FabSwingers.com forum: Is it ok to disown a family member?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Should family members always stay in touch because they are 'blood'? What if the father is a nasty piece of work, should his daughter be made to feel guilty because she won't have anything to do with him anymore?

What if it involves people in the public eye- should they pretend to like their family just because they are famous? 'Making a good example for the masses.'

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

"Should family members always stay in touch because they are 'blood'? What if the father is a nasty piece of work, should his daughter be made to feel guilty because she won't have anything to do with him anymore?

What if it involves people in the public eye- should they pretend to like their family just because they are famous? 'Making a good example for the masses.'"
No i got rid of all mine years ago , best thing i ever did

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

No. People need to protect themselves. Family might get more consideration, more chances, more effort. But if a tolerable or healthy relationship can't be found then cutting ties may be the most sensible option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it depends on each individual situation. If it's abusive or toxic then you shouldn't have these people in your life regardless of whether they have family or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cut all ties with my mum 3 years ago

My dad is nasty so sometimes I reply to messages just to avoid drama but I don't like him either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. No need to tolerate toxicity in your life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No they shouldn’t. I disowned my real dad and the only reason I speak to him now is because my brother died and I made a promise to him to stay in touch with my dad.

He didn’t do anything nasty he was just a useless father unlike my step dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id say it depends on how they conduct themselves. My nephew is a grade A prick who I could quite happily never have anything to do with ever again. His parents and siblings are all lovely so I cant blame the upbringing, but he's just a waste of skin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

I cut ties with a few family members over drug addiction and a few things they did I considered unacceptable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if it involves people in the public eye- should they pretend to like their family just because they are famous? 'Making a good example for the masses.'"

My husband doesn’t speak to his brother, or his wife. And neither do I. And that will most likely never change. For two years he didn’t speak to his parents but he was having panic attacks whenever we went to my parents (who live next door) and I saw his parents often, so they are on their last chance.

I don’t speak to my bio ‘dad’.

The people we don’t speak to, I have absolutely no inclination to speak to ever again. Not after everything they have done.

And no - just because you’re famous it doesn’t mean you should stick up with family members who are down right awful.

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By *lsieWoman
over a year ago

where ever

I am the same . I don't talk to my family I am happier away from them . It an awful thing to say the next time I will see my mum is at her funeral. She made my life hell . I have never been good enough being born female. And to top it off I had 2 girls. So that didn't go to well . Her loss .

I love my girls I have the relationship I wanted with my mum with them . I love them .

Sorry to jump on your post ok

But you need to be happy and you do what you think is right for you . Hugs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cut all ties with my mum 3 years ago

My dad is nasty so sometimes I reply to messages just to avoid drama but I don't like him either"

I understand this. Just reply with no reaction to any drama. They hate that they don't get a reaction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've 2 sisters and a brother and a mum

I speak to my mum daily or at least text her as she's 75

I speak to little sis regular.

Not spoken to other brother and sister for years .

These things happen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I just realised the thread title and the OP contradict themselves, sorry! As in you can say yes to the title and no to the OP. Oops.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think the public would be better off seeing healthy boundaries in action than famous people playing nice, if it's even remotely our business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spoken to my father once properly since 1992

He used me to look after my brother when my mum was at work while he went and "collected books" from his college friend

I'll never forgive him

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am the same . I don't talk to my family I am happier away from them . It an awful thing to say the next time I will see my mum is at her funeral. She made my life hell . I have never been good enough being born female. And to top it off I had 2 girls. So that didn't go to well . Her loss .

I love my girls I have the relationship I wanted with my mum with them . I love them .

Sorry to jump on your post ok

But you need to be happy and you do what you think is right for you . Hugs x "

You sound like wonderful mum.

Don't know why you would go to her funeral. Hugs to you too. x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes, it's absolutely ok.

Just understand that one day there will be no chance of a reconciliation because one of you will be dead. If you're ok with that and it's perfectly possible to be ok with it, go ahead and cut them out of your life. Blood is not always thicker than water.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Low contact and low information also work well if cutting off isn't an option. Everything is fine, nothing is happening really, just so busy with the mundane, sorry I can't see you.

