months, it was not planned. I never knew how much I wanted to have children until I miscarried that pregnancy.

The trauma that we went through left me with PTSD and depression. Ultimately, it destroyed my first marriage.

It wasn’t until I met Shaggy that I started to heal and accept that having children was unlikely to ever happen"

I'm sorry for your loss, and I wish you well.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

[Removed by poster at 27/12/18 09:46:26]

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I have been involved in looking after nieces and nephews from when they were babies right up to their teenage years. That's fine for me.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them?

Obviously we're all free to have our own order of priorities, but equally the rest of us are free to comment about them.

Fair point about being free to comment on things.

I think being selfish is a great reason for not wanting kids. Whether it's because the person has hobbies like gyms or swinging or just chilling out. Kids need time and attention. "

Ultimately it comes down to the old argument as to whether we can in fact make any valid judgment whatsoever about people's personal choices.

Are we able to say that someone who had a partner, family and fulfilling career lived a better life than someone who had none of those things because his life was dedicated to watching soaps on TV because that made him happy?

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Annoying little rugrats.

I leave it down to faith if I have any or to the right woman, yeah right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them?

Obviously we're all free to have our own order of priorities, but equally the rest of us are free to comment about them. "

Thank you, yes you got it. I have absolutely no problem with people not having children for whatever reason they see fit, just found the Ops reason funny. But if that’s what’s important to him, then that’s his prerogative.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"I've got some compelling personal reasons why I think me having kids is a bad idea. I'm not sharing, but some of them are quite firmly in the "it would not be in a child's interest" category.

I get told I'm being selfish/ hateful and should give it a go anyway.

Yes, let's be reckless with the welfare of children. I can't see anything going wrong there

I think the same - I believe it wouldn't be in the child's best interest to have me as a parent! I've also had the same comments, along with the normal "you'll change your mind when you get older".

I would say that I'm selfless rather than selfish for not having children!

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too. "

By doctors?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number. "

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

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By *ed PetalCouple
over a year ago

Kent

"I’ve 4 so it’s important to me but it’s not for everyone and society should respect that "

Parents of 4 here too and I agree. I am actually struggling to get Mr to see that. Our teenage daughter is adamant she doesn’t want kids when older. She’s autistic, has no maternal bone in her body. I full well believe that she’ll stick with that decision, but Mr just keeps telling her she’ll change her mind. Makes me so annoyed with him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

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By *ed PetalCouple
over a year ago

Kent

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time.

Fair more important to go to the gym and get your gains on. You lift bruh ?

You think someone should have kids even when they don't want them?

Obviously we're all free to have our own order of priorities, but equally the rest of us are free to comment about them.

Knowing your humour I got your tease and joke

Mrs P

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time. "

It's not social conditioning it's the fact that if everyone chose not to have children the species would die out. If you don't want that to happen (as you probably don't, you need someone to wipe your arse and pay your pension when you're old) , then most people have to have children.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What are you training for "
To continue to lift heavier and I like the fitness lifstyle in general.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just to be clear Op, you don’t want children cause you want to go to the gym ?"
Not just that and of course pease and quite lol.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover. "

That's for the very good reason that permanently destroying a young person's fertility when they might well change their minds in later life without discussing it thoroughly beforehand will get a doctor sued.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was not important to me but I was a mother at a very young age.

I wasn't a dolly lover, or a "let me push your baby" child, but I loved being a mother, and I love being a grandmother.

It's a huge responsibility to have children and changes your life forever, so I don't judge people who don't want children.

Some of us want to procreate; some don't.

I have to admit, I've had enough of babies and toddlers now though; I'm too old for all that malarkey now. I love being around them for a while, but I'm glad for my peace and quiet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never particularly wanted children but I had a slip up at 19 & got pregnant which ended in miscarriage..probably for the best as I was young.

But when that happened I knew I wanted children eventually,I now have 3

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good for you.

I think it takes a strong person to admit they don't want kids for selfish reasons. Too many people have kids because they think it's the done thing, then ignore the kids all the time. "
Ty and that is right, it is good to know what you want too

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time. "

You should be able too though and people should respect that

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

There isn’t one single thing in life more important to me than my family. I wouldn’t change any aspect of my life. They enhance it, they are a joy and a pleasure and I think I’m extremely lucky to have them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get pissed off with newspaper articles talking about these families that have 20 kids- fuck off seriously the planet is suffering from overpopulation enough as it is!! I object to my taxes going to the education and health care of having that many children it's completely selfish! I don't think it's fair that the Jeremy Kyle types can open their legs and receive benefits they need to be bloody sterilised.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I really dislike the fact that, too many still think it's a woman's main role to have children.

