FabSwingers.com forum: If someone gives you something and then asks for it back?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How would you respond- how would you feel?

Background- an elderly neighbour won a 42" superdooper tv at least a year ago on the bingo and asked if I wanted her old telly. As it was better than my old one, I accepted. Since then I upgraded to a larger screen and have put the one she gave me upstairs.

A couple of days ago she asked for it back for her son, who is splitting up with his wife.

Thoughts?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

If you don't need it give it to her. Did she know you'd bought a new one?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

If she didn't know she's a cheeky mare asking for it back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give it back.

It's fine even if you didn't have a TV eBay will get you a good one at reasonable prices.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give it back minus the plug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Old people tend to do stuff like that.

I would give it back and thank her for "lending" it to me.

Or tell her you sold it, and you might not have to talk to her again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's a bit cheeky though? I think it is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d just give if back to her.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I find that a little odd, if someone gives you something then it's yours surely, not for them to give to someone they deem more deserving at a later date

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mixed feelings on this. I'd like to pass it forward if I didn't need it, as your neighbour did herself. But if she didn't know you had a new TV then she had no quarms about leaving you in the lerch without a TV, bit mean, so I'd tell the Indian giver its a no

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By *arnsley guy100Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

Just give it her back.... Someone obviously needs it..

She, s a nice lady, she helped you and she wants to help someone else now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just give it back, no qualms, be honest do you really need it? And is is worth the argument.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"It's a bit cheeky though? I think it is!"

Definitely a bit cheeky, I'd just give it back and now you know not to accept anything from her in future.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I find that a little odd, if someone gives you something then it's yours surely, not for them to give to someone they deem more deserving at a later date"

As I was forever saying to my kid's when they were little,once you give you can't take back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give ot back and if she offers you something again adk her if it's to keep or just to store for her until she wants it back?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mixed feelings on this. I'd like to pass it forward if I didn't need it, as your neighbour did herself. But if she didn't know you had a new TV then she had no quarms about leaving you in the lerch without a TV, bit mean, so I'd tell the Indian giver its a no

This! She's cheeky as fuck and mean. Age isn't an excuse for being rude.

If I wasn't using it I'd give it her back and never speak to her again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find that a little odd, if someone gives you something then it's yours surely, not for them to give to someone they deem more deserving at a later date"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She does know I replaced it. She does know I use it upstairs.

I still think a gift is a gift. I just won't accept any more "gifts" from her. Should I ask for the pink gin back that I gave her yesterday because I need it for someone else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago

Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire

I would give it back to her. Especially as you bought another one.

Not great behaviour on her part but I like to live a drama free life

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By *r Normally KinkyMan
over a year ago

Somerset

I deffo give it back. after all she did you a good turn, so do one back. you could offer to drop it round to her son. remember one good turns deserves another... failing that tell her to fuck off.

Both work but with differing results.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She does know I replaced it. She does know I use it upstairs.

I still think a gift is a gift. I just won't accept any more "gifts" from her. Should I ask for the pink gin back that I gave her yesterday because I need it for someone else?

On this additional info I'd be a bit less annoyed but I still think it's cheeky as fuck. She gave it to you.

Ask for the gin back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd give it back,minus the internal components

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"It's a bit cheeky though? I think it is!"

I think so too especially if she doesn’t know you have a new one. Some people get tunnel vision when it comes to their children though even when they are adults. She’d rather be rude to you by asking for it back after all this time than think of her son having to buy his own.

I’d let her have it back but let them carry it down your stairs and to their house.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Give ot back and if she offers you something again adk her if it's to keep or just to store for her until she wants it back?"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you had spoken to her and mentioned you have a new one and put it upstairs I don't think she was out of order in asking for it for someone who doesn't have a television.

I would have said if you're not in need of it can I have it for someone who is. You can always say no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a bit cheeky though? I think it is!

I’d let her have it back but let them carry it down your stairs and to their house. "

She does know it's been put upstairs because a new one was bought.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

She was happy to give it as a gift but now her son needs one she is letting you know that he takes priority which is natural but asking for it back is a tad strange..

Had she said mind this for me or I can't be arsed to take this to the tip or sell it so just take care and I may want it returned then rightly so you would have said no thanks..

Tell her you plan to give it to a friend shortly..

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I can understand her mentality, especially if she is older and knew you had a new tv - she's just thinking of helping her son in any way she can.

My Mum might have done something like that if she thought the recipient didn't need it and I really did, it's a bit of the make do and mend mentality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on the circumstance, and in this circumstance she is trying to be kind and help her son, the same way she was kind enough to help you in the first instance.

She knows the tv is a spare, and if it was me and I'd have offered it without needing to be asked if I was aware of the situation with her son.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?"