And remember that the nastiness and dysfunction is them, not you. It's like watching a shitty reality show. Oh, that's a bizarre thing to say. Cruel. Glad I'm not like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Visiting family just because its Xmas can damage your mental health as well.... Never compromise on your own health

As for famous bods.... I can't relate to it so tough for me to comment.... I guess youd get the family coming out in the press giving you grief

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Yes, it's absolutely ok.

Sometimes you've got to make peace with the fact that you've done all you can, or more, and they're never going to change. Rather than being held hostage for the rest of their or your life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think the public would be better off seeing healthy boundaries in action than famous people playing nice, if it's even remotely our business."

Meghan Markle's family are harassing her again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it is okay.

As long as you can make your peace with it.

Nobody else's opinion actually matters in the end.

Even other family members.

If a friend treated you the way family do sometimes, you would cut them dead,So why should family get a pass.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Visiting family just because its Xmas can damage your mental health as well.... Never compromise on your own health

As for famous bods.... I can't relate to it so tough for me to comment.... I guess youd get the family coming out in the press giving you grief"

One thing a lot of people hate about xmas- having to see family members they hate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if it involves people in the public eye- should they pretend to like their family just because they are famous? 'Making a good example for the masses.'"

Depends on severity.

My dad's narcasistic and anti social (to an extent)

I learned not to go to him in times of need and to stay out of his way.

I don't feel guilty about not bothering with him or going months/year's without talking but I don't burn my bridges.

He's not totally bad but I think it's undiagnosed illness rather than pure evil.

If you ignore my farther long enough his mood changes for 5 minuets when he needs my help.

I don't hate him because sometimes he is quite considerate. I just an aware of his mood patterns and know to tip toe around him or give him cold shoulder when he's being abusive.

He does emotional abuse on my mum but she hasn't got the ability to go cold on him like I do.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think the public would be better off seeing healthy boundaries in action than famous people playing nice, if it's even remotely our business.

Meghan Markle's family are harassing her again.

That was who I thought of when I saw this. I don't know the details but saw a trailer saying her father was going to be interviewed on morning telly.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I love my mum but she's made a few choices since my dad died a couple of years ago that have caused a lot of upset for me and my sisters so as a result I rarely see her now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if it involves people in the public eye- should they pretend to like their family just because they are famous? 'Making a good example for the masses.'"

If something is bad for your psychological and physical health thensteps should be taken to remove factors influencing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cut ties with the majority of my mother's family after her death, and prior to the death of my uncle - if my mother's death didnt show their true colours blatantly, my uncle's certainly did. They are some of the foulest human beings to draw breath. Every now and again I feel a longing for "family" and consider sorting things out, then I remind myself of their horrific behaviour and that it is in no way borne of love and get the fuck over it and accept I have very little family and that'll have to do. Better to be lonely than reenter their mania.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think we are fed an image of family that just isn't representative.

We all think our family is normal until we're a bit older and realise it's anything but

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as getting contacted on here by people you have no interest in.

Block, delete or reply with one word answers like thank, ta

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cut ties with the majority of my mother's family after her death, and prior to the death of my uncle - if my mother's death didnt show their true colours blatantly, my uncle's certainly did. They are some of the foulest human beings to draw breath. Every now and again I feel a longing for "family" and consider sorting things out, then I remind myself of their horrific behaviour and that it is in no way borne of love and get the fuck over it and accept I have very little family and that'll have to do. Better to be lonely than reenter their mania."

Your friends may be your new 'family'.

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By *lsieWoman
over a year ago

where ever

I love my girls I have the relationship I wanted with my mum with them . I love them .

Sorry to jump on your post ok

But you need to be happy and you do what you think is right for you . Hugs x

You sound like wonderful mum.

Don't know why you would go to her funeral. Hugs to you too. x"

I hope I am a wonderful mum . I try my best to be .