I am a mother but discovered a bit late that I'm really not maternal...

There is nothing selfish about not having children you don't want to have

I was very fortunate to be able to return to work swiftly and have always worked full time. Dad and family provided child care.

Had it been necessary to be a stay at home mum...I wouldn't have been a good one.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/18 10:22:51]

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover. "

It wasn't even that in my case! An emergency which intersected with gynaecology, so I got asked those sorts of questions. Turns out he was lecturing me in the precious few hours I had before I should have died.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/18 10:22:47]

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

There’s pressure from society for women to have children, usually it comes from other women, isn’t this social conditioning, it’s certainly a factor, I’m not saying it’s the only one.

I’ll take my chances that I can still wipe my own arse and I’ll keep working if I have too. "

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

Yes, but after how many years and how much counselling and how many medical risks is a woman allowed to make a decision about her body? And how does this compare to vasectomy?

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

There’s pressure from society for women to have children, usually it comes from other women, isn’t this social conditioning, it’s certainly a factor, I’m not saying it’s the only one.

I’ll take my chances that I can still wipe my own arse and I’ll keep working if I have too.

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

Overall the world needs fewer humans not more. It is over populated.

Nita

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

Yes, but after how many years and how much counselling and how many medical risks is a woman allowed to make a decision about her body? And how does this compare to vasectomy? "

Cal was refused a vasectomy before our wedding, on the grounds that they don't sterilize unmarried men...

Nita

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

Yes, but after how many years and how much counselling and how many medical risks is a woman allowed to make a decision about her body? And how does this compare to vasectomy? "

I suspect there's some kind of protocol you have to go through, but I don't know the details. I do think it's entirely reasonable that a doctor should not automatically accede to a 20 year old requesting an hysterectomy without making absolutely certain that she is not going to change her mind.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

There’s pressure from society for women to have children, usually it comes from other women, isn’t this social conditioning, it’s certainly a factor, I’m not saying it’s the only one.

I’ll take my chances that I can still wipe my own arse and I’ll keep working if I have too.

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

Overall the world needs fewer humans not more. It is over populated.

Nita

In the UK the reproduction rate is below replacement level as it is in many developed countries.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number. "

They are my main reasons also, never wanted them, but women do get looked at differently to men if we dare to air that in public sadly

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

There’s pressure from society for women to have children, usually it comes from other women, isn’t this social conditioning, it’s certainly a factor, I’m not saying it’s the only one.

I’ll take my chances that I can still wipe my own arse and I’ll keep working if I have too.

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

Overall the world needs fewer humans not more. It is over populated.

Nita

In the UK the reproduction rate is below replacement level as it is in many developed countries. "

It is... but the problem is more the fact that we have a large aging population.

The world population needs to be more evenly spread... to be fair it is trying...

Nita

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I've never wanted children, when I was early 20's it was mainly down to not wanting my party years to end prematurely and being far too skint to raise kids anyway, then as I've got older other hobbies and interests have filled my life and I've always enjoyed having the freedom to travel or just do my own thing in my free time. When in my last long term relationship my mum kept hassling me about grandchildren, especially as I'm the last male in the family to carry the name, but think she's given up now.

I'm great with kids but just never wanted any of my own. Some say it's selfish but I'd say having children you don't want and not giving them the time and attention they need is more selfish

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

They are my main reasons also, never wanted them, but women do get looked at differently to men if we dare to air that in public sadly "

Very true.

I was surprised that there were people who asked, "when" rather than "if", Cal and I planned to start a family when we announced our marriage.

We both have children from previously relationships, but still..

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

There’s pressure from society for women to have children, usually it comes from other women, isn’t this social conditioning, it’s certainly a factor, I’m not saying it’s the only one.

I’ll take my chances that I can still wipe my own arse and I’ll keep working if I have too.

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

Which is fine if people just stick to having two children but unfortunately overpopulation is the elephant in the room at the moment but nobody has discussing. There are people having six and 7 children which is stretching are already overstretched resources and space on the planet.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

It’s social conditioning that people think everyone should have children. You can’t admit to saying actually they’re annoying and I’d rather be doing something else with my time.

