FabSwingers.com forum: Helping someone out

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, I see a status that says "devastated, split with hubby"

Or words to that effect. I message and offer condolonces and explain I have been in that boat. We have a brief chat, lady is grateful to have a empathetic ear.

I notice she is still meeting so, send my photo and an invitation for a meet for coffee....

Blocked. Yayyyy

I really must be like shrek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was a man, move on

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By *lastic.Mask.ManMan
over a year ago

Grimsby

Or maybe coming across as to pushy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's fab life for you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Either that, or you’re one of about 500 men doing the same thing, I’m sure your intentions were honorable but I expect that she was inundated with fellas offering a friendly ear and advice and solace and it may have been a bit overwhelming. Don’t take it to heart, and move on!

Welcome to the forums by the way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, I see a status that says "devastated, split with hubby"

Or words to that effect. I message and offer condolonces and explain I have been in that boat. We have a brief chat, lady is grateful to have a empathetic ear.

I notice she is still meeting so, send my photo and an invitation for a meet for coffee....

Blocked. Yayyyy

I really must be like shrek"

Or just not her type. That doesn't mean others won't find you attractive OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Either that, or you’re one of about 500 men doing the same thing, I’m sure your intentions were honorable but I expect that she was inundated with fellas offering a friendly ear and advice and solace and it may have been a bit overwhelming. Don’t take it to heart, and move on!

Welcome to the forums by the way!

True. I think some may see it as false sympathy with a motive to get sex. I've had those myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been ignored/Blocked by people who I would consider to be much much lower in the construct of the social hierarchy. Just embrace the rejection. It's character building

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

It was a very nice thought OP, as stated before, loads of others would have done the same thing. She was probably inundated. Hope you find someone, welcome to the forums. x

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another"

I tend to agree. If I'm sad and someone hugs me to comfort me but whispers in my ear "fancy a fuck?" It's unlikely I'll say "yes"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So near and yet so far.

If she wanted to meet you, she would have suggested it.

Play the long game, otherwise you look like a chancer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another"

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy."

You would have been one of many offering a coffee. We know hardly anyone meets for coffee without hoping it goes further.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

I don't know your motives, I don't know why she blocked you, it's a site tool folk use as they see fit. Block move on. Focus your energy on others.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I tend to agree. If I'm sad and someone hugs me to comfort me but whispers in my ear "fancy a fuck?" It's unlikely I'll say "yes""

Yep.

Assuming the status was referring to a recent slit I suspect a met would be the last thing on her mind. She probably hadn't changed any profile wording to reflect the change in circumstances.

Or.......she was still meeting and just exercised her right to block.

Who knows?

Except her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy."

A coffee is considered a social on here, with holes of more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy.

A coffee is considered a social on here, with holes of more. "

*hopes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy.

A coffee is considered a social on here, with holes of more.

*hopes"

Holes seems more apt for this site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy.

A coffee is considered a social on here, with holes of more.

*hopes"

Freudian slip!!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Nobody looks like Shrek, god knows I've tried, make like a good 'un and you'll be alreet ma son

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Her choice matey, it's saved you the cost of a coffee though, so onwards and upwards

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy."

That may be the case, however, think about how it looks from her point of view. Doing that makes you look manipulative and disingenuous, whether your intention or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another"

Ha, the white knight fell off his horse

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"So near and yet so far.

If she wanted to meet you, she would have suggested it.

Play the long game, otherwise you look like a chancer."

The long game?

How about you behave like a caring human being, rather than playing any game at all?

All this talk of playing games or what looks like manipulative behaviour is part of the reason why so many have trust issues with guys on here!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

Ha, the white knight fell off his horse "

Who am I white knighting exactly? Some randomer who will never read this?

No pal, I'm just pointing out shitty behaviour where I see it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I'm sorry, since when has offering a coffee been trying to get her into bed?

Seriously, my intentions were honourable. I'm a nice guy.

That may be the case, however, think about how it looks from her point of view. Doing that makes you look manipulative and disingenuous, whether your intention or not"

This is the thing OP, you’re new to the site so still learning about how it works.

Your intentions may have been genuine - from her perspective she probably would have seen lots of men messaging her offering her a friendly coffee .. and as others have said then it’s easy to be cynical and think everyone is trying to take advantage - so it’s easier to block.