Just to make sure she is dead .

You take care x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no, ive fucked three of my siblings off for being utter cunts towards me, my life is far better without them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think we are fed an image of family that just isn't representative.

We all think our family is normal until we're a bit older and realise it's anything but

Talk of family funerals has reminded me of some really ace family that I have. They made some comments at the funeral that anyone else would have gasped at, but they meant it with love. And the deceased family member would have roared with laughter at what they said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say you live your mum to bits but haven't spoken to your brothers and sisters for 20 years and have fallen out with there family

When it's mums funeral time do you have to go ?

Or can you visit her place of rest for a chat at a later date ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Say you live your mum to bits but haven't spoken to your brothers and sisters for 20 years and have fallen out with there family

When it's mums funeral time do you have to go ?

Or can you visit her place of rest for a chat at a later date ? "

I'd say no don't go to the funeral and visit her later.

Just be aware that some people would slate you for not going to her funeral. But who fucking cares what they think. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I helped the police and went to court as a prosecution witness against a man who interfered with his step daughter. Recently I heard that the girls mother is sticking with him, (he got 20 years), and for that reason has been disowned by all her children.

Some people are simply too toxic to be involved with. That woman alegedly facilitated her hubby and his disgusting habits. Now she has no family and visits the scum in prison.

Nobody even knows where she lives now...

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes, it's perfectly acceptable to disown family members. I don't think that 'because it's family' should be a free pass for toxic relationships or abuse.

Personally I've recently cut my whole family off as I find their attitudes, behaviour and beliefs to be completely abhorrent. I feel so much better as a result.

It's hard but sometimes it really is necessary in order for your own well being.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone toxic, constantly putting things down, being abusive etc get rid.

These impact on you and your well-being. It breaks you down over time and plays on your mind.

Leave them in their own world.

Protect your bubble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Say you live your mum to bits but haven't spoken to your brothers and sisters for 20 years and have fallen out with there family

When it's mums funeral time do you have to go ?

Or can you visit her place of rest for a chat at a later date ?

I'd say no don't go to the funeral and visit her later.

Just be aware that some people would slate you for not going to her funeral. But who fucking cares what they think. x"

Cheers ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Anyone toxic, constantly putting things down, being abusive etc get rid.

These impact on you and your well-being. It breaks you down over time and plays on your mind.

Leave them in their own world.

Protect your bubble."

Bubble protection needs to be a thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone toxic, constantly putting things down, being abusive etc get rid.

These impact on you and your well-being. It breaks you down over time and plays on your mind.

Leave them in their own world.

Protect your bubble.

Bubble protection needs to be a thing.

Exactly. The block button is your best friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your friends may be your new 'family'.

I don't have any of those hence I have a wobble every now and again. Lucky I don't mind my own company I guess

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I cut my Mother out of my life when I was 14. I simply did the bravest thing I could do and leave the country and run away.

I got back in contact for my own peace of mind a couple of years ago. Spend two years slowly building a relationship of sorts. Unfortunately I have now lost her again to Dementia.

Would I change what I did at the time? Nope. I needed to do it for me.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

You can only love your family not pick them

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

My mother's comment on hearing of my son's death: you should have gone to church then your son would have lived resulted in me not talking to her for nine years.

I was on business in Scarborough and took a train to Preston to see my parents. My dad met me at the station. The first words my mum spoke to me after nine years? Still fat I see!

Never saw her alive again after that visit and I felt nothing when she died.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"You can only love your family not pick them "

Love should never be truly unconditional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People have the right to do what they wish with their lives

If this means cutting out family members so be it

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My mother's comment on hearing of my son's death: you should have gone to church then your son would have lived resulted in me not talking to her for nine years.

I was on business in Scarborough and took a train to Preston to see my parents. My dad met me at the station. The first words my mum spoke to me after nine years? Still fat I see!

Never saw her alive again after that visit and I felt nothing when she died."

xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cut my Mother out of my life when I was 14. I simply did the bravest thing I could do and leave the country and run away.