Obviously, society can cope with a minority not having children, but if you take that, as you say, selfish choice, you're going to get people commenting on it.

There’s pressure from society for women to have children, usually it comes from other women, isn’t this social conditioning, it’s certainly a factor, I’m not saying it’s the only one.

I’ll take my chances that I can still wipe my own arse and I’ll keep working if I have too.

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

I mentioned it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing that I am certain of in life is that I want children. The fact that I possibly can’t is killing me

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The only thing that I am certain of in life is that I want children. The fact that I possibly can’t is killing me"

(hugs)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want humanity to continue after you're dead, and most people do, then it's just a fact that most people have to have children. That's not social conditioning. It's basic logic.

The conditioning part is not people wanting children, it's in not being able to accept other people *not* wanting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to be clear Op, you don’t want children cause you want to go to the gym ?"

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids."

I think that might be right. I think having a more balanced view about parenting would help everyone. People would get off my damn case, people would be more aware of the pitfalls, and kids would be more likely to be brought into loving, caring, well prepared families. (obviously ascending importance)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The only thing that I am certain of in life is that I want children. The fact that I possibly can’t is killing me

(hugs) "

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I've got children from a previous relationship but honestly wouldn't want more if I ever met someone new.

Might be a difficult conversation if the lady happens to be quite a bit younger or it might be that she doesn't want children as well.

I've had two friends(couples) this year who were career minded and never having kids who now have a baby due in 2019 !

I'm happy just practising now

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Facebook has been one of the best adverts for contraception for me over the last 11 years

so many of my friends posting meltdowns on there because their kids won't sleep or have wrecked the house or had a nuclear tantrum in a supermarket etc. This is why I still look 10 years younger than most of them

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I did not want to have a child and I spent most of my 30s thinking I couldn’t actually get pregnant. I got pregnant quite surprisingly after possibly the only time I had sex with my (now ex) husband that year and ended up being quite an old first time mum at 40.

It didn’t come naturally at first but we got that worked out reasonably quickly. Now she is quite simply gorgeous and I couldn’t imagine it any other way

V x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Facebook has been one of the best adverts for contraception for me over the last 11 years

Most of my parent friends are amazingly funny at times. But I'll skip the robot vacuum knocking over the potty and spreading the contents over the house, even if I was crying with laughter when I read it.

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By *uckOfTheBayMan
over a year ago

Mold

"they’re not the be all and end all of life but they do make christmas a bit special for the first few years."

A child is not just for Christmas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might not but doesn’t mean any woman you have relationship with has the same idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I already have 2. There is a 16 year age gap between them. I wouldn't want any more at my age. I had to break it off with someone, because they wanted a child and I knew I could never give them that. It's all a matter of choice. My best friend for example, has never had children and she has never wanted them. It's horses for courses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my children young, very glad I did. I couldn't imagine my life without them. I had two and decided I didn't want anymore as I wanted a life for myself when they started getting older.

Then unexpectedly my sister in law died and her 7 month old was an orphan, she came to live with us and I basically became a mother again, 4 years later she's 5 and it's been tough but we all love her to bits. You don't always have to give birth to a child to become a parent. Life is a funny old thing isn't it.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You might not but doesn’t mean any woman you have relationship with has the same idea "

I mean, that's easy. You can't have a serious relationship with someone who isn't on the same page. Bring it up early, warn them, stick to your guns.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids."

That is a really over the top comment

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think it takes guts to say you don't want children as some people don't seem to take it well, god knows why, it is a personal choice.

I also think people can choose whatever reason they want, including the gym.

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By *r n Mrs F xCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

Yes its important to me.. because i have them.

I couldn't imagine life without them.

The same way i guess some people couldn't imagine their life with them.

Society, society says its the norm 2•4 kids n all that..

Its the individuals choice but then like most things in life.. youre damned if you do and damned if you dont.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids.

That is a really over the top comment"

I know people like this. It's a fact. For some people.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids.

That is a really over the top comment

I know people like this. It's a fact. For some people.

You said that you "think" these people act that way...you don't say you have asked them and they have told you.