Seriously, we’ve all been blocked and not understood why, it’s a fact of Fab life. Chalk it down to experience and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it just a sad reflection on today's society that so many people think badly of others?

"Oh, he has offered a meet for a coffee, he must be after shagging her"... ah well, as others have said... onwards and upwards. Save my money for someone who wants a coffee and a chat.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Danta Claus, I'm not new at all, I know how the site works. I was here for nearly three years with my ex on a couples profile. I take on board everyone's comments, negative and positive, and I shall wind my neck in hahaha

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By *arnsley guy100Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

You just wanted to bone her realy....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is it just a sad reflection on today's society that so many people think badly of others?

"Oh, he has offered a meet for a coffee, he must be after shagging her"... ah well, as others have said... onwards and upwards. Save my money for someone who wants a coffee and a chat."

It's not a reflection on society, its a reflection on fab and women's experience of it. Its a shame that you were blocked, none of us actually know why and it certainly isn't because you look like Shrek, I doubt you're green for a start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you offered your support in her time of despair, then thought you'd just try your luck?

That makes you come across as offering false sympathy and trying to manipulate her into bed. Not a nice way to behave, I'm not really surprised that she blocked you!

If you're offering support genuinely, you don't try to take advantage of the situation. Just offer the support as one human to another

I tend to agree. If I'm sad and someone hugs me to comfort me but whispers in my ear "fancy a fuck?" It's unlikely I'll say "yes""

100% this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So near and yet so far.

If she wanted to meet you, she would have suggested it.

Play the long game, otherwise you look like a chancer.

The long game?

How about you behave like a caring human being, rather than playing any game at all?

All this talk of playing games or what looks like manipulative behaviour is part of the reason why so many have trust issues with guys on here!

He was feeling sympathetic. But he was also attracted to her. Otherwise he wouldn't have messaged.

Playing the long game is a turn of phrase.

If he had just been sympathetic and let the conversation flow, he may have been more help to her than suggesting a coffee.

Also bear in mind he suggested a coffee knowing she was meeting. He said so. This to me indicated that he had a game plan and because it didn't pan out, he can play the indignation "my motives were pure".

If he had got his coffee then a meet, he wouldn't have posted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I put something up about hating decorating I had 36 'decorators' offering to help within a matter of hours..

Did I take any up on the offer or get to know any off the back of their messages? No.. I'm under no illusion that there would be an expectation of payment in kind.

This is fab.. if I wanted a decorator I'd be on gumtree.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"So near and yet so far.

If she wanted to meet you, she would have suggested it.

Play the long game, otherwise you look like a chancer.

The long game?

How about you behave like a caring human being, rather than playing any game at all?

All this talk of playing games or what looks like manipulative behaviour is part of the reason why so many have trust issues with guys on here!

He was feeling sympathetic. But he was also attracted to her. Otherwise he wouldn't have messaged.

Playing the long game is a turn of phrase.

If he had just been sympathetic and let the conversation flow, he may have been more help to her than suggesting a coffee.

If he had got his coffee then a meet, he wouldn't have posted."

Yes, I agree with you about having an ulterior motive, it's that which I find a little sad.

If you see someone hurt or hurting surely you offer sympathy, not try and work the situation to your advantage?

*gallic shrug*

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So near and yet so far.

If she wanted to meet you, she would have suggested it.

Play the long game, otherwise you look like a chancer.

The long game?

How about you behave like a caring human being, rather than playing any game at all?

All this talk of playing games or what looks like manipulative behaviour is part of the reason why so many have trust issues with guys on here!

He was feeling sympathetic. But he was also attracted to her. Otherwise he wouldn't have messaged.

Playing the long game is a turn of phrase.

If he had just been sympathetic and let the conversation flow, he may have been more help to her than suggesting a coffee.

If he had got his coffee then a meet, he wouldn't have posted.

Yes, I agree with you about having an ulterior motive, it's that which I find a little sad.

If you see someone hurt or hurting surely you offer sympathy, not try and work the situation to your advantage?

*gallic shrug*"

To be fair he probably meant a coffee and chat. We are all so used to people using vulnerability on fab that we think everyone's at it.

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