I got back in contact for my own peace of mind a couple of years ago. Spend two years slowly building a relationship of sorts. Unfortunately I have now lost her again to Dementia.

Would I change what I did at the time? Nope. I needed to do it for me. "

xxxx

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

It is quite OK, and also beneficial for your own well-being and peace of mind, to disown any toxic family members. I have done so over the past few years, and feel that it's the best thing I've done, if only to stay sane.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my mother died 4 years ago my 2 sisters and I discovered that my brother had been systematically stealing her money over a period of years, we got the police involved and they took him in for questioning, no further action despite the thick end of 80,000 being taken. He's been disowned by the 3 of us and there's no way ever for him to recover the situation, so in my honest opinion it's ok.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"When my mother died 4 years ago my 2 sisters and I discovered that my brother had been systematically stealing her money over a period of years, we got the police involved and they took him in for questioning, no further action despite the thick end of 80,000 being taken. He's been disowned by the 3 of us and there's no way ever for him to recover the situation, so in my honest opinion it's ok."

This happened to a previous neighbour of ours. How you could steal from your own mother is beyond me. She blamed everyone but her kids even when the bank's fraud department told her what was happening.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

YES next !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry this happened. apart from that i really dont know what to say

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

If you have a toxic family member, it's hard but it's ok to a) admit you don't like them and b) want nothing more to do with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle with the term "disowned", it just seems overly dramatic, a bit like an Eastenders storyline. I;ve never disowned my family, I just don't have anything to do with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disowned my sister a few years ago, for her remarks about not spending enough money on her at Christmas. That was after getting back together, after having a massive row about 10 years previously.

So yes I would say it is fair to disown family.

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin

Most of my family have been disowned. One of my uncles got kicked out 15yrs ago.. another uncle is still about in the eyes of my Nan... but my mum disowned him 4yrs ago.

My other uncle got disowned for upsetting my dad st my uncles 3rd wedding... but has since been brought back a little, they still arnt close though.

Part of my extended family disowned us cuz a relative hung his daughter upside down off a balcony when she was a baby. So they haven’t talked to us for longer than I’ve been alive. (That baby is now all grown up, rich and famous, but not associated with our family)

It’s all abit of a mess really lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Say you live your mum to bits but haven't spoken to your brothers and sisters for 20 years and have fallen out with there family

When it's mums funeral time do you have to go ?

Or can you visit her place of rest for a chat at a later date ? "

You can say your goodbyes before if you are close, dont even have to wait til it’s imminent, a quiet chat with your Mom while she’s still here explaining how you feel, that you love her dearly but really do not want to see these people, and that when the time comes you will say goodbye and remember her your own way, I know some people cant discuss death, I know my Mom n Dad couldn’t together, but Dad could with me, everyone is different x failing that you can say your goodbyes at the chapel of rest n give the funeral a miss xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got a 3 chance rule, this applies to EVERYONE family including. If the person is toxic, stirs shit or brings drama into my life first off I ghost them or try not to have to be in the same place as them. If they confront me on my avoidance techniques then they find out why. I am really lucky my family i do love! Some of their partners well is another story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Say you live your mum to bits but haven't spoken to your brothers and sisters for 20 years and have fallen out with there family

When it's mums funeral time do you have to go ?

Or can you visit her place of rest for a chat at a later date ?

Thankyou ....

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I don't have any family (excluding my children) other than my sister.

My parents died when I was young and their families are foreign to me (literally).

My sister has breast cancer and the prognosis is not good.

I often think, especially when I hear about the drama that families can cause, that I'm so lucky not to have any.

But then sometimes I wonder who am I going to turn to if the worst happens.

I don't know if that's the right answer...

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

[Removed by poster at 18/12/18 06:48:37]

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I had to choose between my wife and family a long time ago. My family, especially my brother were horrible to my her.

My brother is a gad about and tried to be flirty with my partner. She and I rightly took unbridge and it went downhill from there. One Christmas, they bought me presents but not my partner. I cut them all off.