If they have told you they hate their own kids maybe a call to SS should be coming from you

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too. "

I have been to my GP every year since I turned 25 asking to be sterilized. Every time I have been refused.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The main reason I don’t want any, is they are annoying and I’m selfish. There’s 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t think it’s that important I add to the number.

Haha yes they are REALLY annoying.

I think I'm being selfless for not having them - I know that I would have regretted it.

As a woman I get a lot of pity looks when I say that I don't have children.

People are oblivious that it was a conscious decision I made.

I don't understand people that think we should all follow the same path - I'm not judging them for having children - we should all do what's best for ourselves surely.

Is it because it's a decision you can't take back?

You HAVE to love and care for your children - once they're here they're here forever.

Maybe that's why a lot of people are so aggressive towards childless people.

I have no idea.

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids.

That is a really over the top comment"

Par for the course: you're not a real adult/ woman until you have children, you're a monster and hate everyone, you're not allowed to make your own choices, you owe it to a man you've not met who may not exist to have children.

Over the top: some people who attack those without children regret their decision and are taking it out on us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I think it takes guts to say you don't want children as some people don't seem to take it well, god knows why, it is a personal choice.

I also think people can choose whatever reason they want, including the gym."

PS I didn't think I ever wanted kids but something kicked in and I wanted some. They and the Grandkids are a delight but as someone else said, your life is spent connected with the kids so your freedom sure does go....but I wouldn't be without them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might not but doesn’t mean any woman you have relationship with has the same idea "

I was in a dating Facebook group once and said I didn't want children. I was basically told that that meant I would die alone. I told the (very rude and aggressive) woman in question that having the conversation with her was making dying alone sound increasingly inviting.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

I have been to my GP every year since I turned 25 asking to be sterilized. Every time I have been refused."

I've been denied gynaecological care that would dramatically improve my life and in one instance might even save my life (if certain things repeat themselves) since I was 12 because I might change my mind.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

Yes, but after how many years and how much counselling and how many medical risks is a woman allowed to make a decision about her body? And how does this compare to vasectomy?

Cal was refused a vasectomy before our wedding, on the grounds that they don't sterilize unmarried men...

Nita"

Was this your GP? Because that's complete bollocks. Not only can unmarried men have a vasectomy, but even single, unmarried men with no kids can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

Yeah but still pointless. Is not having kids so bad?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

Yeah but still pointless. Is not having kids so bad?"

Apparently!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

This is what I don't understand fully, I know a hysterectomy/ sterilisation is a very final thing regarding having a child but if a 33 year old woman is saying I don't want children so do it anyway, who are they to say that woman doesn't know their own mind.

However, I am going to contradict myself now and say, my child wanting kicked in after me never thinking I ever wanted children so if a younger woman ( say early twenties ) asked a doctor for sterilisation then I can sort of understand why they say no even if it is annoying for the person who thinks/ knows they don't want children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might not but doesn’t mean any woman you have relationship with has the same idea

Did you marry her?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

Yeah but still pointless. Is not having kids so bad?"

I doubt it...imagine all that money you would have and the amount of freedom you would have to spend that money

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

Yeah but still pointless. Is not having kids so bad?

I doubt it...imagine all that money you would have and the amount of freedom you would have to spend that money

Well all I can say is fuck you anyone who says not having kids is an issue. It aint an issue for me! I'm loving not having kids. Wake up when I want. Go to bed when 8 want. Spend my money how I want. Go on holiday went I want. Go out when I want. Life is bloody brilliant with no kids. I'm not saying having kids is an issue. Just a lot better without!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm not even asking for sterilisation. At 12 I just wanted help with my horrendously extreme periods (my friends were moaning about their light 26-30 day irregular cycles. Bitch please. My periods were full on disruptive to my education). I want more now, but basically so I don't have a heightened risk of a premature grisly death. But it'd reduce my fertility, so no.

I've had counselling where it's come up, I've been unwavering on the issue since I was a teenager, I have various "acceptable" reasons. At this point, like, what the fuck, man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everything changed when I had a kid, for the first time I truly had to put someone else first, I had this little baby who I have to protect and nurture. Honestly it scared the shit out of me, I spent months with about 2-3 hours sleep at night but I wouldn't change it for the world. Anyone that doesn't want kids I respect that, putting what you want first isn't a bad thing I just hope it isnt something you regret later in life because I didn't see myself having a child but I couldn't imagine life without them now

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

Sadly we still live in a very matriarch led society. Everything still seems to revolve around the ability to procreate.