I do need it. I use it upstairs.

And when she gave it to me, I didn't need it desperately. She wanted it out of the way and her family didn't want it.

And her feckless son has put himself in this position. I do feel sorry for her.

And I said she could have it back, of course I did.

I will thank you for your comments and ask you not to comment further since you obviously have an axe to grind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How would you respond- how would you feel?

A couple of days ago she asked for it back for her son, who is splitting up with his wife.

Thoughts?"

What a cunt, there's my thought.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can understand her mentality, especially if she is older and knew you had a new tv - she's just thinking of helping her son in any way she can.

My Mum might have done something like that if she thought the recipient didn't need it and I really did, it's a bit of the make do and mend mentality.

I thought that.

It's still a bit shit though!

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By *likebothMan
over a year ago

cwmbran town.

Its known as an Indian giver.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How would you respond- how would you feel?

A couple of days ago she asked for it back for her son, who is splitting up with his wife.

Thoughts?"

Just give it back - it's not worth the grief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give it back and say thank you for being able to use it , take the batteries out of the remote , or even better put them in the wrong way round lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

I do need it. I use it upstairs.

And when she gave it to me, I didn't need it desperately. She wanted it out of the way and her family didn't want it.

And her feckless son has put himself in this position. I do feel sorry for her.

And I said she could have it back, of course I did.

I will thank you for your comments and ask you not to comment further since you obviously have an axe to grind.

An axe to grind? Seriously? You asked for opinions, sorry I didn't realise that you actually meant validation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can understand her mentality, especially if she is older and knew you had a new tv - she's just thinking of helping her son in any way she can.

My Mum might have done something like that if she thought the recipient didn't need it and I really did, it's a bit of the make do and mend mentality.

I thought that.

It's still a bit shit though!"

Us old people like to help others less fortunate than us.

You'll have to find something else to do in bed now

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

She might have seen the new tv delivery. I'd give it back...one good turn as the saying goes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Give it back and say thank you for being able to use it , take the batteries out of the remote , or even better put them in the wrong way round lol "

That's just childish

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

I do need it. I use it upstairs.

And when she gave it to me, I didn't need it desperately. She wanted it out of the way and her family didn't want it.

And her feckless son has put himself in this position. I do feel sorry for her.

And I said she could have it back, of course I did.

I will thank you for your comments and ask you not to comment further since you obviously have an axe to grind.

An axe to grind? Seriously? You asked for opinions, sorry I didn't realise that you actually meant validation "

Which part of not commenting further did you struggle with!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Give it back and say thank you for being able to use it , take the batteries out of the remote , or even better put them in the wrong way round lol "

Oh no- I don't do vengeance- not my style.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Is she a Native American?

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?"

I disagree. A gift is a gift, no matter what. You just don't ask for it back!!!

Unless you're in desperate straits (c'mon, I can understand being desperate for some things, but a TV is not exactly an essential).

I'd give it back, only to keep the peace, but as stated above, def not accept anything else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe in karma. Pay it forward, bite your tongue and thank her for the lend even if it may sound like you were doing her a favour in getting it out the way. Sounds like her son needs it.

'When you're not doing so well, look out for yourself. If you are doing quite nicely, look out for others'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is she a Native American? "
can you pick up bbc1 in a teepee?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't 'need' telly in your bedroom.

Believe me you will sleep better without these electronic devices.

I don't even have a radio in mine, and my mobile phone is switched off.

The emissions from electronic devices disturbs natural sleep rythms.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I do think it's a bit of community mentality, to the neighbours mind you share stuff and pay it forwards. If you have two tvs and her son doesn't have one then I guess she considers that as 'spare', to her it's about community, to you it's about comfort.

Personally I'd find it rather cheeky as it was given as a gift, there was a thread not too long ago about returning a gift in different circumstances, where pretty much every poster accepted ownership of the gift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

I disagree. A gift is a gift, no matter what. You just don't ask for it back!!!

Unless you're in desperate straits (c'mon, I can understand being desperate for some things, but a TV is not exactly an essential).

I'd give it back, only to keep the peace, but as stated above, def not accept anything else.

If a TV is not essential then the OP doesn't "need" one upstairs and can give it back?

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By *arnsley guy100Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

I think lot of people are forgetting this older ladies not from a throw away selfish society...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do think it's a bit of community mentality, to the neighbours mind you share stuff and pay it forwards. If you have two tvs and her son doesn't have one then I guess she considers that as 'spare', to her it's about community, to you it's about comfort.

Yes, but the giver hadn't asked for it back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/12/18 10:07:19]

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

I do need it. I use it upstairs.

And when she gave it to me, I didn't need it desperately. She wanted it out of the way and her family didn't want it.