I don't regret a single decision, even though my parter is now my ex. Families seem to think its their right to interfere. They don't and sometimes have to learn the hard way. I have my own family since then, they are called my 'friends' .

I hope you find a decision you are comfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My family have explosive rows. And we fall out quite heavily.

I think pride plays a big part of stopping anyone contacting the other to make amends. Also, spouses get in the way I find.

Blood means nothing, I have friends I trust more than my family. I’ve got family who would drop me in deeper shit than any true friend would.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't have any family (excluding my children) other than my sister.

My parents died when I was young and their families are foreign to me (literally).

My sister has breast cancer and the prognosis is not good.

I often think, especially when I hear about the drama that families can cause, that I'm so lucky not to have any.

But then sometimes I wonder who am I going to turn to if the worst happens.

I don't know if that's the right answer...

Do you have friends you can turn to? x

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

After reading this I appreciate my family just that bit more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disowned a cousin .The next chime we met will be a funeral.

No regrets.

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I don't have any family (excluding my children) other than my sister.

My parents died when I was young and their families are foreign to me (literally).

My sister has breast cancer and the prognosis is not good.

I often think, especially when I hear about the drama that families can cause, that I'm so lucky not to have any.

But then sometimes I wonder who am I going to turn to if the worst happens.

I don't know if that's the right answer...

Do you have friends you can turn to? x"

I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After reading this I appreciate my family just that bit more."

After reading this thread, I realise I’m not alone.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"I don't have any family (excluding my children) other than my sister.

My parents died when I was young and their families are foreign to me (literally).

My sister has breast cancer and the prognosis is not good.

I often think, especially when I hear about the drama that families can cause, that I'm so lucky not to have any.

But then sometimes I wonder who am I going to turn to if the worst happens.

I don't know if that's the right answer...

For as long as you have my number you'll have a friend and in my experience that's worth more than most family's especially mine. Hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't have any family (excluding my children) other than my sister.

My parents died when I was young and their families are foreign to me (literally).

My sister has breast cancer and the prognosis is not good.

I often think, especially when I hear about the drama that families can cause, that I'm so lucky not to have any.

But then sometimes I wonder who am I going to turn to if the worst happens.

I don't know if that's the right answer...

For as long as you have my number you'll have a friend and in my experience that's worth more than most family's especially mine. Hugs xx"

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I don't have any family (excluding my children) other than my sister.

My parents died when I was young and their families are foreign to me (literally).

My sister has breast cancer and the prognosis is not good.

I often think, especially when I hear about the drama that families can cause, that I'm so lucky not to have any.

But then sometimes I wonder who am I going to turn to if the worst happens.

I don't know if that's the right answer...

For as long as you have my number you'll have a friend and in my experience that's worth more than most family's especially mine. Hugs xx"

XXX

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

The last time I spoke to my mother was about 17 Yeats ago when my sister was killed. Before that probably easy another 20 years. My parting words where the next time we see each other 1 of us will be in a box and that's just what happened. My remaining sister's badgered me into going to her funeral and so to spare their feelings I went. I shouldn't have wasted my time it was all just 1 big show that had to look right and nothing more. Blood means nothing without feeling. In my mind family are the true friend's we choose for ourselves.

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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago

kilmarnockish

What if it involves people in the public eye- should they pretend to like their family just because they are famous? 'Making a good example for the masses.'"

No, this is your life, your choices, live it with no regrets.

If they are in the public eye, that is their life, not yours... you just happen to be caught in their life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Toxicity has no place in your life.

I love my brother, cannot bear his wife, she is nasty, hates me always has done, critical of me, critical of my kids, always running me down to whoever will listen. So I stay away, she still talks about me. So I just cut contact.

My Mum died, so I was civil while we dealt with everything but I don't bother now. I thought I may have a relationship with my brother again, until she was overheard by others slagging me off at my Mums funeral. I find it much easier to not retaliate, I stay silent and let others see her for the cunt she is.

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