Those who are unable to reproduce and those who choose not to are often stigmatised,called selfish, mocked (crazy cat lady for example) and treated unfairly.

In a work setting, those without children are often expected to work overtime, work over Xmas, book holidays outside the summer months etc. Why? Because those with kids apparently have greater need

As women, we have to endure people asking us what we plan to do with our womb. When are you having kids? When are you having another one? Yet, for those who have suffered loss and/or infertility, we can’t be open and talk about it because it makes these people uncomfortable!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids.

That is a really over the top comment

I know people like this. It's a fact. For some people.

You said that you "think" these people act that way...you don't say you have asked them and they have told you.

If they have told you they hate their own kids maybe a call to SS should be coming from you

I think *some* do because I know of some people like that. I doubt they are the only ones like that- so I think there will be others the same.

Calling SS when someone hates their kids would cripple the SS.

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By *r n Mrs F xCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

Yeah but still pointless. Is not having kids so bad?

I doubt it...imagine all that money you would have and the amount of freedom you would have to spend that money

You dont want kids then??

Ooops im off...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everything changed when I had a kid, for the first time I truly had to put someone else first, I had this little baby who I have to protect and nurture. Honestly it scared the shit out of me, I spent months with about 2-3 hours sleep at night but I wouldn't change it for the world. Anyone that doesn't want kids I respect that, putting what you want first isn't a bad thing I just hope it isnt something you regret later in life because I didn't see myself having a child but I couldn't imagine life without them now

Thanks for the concern but no regrets from me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I the only one who thinks this is funny and such a pointless argument?

It is a debate, this happens on forum....people ask a question, others answer

Yeah but still pointless. Is not having kids so bad?

I doubt it...imagine all that money you would have and the amount of freedom you would have to spend that money

You dont want kids then??

Ooops im off... "

What give you that idea?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sadly we still live in a very matriarch led society. Everything still seems to revolve around the ability to procreate.

Those who are unable to reproduce and those who choose not to are often stigmatised,called selfish, mocked (crazy cat lady for example) and treated unfairly.

In a work setting, those without children are often expected to work overtime, work over Xmas, book holidays outside the summer months etc. Why? Because those with kids apparently have greater need

This!!! I am so so open with all my fertility issues and how shit it makes me feel. It’s so bloody taboo. By my 3rd miscarriage last year, family and friends (not all, but most) just really couldn’t give a shit. They were fed up! Of me! Miscarrying!

I totally do not judge folk who do not want kids at all. Fuck it, they’ll probably be better off for it! More money, freedom etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For many it's not a choice. So the answer is no. If the maternal urge did kick in then there are other options. But at 42 that's pretty unlikely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sadly we still live in a very matriarch led society. Everything still seems to revolve around the ability to procreate.

Those who are unable to reproduce and those who choose not to are often stigmatised,called selfish, mocked (crazy cat lady for example) and treated unfairly.

In a work setting, those without children are often expected to work overtime, work over Xmas, book holidays outside the summer months etc. Why? Because those with kids apparently have greater need

Just tell them. xx

"Why aren't you having kids?"

"I've had 10 devastating miscarriages but I'll keep on trying so that I don't make you feel bad."

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Sadly we still live in a very matriarch led society. Everything still seems to revolve around the ability to procreate.

Those who are unable to reproduce and those who choose not to are often stigmatised,called selfish, mocked (crazy cat lady for example) and treated unfairly.

In a work setting, those without children are often expected to work overtime, work over Xmas, book holidays outside the summer months etc. Why? Because those with kids apparently have greater need

I totally do not judge folk who do not want kids at all. Fuck it, they’ll probably be better off for it! More money, freedom etc "

Omg, I'm so sorry. I'm so fed up with you suffering health consequences with massive emotional turmoil? I can't even. You deserve so much better.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

"Sadly we still live in a very matriarch led society. Everything still seems to revolve around the ability to procreate.

Those who are unable to reproduce and those who choose not to are often stigmatised,called selfish, mocked (crazy cat lady for example) and treated unfairly.

In a work setting, those without children are often expected to work overtime, work over Xmas, book holidays outside the summer months etc. Why? Because those with kids apparently have greater need

Just tell them. xx

"Why aren't you having kids?"