And her feckless son has put himself in this position. I do feel sorry for her.

And I said she could have it back, of course I did.

I will thank you for your comments and ask you not to comment further since you obviously have an axe to grind.

An axe to grind? Seriously? You asked for opinions, sorry I didn't realise that you actually meant validation

Which part of not commenting further did you struggle with!

That's really not how public forums work, also have you ever stopped commenting when you disagreed with someone on their thread?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

I do need it. I use it upstairs.

And when she gave it to me, I didn't need it desperately. She wanted it out of the way and her family didn't want it.

And her feckless son has put himself in this position. I do feel sorry for her.

And I said she could have it back, of course I did.

I will thank you for your comments and ask you not to comment further since you obviously have an axe to grind.

An axe to grind? Seriously? You asked for opinions, sorry I didn't realise that you actually meant validation

Which part of not commenting further did you struggle with!

That's really not how public forums work, also have you ever stopped commenting when you disagreed with someone on their thread?! "

Exactly.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"How would you respond- how would you feel?

A couple of days ago she asked for it back for her son, who is splitting up with his wife.

Thoughts?"

It all depends on the tone and way the request was put to you.

Was it

A blunt give me my tv back

B, I was just wondering if you are still using the tv I gave you last year as my son hasn't got one and I'd like to help him if I can.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?

I disagree. A gift is a gift, no matter what. You just don't ask for it back!!!

Unless you're in desperate straits (c'mon, I can understand being desperate for some things, but a TV is not exactly an essential).

I'd give it back, only to keep the peace, but as stated above, def not accept anything else.

If a TV is not essential then the OP doesn't "need" one upstairs and can give it back? "

Nope, was referring to the neighbour asking for it back.

It's not essential for either, which is why I said I'd give it back.

Many gifts are not essentials....they are gifts. You give a gift and don't take it back!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don’t need it, give it back, regardless whether you think it’s rude of her to ask, Just rise above that. Why would you keep hold of it knowing, that someone needed it and you didn’t. You’ll feel better for it, than keeping hold of it out of principle.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes, but the giver hadn't asked for it back."

True, but the act of giving is universal surely?

I think it's a bit of a grey area, I can see both sides. Like I said in the first paragraph ^^, it's a generation and culture thing. I'd probably give it back as it seems the giving and receiving came with added context that I hadn't been aware of, that would be my fault, not hers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Give it back minus the plug

Give it back would be the obvious answer to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, but the giver hadn't asked for it back.

True, but the act of giving is universal surely?

I agree that once you give a gift you relinquish ownership.

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By *arnsley guy100Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

What would you do if you did Nedd it??.. Was the main tele in the living room and wasn't fixed for buying another.??

Would you say NO to the old lady... It's mine.. You gave it me... It's mine!!!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes, but the giver hadn't asked for it back.

True, but the act of giving is universal surely?

I agree that once you give a gift you relinquish ownership."

I agree, if this was about something else, say £50 cash that had been given as a gift, then this wouldn't even be a discussion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many options

Give it to her back with an invoice for removal and storage.

Connect it to a DVD player or internet and freeze frame it for a few days on a gay porn scene-does that still burn images into the tv or was that only on really old tv’s?

I like to pass on things that have been handed down to me and have been very grateful after a walk away split to start again with nothing, helping people out always leaves a good feeling inside especially when you have left a dead fish hidden inside - oh did I say that out loud (I’m joking )

Find a man to entertain you more in the bedroom so you don’t need the tv

If I had gifted something and needed/wanted to regift it I would of asked if it’s being used and if not asked for it back to pass on to someone who would put it to use. But TVs are so cheap/free to pick up as well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How would you respond- how would you feel?

A couple of days ago she asked for it back for her son, who is splitting up with his wife.

Thoughts?"

I think she's wrong to ask for it back, it was a gift not a lend !

However i'd probably give it back but avoid her after that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So she gave you a TV for nothing out of kindness presumably because you needed one at the time.

And you since have brought a better one?

And now she wants to give the same TV to her son who is having a shit time?

And somehow you think you should get to keep it (even though you don't need it) and that she is the bad person in this story?

Seriously? Do you know how selfish you sound?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not sure anyone 'needs' a TV.

However this thread does give an interesting insight into some people’s sense of entitlement.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it depends on the circumstance, and in this circumstance she is trying to be kind and help her son, the same way she was kind enough to help you in the first instance.

She knows the tv is a spare, and if it was me and I'd have offered it without needing to be asked if I was aware of the situation with her son.

I didn't know about her son until she asked for the tv for him.

And of course I said yes. I am not a cow-,I could hardly say no could I!