"I've had 10 devastating miscarriages but I'll keep on trying so that I don't make you feel bad."

Lol I have actually used that exact phrase once, it didn’t go down well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want them but just not now. I'm in a dead end job with no good qualifications but financially doing well.... Because I've no kids. I've waaay too laid back to that I probably wouldn't be a good motivator to them. I need a few years of self improvement before I have them but I see a sad future personally for me if I don't have them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Sadly we still live in a very matriarch led society. Everything still seems to revolve around the ability to procreate.

Those who are unable to reproduce and those who choose not to are often stigmatised,called selfish, mocked (crazy cat lady for example) and treated unfairly.

In a work setting, those without children are often expected to work overtime, work over Xmas, book holidays outside the summer months etc. Why? Because those with kids apparently have greater need

"You need to do all the work and make all the sacrifices to raise a child because I want you to. No, I won't help, no, I won't support you, I expect you to be a Ray of sunshine no matter what happens or how badly it turns out."

Long walk, short pier.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

Yes, but after how many years and how much counselling and how many medical risks is a woman allowed to make a decision about her body? And how does this compare to vasectomy?

Cal was refused a vasectomy before our wedding, on the grounds that they don't sterilize unmarried men...

Nita

Was this your GP? Because that's complete bollocks. Not only can unmarried men have a vasectomy, but even single, unmarried men with no kids can."

Cal's GP... I would be inclined to agree but if your doctor won't sanction the procedure there's little you can do about it.

There's lots of medical staff who apply their own rules and regulations when it comes to permanent contraception.

Seemingly, many of us don't really know our own minds

It is far more prevalent for female sterilisation, as clearly shown by other posters.

Nita

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By *ySweetLadyWoman
over a year ago

London

No one should have children because they feel they should, because they think it is what it is expected of them.

Some people want children and understand everything that comes with that decision. Good for them. I respect them.

Others do not want children because they value other aspects of their lives more. Good for them. I respect their decision.

But those who have kids just for the sake of having them, just because it was “expected” of them, and then do not look after them properly... well those people I do not like too much as the ones who end up suffering are the kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one should have children because they feel they should, because they think it is what it is expected of them.

Some people want children and understand everything that comes with that decision. Good for them. I respect them.

Others do not want children because they value other aspects of their lives more. Good for them. I respect their decision.

End of debate.... nailed it!!

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall

Nope never wanted them... ( I can't have them anyway)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never wanted children, there are more reasons for me not to have them than to have them.

Bringing another life into this world, and committing to looking after it is a big decision I think some people take too lightly.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Bringing another life into this world, and committing to looking after it is a big decision I think some people take too lightly.

I couldn't agree more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't sure I was ready to have kids and kept putting it off. When we did decide to try (my partner at the time was super keen and convinced me) we took quite some time and it kinda made me wish we had started sooner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm torn on the subject. I really want the whole domestic package - wife, children, spaniel on the hearthrug - but at the same time I can't help thinking I'd be a terrible father. Probably just as well there's no prospect of it happening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not any more, only just got rid of the last of them a couple of years ago. Got my life back, now to have fun before I croak...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never wanted children and I’ve always known this. Always worried about getting someone pregnant even when using protection. So after years of nagging, I have my vasectomy booked for the new year.

I personally would find that kids would interfere with my life too much. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. Some people enjoy them, but I’m someone that doesn’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve never wanted children and I’ve always known this. Always worried about getting someone pregnant even when using protection. So after years of nagging, I have my vasectomy booked for the new year.

I personally would find that kids would interfere with my life too much. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. Some people enjoy them, but I’m someone that doesn’t."

I totally understand this.

Though I do worry about when I'm old and decrepit who will help me, but that's no reason to have kids either.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I personally would find that kids would interfere with my life too much. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. Some people enjoy them, but I’m someone that doesn’t.

I totally understand this.

Though I do worry about when I'm old and decrepit who will help me, but that's no reason to have kids either. "

Some people seriously say in the same rant that I'm selfish for not wanting kids and that I should have kids so I can have someone to wipe my arse (sometimes in as many words).

The mind boggles.

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

I’ve never wanted children. Reading this thread I feel like I’ve got off lightly, since hardly anyone has questioned this or made me feel bad about it.

However, I have asked about sterilisation and been refused it on the grounds that it’s “not as effective as other methods”... despite me saying I don’t want to continue putting chemicals in my body, or go for the copper coil. However, an operation comes with risk and expense (to the NHS) so I can see why a GP would try to steer me in another direction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always wanted kids as far back as I can remeber. They make life special!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve never wanted children. Reading this thread I feel like I’ve got off lightly, since hardly anyone has questioned this or made me feel bad about it.

I asked to be sterilized after having two children and my niece coming to live with me and the docs said no. I had to go for the coil which after 3 years I've found that it's given me acne!

They said that the coil is more effective! I do have a friend who became pregnant after being sterilized so I'm guessing it isn't such a good method

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally would find that kids would interfere with my life too much. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. Some people enjoy them, but I’m someone that doesn’t.

I totally understand this.

Though I do worry about when I'm old and decrepit who will help me, but that's no reason to have kids either. "

I often get the “you’ll die alone etc” but if I don’t want them I just don’t want them. People don’t think that you have already considered this scenario, but to be honest even if I had kids I would hate to be a burden on them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally would find that kids would interfere with my life too much. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. Some people enjoy them, but I’m someone that doesn’t.

I totally understand this.

Though I do worry about when I'm old and decrepit who will help me, but that's no reason to have kids either.

Some people seriously say in the same rant that I'm selfish for not wanting kids and that I should have kids so I can have someone to wipe my arse (sometimes in as many words).

The mind boggles. "

It’s just one of those things. Some of us want them and some of us don’t. I’ve always known. I would date someone and marry someone with older kids, but I just don’t want my own.

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

"I often get the “you’ll die alone etc” but if I don’t want them I just don’t want them. People don’t think that you have already considered this scenario, but to be honest even if I had kids I would hate to be a burden on them! "

My cynical mind says that having kids is no guarantee that you won’t die alone...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cynical mind says that having kids is no guarantee that you won’t die alone..."

Agreed!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of life's hard decisions

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I have never wanted children ,but each to their own.

We are all different,I prefer furry things like cats and dogs though .

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Never wanted children

Never had any

Don’t regret it at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cynical mind says that having kids is no guarantee that you won’t die alone..."

That's the last reason for having kids. I love my kids and I do not want their last memory of me to be the indignity of death, especially if it takes a while. If it is within my power, I choose to die alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always wanted to have children, i really looked forward to it.

I found being a mother to be the most wonderful feeling in the world, i love it. I enjoyed all of it. Now my children are adults i love being a gran. Family life is hugely important to me. I couldnt imagine life without them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was younger I couldn’t see myself as a parent, I’m not particularly maternal. Then I met my ex husband and I couldn’t wait to have children, the urge to have a child was all consuming. Now I’ve got my 3 and I couldn’t imagine life without them, though for their sakes I wish a lot of things were different for them. I didn’t see me making the choice not to have children before then as selfish just wasn’t for me. It’s all about personal choice and no one should be made to feel bad because they don’t want them no matter the decision x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always said no they are not important to me, however I had a long think over the last couple of years because obviously my age is a factor now. But I came to the same conclusion I'm very happy living my life without having children, I've got lots of friends with children and I love spending time with them but I love having all the fun and not the responsibility and I'm very comfortable with that.

I think the problem is I'm often under a lot of pressure from family and friends as they say things like " are you sure you won't regret it" or " time is running out now you have a biological clock".

Only time will tell if I will regret this decision however right now I'm very comfortable with my situation and I'm not going to have a child just to bow down to societal pressures.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator.

Someone had to say it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator.

Someone had to say it

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By *irestorm 500Couple
over a year ago

coventry

"I have two, so yes it is

Ditto, my greatest achievement was having my two children and seeing the beautiful people they have grown into x storm x

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

Yes, but after how many years and how much counselling and how many medical risks is a woman allowed to make a decision about her body? And how does this compare to vasectomy?

Cal was refused a vasectomy before our wedding, on the grounds that they don't sterilize unmarried men...

Nita

Was this your GP? Because that's complete bollocks. Not only can unmarried men have a vasectomy, but even single, unmarried men with no kids can.

Cal's GP... I would be inclined to agree but if your doctor won't sanction the procedure there's little you can do about it.

There's lots of medical staff who apply their own rules and regulations when it comes to permanent contraception.

Seemingly, many of us don't really know our own minds

It is far more prevalent for female sterilisation, as clearly shown by other posters.