Should have checked the gift-horses' teeth!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id say i gave it charity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How would you respond- how would you feel?

A couple of days ago she asked for it back for her son, who is splitting up with his wife.

Thoughts?

It all depends on the tone and way the request was put to you.

Was it

A blunt give me my tv back

B, I was just wondering if you are still using the tv I gave you last year as my son hasn't got one and I'd like to help him if I can.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Depending on how 'old' she is it is likely to be a 'make do and mend mentality thing rather than being cheeky.

In their mind you are no longer using it and, as it was theirs in the first place, it would be sensible to let someone else use it

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

She gave you a tv out of kindness.

You bought another, better one.

That's the point at which I'd have offered to give it back, personally.

I bet she wouldn't have asked if she thought you still used it, but she knows you bought another one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it depends on the circumstance, and in this circumstance she is trying to be kind and help her son, the same way she was kind enough to help you in the first instance.

She knows the tv is a spare, and if it was me and I'd have offered it without needing to be asked if I was aware of the situation with her son.

I didn't know about her son until she asked for the tv for him.

And of course I said yes. I am not a cow-,I could hardly say no could I!

Should have checked the gift-horses' teeth!"

Shergar *neighhhhhh*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depending on how 'old' she is it is likely to be a 'make do and mend mentality thing rather than being cheeky.

In their mind you are no longer using it and, as it was theirs in the first place, it would be sensible to let someone else use it

I was using it- upstairs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She has it back now anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She has it back now anyway."

The real question here is....

Is the son hot?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She has it back now anyway."

Did you put a rotten carcass in it?

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"Depending on how 'old' she is it is likely to be a 'make do and mend mentality thing rather than being cheeky.

In their mind you are no longer using it and, as it was theirs in the first place, it would be sensible to let someone else use it

I was using it- upstairs."

You have two TVs, nobody "needs" one TV, let alone two.

The woman obviously thought that you were also the kind of person who would help someone out who was going through a rough patch.

Clearly she was wrong.

I'm kinda gobsmacked by all the other posters who think your neighbour is in the wrong for asking you to help someone else in the same way as she helped you...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"She has it back now anyway.

The real question here is....

Is the son hot?

Lol

And a big fat noo to the hell no!

I didn't voice any of this surprise at her asking for a gift back. I was very nice about it. She is upset that her son is splitting with his wife- something went on with police and I think it's quite stressful. I will just be more careful in future with her- I don't wish to be indebted in any way.

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By *bsolutebeginnersCouple
over a year ago

Planet Ork

Old people and young children have the same mentality when giving you gifts. They never see it as a permanent transaction and can ask for it to be returned at any time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She has it back now anyway.

The real question here is....

Is the son hot?

Lol

And a big fat noo to the hell no!

Nobody wants to feel indebted, that's a poo feeling unless it's someone utterly wonderful and you want to show them a token of appreciation, rather than the sense of feeling you owe them.

Sounds like a right pickle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying who needs a TV anyway? But then say should give it back for the son

Saying tvs are cheap and free give it back

Quite contradictory to say the least

A gift is a gift. Different if something was asked for in the first place but if given without asking it's a gift. Shouldn't ask for a gift back regardless

Exs have done that to me when we've broken up demanding gifts back. My reply is well give the gifts back I bought them. They tend to huff about that. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I'd never ask for a gift back. I gave it and then it doesn't belong to me it's their's. No matter what it is.

Lending however is different matter.

One exs brother I lent my cooker with regards ir returned when I moved to temporary accommodation that already had a cooker, because theirs didn't work. They sold my cooker!! As well as dvds, games, tools that they borrowed they sold also! Never saw a penny and I needed the cooker back not something cheap to replace. Neither is the rest on minimal income but point is it wasn't theirs to sell. I didn't gift it.

A gift is a gift someone asks for it back well they aren't a good friend or neighbour

Also never lend them anything or give gifts to them . Clearly shows no respect

I'd tell them this also how rude they are to expect it back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depending on how 'old' she is it is likely to be a 'make do and mend mentality thing rather than being cheeky.

In their mind you are no longer using it and, as it was theirs in the first place, it would be sensible to let someone else use it

I was using it- upstairs.

You have two TVs, nobody "needs" one TV, let alone two.

The woman obviously thought that you were also the kind of person who would help someone out who was going through a rough patch.

Clearly she was wrong.

I'm kinda gobsmacked by all the other posters who think your neighbour is in the wrong for asking you to help someone else in the same way as she helped you..."

Maybe when the OP asked me not to post again and accused me of having an axe to grind for expressing the same sentiment as you it put other people off posting unless a discerning view?

Otherwise, as you say the reactionsame are somewhat gobsmacking aren't they?

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