Nita"

I work in a clinic that does vasectomy consultations and procedures and it is endlessly frustrating when GPs do things like this as who are they to make their own rules about who can access a service or not!? Let us do our job as the entire point of the consultation process is to ensure that the patient is sure of their decision, has considered all future possibilities and is aware that the procedure should be considered permanent as reversals are only available privately and have quite a low success rate.

It is certainly far more difficult for women to obtain sterilisation which is another frustrating issue in my line of work. Again usually down to old fashioned and usually older male doctors putting up unneccessary barriers due to their own personal attitudes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone not wanting children can claim the moral high ground on global warming... over population is the main cause and you are doing your bit to stop others children suffering

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover. "

I didn't find that when I went.

I suffered from painful periods for years and was always thought that I wouldn't get a hysterectomy because of that fact. Earlier this year I went to get the implant as I'd heard it might help with them (as in stop them completely). When I said I didn't want children, the GP said "good". She also suggested the merena coil (know that's spelt wrong) and after a couple of months settling in, it's been the best decision.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

I didn't find that when I went.

I have the Mirena coil. It helps with my periods, but doesn't decrease my risk of death. But nothing doing there, because I'm of childbearing age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It actually led to a male refusing to meet me from here, because he thought it meant I was male.

Amazing, the hostility women get if they don't want children. I've had that all my life. If anyone with children asks me if I regret my decision, I reply "no, do you regret yours?"

I've been harangued and mistreated by doctors about it, too.

By doctors?

Yup, try and go for any permanent birth control or even hysterectomy for medical reasons when you’re of childbearing age & you’ll soon discover.

I didn't find that when I went.

I have the implant, I would highly recommend it. Lasts 3 years, I'm on my 4th. Iv had no problems with it and don't have periods at all. Although I know that im fairly lucky in this because a lot of women I've spoken to have had problems with there's regarding very heavy periods but I guess I've just been fortunate.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Good for you Shag.. there's too many people just mindlessly meander into parenthood and don't give their children or partners enough of the time.

As you know that you are too busy to give up your life for children ( i'm sure you would if you did become a dad ) then it's right that you don't yet bring others into the world x

Good for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just say how interesting this thread has been, especially the comments by the women who have been incredibly brave and honest about their personal experiences regarding this issue, whether the reaction from people to learning they don't want children, or what it feels like to want them but be unable to have them. It really brings home how, as usual, things are so much harder for women than men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never wanted children...I find the pretty boring to be honest and over the years, I've discovered that what I really dislike are actually parents. I've been accused of being an unnatural woman along with all of the accusations of selfishness and people actually wishing me a lonely and unhappy old age because I won't have them to look after me...I'm happy with my decision and have never regretted it even now my chances of having kids is way behind me...the freedom I have experienced throughout my life in comparison to my friends who did have kids for whatever reason is worth it, and I've never missed being a parent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally would find that kids would interfere with my life too much. I enjoy doing what I want when I want. Some people enjoy them, but I’m someone that doesn’t.

I totally understand this.

Though I do worry about when I'm old and decrepit who will help me, but that's no reason to have kids either.

Some people seriously say in the same rant that I'm selfish for not wanting kids and that I should have kids so I can have someone to wipe my arse (sometimes in as many words).

The mind boggles. "

You know some strange sounding people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too late for this conversation

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think some of those aggressive people have kids but hate them and wish they didn't have them. They turn that guilt onto childless people because they're jealous that they aren't stuck with kids.

That is a really over the top comment

I know people like this. It's a fact. For some people.

You said that you "think" these people act that way...you don't say you have asked them and they have told you.

If they have told you they hate their own kids maybe a call to SS should be coming from you

I think *some* do because I know of some people like that. I doubt they are the only ones like that- so I think there will be others the same.

Calling SS when someone hates their kids would cripple the SS. "

But would be in the interest of the child. I doubt SS will think it is a wasted call

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 44 and my boyfriend is 30, I was sterilised 18 months ago, as I felt my baby making were over.

My guy says he doesn't want kids. I just can't help but think he will one day, hevsays never but who knows.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

It was incredibly important to me. My journey to motherhood wasn't quite as I expected,but I now wouldn't change a thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have done a new thread we can continue on

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator.

Someone had to say it

lmao!!

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